


Ultramarine

by Apherod



Category: The Darkest Minds Series - Alexandra Bracken
Genre: Alternate Timelines, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2020-08-14 13:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 127,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20192749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apherod/pseuds/Apherod
Summary: After being rescued from Leda Corp, Sheena found herself in another hellhole-The Children's League. Other than dealing with training, finding out the real identity of her rescuer, she also has some big secrets to keep-that she's a Purple, and she's feeding a monster inside her.





	1. Prologue

**Ultramarine.** Noun.

A brilliant deep blue pigment originally obtained from grinding semi-precious stones lapis lazuli into powder. The name comes from the Latin ultramarinus, literally "beyond the sea".

That is what his eyes had looked like. Blue beyond the sea.

How a single look could made me so homesick that I'm dry-mouth and breathless. Like ocean by the cliff under the brilliant sunlight, cold and warm at the same time. Like the last patch of blue sky in the dusk, right between the radiant red and the overwhelming black.

Like death.

Kill me. I said without a sound. Kill me.

If I can't live, at least let me die.

I want to hold, or be held by that blue.


	2. Sheena

_I'm cold._

It was my first conscious thought after I came to. And then, I registered the darkness. But at least I could move again.

_ Did I die?_ Apparently, that is the million-dollar question, to which, I didn't know the answer.

Touching my chest, I felt threads and knots forming a Y shape on my skin, from my collar bone to the upper half of my stomach. The cut had healed. I pulled the threads out one by one, and felt the little holes they left behind healed, too.

If this is hell, someone must have stitched me up after I died. How nice of them.

I need a jacket. Or just any clothes, other than this paper robe. I tried to sit up, and realized that I was under some kind of...no, _in_ a bag. A body bag. I reached up for the zipper, and tore the plastic open.

I still couldn't see anything. I felt my way around this space, which was empty except for me. The walls and the floor were some kind of metal, and there was a constant sound of air blowing through vents.

If I am right, I am in a refrigerated storage room. I don't think hell would use the package we came in to transport us, nor would it torture people with air conditioning.

A wave of irrational fear boiled up from inside me, and I felt like I could scream. But no, of course I can't. Those scientists, they've taken my voice away from me. _Where am I? What are they going to do to me? I have to get out of here. I need to..._

The fact that I feel more afraid to be alive than dead, would tell you something about me.

I found a handle on one of the walls, but it was stuck. I banged on the wall, and hoped there was someone on the other side.

No one answered.

I kept on banging, harder and harder, feeling the numbness in my chest grew, and the pangs on the metal grew louder with it, till the point that the entire room shook.

Finally, voices. "What is that?" I heard a man gasped on the other side of the door. "Bennett, go check on it."

I banged the door again.

The door opened after a series of footsteps, and I was flooded by light. "Oh my god!" Someone cried. I lashed myself towards the source of the sound; for a moment there, I must have thought that I could fight my way out of this.

But, apparently not. There was a click, followed by another, and I was drowned in sound.

Sound, was probably the only objective word I could tell you what White Noise was. Subjectively, it was like having knives pushed into your ears so hard that they pierced through your skull and came out the other side.

In short, it sucked.

I don't know what other kid's reactions to White Noise are, but it had always been twice the torture for me. Whenever I was hit by a White Noise from the outside, there was always a scream in my head, and it was screaming in my voice. I didn't know what that sound was before, and it seemed to have a will of its own.

But now I know. It was my monster.

It lives inside me, knows my body and how to use it better than I do. I had known about its existence almost since I knew about my ability, but it was until very recently that I saw its full power unleashed—when it took over my body, and killed that scientist with my bare hands.

So why didn't I die for that?

My monster screamed in my head so loud that I couldn't see or hear or feel anything else, like it was taking the White Noise harder than I did. I felt the familiar numbness rising in my chest, clenching down my throat, crawling over the back of my skull, and I knew it was going to come out. I was losing control. _No, no, no. Get back. Please, get back. Please don't... Don't make me do that again..._

And then, I couldn't remember anything.

╳ ╳ ╳

I almost drowned once, when I was a kid. Well, _younger_ kid.

It was when I was ten. I was in a catholic boarding school at the time, sharing a dorm room with three other girls, two of which had died at that point. IAAN broke out when I was nine, and the two of them died shortly after the first case in our school. They just never came back after going home for holidays. Everyone was panicking; you could almost smell it in the air, the sourness of fear. The grownups—teachers, nuns...all of them—were looking at us with worrying, even frantic eyes, but none of them said the truth out loud.

We're all going to die.

I remembered finding Anne dead on her bed that day. Anne was just asleep. She didn't look in pain, but I couldn't wake her. I remember climbing up into her bed, putting my hand on her neck, looking for a pulse, and found none.

_ Oh. _It was my only thought. _Oh._

It wasn't the first death I encountered—my grandfather died when I was back in Japan, and my father had explained to me, in his unemotional, restricted and stoic voice, what death was. Dead people will never come back. They are gone, to somewhere we couldn't get to for now. My grandfather is with our dog _Momo _now. They are together, but so far away that no planes could get to them.

I snicked into the school swimming pool that night. Anne and I used to spend a lot of our nights here, just talking and playing. She taught me how to swim. I sat beside the pool, pretending that the sounds echoing in the empty space was her voices. She likes water.

She _liked_ water.

I slid down into the pool. Under the surface, there were no sounds beside a low hum of echoes dispersing in the water. I held my breath. Ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty seconds. One minute. Two minutes. I just want to be quiet.

When I finally couldn't hold my breath and needed to breathe, I reemerged to the surface, but it didn't go as well as I thought. I had reached the deeper part of the pool, and there was no edge or ladder for me to hold on to.

That struggle to stay afloat, was the closest thing I could describe what it felt like when my monster wanted to take control. I knew the best way to stay alive was for me to relax and just let myself float, but I couldn't. My arms and my legs were waving and kicking aimlessly, trying desperately to keep my mouth and my nose in the air, but every time I managed to push my face above water, I'd sink again, fully submerged, and each time after I sank, it became harder and harder to get a chance to breathe again. The water crashed on my back, dug in my chest, clawed at my throat, and I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't feel anything but freezing coldness and scorching fear.

White specks started appearing on the edge of my visions. Funnily enough, the last thought I had before I lost consciousness was that, I could be with Anne, and my grandparents, and _Momo _again.

Maybe it wasn't that bad after all.

╳ ╳ ╳

I woke up inside what appeared to be an infirmary. For a second, I thought I was back in Leda Corp, but I instantly realized it was different. In Leda Corp, my room was significantly smaller, contained only one bed, and they would never allow anyone to sleep beside me.

The person who was currently napping with his or her—most likely her—head on my bed had a full head of light blond hair and a small bone structure. Yeah, definitely a her. She was holding my hand.

I poked her on her shoulder, and she woke up.

"Oh, oh, oh. You're up!" She said as she blinked to chase away the dizziness. She has a beautiful heart-shaped face. "You're safe now. We got you out from Leda Corp. What's your name? I'm afraid we don't have that information..."

I shook my head at her, and gestured my throat. I couldn't speak.

"Oh, yes. Sorry, Agent Stewart mentioned your situation." She said. "Let me get you a pen and some paper..."

Agent Stewart?

She got me a pen and a piece of paper, and continued to say, "I'm Agent Conner, but you can call me Cate. Agent Stewart—you will most likely know him as Nathan Jones—asked me to look after you before he came back from his assignment. We are the Children's League. We help children like you."

Oh.

"How should I call you?" She asked, and I hesitated for a moment before I scribbled my name on the paper. She smelled like rosemary.

"Sheena? That's a...beautiful name." She said. "Um, Sheena, Agent Stewart has mentioned that you're special in the spectrum, and for the moment, we would like to keep it as a secret, so if you could not mention it or show it to anyone other than me and the chief director, it would be great."

I frowned.

"You'll be Green for the time being."

_ Where is Nate? _I wrote, but crossed out the name, and replaced it with _Agent Stewart_.

"He is still at the place you came from."

_ Why is he still there? What is he doing?_

"I'm afraid I do not have the liberty to share the nature of his assignment to you." She gave me a small smile, but it did nothing to undercut the formality and distance in her choice of words. "Now, you take all the rest you need. Tonight, I will take you to the chief director in the Children's League, and also introduce you to the kids in my team."

For a moment there, I didn't know how to react, so I just stared at her.

"I know this is a lot to take in—" She said, and I thought, _yeah, no shit— _"—but all you need to know now is that you are safe, and we will help you."

I frowned. The first English slang I learnt is _there ain't no such thing as a free lunch._

But Nate put me here. Nate wants me here. I don't really know anyone that I could trust anymore, but Nate must have come very close. He...he has been the only light in these three bleak and hopeless years of my life. I think...if I could believe that he wishes me no harm, then, maybe I could believe this woman, too.

Finally, I gave her a very slow nod, and she smiled.

╳ ╳ ╳

That evening, I was taken to meet the Chief Director John Alban as Cate promised. Before that, she briefly explained to me the basic structure of hierarchy in which the Children's League functioned. There is the Chief Director, and there are his advisors, a total of ten; then, there are senior agents, junior agents, and then us, kids, divided into teams—generally based on colors, but not in her team. While other teams consist of only one color, hers was all different, but right before she could tell me who they were, Alban summoned us.

To sum it up, John Alban is not a pleasant man, no matter how hard he tried to convince everyone otherwise. The way he thought he was subtly asserting power while appearing generous and kind disgusted me.

Why would Nate bring me here?

"You must be...Sheena. Pleased to meet you." Alban said as he reached out a hand towards me. I took it, trying not to flinch.

"Our boy Cole had mentioned that you are a special case in the Psionic mutation? A Purple? And your experience in the Research Center left you unable to speak?"

I nodded, and turned to look at Cate. _Who is Cole? _I wanted to ask.

"Don't worry. We could arrange a surgery in no time." He said.

I shook my head.

"You'd rather stay mute? I'm afraid that would be immensely inconvenient for you, and for us as well." He said.

So there is no choice? I felt a tang of heat growing in my lung. They've taken away my voice, and you want to give it back to me, and force me to use it? For your _convenience_?

I quickly scribbled down my words on a piece of paper Cate had given me. _It can't be fix._

"Oh, if that's so, I'm really sorry for you, child." Alban said. "But I don't believe anyone knows about your body better than yourself, right?"

I shook. His yellowish teeth made me cringe. _It will heal on its own, given time. _I wrote.

"Great!" Alban grinned. "In that case, there will be no problem at all!" He clapped his hands together, "Anyway, we just want you to help us a little. Cole had mentioned that you might feel most comfortable working in a medical training?"

I could feel myself pale. Why? Why would I be comfortable working in medical teams? Is this some kind of a sick trick? Why would you put someone that had just escaped a life in surgery rooms back into surgery rooms?

But as I got past the initial shock, I saw what was lying behind that façade of a question. It was an order. They got me out for a reason. What could possibly be more reasonable than putting a girl with healing power in a medical team? From the look of this man before me, they would have no problem getting rid of me if I don't give them what they got me out for.

Why would Nate take me here? I had started to see the answer, and the new question that immediately followed was: _do I even know who he is, at all?_

I nodded, very slowly.

"Perfect." Alban moved away from his desk a little, and gestured to Cate. "She's all yours."

Cate nodded to me, and I left Alban's office with her. I was glad that I didn't have to call him 'sir' before I leave.

"Here, let's go meet the team." She guided me toward the atrium—a round, big room where people watch TVs, eat dinner, and play cards. There was an obvious but invisible line in the room, separating the adults and the children. The adults—agents, perhaps—were talking, laughing, dealing cards with one another, completely ignoring the kids, who mostly sat in the far corner of the room, keeping to themselves.

So the adults do not interact with the children in the Children's League. Hmm.

As we walked in, Cate cut right past that line, and led me to a table currently occupied by four teenagers.

"Hey team." She said, and one of the girls—a shockingly pretty girl with equally shocking electric blue hair—jumped from her seat, and offered it to Cate immediately.

"I'm good, Vida." Cate waved her hand. "Everyone, I want you guys to meet Sheena. She will be your new teammate."

The boy next to Vida—a younger boy, looking no older than fourteen—jumped, too, but to offer me an embrace. I was taken aback. He was taller than me; his curly, wild, reddish brown hair tickled my nose. "Hi! It's so nice to meet you! Everyone is talking about you—" He turned to look at Cate, letting me go, "We'll have a team of five? Why? Is there something changing? Are all the teams gonna get new members? —"

"Jude, hold your horse." Cate gave him a tight smile. "Let me explain."

The eyes that fell on me made me uncomfortable instantly. Vida, the blue-hair girl, gave me a look of assessment—and maybe a slight contempt; Jude, who finally stopped talking, looked excited enough; the black hair boy next to him looked...oddly familiar, and the girl next to him...god, was that look wary. But no hostility. So, cool?

"This is Vida." Cate, as if she didn't register the coldness there, continued in bright tone. "She is Blue. This is Jude—" The curly hair boy nodded excitedly, "—he is our resident sunshine. And the team leader Ruby—" The other girl, a brunette, nodded once, acknowledging her words, "—is Orange."

Wait, did she just said Orange?

My eyes shot up to Cate, but she didn't stop there. "Nico here—" the black hair boy did nothing besides looking at us—or past us. "—is a Green. He came from the same place as you did. Four months ago."

The boy's face paled at the same time as mine. _That_ was where I had seen him before. Leda Corp. He—he lived in the ward three doors down from mine. Until four months ago.

I thought he died.

"Sheena will be in our group temporarily, until her Minder came back from his assignment." _Minder_? It took me a moment to realize that she must have meant Nate, or Agent Stewart, whatever his name was. Even the name he told me was fake. "She still couldn't speak because of some injuries she endured before." Cate continued, "I expect you all to make her feel at home, okay?"

"Sure." Vida and Jude replied instantly, but in entirely different tone. Jude's was sincere enough, but Vida...she looked like she would pick my meat clean off my bone the moment Cate turned around.

"If everything's good, I'll leave her with you guys. I need to go to a meeting—" Cate looked around the table, locked eyes with everyone, and got to me last. "You'll be okay. They will take care of you." She gave me a reassuring smile, and turned to leave the room.

I guess I'm with the wolves now.

I turned around, didn't know where I should sit. Jude quickly ran to another table, came back with a chair, and propped it between Vida's chair and his own.

"You came in yesterday, right? Cate went out to get you, right? —" Jude started firing with questions, but Vida's voice cut him off.

"So, what happened to you?" Vida leaned over the table, and gave me the same assessing look from head to toe. I wanted to shrink into a ball under that look.

Nico shot me a very wary glance. He knew of the things I had been through, because he had experienced them himself. I wondered if me explaining it to them would trigger something in him.

I took out the piece of paper in my pocket, and started writing. _My vocal cords were cut out._

"Did they scrambled your brain, too?" She continued to ask.

"Vida!" The other girl, Ruby, finally opened her mouth and shot. Beside her, Nico's face had gone a shade whiter. I didn't know that was even possible.

"What? It was just a question." Vida complained.

"You don't need to answer that." Ruby said to me, firmly.

I lowered my head, wrote on the paper, and held it up for all of them to see, especially Vida.

_ Yes._

Vida's expression changed a little, from slightly provocative to something more like...acknowledgement. Like she finally registered that I was a human being like her.

"Well, that sucked." She said. "But you're okay now?"

I hesitated for a moment, and nodded. What is okay anymore? I don't know. But I don't want think about it, not now.

"Good." was all she said.

╳ ╳ ╳

After dinner, Jude dragged me out of the atrium, and insisted on giving me a tour around this place. The fact that I couldn't speak didn't seem to affect his willingness to talk _at_ me at all.

"—you've seen the atrium; some people likes to spend their evenings there, but Nico and I like to be downstairs in the lab; Nico couldn't spare two minutes away from electronics. This is the locker room; you go past here to get to the shower rooms. Have they assigned you a locker yet? Anyway—"

I nodded and shook absentmindedly the entire way.

So, Nate is an agent. An undercover agent for the Children's League all along. So all those letters we exchanged, all those things he told me about himself, are lies? A background story to get me to trust him? No, he was there for something else. Those stories weren't even counterfeited to get me.

Who is he, anyway? Stewart must be his last name. What did Alban call him? Cole. So Cole Stewart. He made me trust him with all his stories about how he had a sister who died of IAAN, and that was why he joined the Leda Corp Research Program; how he left home just to do that despite his parents' objections; how he thought that there was nothing wrong with us kids who lived and everything wrong with how people had treated us.

And I found myself shivering, in anger. The worst of it all is not that he lied, but the fact that he used lies in exchange of my truth. I told him my entire life. I told him how I found Anne dead that morning, how I had hidden my ability for the longest time, so carefully and meticulously that before my apprehension, none of the adults thought I was anything but Green. Even I thought I was Green for a while, but I had never felt like a genius, never had photographic memory, and I'm feeding a monster inside me. I also told him about the feeling when I heal myself, the feeling of numbness expanded in my chest, and I knew my monster came hand in hand with my ability; if I use it too much, it will turn around and control me.

All this, so he could use me? So I could help them do whatever they wanted to do? That man, John Alban, he had all but confirmed my suspicion—this is not a place with kind-hearted people that actually want to help us, otherwise I'd have a choice, but I don't. I just hope that they still have no idea what I could do, the real extent to my ability, otherwise they would likely want me somewhere other than in a medic team.

What had he gotten me into?

"—this is the computer room I told you...Sheena, are you okay?" Jude stopped in the middle of the track, and I almost walked directly into him.

I shook my head. I forgot that shaking my head wouldn't mean 'it's nothing' in America.

"You are not okay? What's wrong?" He asked, eyes filled with concern. When was the last time I've seen this kind of look in someone else's eyes? Let along a kid's. He couldn't be that much better off himself, but it was like he poured all his caring and kindness out for me, for someone he just met less than an hour ago.

I shook again, and gave him an 'OK' sign with my hand, in front of my chest.

"Are you sure?" He still wouldn't give up. "You know if there's anything you want to talk about, you can just tell me. Also, Cate is always willing to help, you know? She likes to let us paint—"

I bit my lip. I don't think I'll be able to share anything; not anytime soon, at least.

But maybe, when I'm ready, Jude could be the first I share things with.


	3. Sheena

My training started the next day. I could tell Cate wasn't at all happy about having me start the training so soon, but Alban insisted.

It was bad. Having spent the past three years of my life living on a bed, not able to flip anyone or just catch my breath after running for a mile was bad enough by itself, but the fact that I had to keep my monster in check was even worse. It threatened to come out whenever someone pinned me to the ground, or when the Instructors yelled at me.

I wondered if I should just let it out, just to shut everyone up.

In the afternoon, I had specialized training—some kids do; most Greens have training with computers and coding, Yellows have to learn how to manipulate electronics. I didn't know what Blues and Orange—_Oranges_; apparently there are more than one, the other in another base—do, but I'm the only kid sent to do medical training.

And for my instructor, it was news as well.

"Why are we training Greens to be medics?" Doctor Jonna Thorne, a brown hair woman in her late thirty or early forty—I could be way off here; I could never tell the age of people who were not Asian accurately—was complaining to an assistant when I walked in the door of her office. The League had five medical teams in this base, all consists of only two people, a doctor and his or her assistant.

"I don't know." The assistant, Jack Barnes, a red hair young men, answered her. He looked about the same age as Nate—Agent Stewart. "Maybe they want to mix things up a little? We do have a surplus of Greens here..."

Doctor Thorne saw me got in, and gestured for me to sit in front of her desk. "Are you one of those logical ones, or one of those photo album ones?" She asked. She was referring to the two types of Green—the ones with good logical reasoning skills, and the ones with photographic memories.

I'm neither. So which one would I be able to fake better?

_ Logical ones. _I written it down on the paper and showed it to them.

"Hmm." Doctor Thorne pressed her lips. "Well, that would help, but you do need a good memory to learn the ropes here. A lot of graphics, names, technical terms..."

"Like what they made us do in medical school? It's bonkers." Jack added with a roll of his eyes. "In the beginning of the semester, we were told to study the amount of books equals to the entire series of Harry Potter, and came the midterm, the questions were like, 'What is Dumbledore's full name?'"

_ Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. _I wrote down.

Dr. Thorne was the first to laugh. "I guess you'll have no problem here, then." She patted me on my back, and dropped a stack of hardback textbooks in front of me.

╳ ╳ ╳

Cate tried to talk to me when I got off from the classes, but honestly, I just wanted to rest. The sleeping quarters for kids were not as...luxurious, or at least, private, as those of the agents—two bunk rooms, one for boys, one for girls. Both were big enough to take in all the kids in this place, so both were half empty. My bed was the top bunk of Vida's lower one.

I always preferred top bunk. It provided a little privacy that I couldn't seem to get in this place. When I was living in the dorm room in boarding school, it was like we were always having slumber parties—we'd decorate the wooden frames of our beds and the walls beside them with string lights, posters, curtains, and paper ribbons, so it'd feel like home. Now, the bunk beds were made of metal, and it was arranged in neat, tight rows. No ribbons, no curtains, no nothing; just gray paint on ice cold steel frame.

Neither Vida nor Ruby asked how my day had been, and I was glad of it. They keep to themselves, I keep to mine, so I didn't have to think if what came out of their mouths were lies. Are there anyone in this place capable of telling truth? Or do they always have to dish out orders under the pretense of questions, and tell me lies that was coated with sweetness and compassion?

Jude, on the other hand, didn't let me off so easily. After shower, he caught me walking back to our room, and started firing away with his questions. But it was not as bad as I thought. I only nodded and shook and shrugged, and it didn't seem to bother him at all. He continued to share how his day had been, and I continued to nod and shook and shrug.

After a few days in this place, I learnt pretty quickly that, Cole Stewart, or Nathan Jones as I knew him, was one of the most efficient agents in this organization, also one of the youngest. He was precisely the age that was as young as one could be without being a Psi. He was also one of the first new recruits that Cate had taken under her wings.

With these new information, I am even more confused about how I should think of him. After moving past the initial anger, I reminded myself that he still got me out of that shithole; he still, in a way, saved my life.

So I guess, I don't really hate him. Yes, he lied. Yes, maybe I didn't really know him after all. But he was still the only light I had seen in all the years in the darkness. Even if everything else about him—including his name—was fake, I'd rather believe that what he made me feel—what he had given me—was real.

Hope. He had given me hope.

╳ ╳ ╳

After two weeks, it had begun to raise questions whether I could really get my voice back. What I didn't tell anyone was that, I already fixed my problem, I just didn't tell anyone. I don't think I'm ready yet.

I didn't have much of an interaction with Nico, but during the one and only time I had alone with him, he gave me a very valuable information—that the entire HQ was under surveillance, and the only place that didn't have camera installed was the shower stalls. So that night, I snuck into one of the shower stalls with a mirror and a scalpel, and performed a surgery on myself.

It took me no time to see what had happened to my vocal cords: they weren't cut away, but blocked—by a metal tube, stuck between the two flaps of thin muscles. I had always assumed that they were removed, and had been trying to grow them back, but they were there all along. It was pretty smart. I have to give them that.

I was saving my voice for when Nate—again, Agent Stewart, _dammit_—came back, so I could...I don't know, interrogate him in person or something. I need to...need to know if he really is the person that taught me how to hope, or was that person in Leda Corp someone else entirely. A person that doesn't exist.

The physical training—close combat, track running, weight lifting, target shooting—had become less and less unbearable once I got used to it, and the medical training was actually surprisingly enjoyable. Dr. Thorne is a no-bullshit, straight forward woman with a somewhat eccentric sense of humor. Jack is a little negligent, and Dr. Thorne always says that it is the reason why he isn't a MD yet, but he has a kind heart, and he helps me when I couldn't remember everything on the textbook fast enough. I am pretty sure I shattered his imagination on how smart a Green should be. Still, with all the perks of having a great teacher and teaching assistant, the fact that I was learning more about human bodies—therefore, my ability—was the best thing of them all. I had started to feel like I could actually control it more than my monster, and maybe if I got good enough, I might be able to do something good with it.

However, the improvement had come with consequences. Of course it had.

One night after about a month I got in the League, Cate came to wake me up in the middle of the night.

"Sheena, come now." She said as she stepped on Vida's bed to get to me on the top bunk. Both Vida and Ruby were out on Op at the moment. "This is an emergency."

I shot up from my bed, and followed her immediately. As we ran down the hall, she took off her jacket and put it over my shoulders. Our destination, to my surprise, was not the Infirmary, but the steel door down on level three.

She flashed her ID to get us past the door, and the smell behind that door was instantly overwhelming. The standard smell of sewage, combining with vomit and also something that came out the other end. It was nothing at all what I expected—for a moment, I thought it was another tunnel, like the kind we had in the entrance, until I saw the iron bars lining one side of it, and realized that this was a dungeon.

We arrived at a cell, and saw Dr. Thorne there with Jack, doing CPR on a man. He looked...seriously injured. Alban and two other agents were there, too.

"Dr. Thorne, this is enough. Thank you." Alban took one look at me, and said.

"What?" She was too breathless from doing chest compressions to properly voice that word, so it came out like a gasp. Jack was still giving the patient ventilation.

"Agent Campbell, Agent Cox, please escort Dr. Thorne and Mr. Barnes out." Alban announced, and the two agents hauled them from the ground, and started pushing them down the tunnel, back to where we came from. Jack was asking questions continuously, until Dr. Thorne shushed him.

After the door closed behind them, Alban turned to me, and said, "Now, my dear, this is the time for you to shine." He gestured to the man on the floor, who was not breathing at the moment. I was too stunned to do anything. "We need him alive, not for too long, but we do need him alive."

A tornado of questions swarmed my head. _Why is he here? Why do you need him alive? Did you just torture him? Who is he? And what exactly is 'too long'?_

But of course, I asked none of it, got onto my knees, and started checking the man. Those were...a lot of injuries, but most important thing now was to restart his heart and breathing. I sent the stimulation signal into his chest and his brainstem, and he started breathing on command.

I began slapping the patient's face lightly. It would be much more helpful if someone could call his name, but I will not expose my sudden ability to speak in front of Alban.

Finally, the man drew in a sharp breath and opened his eyes. I smiled at him, but as soon as his eyes fell on me, he blanched like I was his personal nightmare, and backed away—at least tried to—instantly. "Please...stop...I beg you..." He actually started sobbing, and for a moment, I wanted to comfort him, and heal him—

"Thank you, Sheena, that will be all." Alban said. "Agent Conner, could you please escort her out, and send for Agent Campbell again?"

Cate came to get me, but I couldn't move. _They are going to keep on torturing this man. His body wouldn't be able to handle that._ _He'll die._

But that's the point, isn't it? They need him alive for information, not for him as a person. That was what Alban meant by "not for too long".

I felt like I was going to be sick. Cate hauled me upright, but I felt too dizzy to even stand straight. _Was that what I'm going to be used from now on? Bring people back from cardiac arrest, just so they could kill them again?_

And the most sickening realization came to mind. _They didn't need to torture him for information. They have an Orange...who is out on Op at the moment. They're keeping him alive for when Ruby comes back._

Oh, Nate. Why didn't you just kill me when I asked you to?

╳ ╳ ╳

After that night, Dr. Thorne's attitude towards me had turned a lot less friendly. She ignored me for the most part, and left her office as soon as the classes were over. Jack was still nice to me, but he was a lot more reserved than before. Even if they don't know what I am, they must have guessed something.

Just as I thought my life is getting better.

On the bright side, I have started to...warm up to my teammates a little, and it made me feel less stress all the time. With some observation, it is easy to tell the relations and dynamics in this team—Ruby and Vida, despite both being actually nice people in their own ways, don't trust each other for some reasons; I suppose it has something to do with Vida's utterly unshakeable loyalty to Cate; Jude basically trusts and wants to befriend everyone, and Nico's only friend is Jude. After a few weeks here, I finally allow myself to stop questioning every word that came out of their mouths—they seemed like genuine enough people. However, trusting the adults, especially the agents and Alban, were still an entirely different story, despite Cate repeated reassurance of "you're safe here."

On the day of Nate's—_Agent Stewart's_—extraction, I stayed up late. Practicing tying surgeon's knots had become my new favorite pastime, and there were strings after strings of them hanging from my bedframe, much to Vida's annoyance. I carried a thread with me at all time, tied one knots after another, timed myself, and did it again.

At an hour past midnight, I got out of the computer room, and saw Cate rushed past me, a stack of paper in her arms, expression frantic.

I held her by her arm, stopping her on her track. She turned to see me—who must had been wearing a similarly worrisome expression on my face—and let out a long sigh.

"Sheena," She said, "There's been an incident—"

An _incident_, is the euphemism for "serious bad shit" here apparently.

_ What? _I signed. After the first week here, Cate started teaching me how to do some simple sign language, so I could at least get something across without having to use paper and pen every time. There was only a very limited amount of people that could read it, though—the kids in our team, and Dr. Thorne and Jack, the latter two learnt it out of sheer interest in learning new things.

She didn't answer, so I asked again. _About N—Cole?_

"I can't tell you the detail, but it's not looking good so far." She sighed. "I'll let you know when I got more info, okay?" She brushed her hand through my hair, and sighed again. "Go back to sleep, please."

But how am I supposed to sleep knowing he might not come back? One of the first few things I learn in classes is that if we got caught, no one will be coming for us. If we got caught, we gotta find our own way out, or we are good as dead. At first, the only takeaway I saw there was "don't get caught", but now, it had taken on a completely different meaning.

I'm not going to see him again.

I went to breakfast earlier than anyone else the next morning, soul drifting out of my body, and I felt like I'm gagging for air. Vida, Jude and Nico—Ruby was out on a mission at the moment—sat down beside me, but I couldn't look at them. Instructor Johnson's words rang in my head. _If you're caught, you're disavowed._

No. No. No. It wasn't until now that I finally saw how in denial I was before. I thought I just wanted to ask him why he lied to me. I thought I was angry at him for that. But what does that matter? If I'm not going to see him again?

I don't want to lash out on him. I just want him safe, here, back.

Jude, as always, was talking my ears off. I wasn't paying him much attention, and today, somehow, he noticed.

"Sheena? Did you hear my question?" He asked, "You are working on the medical team, right? Do you know when they will send you on your first mission? Ruby got activated pretty soon after she got here, and I'm sure you're going to, too—"

Usually, I'm okay with him talking at me, but not today, not after knowing Nate is not coming back. And I snapped.

"Could you just be quiet for a moment?" I gritted. "_Just_ for a moment."

Jude's jaw hit the floor, so did Vida's. "You can speak!" Jude squealed, and that was when I realized what I had done.

I held my hand in a fist and pressed my lips against it. "You didn't hear it." I whispered, weakly.

"_I_ heard that." Vida said, "C'mon." She snagged me by the back of my shirt, and pulled me towards the locker room. Jude and Nico followed.

"Fuck off, both of you." She snapped at the two Green girls from team three chatting beside the lockers, and they shot back a nasty glare before strolling out.

"You, spill." She sat me down on the bench and demanded, "How?"

_ How do I put it without exposing myself? _I let out a long breath, and said in a very soft voice, "It wasn't cut off, it was just hurt. I recovered a couple of weeks ago."

"You can speak, and you made us read your stupid signs?" Vida screeched, and I shushed her, "You fuck!"

"Yes." I let out a long breath, and said in the softest voice I could. It was...not that far from the truth. I had always had the choice; I just chose not to. "Can we please keep this between us for the moment?"

Vida narrowed her eyes at me. "I can't believe you let Cate waste her time teaching you all those signs. This is fucking ridiculous."

"It's still helpful." I said, almost in a whisper.

"Well, yeah?" She snapped, and finger-spelled five letters at me. "How's this for helpful?"

It took me a moment to see that she had just spelled F-U-C-K U. I sighed, and rubbed my fist against my chest, a sign for "sorry." Jude was fussing beside us because Vida had spelled that too fast for him to catch up, and Nico had to explain to him what just happened.

After a moment, Vida sighed, too. "Whatever. This nonsense gotta stop soon, okay? And you gotta tell Cate."

I nodded.

When we left the locker room, I headed straight for Cate's room, wanting to find her before my first training class. I knocked on her door, and got a "come in" in reply.

Cate's room, unlike the rest of the HQ, was filled with color. There were paintings, sketches, quilts all over the walls. It was the closest to a real home we get in this place, which, I figured, was the idea.

During my first week here, Cate gave me a piece of paper and a set of watercolor paint, and let me do some finger painting. _Express yourself with color._ She said. _I found it very helpful when I couldn't do it with words. _I carefully picked out a tube of paint, and spread it over the entire paper.

Ultramarine was the color. It reminded me of Nate, though it was too deep and too vibrant a blue to be the color of his eyes. Be that as it may, I still found it calming just looking at the color.

At the moment, her desk was filled with papers of a certain mission. On one of the paper, I saw Nate's face printed on the top right corner. I would've dashed for it if it wasn't already in Cate's hand. From the look of her, she hadn't slept last night at all.

"Hi, Sheena." She sighed as she looked at me. "I'm really sorry, I wish I have a better news for you. But as it turns out, Agent Stewart is under custody at the moment. We don't know where they had taken him."

So I was right. He was...disavowed. I closed my eyes, swallowed down the bitter thought, and said, almost murmuring. "I understand."

Cate's shock was less blatant than that of Jude's earlier, but she was also surprised. "You healed?" She asked.

I nodded. "But if it is an option, I would like to stay silent outside of our team." I said, more pleading in my tone than I intended.

Her expression melted into a compassionate one. "Of course. It's your choice."

I honestly didn't think that this was possible. Maybe, just maybe, this place isn't that bad after all.

No. It's still bad. How could an organization that willingly let its workers die without even an attempt of rescue be anything good? It's just that, not all that's in here is bad, and Cate was one of the good ones here.

And now that Nate is not coming back, she'll be the only one I could count on.


	4. Cole

I remembered everything of the morning I first saw her.

I got to Leda Corp at nine o'clock sharp. Say hello to the guard Patrick, put my keycard on the security panel, and walked into the gate. Second floor. My desk was in one of the bigger offices; most of my colleagues had arrived.

"Jones." I heard my name being called—well, not my real name, of course; if I use my real name, it wouldn't be much of an undercover mission now, would it—and I turned around. It was Dr. McMillan. "We are switching you—you're going to be in charge of Subject 51's blood sample from now on."

So it's a promotion? Subject 51 is the single most highly secured subject in this facility. His or her ward is guarded 24/7; no one outside of the small unit appointed to take care of her gets to look at his or her profile; only a handful of people outside of that unit have actually seen his or her face. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't a little excited to see this kid, not only because it was kind of a privilege, but also because I wanted to know why they were guarding this kid so fiercely.

I went to get the tray of needles and vials for the blood sample, and headed for the last ward in the eastern wing on the third floor. It was where all the subjects were kept—living in small rooms with glass walls on the hallway side, so we could see everything they were doing. It made me sick, and I wanted no part of this, but I was here for a mission.

Going past the last secured door at the end of the hall, was the single ward which housed Subject 51. The guard there today, Palmer, was one that everyone hated. He took one look at me, and grunted. I ignored him, and turned on the light in the ward.

It was a girl. Hair shaved clean off, sutures rounded the crown of her head, but no wound. She was strapped to the bedframe by leather cuffs, pale like the bedsheets she was in, thin to the bones. On that bed, she looked so small and so frail that, for a moment, she reminded me of the glass ballerina in one of Claire's music box; I feared with one wrong touch, she'd shatter into a thousand pieces.

And she was awake. When I opened the door, she flinched a little, and the fear in her eyes was almost too much for me to take. _Don't be afraid. _I wanted to say. But what good would that do? There was absolutely no reason for her to take my word for it. How could anyone bare to do this to her? Why am I here? Why do I have to add more pain to her suffering? Why does she have to take this?

I walked up to her. "I'm just here to take your blood sample." I said as I lay the tray of syringes on the nightstand by her bed. "I won't..." I cut myself off. _What am I doing?_ "...Never mind."

The look in her eyes changed, from wariness to something almost like...pity. _She_, a girl strapped to a bed, living a life in hell, pitied _me_. What the hell has my life become?

I unwrapped the venipuncture needle—or at least tried to. My hands were shaking—how fucking amazing was that? In a fit of frustration, I tore open the plastic wrapping, but managed to stick the needle straight into my finger.

"Shit!" I hissed, and immediately took up the gauze to press on the wound. Dammit, dammit, dammit. _Get a fucking grip!_

To my side, her expression became a little complicated. It was not fear, not pity, either, but something softer and warmer, almost like compassion. She reached out a hand to me, and before I could pull away, put her hand on my wrist. I was too taken by surprise that I actually let her.

There was a tingling of warmth on the tip of my finger, right where I poked a hole on myself. When the feeling faded, so did the pain. I removed the gauze, and the hole was gone. If it weren't for the blood, I wouldn't know that there was a wound there just two seconds ago.

So this is why she is the most highly secured subject in this place.

I turned to look at her, didn't know what to say. She offered no explanation about her action, but she seemed to grow more and more uneasy the longer I looked at her.

"I have to replace this. I'll be right back." was all I said before I left the ward.

When I got back, she was looking at me with a guarded expression, like I'd do something to her that would make her life worse than it already is. Like that's even fucking possible.

And it hit me. It _is_ possible, if the others didn't know she could do that. Think about all the experiments they'd run on her if they discovered that she could heal other people... The scientists would have a field day on her.

I had to do something. For this girl that showed me kindness even when no one spared any for her. She risked being put through even worse torture just to healed me, even though I was part of this system that oppressed her, even though I was part of this organization that hurt her, put her through hell, and was still caging her in here.

As I walked out of her ward, I made an oath to myself: if nothing else—even if I achieve nothing in this mission—I'm still going to get her out of here.

╳ ╳ ╳

It took me no time to gather enough information about her. Some of the guards were my friends—maybe not really friends, but at least friendly with me—and a couple of them had stood guard in front of her ward. Combining with some snooping around, I managed to get a better picture of who Subject 51 is: she is 17 years old—I never would've guessed by the way she looked—and she is mute, because of the surgeries some scientists insisted on giving her. She is classified as Purple, though she is the only case like her, who had superhuman healing ability, and that had won her a lot—and I mean _a lot_—of experiments.

So I was right—they didn't know that she could heal other people. And I'd die before they learnt it from me.

The next morning when I took her blood sample, I slipped a piece of paper and a pen into her hands. "I know you can't speak, so if you want to talk about anything, just write them down, okay? Also, don't let anyone see you with these." I cocked my head towards the direction of the guard outside the ward, and gave her a smile. God, I hoped that smile came out the way I wanted it to—charming, not wry. Her brown eyes looked so warm, and they were filled with sparks of surprise. How could she look like that in this place? Where did those sparks come from?

A day passed. I spent the day thinking about what would come back on that piece of paper, but came the time to collect the paper, it wasn't what I thought it would be. I hid in the bathroom stall immediately after I took her blood sample to the lab, and spread the paper open to read it.

_ Why are you nice to me? _That was all it said.

"What?" I couldn't help but gasped. Really? I was nice to her? All I did was giving her a pen and a piece of paper. But then again, maybe her bar of "being nice" really was that low—for three years, no one gave her anything; all people ever did was taking things from her, even when she had nothing at all to give.

I let out a breath, and started writing. _Because I'm not like them. _What else should I tell her? I thought she would write something about her, so I could take it from there and start some conversation—you know, like talking to any girl—but of course she wouldn't just introduce herself. What was I thinking? She's not a girl that I'd picked up in a damn bar!

I guessed I'll have to be the one to talk about myself first. So I did. I gave her a brief about me—the cover story version of course—and on a turn of thoughts, told her about a prank we'd pulled on the guard today—the one everybody hates.

Two days later, she replied. Her writings were small and neat, laying out her story for me. She was born in America, but moved back to Japan before she was one-year-old, and stayed there till she was eight, when she was sent to study in a catholic boarding school in Pittsburgh on her own. She also told me that she nicknamed the guard Shrek, but now that she knew I didn't like him, maybe she should change the nickname. She likes Shrek the Green Ogre. Me, too.

The exchanges of letters continued for a month or so. I didn't expect it to taken on to such depth—after a while, we actually started talking about her ability, how she found out about it, and how someone else found out. She told me that she was convinced she didn't have IAAN for the longest time, then she believed that she was Green, until one day when she was running away from skip tracers, her arms were slashed open by barbed wires, and she watched the cut wounds—some of them five-inches long—healed in seconds. A year or so later, when the skip tracer that caught her was taking her to a camp, she jumped car, and the skip tracer swiveled the car around to witness all of her wounds healing. That was when he knew he had caught some million-dollar prize.

In return, I told her about Claire's death, about me joining the League—swapping all the names for cover story version: League became Leda Corp, Claire became Emily. I couldn't tell her the whole truth, but I don't want it to be all lies, either. She also told me about the little voice that whispered in her head, telling her to do things she didn't want to do—to hurt people—and sometimes it would become more dominating, and she'd felt herself losing control. She asked me if there was anything wrong with her. She asked me if she was insane. I told her no.

She never told me her name, which was, in hindsight, maybe a good thing. If our letters get discovered—I burnt all of them as soon as I was done reading them, but there were always surprises—I might still be able to lie my way out of it if there was no specific information. I called her by purple things, because purple used to be Claire's favorite color, and I know she would want me to be nice to her.

One day, when I was about to give her the letter that would tell her my favorite music—country, by the way—I was stopped from getting the vials for her blood sample.

"We're moving you to the analytic department, Jones." Dr. McMillan said to me that morning. And just like that, I don't get to see her every day anymore.

Fast forward two months, I got a promotion to the actual research team—_finally_—and got my hands on her profile. Still no names, but at least now I got to see what they had done to her.

In short, it was horrible. In the operations they ran on her, they didn't anesthetize her, and she was fully conscious the entire time. They taught her how to control her pain, so they could know the reaction she would have in "direct stimulation". Just reading the reports made me mad, and I couldn't see how it was possible for her to stay sane through all these. No wonder the little voice in her head wanted her to hurt people.

I have to get her out. All I need is a good chance. At this point, I had pulled some strings and got myself a bottle of TTX, which I carried with me at all time, so once the opportunity presents itself, I could act on it immediately.

But when the chance came, it had come with a prelude of blood, a lot of it.

That morning, a guard ran into our office all frantic and blanched, all the while yelling "She's killed someone" on the top of his lung. I ran towards her ward that instance.

The first thing I saw was not the man lying face down on the floor, nor the blood all over her paper gown, but that she was crying. She couldn't make a sound, but she was crying so hard that I could almost hear her pain. The flare that burned up inside me was almost too much for me to contain.

I rushed to remove her cuffs—I actually didn't know what I wanted to achieve. All I knew was that I had to get her out, _now_.

"What are you doing! Don't let her touch you!" One of my colleague, Fisher, shove me aside and jammed a syringe into her neck. I was shaking so hard that I couldn't move to push Fisher away. I just looked, looked at her face as the drug started to take its effect.

Before she passed out, I thought I saw she mouthed "kill me".

I almost burned the place down at that moment. "Nate, are you okay?" Fisher asked as he put his hand on my shoulder. My entire body was still seized up by the anger. What had they done to her?

Fisher retracted his hand in a hiss, and I knew I had let the fire burn for too long, so long that he could feel the heat. "Help me with this..." He moved to get the man on the ground, and I joined him reluctantly.

When we flip the man to face up, Fisher gasped in disgust. The man is—well, used to be—Dr. Dunn, one of the newer employees here. His face was covered in blood, but it wasn't just that—it was like someone had taken a bat and smashed his face in, really really hard. His entire face was crushed, and none of the features were staying in the place where they were meant to be. Judging by the temperature of this body, he had been dead for some time now.

She lost it. That much was clear. But why? Why was Dr. Dunn in her ward, and no one, not even the guards, said anything before five minutes ago?

One look at the state of the man's clothes, and I saw why he was here. His belt was unbuckled, his flyers down.

_ Bastard— Fucking bastard— Fucking hell— _Even in my head I was so angry that I gagged on my words. I've heard rumors about these kind of things happening in the camps, but I never would've thought that someone would try this in Leda Corp, in the _fucking_ research center.

I could feel myself burn under my skin again, like I could combust any moment. Fuck! _Fuck, this, shit! _I had to—had to do something— This is bullshit— _Dammit!_ I had to do something. I had to get her out. One more day in this wretched place for her is another failure for me.

My chance had presented itself that afternoon, when they arranged an emergency operation on her. I made contact with the League, and arranged her transportation back to the HQ. The purpose of that operation was unclear, but I didn't hesitate to go into the surgery room when they asked me to.

She came out of her sedation right before the surgery began. At the moment, I was putting the right dosage of poison into the syringe. I caught her eyes when the chief surgeon had cut her open, and tears started to fall on her cheeks instantly. _Kill me. Please. Kill me. _She mouthed, over and over again.

This one is gonna fuel my nightmare for quite some time from now on.

I gave her a very small nod, and injected the dose into the IV tube. To be honest, I had no idea what it would do to her, considering her ability, but I was desperate. I just hoped that it won't kill her.

Moments later, the effects kicked in.

"She's having a convulsion!" A nurse yelled. "V tach! She's not breathing"

"Code Blue!" A surgeon said as she started to perform CPR on her. Others moved to clear the space around the table.

Someone else pushed past me to get to the ventilator, and another got the defibrillator. The last thing I heard before I removed myself from the room was the 'Clear!' barked out by the assistant surgeon.

Ten minutes later, everyone came out of the surgery room, defeated. But I knew that look; they were not sorry about killing her—they were sorry that they lost a subject, a special one at that.

"We'll...we'll give it an autopsy later." The chief surgeon said as he passed by my side. "Uh, Jones, is it? Can you take it to the morgue?"

And that's my cue. I went to get a gurney, got her, and rushed to the morgue immediately. Alban would never approve of me taking so much risk for a single kid—also, saving kids wasn't really my main goal here—but I had to. I just had to.

When I put her in the body bag, she looked so still and, again, so pale and frail in my arms. I wondered if she could feel the heat of fire burning inside me now.

"I'll see you on the other side." As I zipped up the body bag, I whispered, hoping she would hear it.

╳ ╳ ╳

It went well after that. The assistant in the morgue got his ass skinned when the doctors couldn't find her body. Little did they know, I was the one that swap her with someone else. That night, Conner sent me a message to tell me that she had got her. The next day, another message told me that they had reached Los Angeles HQ.

For the next five weeks or so, nothing at all; Conner didn't tell me anything about her, and the research was going on with no obvious sign of a break through—that I knew of. Then, one night, I got a voicemail, from the number I left for Lee to contact me should anything happened. Preferably matters of life and death.

"_Hi—_" I pressed the phone harder against my face. I hadn't heard his voice in years, but it was him. He sounded exhausted. "_This is... this is Charles Lee. I'm hoping I can get an estimate on a repair I need on my truck. The number here is—_" I reached out for the sticky notes on my kitchen counter and jotted down the digits with a pencil. "_If you could give me a call back..._" There was a pause, "_That'll be... real great. Thanks._"

I dialed the number immediately. It rang and rang and rang. _Dammit,_ _you stupid kid,_ _pick up, _pick up—

I hung up, and dialed again. This time, it was picked up by the first ring.

"Liam?" I asked. _Please be him, please be him, please be him—_ "Are you there?"

"_I'm here._" His voice was shaking, but it was him alright. _Fucking hell. _I let out a deep, long breath.

"What the hell's going on?" I demanded. "Are you okay? The last I heard—" _You were with Conner, and she fucking let you go._

_ "I'm okay._" He cut me off.

"You should have stayed! Why did you leave the safe house?" Now that we had established that he was alive, and could speak two sentences with me without dying, we need to set this stupid kid's priority straight.

"_Had to,_" He said. "_I'm trying to find Mom and Harry. I don't... I'm not sure where they are. Do you know?_"

"I don't." _Goddammit. What's the matter with this kid?_ "God, kid, I've been worried sick about you. You like giving me agita or something? Holy shit—"

"_I... I messed up,_" He cut me off again, voice hoarse. "_Real bad._"

"No you didn't." I snapped. _Priority, Lee!_ "You're alive, aren't you?"

"_You really don't know where they are?_" He asked again, voice filled with hope that sat on the edge of desperation. "_Mom and Harry?_"

"Last I heard, they were still at home." _But I haven't heard from them in at least a year— _"But, listen to me, here's what you're going to do," I ordered, "you're going to get in a car and drive your ass up here."

It did take me a moment to make that decision. Having him come here could blew everything up for me. But you know what? To hell with it. I had broken every rule in the book on this Op anyway. Why stop now?

"_Where are you?_" He asked.

"I'm where we spent Christmas about ten years ago." It took me another while to think up a way to tell him where I was without blatantly telling him "Philadelphia". Anyone could have picked up on our conversation and tracked him down. Can't have that. "Call again when you get closer," I added, "I mean it, you stupid kid. Don't ever make me worry about you like this again. I'll hunt you for your hide."

There was a long silence that followed, so long that I thought he had left the phone, or he was just snatched by someone without a sound. _Jesus— Don't do this to me, Lee... Don't leave me hanging—_

"Liam? You still there?" I asked, trying hard not to let my voice crack.

"_I might be a while,_" He said. _Finally. _"_It'll take me time to find a car and I want to find Mom and Harry first if I can._"

_ God! How many times do I have to drill it into your skull to make you get it? Get your ass here! _I was practically screaming in my head now. Yet, at the same time, a clear realization had started taking form in my head, settling like a stone on the bottom of a pound.

He still wouldn't choose me.

"No," I snapped. "Drive through the night if you have to. Just come. I mean it—don't make me come find you and beat your ass over this."

"_Later,_" he replied, voice almost relaxed. "_Later._"

And he hung up.

_ Dammit, dammit, damn _him. I swear to god this kid would be the death of me.

But he is alive. For the first time in years, I could be sure of that.

╳ ╳ ╳

I kept checking the voicemail for the next few days, and he didn't check in until five days later. It was easily the longest five days in my life.

And as if that wasn't enough to spice up my life, there were rumors in the research team: about a conclusion on the cause of IAAN, that the government was responsible—_surprise, surprise_.

It really was time. On the day Liam called to tell me he had gotten to Philly, I snagged an ID card from a Dr. Sullivan, and downloaded the entire research file with her security clearance. I hid inside the bathroom stall and sewed the flash drive into the hem of my jacket. All I needed to do now was to get past the securities, get Liam, and get the hell out of here.

That day, the guard was Patrick. "Man, how's your day?" He greeted me with a smile that split his face.

"Dog tired." I returned his smile. There was a line in front of the security checkpoint, just like I expected. It was like this every day at 6 p.m. "Do you mind letting me off today? I just wanna go home." I cocked my head in the direction of the line. "It had been so busy upstairs today; I haven't eaten anything solid since morning—"

"Fine, fine." He let me pass through the manual gate by the side, and waved me past. "Go, you sorry ass."

"Thanks. You're a life saver." I waved him goodbye. "See you tomorrow!"

"Yeah, yeah." He returned to his post. "See ya!"

Now, Lee. I headed back to my apartment, and tried to check on the voicemail again. Nothing, except for the one I got this morning, telling me that he had gotten to Philly. _Damn._ If he doesn't show up before midnight, then I'll be extracted, and he is on his own.

Just as I was contemplating on the next move, my doorbell rang. I rushed to the door, looked through the peephole, and immediately opened the door to drag him inside.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I half-yelled. "Did you follow me back?"

Liam looked like he was but one day from starving to death. His hair was long and dirty; his face was all scratched up, his hands and arms, too. He was wearing the same old jacket I wore today—the one Mom bought us years ago. It was the only piece of clothing I keep from my old life at home, and I could see it was the same for him.

"I did." He said. "I saw you from the park across Leda Corp's building."

"Why didn't you just call me?" I demanded.

"I...I don't have any money." He said in a small voice.

I let out a breath. I had about a thousand things I wanted to yell at him, but honestly, none of those mattered. He is alive, and he is here. Nothing else matters.

I leaned back on the kitchen counter, taking in the sight of him, head to toe. "You look like you've seen better days." I commented. Damn, the kid really looked miserable. He needs food, and some caffeine, asap. I turned to put the pot on the coffee maker.

"You don't say." He grunted, and I almost laughed. It was so good to be with him again. At least I could lose the stupid accent now—my cover identity, Nathaniel Jones, is a Bostonian.

For a while, we just stood there, eyeing each other head to toe.

"Cole—" He blurted, out of the blue, but cut himself off halfway.

"Yeah?" I prompted.

"I...I just...Have we—" He stuttered, "Have we ever been to Virginia Beach? With Claire?"

Her name had all but stopped my heart. "No, why would we? We lived in Wilmington, remember? We go to Wrightsville." I could feel my lips pressed into a tight line as I was done answering him.

"It's just..." He started, "It's just that, I had been having this weirdest dream...And I am so sure that it had come from a memory, but you looked like you are now, and her face was always blurred..."

"Claire's?" I asked, a little alarmed.

"No," He said, "Not Claire's. _Hers._ Dammit, what's her name..."

"Whoa, brother." I poured him a cup of coffee. "You really need some rest. You're not making a whole lot of sense here."

He shook his head. "I'm okay."

"Tell you what, you go take a shower, and I'll go get us some dinner." I announced, "Don't drown in the bathtub."

Lee rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

With that, I grabbed the keys, and left the apartment again. It had started to rain outside, but not too heavy. I got some take outs from a Chinese restaurant two blocks away, but when I headed back, things weren't what I expected.

There were cops—no, not just cops; PSFs, National Guardsmen, the whole goddamn set of happy last meal—surrounding the building I lived in.

_ Fuck me._ I immediately turned around and walked the other way, but just as fate—or my shitty luck—would have it, I heard someone cried in a high pitch voice behind me, "That's him! The blond one!"

_ Thanks_, Barbara.

I took off running that instance, but the cops were already on my back, and shooting at it. I dodged into a dark alley, feeling my way to the fire escape I knew was there. I had plotted out my escape route precisely in response to this kind of situation. All I need to do now is to get my jacket, and make sure they don't get Liam.

The rain and the cold made it really hard to climb the ladder, but it was this or taking a bullet in my back. As I got onto the rooftop, I dashed for the one across the alley and jumped—

And missed the edge on the other side. My feet hit the lid of the dumpster—gosh, that _smell_—and landed on the ground, headfirst.

For a precious few seconds, I thought I had actually lost conscious. But when I came to, I got up instantly. The cops were quick to catch up, but I already limped myself into the backdoor of the building and locked the door behind me.

_ Liam. Tell me they haven't got Liam yet. _I got upstairs, shuddered the door to my apartment open, and started checking every room, under the bed, in the closets. _He got out._ I let out a breath, and reached for my jacket hanging in the hallway.

Or at least, it _should_ be my jacket. There was nothing in there. I ran my hand through the bottom seam over and over again, but I felt nothing, not even the threads I was perfectly sure I had sewed there. _Dammit._ This is Lee's.

The door exploded open beside me, and there was no opportunity to move, to fight, to run. I was tackled onto the ground, my arms wrenched behind my head and locked there. I saw their boots step over me, storming the apartment, clearing each room. After they reappeared, I was dragged downstairs, past the shocked faces of my neighbors, through the battered outside door, back into the rain where a black van waited to carry me off.

There were too many of them. There was no way out; I didn't struggle as they lifted me up into the rear of the van and locked my handcuffs into place. There were other people in there, but none of them were familiar. None of them were him. _Thank God._

I don't know why I looked up then—instinct, maybe, or desperation, but right before the door slammed shut on my life, I saw Liam's terrified face beneath the nearby pool of yellowish streetlight.

Then, he disappeared into the dark.


	5. Sheena

The next few weeks was torture. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing half of the time, and my already less-than-ideal performance in most classes just plummeted down into the gutter. I couldn't remember how many times Instructor Johnson had screamed to my head and asked me to "pull my shit together", but honestly, what's the point anymore?

It wasn't until three weeks after Nate's supposed extraction, did things took a surprising turn. On the medical training class that day, I was handed a red folder—an Op file—telling me that I was to go on my first Op, as a medic on a rescue mission. _The _rescue mission.

I didn't bother trying to figure out why they want to get him when it was the policy that we don't do that for anyone. I'm not gonna complain.

I'm going to see him again.

Ruby and Vida were on the same mission, too, but as trainees, and they will be going in, whereas I would be staying outside with Dr. Thorne. Jack would be going in with the team leader Rob—Cate's Harvard-graduate, former Army-Ranger, ex-FBI-agent boyfriend—in case there were any emergency, and they need a medic on spot.

We were flown in to the suburb of Philadelphia. Coming back to this city gave me chills down my spine—the bad kind—but I can't succumb to the fear. I'm here to work. All the training I had in the past two months were for this precise reason—to help save him, the man that saved my life.

Dr. Thorne and I listened to the comm when the team was going in. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.

"Don't fret. It's going well." Dr. Thorne said to me. This is the first time she had spoken directly to me about things other than class stuff in weeks. Maybe she had changed her mind about me.

There was a shriek coming from the comm, followed by shouts and chaos. Out of the many things that came through, we heard only one sentence that made sense to us—"Medic down!"

That drained all color from Dr. Thorne's face immediately. I stood up, and was ready to run out of our hiding—we were positioned in a van one block away from the site they were storming—but Dr. Thorne pushed me back into my seat.

"Stay here." She snapped before opening the door and jumped out into the darkness, leaving me in there. Our driver—an Agent Kalb—turned around from the driver's seat, and bellowed, "What the hell is she doing?"

I opened my mouth, and closed it again.

"Damn mute." Kalb cussed, and started the car. "This is Kalb. I'm taking the medics to you." He said to the comm.

The car swiveled around, but Agent Kalb cursed again and killed the engine immediately as we saw three soldiers, just some fifty yards in front of us, hauling two prisoners out of a hole on the ground, and loading them into a van. We held our breaths, hoping they wouldn't notice us.

And out of the blue, the soldiers were flying sideways like they had been pushed away by a huge invisible hand. I gasped as Ruby and Vida emerged from the shadow. When they approached the prisoners, I felt my heart slowed down, sinking out of my body—I didn't know how I knew, but I just did.

This is it.

This is him.

Ruby ripped the hood off one of the prisoner, and I let out a long breath. It really is him. Agent Kalb jumped out of the car, but Ruby didn't react to him, nor to Vida's shout. She seemed even more in shock than me.

Why?

Words were still coming out of the comm in a consistent volume of shouts. From what I could get from the buzz, they were pulling out. Another van arrived to pick up the team.

But once the backdoor of our van was opened, all I saw was him.

He looked terrible.

His hair was longer than I ever remembered, and all clogged up and blooded against his face. His shirt—or whatever left of it—hung on his scrawny frame like rags. Whatever skin that wasn't covered in dark stain of dirt, blood and other things, was all red and black and blue. He looked like he was but one inch away from death, but somehow he was still standing.

"Oh, hi, darlin'." He said, a mischievous grin on his face, and I just stared at him, mouth wide open. For such a long time, I had planned for this moment, even rehearsed what I was going to say, but now that he was here in front of me, I couldn't get a word out.

He climbed in without a comment on my lack of words, visibly in pain, though he was definitely trying hard to hide it. This managed to snap me out of my haze and reached out to help him.

"I'm fine." He said, and just before I could touch him and see for myself if what he said was true, a whirlwind of people rushed in, and put an unconscious Jack into the van.

His face was covered with blood, and so was Dr. Thorne's robe and hands. She was holding him by his neck, where the blood must have been pouring out moments ago—it had stopped, and that could only mean one thing.

"Help me!" Dr. Thorne cried, "Set up the transfusion!"

But that won't help him, not anymore. I put my hands on Jack's arm, and as expected, felt nothing there. It was not like the time with the prisoner, who had only gone into a cardiac rest for less than a few minutes, and the brain was still somewhat alive. I leaned down to check where Dr. Thorne's hands were applying pressure to Jack's neck, and saw that a bullet had found its way into his brainstem.

He was dead on site. Dr. Thorne must have seen that, but she was still trying to stop the bleeding, she was still trying to save him...

The van started moving, with only me, Cole Stewart, Dr. Thorne and Jack...'s body in the back. Kalb was back in the driver's seat. For the longest moment, there was no sound except Dr. Thorne's sobs and the engine purring.

After a while, Dr. Thorne's voice broke the silence, startling me, "I don't know what you can do, but I know you can do _something_." Her voice was somehow calmer than I expected, but the end of her sentence cracked, and I saw how hard she had been trying to keep herself sane and collected. "So do something. Save him."

I took in a deep breath, but before I could raise my hands and sign to tell her I couldn't, Cole Stewart's hand reached out and grabbed me by my wrist.

I turned to look at him, yet he wasn't looking at me, but Dr. Thorne. "The boy is dead." He said, in a tone colder than the early winter air in Philadelphia. "If you can't see that, you're not much of a doctor."

Dr. Thorne looked like she wanted to choke him to death for a moment, but then, she took a deep breath, and—crumbled down in front of us. She was crying so violently that I felt gutted just looking at her.

It is funny how big things like this almost seemed surreal at first. Like how I couldn't register Anne's death at the beginning? This was what it felt like. But when the reality hits me, it arrived with such a blunt force like I had taken a swing of a bat to my skull. Before I knew it, I had crashed onto Jack's body, tears washing over my face like waterfalls. Jack's eyes were still opened, but in it was nothing more than the reflection of white lights in the van, which he could not see anymore.

He had helped me so many times in my training. The humorous, slightly oblivious, want-to-be-MD Jack Barnes. The person that told me the first joke in the League, and showed me that there's nothing to be afraid of in medical training, that he was nothing like the surgeons in Leda Corp...

I didn't know how long I had cried, until I felt a hand on my back. It took me a moment to realize that it must have been Nate—no, Cole—but I haven't got the strength to react to him.

The ride was mostly silent, until we reached the plane that should take us back west. A group of agents came to take Jack away, leaving Dr. Thorne and me to take care of Cole Stewart.

I was finally capable of training my focus on him. We were put in the cabin closest to the rear end of the plane, which served as a simple infirmary, and none of the other agents will come to disturb. Dr. Thorne, somewhat more collected by now, was examining Cole Stewart's wounds. With one touch on him, I saw all his problems—he had eight fractured bones on his left hand, three on his right, one dislocated shoulder, five fractured ribs, some serious flesh wounds in his back and his legs, and countless bruises everywhere on his body. Mild hearing loss. But no internal bleeding.

He'll live.

Before I could heal him with my ability, he noticed my intention, and gave me a very small shook. Dr. Thorne started touching his left hand, and carefully examined each of his fingers.

"We need to put some splints on your hands. You've broken all five of your fingers on your left hand, and there are another three bones broken in your right palm." She announced, "And we got to put your right arm back in the right place. You'll have to wear a sling for a while."

He looked at me, and I gave him a small nod, confirming Dr. Thorne's words. "Be gentle with me, then." He said, somehow smiling. I was surprised that he could manage that considering how much pain he must have been in.

After a low and suppressed cry from him when his shoulder was getting fixed—I tried to numb his pain, but he refused my help—Dr. Thorne deemed herself done with him, and left me to put on the splints and stitched up his wounds, where she sat down by the side, and sank into a deep, silent mourn.

The picture of Cole's bare back had somehow become the real punch to the teeth. Knowing that he was injured there was one thing, but seeing it—slash after slash of red and purple crisscrossing into a tight web that stretch over his entire back, the gory mess that was more exposed meat than skin—took the air out of my lung, and I couldn't breathe properly.

How much pain he must have been in? What had he gone through? And it pained me physically, not being allowed to fix it. Why wouldn't he just let me heal him?

Then I saw it—he was keeping me as a secret, like Cate has been.

But what good am I, if I can't use my ability at all?

When I finished cleaning and stitching up his wounds, Dr. Thorne handed me a towel, which, I assumed, was for me to give him a rub down. It is a very normal, and very logical thing to do, considering that he smelled awful with all the slime, blood and vomit clinging on his skin, and since both his hands were wounded, the job of taking care of him fell onto the medics' shoulders, naturally.

But it didn't ease the awkwardness, not one bit.

He seemed to enjoy it, though. I tried not to look at his face when I was cleaning his body, and when I reached his legs—he looked very amused when I had to take off his pants to do that—I could tell that he was trying very hard not to tease me._ This is a patient. He is a patient._ Even though I kept saying these two sentences in my head, I still had to hand the job over to Dr. Thorne when it came to his...private parts.

When I took back the towel and cleaned his face up at last, I could finally see the man that I met in Leda Corp again. Though morbidly malnourished and beaten within an inch of his life, he is still the same person that gave me the first smile I had seen in years. His eyes were still that blue. Like ocean, swirling and boiling and raging under the surface. The thoughts almost made me cry, and I had to turn away before he caught the tears beading.

He had been awfully quite the entire flight back, for some reason. He spent the whole four-hour flight just...staring at me. I wondered why he hadn't say anything yet. There was so much I wanted to say to him.

As soon as the plane landed, Rob's group came to claim him. Dr. Thorne followed them out immediately, without a second glance back, leaving me to step out of the plane with Ruby and Vida, bring up the rear.

"Tough one, huh?" Vida asked, and I couldn't bring myself to answer her. _You have no idea._

When we got to the door that lead into the HQ, Ruby stopped me and Vida on our track, effectively pulling a distance between us and Rob's team in the front. Vida was ready to protest, but Ruby merely shook her head.

A couple of things I learnt pretty fast in this place, are that the agents don't like us anymore than the people outside, and if you don't want to get picked on, stay out of their ways. It was precisely what Ruby was doing—she was letting those agents take the credits, even though she and Vida were the ones that actually found Cole Stewart.

Eventually, the agents pushed him away towards their sleeping quarters, and I decided that I had to postponed my private conversation with him for a few hours. As Ruby placed her ID on the keypad, I braced myself for the whirlwind of auburn hair flying our way, but there was no one—Jude, for some reason, didn't come.

Vida waved us good-bye as soon as we stepped through the threshold. I walked into the atrium and found, to my relief, Jude and Nico there. Jude was asleep with his head on the table, and Nico was fidgeting with a Chatter. I sat down at the same table Jude slept on, and it woke him up. But the person he saw first wasn't me, but Ruby at the door.

"You're back!" He shot up to grab Ruby by her hand, who came into the room reluctantly. Jude started babbling away as usual, and I listened half-heartedly, until their conversation took a surprising turn. Jude said that one of their Green friends—Blake—was sent on a mission. The kid was nowhere near ready for an Op, but he was sent anyway, and they believed it has to do with the fact that they overheard the agents—Jarvin, Rob, and others—talking about reducing the "freak population".

"It's just a coincident." Ruby shot me a look and said. She seemed to have something else to say, but she was cut off by one of the adviser of Alban.

"He's like to speak to you in his office an hour from now." The man—Ruby called this one Horse Teeth, for obvious reasons—said, and turned away before the last word of his sentence even reached us.

That was way too soon for usual debrief, and Jude spoke my mind out loud for me.

"You guys are late." Ruby spoke to the two of us pointedly. "Jude, go before Instructor Johnson hit you with a demerit."

"This is more important!" Jude protested.

"More important than being activated?" Ruby said. "Jude, you are two demerits away from being stuck in here as HQ support forever. Sheena, please make sure he gets there."

I nodded. I didn't know why, but the fact that I did as she said not only because she was my team leader would say something about her. She actually cares about people in this team, no matter how hard she tried to act otherwise.

I led the boys to the training room with me, and we started the class. Ruby and Vida had that day off, but I wasn't that lucky—probably because I wasn't on the "actual team". Still, I had a feeling that Ruby wouldn't be having much of a rest today, though.

It was another brutal day in the gym, and I finally lost it. I threw the buffy girl who got paired with me—Gina—on the floor so hard that I sprained her shoulder. It could be much worse, but the fact that Instructor Johnson actually laughed, and gave me a pat on the back, made me hate myself for it.

We went back to the atrium after the class, and another team of agents had come back from their Op. It was Blake's team.

And he had come back in a body bag.

Jude went to find Ruby, him screaming in a small voice the entire way. Nico, on the other hand, left for the computer room immediately, silently, and I decided to follow him. It had taken me so much strength to refrain from screaming the way Jude did. He and Nico were right. The agents wanted us dead.

Why would Nate take me back to a place like this?

Nico didn't say anything, not even when he pulled out the file he was looking for, and we saw in that short thirty seconds footage, how Jarvin aimed his gun at the back of Blake's neck, and fired.

I jumped the moment the shot was fired. Nico hit play again, and again, and again, until Ruby and Jude rushed into the room and stood behind us.

"I found it." Nico announced.

"And?" The word trembled as it left Jude's mouth.

"It wasn't an accident." Nico declared simply, but there was a clear bitterness in his tone, harsh like a cracking whip.

"Found what?" Ruby demanded. "One of you needs to explain what's going on _right now_."

"You said it was nothing," Nico said. "You thought it was a coincidence. You should have believed us."

He blamed Ruby.

No. He couldn't have. No. He was...hurt, that Ruby didn't trust him, and he had been right. He hit play again.

"What am I looking at?" She asked. "Please tell me you weren't stupid enough to download the security footage from the company Blake and Jarvin's team broke into...."

"And give Jarvin or one of his friends the chance to remotely delete the evidence?" Nico fired back.

Ruby's focus was back on the footage, and I saw her flinched at the exact same moment as I did. Nico hit play again. She turned to look at me, the frenzies in her eyes mirroring mine. I gave her a small nod—this _is_ real.

Finally, she said, "Do not, tell anyone about this. Do you hear me? No one."

"But, Roo." Jude looked horrified. "We can't just let him get away with this! We have to tell Cate, or Alban, or—or someone! They can fix this!"

"Cate won't be able to do anything if you're already dead," She snapped. "I mean it. Not a single damn word. And you never go anywhere alone—you stay with me, or Vida, or Nico, or Sheena, or Cate. Promise me that. If you see one of them coming, you have to turn back and head the other way. Promise."

Jude was still shaking his head, and I would've put my arms around him if I hadn't been just as shaken myself—yes, the League had been a lot, and it might be cruel, but I never would've thought that it would be _this_.

What had Nate gotten me into?

"Not a word," Ruby said, before she turned to leave. "I'll take care of this."

_ But how?_ I wanted to ask.

╳ ╳ ╳

I need some time alone. After making sure Jude had safely reached the boys' sleeping room, I decided I want a shower, even though I had already had one earlier. The shower stalls were the only place in the HQ that weren't bugged or taped.

Who I came across on my way to the lockers wasn't who I expected, though.

As I walked down the hallway, one Cole Stewart, soaked from head to toe, came out of the locker room.

It felt like I was pinned to the ground by all the memories, all the yearning I had for him. Getting past the adrenaline-driven state during the Op, I had no strength left to pretend that I had a shred of calmness inside me anymore. I just felt exhausted.

"Hello, darlin'." He gave me a smile that made my knees buckled. He said those two words like nothing had happened. Like he didn't almost die in the past few weeks. Like I wasn't almost never going to see him again.

I let it all devour me—Jack, Jarvin, Blake, the training...the prisoners I had to revive just so they could kill again..._him..._—and I crashed down on the floor.

I cried, right there, in front of a soaking wet Cole Stewart.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm fine, Violet." He knelt down beside me, and put his hands on my back. "Let's go talk in my room, okay?"

He hauled me up, and we went for the agents' sleeping quarters. He guided me towards one of the rooms with one trying hand, and I remembered that he shouldn't be using his hands at all. When we got into his room, I quickly tried to rest my hands on his, ready to heal him.

"No." He shook. "Let it sort itself out."

_ But how could I let you endure this pain?_ I wanted to ask. He gestured for me to sit on his bed, and poured a glass of water for me.

"They didn't fix your voice." He said, and I shook. He sat down beside me, and I whispered. "I fixed it myself, but I choose to stay silent."

"Why?"

"I don't want to talk, not to them." I said.

He sighed. "That's not very healthy, Lilac." He rested his left hand on my right, and I could feel every broken bone in there. The thought physically pained me. "I want you to make some friends. I want you to be able to trust the people here, okay?"

But how could I? After what I learn today? I buried my face in my palms so he wouldn't see my tears and my red face. I had been trying so hard to be strong, to keep up with everything happening in this wretched place, even trying to be the best medic I could be without using my ability—but him being here just broke me back down into a thousand pieces, and I became the girl stranded on the bed in Leda Corp all over again.

"Hey, Lilac, look at me." He pulled my hands away, and lifted my chin so I'd meet his eyes. "You know." Seeing my expression, he frowned and confirmed. I nodded.

"Jesus." He let out a breath, his hand gave out a spasm against my wrist. "Listen to me. I will keep you safe. I will make sure no one lay a finger on you. I promise." His eyes locked into mine in an intense gaze as he said, word after word, almost too perfect to be real.

I mouthed a 'how?', and he sighed. "I'll train you myself. I'll make sure you don't go on Ops prematurely, and when you are ready to go on Ops, I will make sure I'm on the same one."

If only it was that easy. As much as I want to believe him, he was only one person, whereas Jarvin and Rob's gang—well, there were at least two. And there was more than one kid that know this now. He couldn't possibly protect us all. Not alone.

"I think we should tell Cate." I whispered. The thought of Cate still with Rob—the man that wanted us dead—made me feel sick out of my stomach.

"I agree, but maybe not yet." He said. "We...we need to play this one very carefully." He looked me into my eyes, and asked, "do you trust me?"

It took me a moment to react to that. _Do I? Do I really?_ He saved me, that much is true, but I knew literally nothing about him. How could I say I do when all he had ever told me were lies?

I shook, very slowly.

He choked out a surprised laugh, followed by an expression of epiphany. "Oh." He said. "I didn't have the best record in telling you the truth, did I?"

I nodded.

"All right." He sighed. "I'm really sorry, Lilac. From now on, I'll be honest. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

_ Is it that easy?_ I frowned a little, but there was nothing wavering in his eyes. He was serious.

"Tell me about yourself." I whispered.

And surprisingly, he obliged. He told me the real story about himself, and I realized that, in fact, not everything he told me was lie. Yes, details had been altered, but I was surprised by how close the cover story version was to the truth. He did leave his home after his sister's death, only he had left for the League, not Leda Corp. He does have an abusive birth father, and a stepfather to whom he isn't close to. He has a younger brother named Liam, who he doesn't particularly get along with, and the younger sister he told me about was named Claire, not Emily.

I nodded at each fact he clarified. Maybe I did know him after all. Maybe whatever bonds we formed inside of Leda Corp's cold, white walls, were not as fake as I thought they were.

"Is that everything you want to know?" When he finished, he asked, and I nodded.

"Good," He gave me a tight smile. "Now that that's over with, let talk about training, shall we?"

Training? I frowned at him.

"I'm to be your Minder, remember?" He smiled, the dimples on his cheek deeper on one side, "So, from what I've gathered, you did pretty good in Tactics and Medical Training, above average in Physical Training, but less okay in Close Combat and Shooting."

I nodded. To call me "less okay" in Close Combat and Shooting was a drastic understatement—my classmates often find their targets with more bullet holes than the shots they fired; also, I couldn't tell him that the only reason I sucked in Close Combat was because I didn't want to rip my classmates' arms out of their sockets.

"Good thing is, I excel at both these subjects. So we'll have some work to do between us," He leaned back a little, posture relaxed, "And there's your...Specialize Training."

I blinked twice. _Is he saying what I think he is?_

"I'll talk to Alban tomorrow, get things arranged, then we can get to work." He said, "Alban had told me some of the things you did..."

I couldn't have move away faster even if I tried. So this is why he wanted to train me?He noticed my oddness a second too late—I shifted, didn't saw behind me, and fell onto the floor in a hard thump.

"Are you okay?" He jumped and tried to help me up, but I flinched away from his touch. I stared at him, his face filled with genuine concern, and felt so gutted. _What are you? How could you want to use me like that, and still look so kind?_

"Is that why you want to train me?" I whispered. "So you can use me to get what you want?"

And the expression on his face shifted into a sudden realization, then painful solemnity. "No." He shook, kneeling down in front of me. "I...I want to train you, because I want to help." He raked his hair with his hand, and continued, "Look, you told me that you felt like your ability controls you, not the other way around, and I—I know how it feels... to struggle like that, and I don't want you to struggle..." His voice faltered into nothingness at the end, his face torn, and I immediately regretted questioning his motive.

But it doesn't make any sense. _How is he supposed to know?_

He took a deep breath in, a deep breath out, and leaned in to whisper into my ear before I could back away.

"I'm a Red."

_ Red. Fire._ I felt myself froze as his words settled into my head, finally making sense there._ It is impossible._ _How old is he? 21? 22? He couldn't have been a Psi..._

"You can't tell anyone, okay?" He continued. "Just like you can't tell anyone about yourself." 

He shifted back a little, blue eyes locked in an intense stare on my face, to see that I registered his words, but all I could think of was how _he couldn't have been a Psi..._

"Are you okay? Did you hear me?" He was now wearing a very worried expression.

"How?" I asked, with a slightly shaky voice.

"I don't know." He shook. "I just know that there are much fewer of us."

Finally, I closed my eyes, and nodded. I guessed I'll just have to accept it as a fact. Stranger things have happened.

He sat down on the floor, and let out a long breath. For a long while, I didn't know if he was going to speak, or he expected me to.

Eventually, he opened his mouth again, voice slightly trembled, "Are you afraid of me?"

That expression right there, melted me. He looked...lost, and a little abashed, and there was no way in hell that I could be scared of him right now, even if he could literally set me on fire. Hell, I could stop his heart with a touch, and he is afraid that he scares me?

I inched closer to him, rested my hand on his, and shook. "I trust you." I whispered.

He looked at me, eyes wide, and swallowed hard. "Maybe you shouldn't. I could hurt you."

"And I will recover." I said, with a voice this time. "You saved me. There's nothing you could do that will make me feel afraid of you."

He pressed his fist against his lips, and frowned deeply. After a moment, he let out a long breath, and said, "I wish the others would feel the same about me."

"About us." I said, "I..." _could kill just as easily as you. Maybe even easier._

"No." He shook hastily, "I didn't ask Cate to keep silent because I think people will be afraid of you—"

"Why not?" I cut him off, almost unemotionally. "You've seen what I could do."

He went silent for a bit, but when he opened his mouth, what came out of it wasn't what I expected. "It's not your fault. You were protecting yourself."

But that's the problem, isn't it? It wasn't me. I shook before I could catch myself.

And he caught that. "Oh." His fingers gave out a little tap, "It's the same with me sometimes."

We fell into silence again. The look of him, the slight sadness and uncertainty in his eyes told me that, he does understand. All those nights ago, when he assured me that I'm not insane, it had come from a place of...experience. He said that, because he really does know what I'm going through.

Every doubt I have had, every question I asked myself about his motives, evaporated into the air. If there's anyone in this world that could claim good intention and actually means it, it would be him.

He brushed his hands over his laps, and said, "Anyway, I just want you to know that, I know how hard it is, so I want to help." He said, firmly. "I know you can do a lot of things, but first and foremost, I want you to be able to protect yourself."

I nodded. His face bloomed into a smile, though there were still sadness in his eyes.

"Okay, now that that's settled," He reached out to help me up. "We start our training tomorrow. I want you to get a good night sleep now, okay?"

I nodded again, and he opened his door to let me out. "See you tomorrow, Violet." He gave me a bright grin, and it was likely the most dashing smile I've ever seen coming from anyone.

I was stunned for a second, and said, almost absentmindedly, "See you tomorrow, Cole."


	6. Sheena

In the course of the next two weeks, we trained every day, as Cole promised. We mostly trained in the evening, when most people were playing cards, watching news or what not, and the gym was unoccupied. After lights out, we would go back to his room, where we tried to explore what I could do with my ability without me causing him any permanent harm.

It was tiring, yes, because he almost never cut me any slacks, and I'd get, like, four hours of sleep each day, every day, but there's nothing to complain. Still, I've got the feeling that he sleeps even less than I do. There always seems to be infinite amount of things he could go about after he dismisses me from his room.

I had to go very gentle on him in Close Combat because he was still healing from his wounds, but once he realized I was holding back, he changed his strategy completely.

"All right, I'm done with this." He announced, and stepped off the mat.

"Are you giving up?" I asked in a soft voice, trying to hide my disappointment. It's only been a few days, and if he's giving up on me so fast, that would say something about how much of a failure I am.

"No." He reached out, and pulled me closer to him. In fact, so close that I could feel the heat of his body radiating off his chest. He smelled like gunpowder and pinewood. "Heal me." He whispered into my ears, "I'm so sick of your chicken shit punches. I know you can do better."

I lifted my face and narrowed my eyes at him, our faces inches apart. "If you say so."

And with a touch, I started healing every bone, every muscle, every piece of broken skin on him. It took me probably no longer than two minutes, but I felt exhausted afterward. I sank down into the mats, and he crouched down in front of me.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked.

I nodded, very slowly. "I think so. Just give me a minute."

"Okay." He stood up, "But when you're done, I want you to give me everything you got. No holding back, okay?"

_ Oh, I don't think you can handle it if I do._ I thought.

When we got back on the mat, I finally feel like I could throw a real punch—better than those I did in classes, at least. The training in the gym that day ended with him letting out a gasp of half-pain, half-surprise as I flipped him over my shoulder and floored him on the mat, flat on his back.

"Okay, Fuchsia, I take that back." He chuckled as he stood up, "You'll have to go gentle with me from now on."

I smiled, too. For the first time in years, I think. That was _all me_—I didn't have to try holding my monster in, because it didn't try to get out, and I was in control—of my ability, of my body, of myself.

I didn't know how this came to be—me being here with him, now, feeling so peaceful and complete. I spent the five months getting to know the fake him, two months guessing who he really was, and yet now that we're here, _he's_ here, it had felt so right, and none of those suspicions, none of those doubts, seemed to matter.

During the latter part of the nights, we discussed what I knew I could do, and tried to deduce what I might be able to do from them. For example, since I could numb someone's pain, does that mean I could numb, even stop other senses, too? This was one of the first things we confirmed to be true, albeit after some trials. I did accidentally trigger his adrenaline gland one time, and caused him to sweat and shivered intensely for a few minutes before I found a way to stop it.

The one thing I still couldn't manage, is doing things to others without physical contacts. I could do almost everything I want now—make him pass out, make him hyper, even stop his heart (he insisted that I tried)—but I've always had to do it with at least one finger touching his skin.

"Maybe you need a... conditioning, of some sort." He commented one night, after multiple failed attempts, and my visible frustration. We're now both sitting on his bed, face to face, like most nights we're here.

"Pavlov?" I asked. "How do you know about that?"

"I think I have like, four more years of public education on you?" He smiled and said, "so yes, I might know a thing or two about biology."

"Alright, Dr. Stewart." I retorted, and he chuckled a little. "What do you suggest?"

"When I needed to, um, do something, I found it easier to focus when I do a particular thing, say, snap my finger." He said. "When I hear the snap, I put all my focus on my fingertips, and _voila_."

If only it's that easy. "Okay." I shrugged. "I'll... give it a try."

"Atta' girl." He grinned, "C'mon, give it a go."

I trained my focus onto him, into his eyes, but failed miserably as I was caught up by how blue his eyes were. I closed my eyes, and shook my head to clear it.

"Sorry. Again?" I said. He smiled, and sat up straighter this time. I tried again, looked past his eyes, and saw what lay behind those beautiful irises—the neuro networks interconnecting inside his brain.

This is the tricky part. A wrong step could lead to something much more serious than a coma. I gently slowed down the activity of his brain, snapped, and he face-planted into my laps, like someone had cut all the strings that was holding him upright.

_ Shit!_ I quickly reached for his neck. Still breathing. I let out a breath, and woke him up.

"Whoa, that was...something." He commented as he sat up and shook his head clear. "How long was I out?"

"A few seconds." I answered.

"I think that was the best sleep I have in...I don't know, years." He said.

"But I still had to look at you." I shook. "It's like I was just using eye contact instead of physical contact. It's not going to be too helpful, isn't it? Not in combat situation."

"It's okay. You just need more practice so it'd come naturally." He reached out, and rested both his hands on my shoulders, "You have already made so much progress. I'm...very proud of you."

_ Ah._ How he had made my heart fluttered. I didn't realize how much I had wanted to impress him before those words came out of his mouth.

And the epiphany hit me like a bus. Now, I finally understand what Vida felt about Cate. That kind of utter and unconditional loyalty, is exactly what I want to give him.

I think, I would rather die than disappoint this man.

╳ ╳ ╳

We found out some surprising things I could do with my ability in the Shooting Range. After seeing me repeatedly failed to hit the target—not even the black silhouette printed on it, but the entire thing in general—Cole deduced that it has something to do the way I _see_ the target, which is to say, I didn't aim right to begin with.

"If you can enhance your muscles' strength, would you be able to do that with other parts of your body, too? Like eyesight?" He asked.

I frowned. "It's...possible." I narrowed my eyes at the target, trying to focus on it, but it always seemed a little blurry, and I could never see the slim lines that I knew were there on them from this distance.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and tried again. This time, there was a twitch on the corner of my eyes, getting stronger and stronger. For a moment, I didn't realize what was happening, until suddenly, I could see that target clearly, like it was but two feet in front of me.

I fired a shot. Bullseye. Another shot, and it went through the first bullet hole as if I had been pressing the gun directly against it.

I turned to look at Cole, who was wearing a very impressed expression on his face.

"Wow. That's...cheating." He said, and I laughed.

"I'll take that as a compliment." I said, grinning big.

He shot me a look, and stopped, the amusement faded from his face, replaced by absorption. My face flush instantly, feeling a little uneasy under the intensity of his gaze.

"What?" I asked, slightly unsure of myself.

"Nothing..." He turned away, "It's just that...I've never seen you laugh before." He commented.

I blinked twice at his words. "And...?"

"You look good." He gave me a smile with eyes slightly hooded, and I felt my heart skipped a beat.

I don't care what the Greens in Team Three said about Agent Bartlett. This one right here, is _the_ fine specimen, and I'll fight anyone that disagrees.

"Fine, do you want another go? We can finish this round—" He continued, but his words were cut off by the sound of doors opening behind us.

"Oh, fancy you here, Stewart." In came Agent Lebrowsky, a buffy man in his late twenties with jet black hair and thick eyebrows, "and with...a _kid_."

"Allow me to introduce Sheena." Cole said, gesturing me like he didn't notice the expression on Lebrowsky's face—he didn't think I should be here with an agent. "Sheena, this is Lebrowsky. He's one of the best strategists here. That is to say, never play strip poker with him. He'll cheat your pants off."

Like I'll ever play card games with any agents here, let alone_ strip poker_. I didn't respond to his words.

"C'mon, Stewart, you're setting me up to fail here." Lebrowsky slapped Cole on his back, "How am I supposed to find new preys when you keep building me a reputation?"

"Ah, ah, don't even think about it." Cole waved a finger at Lebrowsky's face, "Trick the others all you want. This one is my responsibility."

"Cole Stewart the Minder, huh?" Lebrowsky said, and struck out a hand towards me, "Adrian Lebrowsky. Nice to meet you. And don't listen to him; I don't cheat, not in card games."

I hesitated a second, and took his hand, "Sheena Hikari. Nice to meet you, too."

"Wait, you can speak?" Lebrowsky asked. "I thought you were a mute?"

Cole shot me a fast glance, and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Ade. She's just shy."

"Hmm. I guess Kalb is wrong then." Lebrowsky tilted his brows. "Anyway, do you mind if I practice a bit? Gold said we're going to go out in a couple of days, I wanna get my shit wired up—"

"New Op?" Cole asked, his back suddenly straightened, and I realized there was something about it that he knew, but I didn't.

"Yeah," Lebrowsky said, "The Betas, and Meadow. We are taking Tangerine—I've never been on a mission with her before—" _Tangerine_, codename for Ruby, an Orange— "—and another kid on Conner's team...what's his name again?"

Oh, god. "Jude?" I said, voice shaking.

"Yes! That's the one."

I turned to look at Cole, words hung in my gaping mouth. Jude is going on a mission with Rob. He's gonna kill him.

Cole's brows drew together into a deep frown. "You can have here all to yourself, Ade. We're done." He said, and headed out of the Shooting Range. I followed him out immediately.

The moment we got out of the Range, I tugged on Cole's sleeves, and refused to let him go.

"Violet, listen." When he saw my expression, he immediately put his hand on my face, "I'll figure something out, okay? But now, I want you to go back to your room, and don't go anywhere alone."

"Why are they sending Jude?" I asked, voice still shaking, "Does it have something to do with..._that_?"

Cole pressed his lips. "I don't know." He sighed, and lifted my chin a little. "But I'll do everything I can to help him. Promise."

We heard footsteps rounding the corner, and he let go of me. We both turned towards the source of the sound, and found Cate walking briskly towards us. "There you are, Cole." She was also in a solemn frown. "We need to talk to Alban, now—"

"Sure." Cole said, and gave me a light nudge. "Go. I'll see you in a bit."

I bit down all the questions I had, and turned on my heels to leave.

╳ ╳ ╳

In the end, Cole couldn't get Jude off the Op. Apparently, someone—we both though it was Rob—had insisted that they need a Yellow on the team. The best he could do was to make Alban promote someone he trusts as leader—one Agent Barton, someone I didn't think I knew, but Cole had assured me that his heart is in the right place.

I'm not sure if that's enough.

On the day Ruby and Jude were sent off on that mission, we tried our best to act normal. We kept to our training schedule as if nothing has changed. But at the end of the day, after we had done our Close Combat training, and headed for the locker room, I have decided I couldn't take it anymore.

I need answers.

"Cole?" After he headed into one of the shower stalls and opened the tab, I called softly, in case there were someone lurking about in the hallway.

"Yes?" His voice came out from the other side of the curtain.

"What is happening?" I said.

There was a silence. Just as I was going to ask again, the curtain opened, and a forceful hand reached out to snag me inside.

In there, Cole was basically naked, except a bath towel around his waist. Despite the heavy steam, I could still see the water streamed down his face, to his neck, his chest, then the hard lines on his stomach, before seeping into the bath towel, and it was so hard not to blush at the sight of...all _that_.

I covered my eyes instantly. "C'mon. It's nothing you haven't seen before." He snorted, though voice a little rigid.

Yes, but this was nothing like when I clean his body on that plane. At the time, he was a patient, and now... I put down my hands, but didn't dare to look at him anywhere below his neck. "I need answers. What is happening?"

"Do you really want to know?" He asked. "It's not necessary—"

"You promised you'll be honest with me." I said. At this point, I was already soaking wet. He sighed, and ran his hand over his hair.

"If you insist." He said.

And he finally explained to me—who he had had this "private talk" before, and the content of that conversation—how his brother Liam had accidentally taken away the fruit of his labor in Leda Corp, being the research on the cause of IAAN; how he asked Ruby to find his brother and retrieve that info, in exchange of a promise that once she's back, he will help weed out the rogue agents here—who, not only want to pluck us off one by one, even came up with the idea to turn us into suicide bombers—and make sure Alban put freeing the camps the top priority from now on.

When he was done, the water had run out cold, and I was shivering—not just because of the cold, but also the content of this conversation. He walked outside and toss me my clean clothes without another word.

As I got out of that shower, we found things outside a mess. Agents were running in the hallway, shouting at one another. Cole grabbed one of them by his arm. "What's going on?"

"God, Stewart! Where have you been?" The agent cried, "The Tangerine—she's gone mad! I heard Perry said that she went AWOL, and before she left, she told everyone on the comm that Meadow had killed two kids before! Can you believe that?"

"Where's Barton? And the other boy on that team?" Cole asked.

"Barton's still out, searching for them. He's livid, and so is Alban. I didn't know about the boy, but from what I've gathered, both of them were gone." The agent answered.

That must have meant that Ruby had taken Jude with him. I let out a breath in my head.

"Damn." Cole cussed under his breath, "Is Alban in his office?"

"Yeah, and Jarvin is having a moment in there." The agent said, "I wouldn't go there if I were you—"

But Cole didn't let him finish. He pulled me towards his room, shove me inside, and said, "Stay here. I'll be back as soon as I can."

With that, he locked the door, and left me there.

I didn't know how long it had been, until I heard a knock. I caught myself before I answered it. _What if it's one of the agents?_

"Sheena, are you in there?" It was Nico. I let out a breath and opened the door to pull him inside.

"How do you know to come here?" I asked.

"It's not that hard to notice your private lessons with Cole Stewart." He said, and sat down on the floor. "I heard about what happened on Ruby and Jude's Op, and I figured I need to find you..."

"You did the right thing." I assured him. "Where's Vida?"

"She's called away by Cate." He said. "I think it might have something to do with Rob—I heard that after Ruby called him out, Rob had run, too, and Barton is looking for him."

"She's not thinking about getting him back, is she?" I asked carefully. I don't know how much Cate loves Rob, but I really hope that it is not so much that she'd still trust him after what Ruby had said.

"I don't know about her, but Alban want him back for questioning." He said.

"Do you think he did it? What Ruby said?" I asked.

"Yes." He answered without missing a beat.

That was what I thought, too.

"We need to show that security footage to Cate." I took in a deep breath and said, "We need to let her know that it wasn't just Ruby's words against Rob's. We need to prove it."

Nico pulled out something from his pocket. It's a small flash drive. "It's in here, but Ruby said we can't tell anyone—"

"I trust Cole." I said, "As long as he's on our side, we could persuade her."

He pressed his lips, and nodded slowly. Before I could say something else, there was another knock on the door.

"Sheena, are you in there?" It was Cole. I let out a breath, and opened the door. On the other side, stood him and two others—Cate and Vida.

Cole stepped in without a word, and headed straight for his desk. He reached into the slit between it and the wall, and I heard a click. It took me a second to realize that he must have disabled the microphone tapping this room.

"C'mon in, make yourself at home." With that done, he waved at his closet-size room. "Seems like we've got everyone we need here."

"Why is Vida here?" As his arm brushed over my shoulder, I asked Cole in a hiss.

"I heard that." Vida said dryly. "In case you didn't know, I'm _in_ in this shit, too, Boo."

Cole gave me a small nod, and said, "Cate had asked her to help Ruby. Since we couldn't get that Yellow boy off the Op, she's gonna need help—"

"You know about this?" I turned to Cate, eyes widened.

"Yes." Cate sighed. "I'm so sorry I didn't say anything before—"

"And Rob?" I asked.

"I knew about him for some times now, but I had to keep him close, keep an eyes on him—" She shook. "That's not the point at hand here. We need a plan." She turned to look at Cole, who returned a sighed.

"Vida is going out to meet Barton and the rest of Betas in 6 hours. She'll go find Ruby and Jude, and help them retrieve the prize, so that's out of our hair now." He said, more to fill me and Nico in than to answer Cate. "What we need to do is to make sure we get rid of the rogues before they get rid of us—"

"Get rid of?" Cate asked. "Cole, we're supposed to find them and turn them over to Alban. It's not our decision to make—"

"If you think they would wait nicely when Alban hands them their asses, you're more naïve than I thought you are, Conner." Cole said coldly. "They killed a kid, in an Op, when there were at least twenty people in or monitoring it. This rot goes way deeper than you imagine—"

"You don't know that—" Cate replied.

"We do." I said. I had been both right and wrong about Cate—she does need to see that footage, but not for the reason I originally thought. "Nico?"

Nico looked at me, nodded, and took out the flash drive. Without asking permission, he turned on the laptop on Cole's desk, and played that video.

Cate's reaction when that shot was fired, was exactly the same as Ruby. Vida recoiled a little, but mostly, her teeth just clenched tighter and tighter. Cole, on the other hand, was cold and static as stone the whole time, and the only thing that gave him out was the slight spasm on his left hand.

"This is—_fucking_—_how dare them_—" Cate finally exploded when Nico paused the video. Her face flushed into a dangerous red, and her hair flew up as she slammed her hand on the desk. She went on screaming one half-finished curse after another, startling Nico, me, even Vida a little, until she whipped her head around to face Cole, and demanded, "Who's in on this? Who monitored this Op?"

"Cate, there's no point calling them out to Alban now." Cole warned. "We know these names, but what about those we don't? If they retaliate before we clear out all the rats, what happens to the rest of the kids? Who's gonna protect them?"

"Cole, we can't let this go on—" Cate shook.

"I know. Let me handle that." Cole assured. "This is exactly why you need to stay invisible. If they take it out on me, you could still—"

"I know that—" Cate waved impatiently. "—It's just—"

"You promised." Vida burst, catching all of our attention instantly. "If you go back on your words, I'm going back on mine, too. There's no way in _hell_ I'm leaving if you'll be in danger."

"Vida..." Cate sighed, "I hate to—"

"You promised." Vida repeated, expression frigid, eyes burning.

Cate closed her eyes, and after a long and agonized silence, nodded.

"What does this mean?" I asked Cole. Jesus, I can't believe even after drenching me in the shower, he still hasn't told me the whole thing.

"It means that if you breathe a word about Cate, I'll fucking kill you." Vida was the one to answer, "And if they got to you before I could, I'll revive you just so I could kill you again."

_ I think I'm more of an expert in that front. _A phrase flashed through my head, _Saru ni kirobori—_teaching a monkey how to climb trees. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Vida, that's enough." Cate said, "Nothing will happen to me, to any of us." She gave us a reassuring smile, which didn't really work. Nico was still pale as the wall behind him.

"All right, here's what we're gonna do," Cole finally said, "We'll have to find Ruby and the beanpole first, but I doubt their trackers are still working—"

"They are." Nico said, out of the blue. "Jude's were, at least."

"Do you know where they are?" Cate asked anxiously.

He didn't answer, just started typing on Cole's laptop. "Got it." He said, after a series of obscured codes flashed on the screen. "They're in...Rhode Island. And they're moving fast."

"In vehicle?" Cole asked.

"Looks like it." Nico answered.

"Are there any ways we could stay in touch with you when you're out there, without being tapped?" Cole turned to ask Vida.

Nico was the one to answer him, again. "Chatter." He reached into his pocket and took out what looked like an older style cellphone. "This is a P2P communicator. There's no way of tracking or interjecting the conversation without the precise IP address."

"Swell." Cole replied. "Then we'll help you track them down, and give you whatever info you might need. Is that doable?"

"You bet." Vida said.

"Great." Cole said, "Now, kids, hear this: we will keep to our lives for now, and try to act as normal as we can. We'll keep you updated, but now, you have to pretend that nothing has happened. Understand?"

"Send me with her." I said, "Let me help."

"Absolutely not." Cole shot me down before Vida and Cate could say anything. "I'm sorry, but you are far from ready to go on Ops like this."

"But you know I can help." I protested, "What if they're hurt? What if _Liam_ is hurt?"

Cole's face blanched instantly. "I told you no already. End of discussion." His expression hardened, declaring the finality.

I took a step back, pressing my lips tight.

"Sheena, why don't you and Nico back to your rooms?" Cate came to ease the tension. "I promise we will keep you updated, okay?"

Finally, I sighed, and nodded.

Before we left Cole's room, the last thing I saw was his face, still rigid and stoic as if carved from ice, but his eyes were simmering in a low light, with something pretty close to regrets.


	7. Sheena

In the next week or so, we moved on with our lives as promised. Training, classes, shower, meals. Dr. Thorne had left for Georgia HQ after what happened with Jack, and now I take my Medical Training classes with one Dr. Giddens. He looked like he doesn’t want anything to do with me.

It used to be bearable, because I spent every evening with Cole, who I trust with all of my heart. But now we’re having this…cold war, if I could call it that. We still train together, but there is this thing, like a sheet of glass between us, and I couldn’t feel his warmth.

One night, after the twelfth failed attempt to snap him into sleep with his back to me, I curled up into a ball, and called it quit.

“C’mon. You’re better than this.” Cole turned around and said.

“What do you know? You are the one that said I’m not ready.” I retorted, with more bitterness than I intended.

He stared at me for a solid ten seconds, and actually laughed. “Is that why you’re giving me cold shoulders for the past couple of weeks? Because I said you’re not ready?”

“You were right. I’m _not_ ready.” I blew out a breath. “I’m dangerous to everyone around me, and before I could get it under control, I can’t even use it to help people—”

“What are you talking about?” His voice suddenly took on a straining quality. “I thought I told you it’s not because people will be afraid of you—”

“Then why?” I asked, “Give me one good reason why I can’t even help people with it. Tell me I’m not a monster—”

“You’re not.” He shot, and turned away, “God, I can’t believe—”

“What?” I pressed, “You can’t believe _what_?”

When he turned back to face me, he looked…hurt.

“I…I have spent so long knowing that people will be afraid of me if they find out what I am, and I don’t want you to feel that way.” He said, “I want it _like hell,_ for people to see you for the good you are. You are…positively the Angel of Mercy, do you know that?”

I was speechless.

“But I know once they know about you, they’ll hurt you. Leda Corp had proven as much.” He continued, “And I can’t have that. Do you understand?”

I sighed, and nodded.

He let out a short and harsh breath. “Now, let’s—”

A sound like firecracker came from outside, and cut the words off from Cole’s mouth. A gunshot. He sat up straight, a hand reached under his bed, and it came out with a handgun. Another gunshot. He stood up, gesturing me to get behind him, while he held the gun with both hands, pointing it at the door.

A series of fast knocks came on the door. He spared one hand to open it, gun still pointing outward, and we heard some low-key chaos on the other side.

“Stewart, we need to go, now!” One of the agent—an Agent Russell Farbringer, a thirty-something man—hissed in a suppressed voice into the opened door, and Cole’s whole body snapped into motion.

“Let’s go.” He pressed his gun into my hand, and pushed me out of the door. He had obviously been preparing for this moment for some times now. He grabbed a duffel bag with one hand, and pulled out another handgun from a drawer with another.

“What’s going on?” I asked as Cole came out and we followed Russell deeper into the HQ.

“Jarvin and his gang revolted.” Russell offered a short and breathy explanation as we took an unusual route to a narrow staircase tucked away in the back of agents’ quarters. We ran down the staircase all the way to the lowest level, where, I assumed, we were going to get out from the emergency exit. “We can’t be entirely sure, but we think he killed Alban.”

“Oh, my god.” I gasped. “Nico…the other kids…” I couldn’t get the rest of my sentence out. They are going to kill them.

“We will come back for them, I promise.” Cole put a hand on my shoulder. “But first, we need to stay alive ourselves.”

“Can’t we get them now?” I begged. “They are just on the east wing…”

“No.” He snapped, but I could tell that he was already trying to not let the strain in his voice show. “We have good reasons to believe that they won’t hurt them for now.”

We met another group of agents at the emergency exit. It was a sturdy black steel door, with a wheel-shaped handle in the middle. The other group of agents contains four—one of them Cate. I let out a breath of relief as she saw me, too, and she rushed to round an arm around me. “Are you alright?” She asked, and all I could manage was a nod.

One of the agents on the other team, an Agent Bennett—a young blond man a couple of years younger than Cate—opened the door with Cole, and the two of them pushed us out one by one.

The path from this door to the ground was a long, dark tunnel that smelled of rotten garbage. The agent leading us was holding a flashlight, and Cole, bringing up the rear, was holding one, too. That was about all the light we got. I couldn’t fight the urge to look back to Cole, but Cate, who was walking directly behind me, nudged me forward every time I so much as turned my head a little bit off the track.

We could hear sounds echoing from the door behind us, but they were so blurry that I couldn’t tell what those were. Were those shouts? Gunshots? Footsteps? I could feel the agent directly in front of me picking up speed, and Cate nudging me to keep up. The tunnel felt so long and so endless that, for a split second, I thought we were stuck in some kind of endless loop, and we will never get out.

After what felt like an eternity later, we saw a flashlight in front of us. All of the agents raised the guns in their hands immediately, and I did, too, even though the feeling of pointing a gun at someone still made me feel terrible. It’s not like I need a gun to be a killer.

The flashlight on the other side blinked twice, and the agent in the front flashed her flashlight at them twice, too. We kept moving forward. Another group of agents was at the bottom of the ladder leading upward. As we started climbing, one of the agents hissed to Cole, “Are you kidding me? You brought your pet?” I recognized her voice as Agent Eva Murphy, a beautiful, energetic brunette. She was about the same age as Cole, which made her one of the youngest agents in the League.

So that’s what I am to the agents. Cole’s pet. Cate pushed me upward with a gentle hand, but all I could think of was how I regretted following them out. At least back in the HQ, I could protect the other kids; at least I would be useful, unlike here, where I was thought of as a tag-along, a deadweight, a _pet_.

If it wasn’t for the moon, I would have trouble knowing that we had reached the ground. We had got out from under a bridge crossing Los Angeles River, and the moonlight reflected on the surface of the stream was almost a welcoming sight. Cole and the other agent clicked off the flashlights, and one Agent Frances—a sturdy, thirty-something woman with curly black hair—led us southward along the dry embankment.

I had no idea where we were heading, but the agents all seemed to know exactly what they were doing, so I didn’t bother asking. I’m not giving them another proof of how bad an idea it was for Cole to bring me along. We jogged, mostly in silence, as I counted the number of how many bridges we had crossed, how many paces I had stepped, and how many people were in this small procession—which were eleven. It had seemed that, out of the seventy-odd agents that remained in Los Angeles HQ, only ten of them were not on Jarvin and Rob’s side. In other words, only ten of them didn’t want us dead.

We climbed out of the concrete ditch that was Los Angeles river, and Frances led us through a complex infrastructure system under a highway. After a long walk in the city, taking only the alleyways, we finally arrived at a quiet neighborhood. We stopped in front of a one-story house with red roof tiling and white walls, and Frances went up to knock on the door in a pattern that was definitely coded.

For a moment, there were no responses at all. I held my breath and listened, heard a swishing sound, like someone pulling open a curtain, and saw a beam of light flashed on us in a single stroke. The door clicked open.

We got in, and saw Agent Fowler inside, a gun in hand. “Thank God! I was starting to worry you guys won’t come.” She pushed all of us inside, and shut the door behind us. “Is this all?”

“Don’t have time to get anyone else.” Russell answered her. “Johnson and Cox weren’t in their rooms. Stewart and the girl were the last I managed to grab before I had to pull out.”

Fowler whipped her head around and saw me. The expression on her face told me that she wanted to ask the exact same question as Murphy earlier—Stewart’s pet?

“All right. Conner, is there any news from our inside man?” Cole turned to look at Cate, totally ignoring the oddness in the air.

“He said the kids are all rounded up. He saw Johnson and Cox taken away, but he didn’t think they killed them.”

“Well, that’s good news.” He said. “We know they planned to put up the big show in conjunction with the Christmas summit, which gives us…about 48 hours to come up with a plan and carry it out.”

“Wait a second. Who puts you in charge, exactly?” An Agent Bradley asked. He is a strong and beastly man—at least three times my size, shorter than Cole, but much stockier. He is also, I estimate, a good ten years older than Cole.

“If you managed to forget, let me remind you,” Cole’s face was smiling, but his voice was definitely not. He stepped up against Bradley, towering over him. “I am the one that organized this extraction. If you have a problem with me calling the shots, you’re very welcomed to find yourself another safe house.”

Bradley seemed less than pleased by Cole’s blatant putdown, but he didn’t seem to be willing to challenge him, either.

“Good,” Cole said. “If everyone’s happy now, we need a watch schedule so we could at least get some rest. Let’s say we put up three shifts per night? Two people each shift, so we’d get six pairs—”

“What about…the kid?” An Agent Chang asked.

“She will be paired with me.” Cole answered simply. Chang shrugged.

And that seemed to be the end of the discussion. The agents started buzzing away, and I was so glad of the shift of focus. Why would Cole bring me with them? I obviously don’t belong with these guys…. I found myself a spot behind the couch, and curled up into a ball, sitting on the floor.

“It’s just for two days.” I heard Fowler said. “Just, bear with him.”

“It’s _not_ just for two days!” I heard Bradley hissed back. “Alban and his advisors are dead! This routine—this _regime_—will keep when we get HQ back!”

“Are you seriously thinking about who’s going to be in charge before we even know how to get HQ back?” Murphy shot. “Gosh, Bradley, you are even more stupid than I thought.”

“Tell me it didn’t bother you that he brought that…_girl_ with him.” Bradley retorted. “She’s not one of us! She’s got, what? Three months of training? How—”

“Three months of _medical_ training.” Cole’s voice, cold and sharp like a pickaxe, cut into the conversation. “I guarantee you’ll be glad she’s here when you get your ass shot up. Also, she’s strong, sharp, and she can shoot straight. I should know, I trained her myself.”

“C’mon, Bradley.” Russell’s voice. “We are all here because we want to help the kids. Is it so bad to have a kid on our team?”

No one said a word. I heard Bradley grunted.

“Okay. I suggest we all get some sleep for now. Stewart, can you take the first watch with the girl?” Russell said. “What’s her name? Violet?”

“Sheena.” Cate was the one to answer his question.

“Alright, Sheena.” Russell sounded confused, and I can’t really blame him. Cole’s nicknames for me seemed to be voiced more often than my real name in the HQ.

The rest of the agents were gone now. To the rooms, I assumed. Only Cate and Cole were left, and I felt them sit down on the couch.

“Don’t start, Conner.” Cole said after a sigh.

“Wasn’t going to.” Cate said.

“I can’t just leave her. You know what will happen.” Cole’s voice sounded…frustrated, for the first time since I know him.

“I know.” Cate said.

“She’s—If Jarvin knows about her—”

“True.”

“What do you want?” Cole snapped. “I got a feeling that you are not here to agree with everything I said.”

“I’m just…glad that you finally got to know what it means to be a minder.” Cate’s voice was tender, but a hint of something else was there. “Maybe now you’ll finally know what it’s like to be me?”

Cole didn’t say anything for a while. “Speaking of which, have you seen her?” He asked eventually.

Cate didn’t answer his question in return. Or maybe she did, just not verbally. “I’m off to bed now. Prepare her for what’s coming, okay?”

“Of course.” Cole said, and I heard a door clicked shut.

Seconds later, Cole’s voice came from over my head. “There you are!” It was a forcefully bright tone, the same kind that he used when he was pretending I didn’t sprain his wrist. I raised my head from between my knees, and saw his face smiling down on me. “Do you want to finish where we left off?”

I nodded slowly, and he reached down to haul me up. I joined him on the couch, but put an arm’s length between us.

“Now, let’s give it a go, one more time—” He said. “—no pressure.”

He turned his back on me, and I tried again. And again, and again. I wanted to call it quit so many times, but he kept encouraging me, and refused to let me give up. Finally, I succeed.

He fell backward onto my laps, and I almost couldn’t bring myself to wake him up. When was the last time he had a decent night of sleep? The dark circles under his eyes were so prominent against his tanned skin that they might as well be bruises. Even in his sleep, his brows were still slightly furrowed, like he was thinking. I felt something warm flowing inside my chest, and for a moment there, I had the oddest impulse of wanting to lean down and kiss him on his forehead, but I caught myself.

_ What am I doing?_

I waited for another few minutes or so before putting a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. He shot up from the sleep.

“How long did I sleep this time?” He asked, frowning.

“Only a few seconds.” I lied.

“Well, I feel great.” He smiled. “I don’t think I need any more sleep tonight. Thanks, Lilac.”

I love it when he called me Lilac. It felt more like a nickname than any other names he made up for me. I know it is weird to think in this way, but it makes me feel closer to him, and I don’t even know why I want that.

I turned away from his gaze. “What do I need to know of taking HQ back?”

“For now, the general idea is to go back in before they could move out for the Christmas Summit and start their ‘big show’.” He said, “We haven’t got the details nail down yet, but we will definitely see some action.”

I nodded. “First Op with a gun.”

“Correct.” He said.

_ It’s not like I haven’t kill before. _It had seemed that, no matter what I do with my ability, whether it be healing people or killing people, the only times that I actually felt like I was doing the right thing was with him.

“How did you find out that you are, um, heated?” I asked slowly as I realized that I didn’t know about this seemingly pretty crucial information.

Cole turned to look at me, went very still, and for a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to answer.

“Twelve.” Eventually, he did, with his face turned away. “I got into a fight with Liam—I couldn’t even remember what we were fighting about—and it happened. All I remembered was me stealing his toy, and then it caught on fire.” He raked his hand through his hair, breaths came out a little ragged as he continued, “It was this teddy bear of his that I knew he loved, and I was going to give it back to him, after he apologized…”

For a second there, he looked so much younger saying that—almost child-like, like a kid waiting to be reprimanded. But all I wanted to do was to comfort him, to eradicate that sadness in his eyes.

“What you said earlier…” I began, after another moment of silence, “That you know people will be afraid of you. It is not true.”

He shifted away from me a little. “And you know that how?”

“I am not.” I said, “Just like you. You know what I did, and you’re not afraid of me.”

“It’s not the same.” He shook, “For other people, the kids…most of them don’t pose any danger at all, and they don’t lose control, not ever.”

“What about Liam?” I asked, softly. “How did he take it—”

“He doesn’t know.” He said with a mirthless smile.

I didn’t know what to say for a moment. _His own brother doesn’t know?_

He continued, “I was so sure that if Harry found out, he’ll send me back to my dad. What more proof do you need to know that I’m truly his son? This is hellfire, Sheena, passed onto me by Satan himself.” His left hand gave out a twitch, and I reached out to hold it. “And Liam? He would never look at me with straight eyes ever again—”

“You don’t know that.” I said.

“But I do.” He said, “You don’t know him.”

I closed my eyes, and sighed. “You’re right. I don’t know him.” I said, “But if he loves you as much as I do, he would never reject you, not for anything.”

It wasn’t until the words left my mouth, did I hear what I had just said.

Did I just tell him I love him?

He turned his face fully towards me now, expression complicated. “Maybe.” He finally said, and I felt myself relieved beyond measure. _He didn’t catch that. Thank god._

“Let’s keep going, okay?” He squared his shoulders, as if trying to shrug off the conversation—or what it made him feel—and said.

“Of course.” I gladly obliged.


	8. Cole

After twelve hours of none stop discussion and some occasional heated arguments, we finally got the basics of our plan nailed down. We were all hungry and exhausted and pretty on edge, so we have no choice but to pause the meeting, and let Bennett and Chang go out to get us some food.

Sheena had been awfully quiet the entire time, sitting in the corner of the room, reading a book Frances gave her. She doesn’t like to talk in front of people, especially the agents, that much I get, but I really hope that she could at least…ease up a little. I already feel bad enough dragging her out here as it is. Still, her being here and shy towards my colleagues surely beats the prospect of her in Jarvin’s hands any day. I want her here, safe, with me.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said last night, though. _Was she saying what I think she was? _If so, that would make things…a little complicated.

No. I’m over thinking it. She was telling me that she loved me like how Liam would, or how she imagined Liam would, or…maybe as a friend?

Though, should I be having _that_ kind of dreams about my “friend”?

_ Get you head out of the gutter, Stewart. _I shook, and pulled my focus back into the conversation in front of me.

“—you hear me, Cole?” Conner’s word finally reached me. I had been looking at her mouth open and close and open and close for the last five minutes or so, but registered nothing that came out at all.

“No. Pardon?” I said.

She sighed, “I was saying, I’m trying to contact Barton’s team, and if I managed, I want them to meet us at the entry point, H-hour.”

“Sure. Great.” I said. “Let’s roll with that.”

Conner wrinkled her nose at me, and rolled her eyes a little. “Do you need a minute off? I think it’s about time our dinner come back, anyway…”

“Yeah, that’ll be great.” I stood up and head for the bathroom immediately. I need to get my head straight.

Which is not an easy feat. Last night’s dream might as well have imprinted in my brain by now. The smell, the heat, the touch, the sound—everything. _Damn._ I didn’t even sleep for that long last night. How I managed to have such an elaborated dream was beyond me.

This is sick. _I’m_ sick. I shouldn’t be thinking about her this way. I know it down to my damn bones. She needs my _help_, not…whatever I want to do to her, or with her, whatever. Just, _dammit_.

Sometimes my dreams really get ahead of me.

When I got out of the bathroom, Bennett and Chang were already back. It was not too shabby—at least we’re getting some hot meals, which is more than I could say for most Ops. Chang even got us a bag of apples.

For some reasons, Sheena went for the apples before the fried noodles. There were only six, so we’ll have to share. She took a look at the apple she picked out, turn to me, and hand it to me.

“You first.” She said.

“Nah, Lilac. You can have the whole thing.” I smiled as her eyes lit up to my words. So my instinct had been right. She likes apples, _a lot_.

When she got to her rations of the noodles, Russell came, and to our surprises, sat down beside her.

“Hey, Sheena?” He asked, “Do you mind teaching me how to use chopsticks like that? I could never get a hang of these…”

Sheena went very still for a moment, and turned her eyes to look at me. I gave her an encouraging smile.

“Sure.” She answered Russell in a small voice. “You hold the chopsticks sort of like how you hold a pen; it’s just that, you move your fingers, not your wrist when you want to move it…” She took the chopsticks away from Russell’s hand, and put them back in what I assumed was the right way, “The lower one is fixated, only the upper one moves, see?” She demonstrated with her pair, and Russell mimicked her movement.

“Whoa. No one ever told me that before.” Russell grinned big, and marveled at how the sticks moved in his hand. “No wonder I’ve been getting the sauce all over my shirt.”

“It might take some practices, but I’m sure you got it.” She said, smiling. “My mom could literally pick up marbles with chopsticks—”

And she cut herself off. Her family isn’t really a subject she likes to talk about. Her parents had all but abandoned her in this alien country when she was no more than a 3rd grader.

“No marbles for me. Just being able to pick up some noodles would be real great.” Russell said before I could lay my hand on her back. “Thanks, kid. You’re a life saver.”

Those words worked magic on Sheena’s face. She was stunned for a moment, then her face bloomed into a bright smile. I felt a little breath taken just seeing it. She’s already a pretty girl to begin with—not in the ravishing kind of way like Eva, but a subtler and more delicate beauty—and with that smile, she just made my heart swell to the point that it was almost painful.

_ Gosh, Stewart, pull your shit together. She’s your _responsibility_. Find someone your own age and don’t take advantages of her._

Then, to my surprise, they actually started chatting. Russell told her about how to do proper maintenance for a gun, and she told him a little bit about how to do stitches. They talked for a while, until Frances came and tossed Russell a half-eaten apple.

“Do you want it?” Russell took a look at Sheena, and she shook. “It’s okay…”

He smiled, and shoved it into her hands. “C’mon. You gotta put some meat on those bones, kid. I never really like fruit much, anyway, so...”

She pressed her lips, and nodded like she was taking a small bow. “Thank you.” And she gave Russell a small, but sweet-as-hell smile.

That right there, just about blow my previous thought out of the window. Yes, she is my responsibility, and I should be shielding her from potential harm, but it’s all mixed up now—couldn’t I be her minder and still…want her? Is protecting her and having her some mutually exclusive concepts?

_ Yes. You know it is._

Isn’t that why I ran from home in the first place?Because I can’t protect Mom and Liam and still stay with them at the same time, not when the thing I should be protecting them from is _myself_?

I closed my eyes for a moment, brushed that thought away—along with the mental image of her smile—from my mind, and breathe it out of my system.

“All right.” I stood up from where I was sitting, addressing the whole room. “I think it’s high time we go back to our meeting?”

╳ ╳ ╳

That night, the meeting dissembled at 3. Since we’re not planning on sleeping the next day, I haven’t had the heart to force Sheena to practice. At the moment, we just sit on the couch, she’s still reading, and I’m pretending to be doing the same.

“You should go to bed.” I said, when the clock ticked to 4. “It’s not like we’re taking watch or anything.” That much is true—it is Bradley and Fowler’s shift, and they’re outside; smoking, I assume. I just don’t feel safe sleeping with one eye open, especially when it’s the two of them standing watch.

“You need to sleep, too.” She said, putting down the book Frances gave her on her lap. _Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk. _If I’m not mistaken, it’s a war novel.

“I have had enough last night.” I said, and she narrowed her eyes at me, which is likely the closest she had to actually saying “are you fucking kidding me?”

I decided to pivot the topic of our conversation. “Is this book, um, good?”

“I like it a lot so far.” She said, “It’s very satirical, but still…warm, in a way.”

“You like that, huh?” _Then you must have loved me. _I almost said the last bit out loud.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “In fact, there’s a character in this book that kind of reminds me of you.”

“Really? How so?” I asked, leaning in a little.

“He’s a sergeant, also from North Carolina, and…” She frowned, and said, “That’s about it.”

I snorted, maybe a little too loudly. “He’s a sergeant from North Carolina, and that reminds you of me? I bet there’s a ton of those back in the days—”

“It’s also hinted that he ran away from his family to join the army, so that’s something.” She shrugged.

Oh. “What else about him? What was he like?” I sagged back into the couch and asked.

“He’s a good soldier and a good leader. Stern, but genuinely care for his troops.” She said, “Come to think of it, maybe you two really has nothing in common…”

I chuckled, and she did, too. I think this is the first time she ever joked on me.

“Is that what you think of me? A good soldier?” I asked.

She smiled. “I wouldn’t know, but you’re a really good agent, I think.”

“Hmm.” I curled my lips, “Does this sergeant from North Carolina also happen to be devastatingly handsome? Because if he is, that’s definitely me it’s writing about—”

She suddenly turned away, and said in an almost inaudible voice, “Yes.”

_ Oh._

Is she saying what I think she’s saying?

“So, you think I’m a good agent? What else do you think?” I decided to take this one slow, beat around the drums. If I cut straight to the point, she’s gonna retract, and it’ll get me nowhere.

“You’re very smart, and have a good sense of humor.” She said after some thoughts. “And a little…larger than life.”

“What do you mean?” I sat up a bit straighter.

“It’s like, I couldn’t be sure if you’re real sometimes.” She said softly. “I’ll still have to close my eyes and open them again from time to time, just so I know you’re not a figment of my imagination, that I’m really out here, and not in the ward in Leda Corp.”

Her words had got me like a punch to my throat. Here I am, trying to bait her into admitting that she thinks I’m hot, and there she is, actually still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that I’m _real_.

“I’m not going anywhere; neither are you,” was what I ended up saying.

She closed her eyes, and smiled. “This is what I’m talking about—the surreal moments. You just about said word for word what I thought you’d say.”

“What should I say then?” I asked. For a moment there, I actually considered leaning in and kiss her, then ask, _is this real enough for you? _But of course I didn’t. Thank God I didn’t.

She went into a deep contemplation, and said, “When I was in Leda Corp, I will tell myself that I’m in control, so I could believe that my…you-know-what, wasn’t conjuring it up to trick me.”

“You’re in control.” I mumbled. “Does saying it really help?”

“Saying it, not much, but hearing it, even just in my head, actually does.” She offered me a smile, those of hers which wasn’t really a smile, but somehow still undeniably a smile at the same time—the corner of her lips wasn’t actually lifted, but her brown eyes would sparkle, and I’d feel the warmth under my ribs.

“Then I’ll say this the next time you need me to.” I said, “You’re in control, and you’re safe.” Because her feeling safe is so important for me now; after everything she’s been through, she deserves that much.

“Coming from you, I figure a simple ‘you’re all right’ will suffice.” She chuckled.

“Nah,” I smiled, too. “If I’m doing it, I’m doing it right.”

I forgot where I was getting at with this conversation, but now, frankly, I don’t give a damn anymore. Just sitting here, having a conversation—or not having a conversation; it doesn’t really matter—it’s like coming home. To someone that understand my fear, and could actually see something good in me.

When I was deciding whether I should tell her what I was, that was likely the biggest dilemma of my life—what if I scared her off? But she had looked so hurt, and I was so desperate in wanting to let her know that she was not alone.

And it had turned out to be the right call, which could only be some once-in-a-lifetime level of luck. If I can’t have Liam know what I am and not be scared, or have Harry and Mom look at me and not see some fire-breathing monster, then at least I could have this, even if this will never be anything more.

Just, let me be selfish, for this once.

╳ ╳ ╳

We spent the next day mostly gathering up supplies. Guns, magazines, tear gas, you name it. Sheena made herself a first-aid kit with what little medical supplies that was left in here, and put it in her backpack. I didn’t really want to tell her that what we’re gonna get tomorrow probably can’t be fixed by Band-Aids, but then again, I’m the one that stops her from using her ability.

Conner finally managed to get in touch with Barton’s team, and they will rendezvous with us at O-five-thirty tomorrow. All seems well, except for one thing—our communication with Ruby’s team had been compromised, despite Nico’s promises. The last update we’ve got from them that we could be sure wasn’t corrupted, was one where they confirmed that they had found Liam. We have no idea when they will come back, or if they will come back at all.

Still, we need to stick to our plan. If they came back before we take the HQ back…

_ No. Stop thinking about that._

We stayed awake that night. The last stage before our plan goes into action is for the Greens in the HQ to disable the security system, meeting up with the Beta Team, and then, it’s show time.

Some people got to check and double-check our ammos, some others started pacing the room. Like how it is before every Op; each to their own, doing things that made them forget or embrace the possible fate. I took a peek at the book Sheena had been reading while she was sleeping last night, and it was not a good book to read at a time like this—you don’t want to think that much about your life, about fighting, about what _this all mean_, when you might actually die no sooner than tomorrow. I wonder how she stays sane reading that and, at the same time, knowing what she’s walking into the next day.

One thing that book got right, though, is this: _if a bullet has your name on it, it’s already been fired._ It’s an oddly calming sentiment.

And I’m flattered that she thought I reminded her of that Sergeant. Everyone in that book loves him, apparently, and he has some absolutely insane level of talents in bullshitting with a straight face. Also, he’s cynical as hell, which won him some extra points in my book. He’s not the protagonist, but the characters all moved around him, especially the soldiers in that squad, like he’s the star to their solar system.

Am I really someone like that to her?

It’s dangerous thinking like this. That notion probably never crossed her mind, and of course she’s seeing me through some pastel color lenses—I’m about the first person that hadn’t come into her life with a scalpel in the past three years. Doesn’t mean I’m the right one for her. When she had met more people—

Conner’s hasty footsteps shot straight towards me, and snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Cole!” Her voice, on edge, reached me before her deep frown and paper-pale face did. “Nico just sent me a message—”

“Yes?” I shot up from my slouch.

“He said Ruby and Jude had gotten back to the HQ—” She said, gripping the chatter in her hand, “We need to move, _now._”


	9. Sheena

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A quick word before the chapter begins]
> 
> Hi folks, Apherod here. Just wanted to say that, from now on, this story is going to be heavily bound to the events in The Darkest Minds Trilogy for a long while; therefore, some of the dialogues would play out very similarly, with only a shift of perspective in some of them.
> 
> Still, I promise that this story will end very differently from the original trilogy.
> 
> Okay. Now that this is done, let's move on into the chapter!

We rushed into the HQ in the heart of the night. With no time to rendezvous with the Betas, the rest of us had no choice but to stick to our original plan, and divided into four groups.

Cole and I were responsible for sweeping the west wing of level two, where Alban’s office was. The hall was dark, but we could still see each other by the emergency light. Cole held the gun with both of his hands in a posture so sharp, I wondered if anyone was born to hold a gun, and if he was. He pressed his back against the wall, leaning his head over to check the hallway. There were four men, all holding rifles.

No, five. One of them just came out of Alban’s office, dragging someone there.

Ruby.

There was a click, and another, and I put my hands on Cole’s arm before anything else. As the world fell into total silence around us, his expression had turned from one of shock to one of relief, and that was all I ever wanted to see.

When the White Noise finally stopped, the emergency light had gone off as well, leaving the hallway in pitch black darkness. We could only—barely—make out the outline of each other.

I was ready to step forward and snap those bastards into the oblivion, but Cole stopped me. Without any explanation or warning as to what he was going to do, he walked up to the agent who was frantically shouting for light, and patted his back.

“Sure, brother. I got you covered.” He said, and snapped his fingers. I saw, for only an instance, an orange light illuminating the outline of his head, and Jarvin’s horrified face on the other side of that flame.

He let the fire grew, and it was inferno.

That was the first time I really got a hang of what he could do with his ability. He let the fire ripped through those rogued agents like they were nothing but paper cutouts. He didn’t even have to touch them. Why wouldn’t he let me take care of them? Why would he rather risk exposing his identity?

Because he rather exposed himself than me. The realization was so clear that it was a little painful.

All five of them were down now. “Lilac, a little help!” Cole yelled, and I rushed forward to find him holding an unconscious Ruby on his laps. There was a boy with black hair—a couple of years older than me maybe—lying on the floor to her right, but he was not our concern at the moment.

I woke her up, and she drew in a sharp breath. “C’mon, kid—I know you can—” Cole panted.

“You…you just…” She gasped, and he let out a breath.

He lifted her over his shoulder, and we got into Alban’s office together. He lay her down behind Alban’s upturned desk, and grabbed her face in his hand. “Listen to me. No one can know, you hear me? No one. Especially not Lee. Nod if you understand.”

Her face looked a touch beyond frantic; I’d be surprise if she could even hear him, let along understand him and give him her words.

“Cate, Alban, Sheena, and now you. That’s it.” He said, “You tell, and it’s over for me.”

Ruby finally nodded, strenuously. “…the other one…”

The black hair boy. Cole grunted, and I got a feeling that he knew exactly who he was. “I don’t do the damsel-in-distress thing with dudes.”

Ruby shot him a weak glare, and he sighed. “Take care of her.” He said to me before he squared his shoulders and ducked back out of the office. He came back seconds later, and dumped the black hair boy beside Ruby.

He went on to explain why we came earlier than scheduled. Finished, he stood up, squared his shoulder, and his usual self clicked back in place. Assured, confident. “…you guys stay here. If you leave this room before I give you the all-clear, I’ll skin your asses!” He turned back and snapped out a command before he reached the door. “That includes you, Lilac!”

I was ready to protest, but he already ran out of the room.

With one touch on Ruby’s skin, I knew she was…not alright, but not gonna die anytime soon, either. Besides the residual effect of White Noise, she also got a deep wound on her lower back, and a burnt wound in the center of her right palm. I tried to speed up the healing process a little on both cases, but not so much that she might eventually notice.

The boy to her right was in a slightly less comfortable shape than her—he didn’t get the nasty bite from the White Noise, but he had passed out due to external force—in other words, someone hit him in his face, pretty hard.

“Don’t…” Ruby said. “…Clans…Gray…”

That name rang a sharp siren, accompanied by red signal lights flashing in my head. Clancy Gray. The president’s son. There were rumors in the League of him being an Orange. I took a step back immediately.

A round of gunshots snapped my mind back into the situation outside. I turned my hearing up a notch, so I wouldn’t miss a single thing outside. I stood up and pushed one of Alban’s pretentious antique bookshelf in front of the door, trying very hard not to think about what might happen to Cole on the other side of it. I will only be a distraction if I’m there with him.

But every shot I heard could’ve been aimed at him, and he won’t have me there to heal him. I leaned my back against the bookshelf, trying not to imagine a bullet tore through his body, or him bleeding out on the floor.

He will be fine.

After a while, Ruby seemed a lot more collected. She started scrambling over a trash can, for reasons I didn’t understand, until I got up closer, and saw that it was a file, half burnt.

I caught one graphic of a mid-sec of a brain. There were some small crosses on it, mostly at where the frontal lobe meets the parietal lobe, otherwise known as the primary motor cortex. On the corner of that graphic, there was a small print that read _BLUE._

I felt a coldness down my spine as the realization hit me. This is something bigger—they’ve found out what happened to us, what is _still happening_ to us. I turned to look at Ruby, to see if she got the same epiphany as me, but found her focusing on something very different there. A picture of a woman, beautiful, but nervous. From the looks of her, she had suspected, but wasn’t informed that this picture was being taken.

“What’s this?” We asked each other at the same time.

“Clancy tried to burn this file, but couldn’t finish the job.” She offered her side of explanation first. “This is Clancy’s mother, the First Lady. From this file, I think she is working on the cause for IAAN…but why?”

“It’s possible.” I said. “If I read this right, this picture is showing the mutated area in Blues’ brain, and it makes sense.” I traced the crosses on the graphic. “This is the area in brains that control our motion. Can you find the rest of the graphics?”

Ruby quickly flipped through the papers, and found two more graphics of brains that were not yet burnt beyond recognition. One of them showed crosses on the prefrontal cortex, and the other on the limbic system—particularly amygdala—but both of their tags were charred black.

“What does this mean?” Ruby asked.

“I don’t know.” I shook. It doesn’t make sense. Which ability could possibly be triggered by a mutated emotion center? “I think this one could be Green—” I put a finger on the one with crosses on prefrontal cortex. “but I don’t know what to make of this one—”

My words were cut off by something moving. Clancy Gray. He squirmed, and I saw Ruby’s face shot white. Before we could do anything, he opened his eyes.

None of us moves, or even breathed.

Clancy Gray was the first to act—he shot up from the floor where he sat, and there must be some sort of battle which I couldn’t see happening between him and Ruby, because for a split second, they just stood there, staring each other down. I assumed she tried to put her control on him, but she flinched, and I knew she failed.

Without thinking it through, I snapped my finger, and Clancy Gray collapsed to the ground.

The room went so quiet that I could hear Ruby’s every breath. After some heart-gripping silence, I finally found myself capable of looking at her, and saw her staring back at me in horror.

“What have you done to him?” She gasped.

I stood there, unable to say anything for a moment. So much for Cole’s effort. I ended up exposing myself.

But this is Ruby. She’d understand. If anyone would, it is her.

“I put him to sleep.” I sighed.

“You are not Green, aren’t you?” She asked, looking at me in a careful gaze now.

I held her gaze for a moment, and shook. “No, I’m not.”

“Are you Orange?” She asked. “How could you get pass his barrier so easily?”

“I’m not, and I didn’t.” I shook. “I’m Purple.”

“What exactly is that?” She asked, and her eyes widened. “Is that why Cole called you Lilac?”

I nodded. “As far as I know, I’m the only one.”

“And what can you do?” She asked.

“Like you can control people’s minds, I can control their bodies.” I explained. “That is why I’m in the medical training. I can heal people and myself like no doctors can.”

“And you could also put people to sleep with a snap?” She asked in disbelief.

“And other things, too.” I said. “But can you please not tell anyone? Cole had done everything he can to not let anyone else know about my ability. There’s no guarantee what would happen if others found out…”

“I get it.” She nodded. “It’s just…a lot to take in. Cole…you…”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I shook.

Before she could say anything else, my already ultra-alert hearing picked up something, like a hum, coming from the wall. The next thing I know, the light and sound in this room came back in an explosive wave that shocked me to the ground for a moment.

Ruby seemed shaken too, but she recovered faster than me. “Let’s grab these and go.” She stuffed the papers into her coat pockets, and I moved to do the same. As we were getting out of the room, she looked back to the unconscious Clancy Gray, and she shot me an agonized look.

“Maybe we shouldn’t leave him here.” She said, and I nodded.

We managed to maneuver his limbs so that we could carry him out of this room instead of dragging him—not that Ruby seemed to mind, though. “This way.” She cocked her head towards the closet on the left end of the hallway—it was where we put the guns usually, but now it was empty. We stuffed Clancy Gray’s body and all four of his limbs into the closet without a shred of dignity on his part, and tried to close the doors.

“Here—” I picked up a baton fallen on the floor, handed it to Ruby, and she barred the closet door with it. We both took a step back to see how it was holding up.

“Hmm.” Ruby mused, “Isn’t the most secured way—”

“Ruby! Sheena!”

I whipped my head around to see that someone ran towards us from the other side of the hallway. As she pulled off the ski mask over her head, the platinum blond hair flowed out of it, and I felt myself let out a breath.

“God, are you guys okay?” Cate asked as she offered us a warm embrace.

All I managed was a nod. “Where’s Cole?” I asked as Ruby asked, “Is it over?”

“It is over ten minutes ago.” Cate smiled. “Cole’s upstairs, sorting some things out. He’s alright—”

Before I heard the end of her sentence, I had already wiggled out of her arms, and dashed for the stairwell. I have to see for myself.

In the hallway one floor above, was a steady flow of bodies being carried out and down to the infirmary. I pushed past one agent and another, and saw him standing across the door to the atrium, leaning against the wall, looking something very close to relaxed.

I would’ve kissed him, right then and there, if I hadn’t stopped myself. I all but rammed into him, wrapping my arms around his waist, face buried in his chest. I couldn’t care less about what the other agents would think, not now.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa—” He put his hands on my shoulders, and moved to try and lift my face. I wouldn’t let him. I don’t want him to see me cry. “—Is everything okay?”

I nodded. I felt him let out a breath, and he soothed my hair. “Then let me see your face.” He said.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and lifted my face from his chest. “Ruby knows.” I whispered, and his expression hardened. “Clancy Gray tried to escape, and I panicked; I didn’t think straight…”

“It’s okay.” He said, tone impassive. “As long as Clancy Gray didn’t figure it out…”

At this moment, Ruby and Cate had come downstairs. They walked into the atrium, and we followed them. Ruby’s focus seemed to be entirely elsewhere, so much so that she didn’t acknowledge our presence.

“…we’ll talk about _that _later.” I heard Cate said, and Cole went up to them. “Talk about what?” He draped an arm over Ruby’s shoulder, and I felt a burn flare up inside my chest. I saw her squirm, but he didn’t let her go. “Could it be about little old _moi_?”

Cate shot Cole a look, and he shot one of his own back at her. Cate cleared her throat. “He mentioned that you’ve been trusted. With a very important secret.”

I walked up to them, and said. “Two, actually.”

Ruby turned to me, and gave me a small nod. Cate and Cole exchanged another look, and Cole nodded.

“How long have _you_ known?” Ruby asked Cole, pointedly. They moved on to have the explanation I have had, only with a different answer as to why Cole’s brother couldn’t be in on the know—which is, apparently, “none of your business”. He also said something that pissed Cate and Ruby off so much that they both shot him a glare.

“You bring back the big prize along with my jerk-ass little brother?” Cole asked. At that, my eyes shot up, and found a boy standing in front of the TV, back to us. If it hadn’t been for the real Cole Stewart standing one foot in front of me, I would’ve thought that the one there was him. He looked almost exactly like Cole, even with his back to me at a 45-degree angle. Even his posture when he folded his arms across his chest looked the same as Cole’s.

That must be Liam. The Blue who led one of the only two camp breaks we know of. It actually wasn’t a surprise for me that Cole’s brother would be capable of something like that.

Ruby took out something from her pocket, a black flash drive, plain and simple. That would be the research for the cause Cole had worked on. But now that I think about it, it doesn’t make sense. If the Leda Corp already know the cause of IAAN, then why would the First Lady need to do the same research? No, that was something else…something deeper down the rabbit hole…

“All yours.” Cole gestured at Cate. “You’re still heading out soon, right?”

“In a minute. I need to tell my kids where I’m going.” Cate said.

“Because they won’t know what to do with themselves without Mommy fussing over them every two seconds?” Cole said, and at that, even I narrowed my eyes at him.

Ruby tugged herself free from Cole’s arm. Cole held up his arms in the air with what looked like a gesture of surrender. “Take a joke, ladies. Smile. Today’s a good day, remember? Solid win.”

“Where are you going?” Ruby asked, ignoring Cole completely. I had to say, he had it coming.

“Out with a few agents to try to find some kind of transportation for all of us.”

“But…” I protested

“I’ll be back in a few hours, I promise.” Cate assured us, “I think you know that…it probably wouldn’t be right to stay here after this.”

“Where are we going?” Ruby asked. “Kansas? Or Georgia?”

“Roo!” I heard Jude’s voice called, and we all whipped around to the source of the voice. The next thing we knew, he was choking Ruby and I with an embrace.

“You scared the crap out of me!” He cried. I patted his head. His eye darted to me, and he yelped, “Where were you? I was so scared when you weren’t there with the others—”

“I’m with the agents.” I said, stopping his verbal vomit. “They pulled me out when they left.”

“I was worried about you, too,” Ruby said. “Did anything happen?”

Jude shook his head. “Did you find him?”

Ruby shot me a look, and that was all the hint I need to know that this “him” was the black hair boy in the closet. She said, “Yeah, I found him.”

“I told you they were fine.” Vida put a hand on his shoulder and tried to peel him off by force. “Judith. Unclench.”

Cate laughed, patting his back. “Come on, I have to tell you two and Nico something.”

Jude finally ease up just a bit. “He still won’t talk. I can’t get him to say a word. He, like, shut down.” I supposed they were talking about Nico, but I have no idea why he was shaken up like this. It’s over, isn’t it?

“Ah.” Cole muttered. My eyes followed his line of sight, and found it fall on the other Stewart in this room, who was currently heading our way. Cole pushed himself off the wall, and his posture firmed up, no longer relaxed. He threw back a look over his shoulder, a warning—and walked right past his brother, without so much as an acknowledgement to his existence except a quick glance. On his brother’s end, it was even worse—he didn’t even turn his eyes to look at him.

Apparently, “not particularly get along” was a drastic understatement from Cole.

I sighed, and followed Cole as he stalked away to the other side of the room, leaving Ruby to reunite with the two boys—the other, a tall, skinny boy with glasses—heading her way.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” When I caught up on Cole, I put a hand on his arm and asked.

“I’m very much in one piece, Lilac.” He gave me a warm smile, and reached out a hand to lift a strand of hair off of my forehead. I felt my face flushed.

“Well, you weren’t lying.” I sighed. “But don’t ever leave me like that again. What if something happened to you?”

“Then I’ll be glad that you weren’t there to see it.” He said, and I grunted.

“You know I can help.” I said, and he shook his head slightly.

“No.” He sighed. “Can’t risk it. It’s too important.”

“More important than your life?” I yelped. “Are you serious—”

“That’s enough for today.” He patted my head and said in a tone that suggested finality. “It’s a great day, Lilac. Don’t spoil it.”

I choked my words down. Cole, as much as I would die for him, could be very condescending sometimes.

He cut past me, and found himself a table in the middle of the room. He climbed up onto the table, clapped his hands twice, and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Can I get your attention?”

There was a formality to his tone that sounded unnatural. This is no longer the Cole that spent all those time with me in his room or in the gym, training, joking, laughing by my side. This is Agent Stewart, and he means business.

“All right. I’ll make this quick.” The agents and kids in the room shifted to stand in front of him. “What happened here…it’s done. You did your part beautifully. And while I wish I could say they wouldn’t have gone through with their plan in the end, I think we all know that’d be a damn lie.”

I could tell that he had the full attention of these kids now. Why would he not? My father used to say that there was a kind of people that were born to lead, and the first time I saw Cole talked like this, I knew he was the kind of people my father was referring to.

“Look, I’m not one for pretty speeches. I’m not going to lie, because you’ve been lied to all of your goddamn lives, and it’s got to stop. Here’s what you need to know.” He cleared his throat. “When Alban started this whole thing, he only ever wanted to expose the truth about IAAN and for Gray to own up about the camps. More than anything, he wanted this country to go back to what it was before—the place he was proud of and was happy to serve. The Children’s League was his dream, even if it turned to shit in the end. He wanted that life again. But I say we can’t go back.”

“It’s forward or nowhere for us now. We—all the folks who came back—are leaving this place, and this name, behind. I don’t know what we’ll be yet or if we’ll take another name, but I know what we’re going to do. We’re going to figure out what the hell happened to cause IAAN, expose anyone responsible, and get those poor damn kids out of those cesspools of misery. We are leaving; we’re going up to the ranch—there are agents reopening it right now. We want you to come. We want you to want to fight. We want _you_.”

The kids—even the older ones like Vida—were nodding to his words, and for a moment, I imagined this was what it felt like to be standing in the backstage of a rock concert, witnessing all the admiration flowing to the stage, to the star standing there, his passion radiating like a supernova.

But there was one kid who obviously wasn’t buying it. Liam was standing at the other end of the room, looking at Ruby and their friend with glasses in what could only be interpreted as disappointment.

“We want you,” Cole repeated. “But it’s your choice.”

I knew he had them. All of them, or at least, almost. Liam kicked himself off the wall from the same spot where his brother had just leaned on a few minutes ago, and walked up straight to Ruby and their friend with an expression filled with solid anger.

I couldn’t hear what they were speaking of, but judging from the interactions, it couldn’t be anything but an argument. It ended with Liam shoving away Ruby’s hand, and stormed off, leaving the room altogether.

Cole stepped down from the table, and turned back to me. “C’mon, Lilac. I need your help.” I walked up, and he led us out of the room.

“Let’s go check on our friend in the closet, shall we?” He said, and led us towards the kid locked up in closet B-two.

We could tell he had woken up before we actually reached the closet. The whole thing shook like there was a very angry and very big wasp trapped in there. I stopped Cole from going any further, and tried to see if I could put him down without seeing him.

I can’t. I told Cole that much.

“Whoever it is out there, I’m warning you: get me out of here!” An angry voice demanded from inside the closet. For someone trapped inside a steel box, he sure as hell sounded like a diva.

But it also seemed like he couldn’t influence us without seeing us. I whispered to Cole, “I think we should let Ruby handle this one.”

He nodded, and we got back upstairs. Before we reached the atrium, we saw Liam there in the hallway, back against the wall, obviously sulking.

“I’ll catch up with you later.” Cole gave me a gentle shove, and I took it as the cue for me to leave him alone with his brother.

Back in the atrium, I sagged down onto the seat at the same table with Ruby, Vida, Nico, Jude, and the friend of Liam and Ruby—identified as Chubs, for some reasons. The adrenaline that raged in my system a while ago had gone, and I just felt utterly exhausted. We stayed in our seats for a little longer than an hour, none of us willing—or had the energy—to speak, as the agents stalking in and out around us, stripping the building of every single thing they deemed useful.

What happened to Cole? I had started to worry that he and his brother had gotten into a fight, and tore each other’s throat out. No, no, no. Cole loves his brother, as much as he would probably never admit it.

Jude had started to fuss, asking about Cate, and I answered his questions absent-mindedly with “She said she’d be a few hours” and “She’s fine. Don’t worry.”

The broadcaster in the TV in front of us announced that they were starting on the news coverage of the Christmas Summit, and Jude snatched the remote to turned the volume up. I listened to the broadcast with only half of my attention, until I saw Cole came into the room.

Cole slid into the space between me and Ruby, nearly knocking Jude off the other side of the bench, and put his hand on Ruby’s shoulder. I had to peeled my eyes off the spot before anyone else realized I was staring. “Hey, Gem, need to borrow you for a sec.”

He called her Gem. I felt something acidic flared up in my chest again.

Ruby buried her face deeper into her arms. “Can it wait?”

“_It_ is awake and very angry, and I would appreciate some guidance on how to approach, seeing as you are the only one who might be able to tell me if he’s trying to melt my brain.”

“People know what he really is?” Chubs asked, surprised. “You told them?”

It was kind of a surprise that _he_ was surprised by people knowing what Clancy Gray was. If a boy like him, on the outside, knew, then is it really that much of a stretch to believe that some rumors about him would come our way? One of the biggest organizations based off intelligence in this country at the moment?

“Alban already knew,” Cole said. “He saw Clancy influencing one of his Secret Service agents during one of his press tour stops after he got out of camp.”

Ruby’s eyes darted to me, but shifted away just as fast. I didn’t catch what she was thinking. There’s a piece missing in my set of puzzle. I assumed since Alban knew about Clancy Gray, then the file is here for safe keeping, because his mother knew he wanted to destroy it, but it doesn’t make sense—

“Then why the hell didn’t he do anything with that?” came Liam’s voice behind us. The lines in his face deepened with his frown. “That could have blown the whole camp charade apart.”

Cole rolled his eyes. “And he was going to prove it how? The kid was a ghost. We tried to put feelers out to see if he’d come willingly, but he never bit.”

“Because he doesn’t need you,” Nico said, out of the blue, his voice hoarse. “He doesn’t need any of us. He takes care of himself.”

I trained my focus onto Nico. There were more than one piece missing in my set of the puzzle, and my head hurt just by trying to solve it. How did Nico know Clancy Gray again? I was trapped in the same hell with him for three years, and never had I once seen Clancy Gray.

“Shouldn’t you be helping the others clean the place out?” Liam asked pointedly. He stared at the place where Cole’s hand was on Ruby shoulder, where I had to remove my sight from earlier. The two of them looked so much alike that it made me feel a little uncomfortable. It’s not just their faces, or their built—it’s the same expression they wear, the same posture they assumed, that made my head spin a little. _There are two of them_. I had to remind myself over and over again that this boy who looked almost identical to Cole, was _not_ Cole.

“Feel free to leave any time, Lee,” Cole said, dismissing him with a wave as he stood up. “No one’s keeping you here. I told you how to find Mom and Harry, so go on. Run back and hide. I wish I could be there when you explain to them how you almost managed to fuck over an entire group of kids because you’re too idiotic to pay attention to what you’re doing and where you’re going. After you tell them about what happened when you tried to break out of your camp, of course.”

I couldn’t believe I actually heard that, and apparently neither could everyone else. Vida swore under her breath, slamming a hand down on Chubs’ arm to keep him from trying to jump in. Ruby shot up from her seat, and stepped up to Cole. I put my hand on his arm, but he wrenched himself off.

“Stop it!” Ruby said. “Listen to yourself—”

“You—” A flush of red swept up Liam’s neck, “You have no idea…”

“Oh, don’t cry about it,” Cole said, contempt blazed in his eyes. “Haven’t you already embarrassed me enough? Just…go. Jesus, just go already if you want out so damn bad. Stop wasting my time!”

I didn’t know how long he had been holding all these words in. Too long, apparently. I winced at each word leaving his mouth with a pang. This is the face of him which I had not seen before, the face he had never showed me, not once. This is Cole’s shadow, the side of him that he deemed unfit for my eyes, and he might be right—it shocked me more than anything he ever told me, including the fact that he is a Red.

“Guys—” Jude’s voice went high, cracking on the word. “Guys!”

“Please,” Ruby started again. “Just—”

Jude leaned over the table and grabbed Ruby by her arm, turning her—and all our attentions—back in the direction of the television. “Shut up and look!”

None of us knew exactly what we were supposed to be looking at. The TV showed President Gray getting off the car in front of Texas’ Capital. We already knew what was happening today, so why was Jude so nervous and so insistent?

“What’s—” Vida voiced our question, but Jude didn’t need to answer her. We all saw it soon enough—a hooded figure pushed past the broadcaster, leaping over the blocks the police had set up. His hood fell, revealing his face.

It’s a boy, no older than 18.

“Christ!” Liam said behind us. “That’s a kid!”

And it all went to hell from there. With a swept of his arm, the police officers on either side of the staircase flew sideways like ragdolls being fling out of the window. The boy reached into his jacket, pulled out a handgun, and very calmly, fired two shots into the President’s chest.

Every TV in this room, all tuned to a different channel, erupted into noises and chaos at the exact same moment. I heard the kids in this room screeched in shock, saw their faces turned, riddled in panic.

“Did you do this?” Liam snarled, whipping back toward his brother. “Did you order that kid to do that?”

“He’s not one of us!” Vida half-screamed. “I’ve never seen that piece of shit in my life!”

I looked to Cole, and found his expression hardened. This is the face I recognized. Calm, collected, the face of authority, when all the faces around him were still painted with shock and terror. He spun on his heel, diving headlong into the stunned silence in the atrium. No one was moving aside for him, and I had no idea where he was going. Vida grabbed the remote and turned the volume up. Before I could really pull my focus away from Cole’s back to the TV, the sounds and images of chaos had vanished, replaced by bold-typed letters on pure black background.

** **EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM** **

** **THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT HAS ISSUED AN EMERGENCY ACTION NOTIFICATION** **

** **DO NOT TURN OFF YOUR TV AT THIS TIME** **

** **IMPORTANT INFORMATION WILL FOLLOW** **

But nothing followed. Not for a while, besides the low wailing tone of emergency alert system, until we heard a muffled bang overhead. And another, and another. It sounded like…fireworks. The kind that was set off into the sky on riverbanks in Tokyo at the end of July, in _hanabi taikai_.

Why? I felt the confusions piling up, to the point of overwhelming my senses.

I need to get to him.

Before I could step deeper into the atrium, I heard an odd sound—like waterfall. It washed down from over our head, louder and louder, until all of a sudden, it stopped, and was replaced by a shrieking sound.

All of the electronics snapped off in unison. After that, it was total silence, and total darkness.

Even as I enhanced my vision, I couldn’t see a thing, and it was what really tripped me off. I heard a low whine to my left—Jude—and I turned to help Ruby lower him down on the seat.

“Something just happened…” He said as the agents around us started snapping on the glowing sticks. With an enhanced vision, the first greenish light that hit my pupils might as well be laser beams shooting straight into my eyeballs. After adapting to the new light, I saw Jude’s blanched face, and it sent a trickling feeling down from the back of my neck, made me alert. “What happened to him?” Ruby asked, a question to me, I assumed.

As Vida answered “I don’t know”, I said, “Something affected his…” _Brain. _My voice trailed off. Chubs leaned in to get a closer look, though I’m sure he wouldn’t get more from him than me.

“It was a big…a big burst. Like a flare, and then it was gone. Everything is so quiet…nothing’s talking anymore.” Jude mumbled. I saw Ruby turned around, and followed her line of sight. All the Yellows in the room were wilting like Jude. No, this has got to be…

What affects the Yellows? Electricity. We were hit by something so powerful that killed all the electronics, even so deep in the ground.

Chubs opened his mouth, but Ruby and Vida shushed him in unison. I raised my head to catch Cole walking back towards us, Barton and Frances by his side, running down the situation for him.

“Backup generator is still up and running, no cell or radio connections available. The cameras on the streets have shut off. Bennett is trying to get them restarted—” Barton said.

“Don’t bother,” Cole said calmly. “They’re most likely fried.”

I shot up at this, and Cole caught my eyes with his. He confirmed my hypothesis—we were attacked.

“You think it was some kind of electromagnetic pulse?” Frances pressed.

“I think we better get our asses moving before we find out.” Cole cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting over the panicked whispering. “All right, I know you’ve drilled this. Take what you can carry from this room and go straight for the hole. Nothing else. Keep to your lines. Mandatory evac starts now!”

Vida gathered Jude to her side, leaving Ruby and me to haul Nico up from his seat.

“It could just be another blackout,” Fowler protested. “It can’t have been in response to the assassination. Our best bet is to go down to level three and ride it out.”

“If this is an attack,” Bradley put in, “then the safest place for us to stay is here!”

“The safest place for us is out of this—” Cole began, but didn’t finish.

There was a loud knock over our head, followed immediately by two others.

Before I could react, Ruby had yanked me and Nico down on the ground. The last glimpse I had before my head hit the floor, was Cole’s face, rigid with fear.

“Cover!” I heard someone scream before the hot flash of light and explosion drowned us all with white, and red.

Then I saw nothing.


	10. Sheena

It took me a moment to regain consciousness. And another moment to regain my hearing. Lastly, my vision. I could feel a white numbness in the back of my skull, and it was all the warning I need to know that my monster was struggling to come out.

Not now. Please. Not now.

“Ruby! Ruby! Please!” Fighting over the buzzes in my head, I heard Nico crying, and saw to my right, Ruby was on the ground, only half-conscious. Nico was pinned to the ground by her, and her on him by the block of cement over her back. I inched my fingers over to her, putting them on her right hand, and her eyes snapped opened.

“No! I have to find her first—” I heard Liam yelled, voice shook in panic.

“Dammit, Liam, _move!_” Cole’s voice roared. “Go with the others!”

“They’re here,” I heard Vida say. “Help me with this—”

The cement over Ruby’s body was lifted. My head was drifting in and out of consciousness, despite my struggle to stay afloat. It wasn’t so much for my will to live, but more for the fear of not knowing who’d wake up in this body next. Me, or the monster.

For a moment, I didn’t realize I was on the ground, until a hand reached out for me and tried to haul me up.

“I can’t move her! She’s stuck!” I heard a voice so similar to Cole, but not really him.

“Get out of here!” Cole’s voice bellowed at my helper, and the hands that were trying to pull me free were pulled away, replaced by another pair. Out of the haze that hovered over all my senses, I heard Jude crying in a distance, “—It’s not right; we can’t leave them down here! _Please!_”

“We have to…” I heard Ruby replied.

They were moving away from me, but the hands that replaced Liam’s were still there.

“C’mon, Lilac, I know you can do this…” Cole’s voice was trembling in a way that made my heart wrench. I finally registered what happened to me—the lower half of my body were buried under a pile of rubbles and rebar, and from the feel of it, my feet were crushed.

“Cole, go help the others.” I said, trying to sound brave. “I can handle it.”

For a second, I was afraid that my voice had come out unintelligible, and he didn’t register what I said. But the look on his face told me that he did—he just didn’t want to do as I said.

After a moment, he closed his eyes, and let out a breath. “I’ll come back. I promise.” He stood up, took off, and I was alone.

There was an orange tinge on everything I see, and it took me a moment to realize that it was fire, burning here and there after the explosion; on the floor, on the curtain, on the bodies… The whole room smelled like… like hell, like inferno, hundreds of times worse than the one Cole created downstairs a few hours ago.

Of course I can’t let him come back for me. I have to get myself out of here, if I’m going to get out at all. I tried to push myself out of the rubble, but it won’t budge. In a distance, I could hear Cole shout, “Move, move, move! Down to level three; we’re going out the way you came in—”

The whole structure shook, raining dust over my head like earthquake, and the rubble on top of me loosen a little. I tried one more push; this time, an inexplicable strength washed through me, and with a hard shove, my legs came free.

_ You’re welcomed. _A voice in my head said,sending a chill down my spine. It was my monster.It gave me the strength I need to push free.

But this is not the time to think about that. I looked down on my legs, and it was so much worse than I expected, even without counting in the bloody cuts crisscrossing all over my thighs and shines. My right foot had no one single bone that was not fractured, but my left foot was even worse—the palm of my left foot was squashed into a gory, mushy mess from ankle down. If this is anyone else, that foot would get amputated.

But not me. I’m a Purple.

I held my breath, and used my hand to piece my feet back to their shape. It was painful and exhausting, but it was better than dying. I let out a breath, and breathed in deep again. The bones were reconnecting, shards moving back to their places one at a time, wielding themselves together. This is the hardest part. Get past this, and the flesh would be nothing but a piece of cake.

Another wave of aftershocks from an explosion reached here, and it rained fire and ashes over me. I hissed as the cinder fell on my still-growing feet, scorched the exposed muscles there.

I want to live. Please, I want to live.

Finally, as the muscles started to be enclosed by a thin film of dermis, I stood up and started heading for the lower levels. Every step was excruciating pain, but I can’t stop, and I had no strength to waste on numbing the pain, not if I want to get out alive.

I finally reached level three, where people were still there, clogging the exit. Somewhere in the crowd, I saw Cole there, with Ruby and Jude and all the rest of them.

“Sheena!” I heard Cole called as his eyes fell on me. He edged himself through the crowd. “Are you okay?” He grabbed my face with one hand, his eyes wild, disheveled in a way that he would never allow himself to be seen by anyone else.

I gave him a whimper through the bile that lodge in my throat. He nodded, and started pulling me forward. “C’mon, we gotta get to the front…” He dragged me past the line of people, and motioned for Ruby and Liam to follow him, too, but they didn’t.

As we reached the steel door, we saw what the problem was—there was a pile of cements and pipes blocking the exit, and the agents and kids had to climb over it on all fours, one by one.

Cole pushed me over the pile, and immediately followed. I felt my foot edge into a ragged piece of metal pipe, and it bled profoundly—my feet might have grown the skin back, but they were still bare. I hissed as I rolled myself over the pile, and healed my wound on the floor.

One the other side of the door, the tunnel had become an obstacle track. The debris falling down from the celling had rendered the once straight course of the tunnel windy, and slowing the movement down yet another painful notch.

Of course, if it was just the obstacles, I’d feel less stressed, but the smell—it was almost unbearable. It was even worse than how I remembered, probably because it really _was_ worse—the smell had evolved, from nothing but rotten garbage to the combination of sewage and burnt protein, and I was almost certain that this was the smell of hell.

Cole grunted behind me, and pushed past the kids in front of us. “Move, people! Move!” He yelled as he pulled me forward with him. I felt bad cutting the line with him—he was the one that needed to get to the front, not me—and I understood why Ruby didn’t follow us. I wanted to tugged myself free from his grasp, but he wasn’t having it—the force of his grip was so strong that I was convinced I would found bruises on my wrist.

Another set of shockwaves came, much closer to us, a total of four this time, and the entire tunnel shook like the floor would collapse from under us. Cole and I moved almost at the same time—I threw an arm over his back and tried to push him down, but he tackled me and pinned me down on the floor, shielding me from whatever raining down on us with his body.

I felt, for a painfully long second, nothing but chaos. Everyone was screaming or shouting, but as Cole yanked me upright, his voice—amplified over all others, almost deafening me—was order. “_Move! Move! Move!_”

He continued to pull me forward, until we finally reached the head of the line. We heard a wave of sounds—whispers—coming from the back of the line. “The tunnel back had collapsed.”

I felt, more than saw, the line on Cole’s shoulder hardened, and his grip on my wrist became stronger. I wiggled my arm lose a little, and before he could strengthen his grip again, slipped my hand into his instead. I gave him a light squeeze, and he gave me one in return without looking back. With my fingertips, I felt the pulses of blood running through his veins, counting his heartbeat, fast paced, but steady and stable.

_ We are alive._ This is all I hope for. _We are alive._

At first, I thought it was my eyes over-adjusting to the environment when I saw the greyish tinge in front of us, but Cole saw it, too—light. He picked up speed, half-running, tugging me forward with him.

It was faint, but it was real. At the end of the tunnel, there was a ladder, lit by a ring of light. Cole climbed up first, I followed, until he reached its source. He pushed upward against the circular darkness inside the light, and after a soft protest of metal grinding against metal, the thing—whatever that was—came loose, and the sunlight on Los Angeles River bank showered us with warmth.

I heard the agents and kids below me sighed in relief, and some of them still on the floor actually clapped.

Cole hauled me out of the hole after he hoisted himself over the edge. As I reached the ground, and he turned to help the next one out, his face blanched when he saw that the kid immediately after me wasn’t his brother, or anyone in that group.

“Fuck!” He cursed. I wanted to say something, but nothing I could say would change anything, not if Liam didn’t come out of that hole in the end.

Liam didn’t come out for a long time; not amidst the next ten, even twenty people that got pulled out by Cole. I could see his eyes became wilder and wilder as each person passed by us. Some of the agents that came out right after us said they were going to find us some rides, but Cole’s focus didn’t waver.

Finally, we saw Ruby’s paled face popping up from the hole, and Cole all but plucked her up in the air and put her down on the ground before he turned back to do the same to Liam.

“Goddammit, you stupid kid!” Cole cried, shaking Liam. His voice was hoarse, and he seemed to choke on each word. “You scared the shit out of me! When I say stay behind me, I mean stay behind. Why didn’t you just leave when I told you to? Why can’t you just _listen to me!_”

He wrapped his arms around Liam’s shoulders, and Liam, too exhausted and relieved, actually let him. In fact, if Liam wasn’t so shell-shocked, maybe he’d also notice how his brother wasn’t really making any sense at all. This is the most frantic I had ever seen him; the calm and collected Agent Stewart was gone, the smoothed and sly Cole, gone too. This is Liam’s brother, the person that know nothing but his fear for his little brother’s life.

However, whatever exchange that was going to come between them was shattered shortly by Vida’s “Some of us are still trying to get out, assholes!”

Frances led us down to the closest bridge so we’d have some cover. There were some kids already huddling there—crying and hugging, telling each other comforting words that they didn’t even believe themselves. I scanned the crowd, and found no one really hurt to the point that require my immediate help. Scratches and bruises, nothing more. I was almost relieved, until I realized that the ones with more serious injuries likely couldn’t even make it out.

This is a disaster. All I could smell was smoke, ashes, and... death. I tried not to heave when my mind wondered to places it shouldn’t be, and I thought about the fact that I might be breathing _someone_ in. From the edge of my attention, I heard Ruby, Liam, Vida and Chubs talked about how everything was fried, according to the agents that went out to find cars for us, and how this city was swarmed with soldiers.

And all of a sudden, Ruby shot up in panic.

“Ruby?” Chubs said. “What’s wrong?”

“What?” Liam said, turning toward Ruby. “What is it?”

“Where…” She began, her voice shaking. “Where’s Jude?”

I shot up at that. Scanning over the faces again, I made sure I registered each of them clearly this time. Not Jude, not Jude, _not Jude…_

God.

“Jude!” Vida called, looking around. “Judith! This isn’t funny!”

The agents were making sure that no one left the cover of the bridge now. Faces were starting to turn toward us, including Cole’s. I started towards the kids, grabbing them by the shoulders and faces, making sure I didn’t miss anyone. _Not Jude, not Jude…_

“He came down, right?” Ruby asked, voice high with panic. “He was with you guys at the back, wasn’t he?”

Vida didn’t answer.

“Vida!” Ruby screeched, grabbing the front of her sweatshirt. “When was the last time you talked to him? When was the last time you saw him?”

“I don’t know!” she cried, pushing Ruby off her. “I don’t, okay? It was so dark—”

God. He’s still down there.

I ran towards the tunnel’s opening at the top of the embankment before Ruby pushed past Vida to get there, too. Nico was there, sitting in front of the hole on the ground.

“Sheena…” he began, eyes on me. “Where is he?”

I started moving, lowering myself into the hole.

“Stop,” I heard Cole’s voice as a hand reached down and yanked me out onto the ground. Cole’s other hand was on Ruby’s elbow. She tried to twist away, but he wasn’t having it. She was shaking, disheveled; panic roamed and raged in her eyes, and I could see what she was seeing in her head now, because I was seeing it, too—Jude, alone in the dark, scared out of his life. The image made me nauseous.

“You were at the back, weren’t you?” Cole continued. “I sent one of the agents down to make sure we didn’t leave anyone behind. They said the whole structure must have caved in—”

“Shut up!” Liam snapped as he pulled Ruby away from Cole. “I will go, okay? I’m sure he just got separated from the group.”

“No way in hell I’m letting you back in there,” Cole shot back at Liam. “I will knock your ass out if you take one step closer to it.”

Liam ignored him.

“He could have twisted his ankle maybe or slipped and hit his head,” Chubs added, but his face looked ashen. “Maybe he’s just caught in the debris…”

“No!” Ruby half-screamed. “He’s my—”

“Ruby, I know, okay?” Liam said, voice tender in a way Cole could never manage. “But you and Cole and the others need to figure out how to get us out of here, and fast. Let me do this for you at least.”

“It’s on me,” Ruby said, and I finally realized what was making the usually calm girl this frantic, more so than any of us. It’s not just the mental image of Jude trapped down there, not just him hurt and alone—she thinks it’s her fault. “I’m Leader.”

“You’re not my leader,” Liam said softly, coaxing. “Remember? It’ll be faster if I go. I’ll be back before you even know I’m gone. You and the others have to figure out how to get us out of here.”

I finally collected myself enough to open my mouth. I stepped up, and said, “I’ll go with you.”

“Hell no.” Cole snapped, glaring at me, and I shook it off.

“C’mon, Cole. You know if anyone could get him out, it would be me.” I said, as calmly as I could. “This is what I’m for. I have the training.” I put my hand on his, gave it a light squeeze, and said in a low voice. “We will be all right. I won’t let anything happen to Liam.”

I turned to look at Ruby, and she acknowledged my words with a small nod.

Cole let out a sharp, angry grunt, and shoved a glow stick against his brother’s chest. “You have one hour.”

I gave Liam a nod, and he cocked his head toward the opening on the ground.

╳ ╳ ╳

We walked in silence for the most part. Liam was not keen on talking—not yet, at least. I don’t blame him. After what happened, it was already a miracle that any of us could string three words together in the right order to form a sentence.

I couldn’t tell how long we had been walking, his hand raised in the front with the glow stick, me bringing up the rear, until he finally said, “So, what’s your deal?”

The distraction of his question was actually helpful; I couldn’t pull my thoughts away from the nightmarish images I conjured in my head.

“I’m a medic” was my answer.

“Hmm,” He said, “I didn’t know they trained kids to be medics in the League.”

“I have some prior knowledge.” I replied.

He let out a thoughtful hum, and it was just Cole to a T. “And how is a medic going to stop anything from happening to me, say, if the bomb hit us again?”

“You know that’s not gonna happen.” I said, a straining in my voice. “Your brother is just worried beyond reason. The aerial attack on this city is done.”

“How could you be sure?” He asked.

“They’ve sent the soldiers in. Only a lunatic or an idiot would set off a bomb on his own troops.” I answered.

“Or both.”

I snorted a little.

“And what does this particular medic have to do with my brother?” He asked, steering this conversation in a direction that I didn’t expect.

“We’re friends.” I said, not convincing anyone, not even myself.

“Ha, like that’s possible for my brother.” He whiffed. I heard something in his breaths, something not quite clean in his airway. I—carefully pretending it was an accident—brushed my hands over his elbow, and saw that his lung used to be infected, not that long ago.

Before I could ask if he was sick, I stopped myself. It was okay for Ruby to know; I trusted her. But this guy, even if he is Cole’s brother, is still a stranger to me, whom, I reminded myself, Cole didn’t share his secrets with, either.

“Your brother might be capable of more things than you give him credit for.” I said. “And vice versa.”

He snorted.

The walk back in was so much longer than I remembered. The air was veiled with a thin mist of cement dust, and the breaths Liam drew in were disturbed by the particles. I could feel them clogging his lung, and it pushed me a few degrees past uncomfortable, so when he stopped to cough the phlegm out, I put my hand on his back, and helped a little.

The further in we walked, the more obstacles there were. At some points, we needed to climb over some piles of cements, and squeezed ourselves over the hole in the debris before we could push forward. Every step we took sent my heart sinking by another foot. Where is Jude? He couldn’t have been so far back, right?

Finally, we reached the place where the tunnel had caved in, and we couldn’t push any further. This was when I truly feel the helplessness.

Where is Jude?

“I think this is as far as we can go…” His voice trailed off as both of our eyes caught on something at the bottom of the debris. A shoe. Jude’s shoe.

I knelt down immediately, and started digging at the shattered cement there. “Help me!” I turned to Liam and cried. He knelt down beside me, helping me with the rubbles. I dug as fast as I could, seeing my fingers left dark red traces on blocks of concrete I touched. Jude is here; I got to get him out…

As we finally dug through deep enough for me to see a sliver of skin above the shoe, I put my hand on his ankle.

And felt nothing. I couldn’t dig my consciousness under this skin. I couldn’t feel anything there. From what I’ve got, I might as well have been putting my hand on a slab of stone.

I collapsed onto the ground.

“No, no, no. We can’t give up now…” Liam still hadn’t got it. He kept digging, even throwing the debris away with his ability, but I knew nothing would change.

Jude is gone.

Like Jack, like Ann, like so many faces I’ve seen in Leda Corp.

I tried to picked myself up, tried to bring myself to stop Liam. “Liam…it’s too late…”

He let out a frustrated roar, and slammed his hands on the ground, sending an avalanche of cement and glass raining over us. We staggered back, coughing, until the dust settled.

There, in the aftermath of the small landslide, was Jude’s flimsy body, wedged between two huge chunks of shattered concrete blocks. His eyes were still opened, his face half drenched in blood.

I heard a scream, twisted and harrowing, echoing in the tunnel, and it took me a second to realize that it had come from my own chest. _I didn’t see this…I didn’t see this…It is not real…I can’t…_

Liam was shaking his head at my side. He hauled me upright, shaking my shoulders as he yelled, “Is there anything you can do? Anything?”

I let out a ragged breath, and reached out to put my hand on Jude’s blooded face. It was irresponsive, like the skin of his foot.

I looked at Liam, and shook. This time, he understood.

His chest sagged as he sighed, long and deep. “Okay.” He leaned over Jude’s body, and closed his eyes with his hand. “I’m so sorry…” He said softly, to Jude, who wouldn’t be able to hear him now.

I felt myself crushing, falling through the metal pathway under us in a thousand pieces. Jude, who babbled away after each of our training session. Jude, who’d come find me when I lost my way during my first week in HQ. Jude, who’s persistence wore my guard down to finally voice my thoughts after three years of silence. Jude, who was my first real friend in this wretched place…

Jude, who is dead.

With all the things I could do, I couldn’t save him. What good does it do if I couldn’t save him? I should’ve stay behind with them. I should’ve stayed…

Liam hauled me up to my feet, and held both of his hands firmly on my arms. “We have to get back now, okay?” I lifted my eyes to meet his, wanted to give him an answer, but were instead punched in the gut by how much his eyes had looked like Cole’s.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and nodded.

He let out a long breath that dragged into the beginning of his next word. “Okay. Let’s go.” He led our way out, and we kept silent all the way back.

The light at the end of the tunnel had me relieved and torn at the same time. How are we going to explain this to Ruby, to Vida, to Nico? My head took a sharp turn to the platinum blond hair across the hallway just a few hours ago, and I felt as if my stomach had been pulled out of me. _How are we going to tell Cate?_

When we reached the opening, Ruby, Chubs and Vida were there, waiting. I saw Ruby’s eyes flickered to light, and dimmed immediately when she realized it was just the two of us.

Liam led Ruby away into the sunlight, as Vida’s and Chubs’ lines of sight fell on me, painful understandings in their eyes. In the end, Liam was the one that had to do all the talking, because Ruby was the only one that couldn’t register the truth the moment we didn’t get out of the tunnel with Jude.

I curled into a ball on the ground, couldn’t hear a thing against the buzzing noise in my head. I didn’t see Cole—he must have been busy with the other agents—and for a moment, I was glad of it. I’d hate for him to see me like this. I’m not strong, not like how he must have wanted me to be.

When the buzzing in my ear grew louder, I realized that it wasn’t just something in my head. My eyes shot up to the sky, and saw a plane flying overhead, scattering something flowy in the air. It wasn’t until the thing descended to ground level did I realize that, those were papers—flyers, to be precise. This is very World War Two, airdropping propaganda. My grandparents had live through those times, and they had described to me what the life was like during war time in Japan. I just never thought I’d see history reenact itself like this one day.

I caught one, and quickly read through it. It was pretty predictable bullshit—Gray’s word about who’s to blame, reassuring that no civilian got hurt in the process…my ass. The only thing that surprised me was the fact that they managed to print these so fast. But before I could share my thoughts with Vida, I heard a gunshot, and my whole brain snapped to life. I jumped to my feet, and whipped around to find the agents circled around something on the other side of the river.

No. _Someone._ I reached for the gun that was tucked into my belt, but found nothing there—it must have come loose when I was struggling out of the debris. I rushed over to the agents, but Vida—screaming in rage, storming in a velocity so ferocious that no one dare to stand in her way—cut past me, and straight to the boy in the middle of the circle.

Clancy Gray. If it wasn’t for Cole’s foolish bravery in stopping her, Vida would’ve shredded the black hair boy with nothing but her teeth.

“How?” She howled the one question we all wanted to know the answer to. “_How?_”

Clancy, though blooded and dirty and covered in greenish slime, somehow managed to look smug as the agents put him on his knees. Seeing him as him, conscious and all, something finally clicked—why Ruby was so frightened when he woke up. It wasn’t just that smile, or the fact that he somehow survived a bombing when trapped in a closet—it was the look in his eyes, like he knew something none of us do, like he had somehow gotten a glimpse to the script of this play that none of us even know we were in.

Or worse, that he had been the writer all along.

He let out a low, humorless laugh. “Through the drain in the boys’ showers.” His dark eyes raised to meet Ruby’s, in what I thought was a challenge. “After I had to smash my way out of the closet.”

“Was that how you were planning to get out?” She demanded. “After you got what you needed from Alban’s office?”

Clancy shrugged, unbothered by the guns pointed in his face. “Didn’t know about that exit, did you?”

“Jesus,” Somewhere in the crowd, Agent Frances said. “This is…this is really the president’s kid?”

This doesn’t make any sense. Jude should be the one that’s here with us. Jude wasn’t trapped in a closet. Jude wasn’t in the upper floor. Jude was with Ruby, and Vida, and Nico…

_ Jude is dead._

I almost didn’t catch what Bradley said next. “He’s our ticket out,” he said suddenly. “We trade him for safe passage! Come on, Stewart—uniforms are swarming the city, and we have no transport or way to contact the Ranch. What other card do we have to play?”

“Well, it’s not exactly going to be a cakewalk dropping him off with our new neighbors, either. He’s an Orange; he’ll find a way out of it.” Cole glanced at Clancy, ignoring the shocked noises from the others. “So maybe it’s better to end him now and send the body back. That’d be quite the message to dear ol’ Dad. We’ll find another way out of the city.”

For a moment there, I actually admired how calculating he had sounded. No anger, no retribution, no nothing—just plain and simple pragmatism. There was a murmur of agreement from a few of the others.

“You’re not getting out of this city,” Clancy said, loud enough for everyone—and I mean _everyone_; every single frightened kid included—to hear. “My father’s not reactionary. That’s not his game. He’ll have accounted for every possible exit strategy. Trust me, this has been in the works for months, maybe even years. When he got tired of waiting for an excuse to justify the attack, he created one.”

“You think your father arranged a hit on himself?” Ruby’s voice had gone a touch beyond disbelief, and escalated into fury.

“It’s what I would have done. I’m assuming he survived?” Clancy Gray’s voice, on the other hand, could only be described as nonchalant. His posture, his look, the way he sounded, sent waves after waves of chill down my spine.

“You guys believed me when I said we were starting over, didn’t you?” Cole was addressing the agents and the kids who were still sitting beneath the bridge, looking torn and petrified. _Damage control_, I thought, after they had heard Clancy’s words. “Well, this is it. We make our own road. But he’s not coming with us.”

“Think of the intel we could get out of him!” Fowler cried, throwing her hands up in the air. “We can sedate him—”

“Try it,” Clancy dared. “See how it ends for you.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Cole said, rolling his eyes. “We probably should just kill you.”

“Go ahead, then.” Clancy’s teeth were stained red with blood as he smiled. “Finish it. I finished what I came to do. And you all—” He turned toward the huddled kids around him. “You all can thank me when you can still fight back. I saved us. _I_ saved us.”

I turned to meet Ruby in her eyes. Vida, Chubs, and Liam were all looking at her, too, but she had looked me back, and it was what I needed to confirm what she was thinking about. The half-burnt papers in our pockets.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I heard impatience seeping up in Cole’s voice, but I didn’t turn my gaze away from Ruby, as she moved her eyes back to Clancy Gray, like she didn’t dare to look away from him again, not until he dropped the killing blow.

“The cure for IAAN,” he spat, and it _was_ the killing blow. “The one my mother developed, the one Alban kept hidden from you, waiting for the right opportunity to trade it to my father to benefit himself.” Clancy swiped at the blood dripping from his nose, laughing mirthlessly. “The one that would have taken our abilities away and left us helpless. I burned it to ash, and my father buried it without realizing. Now her memory of it is gone, and no one will ever have the research—no one will take away what’s ours.”

_ The cure_. It made sense now. Why those graphics were showing the mid-secs of mutated brain, when Leda Corp was already conducting the research on the cause. They weren’t trying to find the cause of the mutation, but the way to kill the mutation—to kill different kinds of mutation.

_ A cure_.

I heard voices buzzed around me. One of the younger kids began to cry loudly, asking in a panicked, confused voice, “What? What is he…what is he talking about?”

My eyes drifted up and found Cole’s, and saw them so openly in raw, unclad pain that my heart ripped in half. It was close to the way he had looked when he asked me if I was afraid of him, only a thousand times worse—it was not just unfiltered agony, but the suffocating darkness after hope had been trampled out. I know this was what he had wanted since he was twelve, since the first time he lit up, and accidentally set Liam’s teddy bear on fire. He had spent too long and too afraid of what people would think of him, what _he_ thinks of him, and god knows how I’d gladly give up the whole world just so he could stop being so damn terrified of himself. He needs it, probably more so than any of us here. And most important of all, he deserves it, after everything.

It wasn’t gone. Clancy Gray claimed to have destroyed the research, but he didn’t. He couldn’t finish the job. Ruby and I were the only people who knew, and everyone needs to know, right now. I couldn’t bear that agony in Cole’s eyes any longer, not even after I moved my eyes away from him.

And Ruby knew what needed to be done. She walked over to Clancy Gray’s front, crouched down, and took out the papers in her pocket. She took her sweet time soothing them out on her lap, more to train Clancy Gray’s attention onto her than anything else—and it worked, not just for him, but for every single person on the embankment now. The air had gone so quiet that I thought no one breathed.

She held up the rumpled, smoke-stained paper directly in front of Clancy, high enough for the ring of Psi and agents around us to see it, too. A flash of white washed through Clancy Gray’s face, and I knew she had him.

“You mean this research?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say:
> 
> I'm really, really sorry.


	11. Cole

_This is just a usual sweep, nothing more. _I told myself as I walked down the street in downtown LA, a M16 strapped on my back, a SIG Sauer P229 DAK in my hand, diving deeper into the sunset.

So why do I feel so fucking unhinged?

Maybe it was because I knew some of the agents weren’t bringing back all the foods they found, namely Sen, Gates and Ferguson. They volunteered to go out and find food for all of us, but they didn’t fool me—they didn’t volunteer out of the kindness of their hearts. Maybe it was because they barked and yelled at the kids even though we were supposed to be helping them. The way those smaller kids cowered and winced whenever those agents snapped out commands instead of voicing requests, pushed me one step closer to actual full-blown fury.

_ No, focus. _I scanned the empty street, and found no sign of human activity. Whoever they were that had searched this street and taken away its residents had done their jobs days ago. What I need to worry about now are patrols, the small units of four that drove around the city, scooping up the strays.

I walked down the dead street, which must had been some kind of fabrics market before all…this. At the corner of my eyes, I caught something that looked like a body, and my heart sank a little, until I saw that it was nothing but a mannequin.

Every hair on the back of my neck was standing on its end now. To be honest, a single breeze now would have sent my adrenaline level sky-rocket through the roof, but I’m not about to let my nerve get the best of me. Panic doesn’t look good on this face.

I walked another block, making sure that we were not too close to any potential danger to my liking. The warehouse we’ve been hiding in was but a mile from here, and I could tell that the soldiers were closing in on us. We need to move out very soon, no later than a day.

Around the street corner, I saw a welcoming sight—a juice shop. One of those that sold fancy cold-press something which some prissy people dig. This could mean foods—the agents who had brought back foods for us weren’t keen on keeping things balanced—all we got were chips and chocolate bars, and occasionally, if they were kind enough to share, some bagels.

I swear to god, if I had to watch one more of those kids pretending that they were full after only half a bar of Snicker down their stomachs, I’d strangle Sen myself.

I walked past the shattered glass that was once the door of this shop, and headed straight behind the counter. There, I found a sturdy looking steel refrigerator. The electricity died two weeks ago, so I didn’t get my hopes up, but some of the fruits had got to keep better than others, right?

I opened the door, and found, to my surprise, still a trace of cold air flowing my way. Inside the fridge, some of the softer fruits had gone a tad beyond ripe—kiwis, grapes, bananas—but some of the others were keepers; apples, oranges. I stuffed the ones that felt firm enough to be eaten into my backpack, and thought about Sheena. She would’ve been thrilled at the sight of these, not only because apple was her favorite fruit, but because the lack of Vitamin C in everyone’s system had started to take its toll, especially on the younger kids, and she was worried. She didn’t say, but I knew.

After my backpack had had enough, I zipped it up and walked out onto the street again, heading back to our temporary base. The sun had set, and I had to pick up speed if I want to be back before I bump into some patrols in the dark.

For the next few minutes, I heard nothing but my own breaths, until I picked up a low hum in my ears, and it sent my feet flying towards the building beside me. I hid behind the wall, right beside one of the broken windows, and saw three Humvees stopped across the street moments later.

_ Shit, shit, shit._ It was just my luck that I happened to come across a full-blown squad in action on my way back, when I was actually in a hurry.

“In position.” I heard one of the soldiers said, and peeked out from behind the frame. They were enclosing a building across the street. I ran upstairs to try and get a better look.

There were a total of six people there. Much fewer than I expected. They entered the building, and a few seconds later, I heard yelling, gunshots, and a scream. From a woman.

“Stop!” I heard a cried, from the same woman that screamed earlier, I assumed. I shifted from my place behind the window, and saw a woman walking out of the building, hands in the air, a gun pointing to the back of her skull. “I’m Senator Anabel Cruz; I surrender myself to your administration.”

Cruz. That name rang a bell. And it hit me—she is the International Affairs Coordinator of Federal Coalition.

My body snapped into action before my brain could come to the conclusion—she could be an asset. I set up the rifle on the windowsill, aiming deeper into the street across from me, and fired.

“Contact! Contact!” The soldiers jumped immediately, and turned to aim their guns at the direction where the bullet hits its target.

And that was their mistake.

One, two, three. I fired three shots before they realized that they were looking at the wrong direction, but those bullets landed where I wanted them—in three soldiers’ heads respectively.

“Backup! Backup!” One of the soldiers yelled at the comm in his hand. “This is Merchant Street and 7th Street intersection, require backup—”

Four down, two to go.

The two remaining soldiers learnt their lessons. They had dragged Senator Cruz into the backseat of their Humvee, and one of them started firing at the building I was in.

I had no choice but to draw my rifle back in. I heard the car’s engine sputtered to life, and knew my chance was going to slip away. I pulled out the handgun, and made a very risky move—I stood in front of the window, fully exposed, and fired a shot at the driver before he could drive away.

As I retracted into the cover of the cement wall, the sound outside told me that my bullet had hit its target. The car hadn’t driven away. Not yet.

I ran downstairs, just in time for the one remaining soldier to push the dead driver out of pilot’s seat. I fired one last shot at the front seat, and the fussing stopped.

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and rushed to open the backseat door. There, I found a woman—in some once-pristine navy blue dress suit and a pair of broken high heels—staring back at me in shock. Her face coincided with the one I’ve seen in Op files.

“Senator Cruz, I’m Agent Cole Stewart of the Children’s League, and I’d like for you to come with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Apherod speaking]
> 
> Hi there, sorry for the last chapter.
> 
> Since I didn't want to leave you traumatized for too long, I decided to upload this chapter sooner. I know it's a short one, and some of you might have seen it before (I published it on Tumblr as a trial chapter at some point), but I hope it would ease the tension a little.
> 
> Thank you all for the support. If you stuck through the last chapter and still decide it's a good idea to follow this story, I'm really really grateful.
> 
> Apherod out!


	12. Sheena

When the meeting disassembled, Cole disappeared with Ruby almost immediately. The rest of us kids all huddled in the same corner of the room, with the agents hovering over us like ghosts.

Out of the twenty-five kids in the HQ, only fifteen escaped the bombing. Now, plus Liam and Chubs, we had a number of seventeen.

“You haven’t eaten anything all day.” Liam came up to me and shove me an apple his brother brought back earlier, but I pushed it away.

“I’m not hungry. Give it to someone else.”

“C’mon. You need to at least keep yourself healthy.” He insisted.

“I _am_ healthy.” I said.

“Fine. Suite yourself.” He tossed the apple towards a Green girl in team one, who accepted it with gratitude shining out of her eyes. “Cole wouldn’t like you starving yourself.”

“I doubt he cares.” I said, with much more venom in my voice than I expected. “He is otherwise engaged at the moment.”

Liam looked like he wanted to protest, but bit his words back down.

“You don’t like it, either, huh?” He asked eventually.

I shook. “Not in the least.”

“I wish…” He let out a long sighed, and sat down beside me, didn’t finish his thought. Chubs had fallen asleep in the corner, and Vida was sitting beside him, staring blankly into the air.

“Why do you like my brother so much?” He finally asked, and it sounded…judgmental.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “He saved my life. Do you need any more explanation than that?”

“He also saved Nico’s life; you don’t see him running laps around him all the time.”

“He also trained me himself, keep me close to protected me from potential harm.”

“Well, I guess he doesn’t do that for everyone; that’s true.” He cocked his head to the side, which was a gesture _so much_ like Cole that made my chest hurt, and sighed again. “My experience with my brother is very different from yours, though.”

“Are you saying this to pop the bubbly dreams I have of him?” I said. “Because if you are, save it. What I feel for your brother is strictly obligatory. He saved my life, I will repay him with it.” I wondered if this would convince him, when I knew from the core of me that it was a damn lie.

Liam seemed taken aback for a moment. “If that’s so, why do you not like Ruby being alone with him?” He asked slowly in the end.

Now it was me who was speechless. I let out a long breath. “I don’t know. I thought he’d trust me more than he trusts her.”

“So it’s jealousy.” He said.

“No. It’s not.” I shook. Gosh, why couldn’t he just get off my back?

“If you say so.” He snorted.

I wanted to retort, but Cole and Ruby came back, and I swallowed my words down with the bile lodging in my throat. The two of them walked towards us, but I stood up immediately and left for the other side of the warehouse. I don’t want to listen to his words of caring, the same ones that he offered to every other kid here, the same cheeky but open attitude that won him the love of them.

I felt so childish, I hated myself.

I walked up to the wall that had maps plastered to it. On those maps, marked the info gathered from scouts, the fruits of Ruby’s, Vida’s, and Cole’s hard labor. Vida came back today with a nasty cut over her cheek, and it had taken me so much strength to stop myself from healing her. I made it a point to do that when she sleeps.

There, I felt someone hovering behind me, and moved towards another direction, towards the door in the corner. For an instance, I forgot what the room there was—who it was keeping at the moment. I was spun around by a forceful hand on my arm, and met the blue of Cole’s eyes, locked in a frown.

“What are you doing, Lilac?” He asked, and I turned my face away from his gaze.

“I need some air.” I answered.

“Keep away from this room. You know better.” He said, almost unemotionally.

I tugged myself free from his grip, and stalked away to the door that leads to the hallway. He didn’t follow.

This is so hopeless. I am useless in this team. I couldn’t use my ability, I couldn’t go out on scouts, and it had seemed like that whenever there’s a new decision being made, I has as much say to it as any one of the 12-year-olds here.

I wish things don’t have to be this way. In the last month in the League, Cole’s attitude towards me had been a little stern, but he was like that because he didn’t think I was ready. What about now? I’m much more ready than when he first came back, right? Even as I was trapped under the rubbles during the bombing, I could persuade him to leave me there. But now, every time I volunteered to go out on scouts, he was the first to shoot me down.

What happened to us? What happened to the Cole that’d bring me with him when the agents pulled out from HQ, even though he knew he’d be frown upon?

Does he just not trust me anymore?

I wondered if this was how Liam felt with Ruby. I could feel, more than hear their quiet arguments almost every day. There was almost always something to fight about between them, from Ruby’s solo endeavors outside, to Cole and her exchanges in darker corners of wherever we spent the nights in.

“—I’m sorry—” I whipped my head around, and found Nico standing behind me. He was ready to turn away, but the look of him made me I stopped him. The boy had been a ghost in the past few days, not really talking, mostly sleeping, not even acknowledging anyone but Ruby, Vida and me. His eyes were rimmed with a bluish circle, and his lips were pale like paper.

“It’s okay.” I gestured for him to sit down beside me, and he did, after two careful steps forward. “How are you holding up?”

He gave me a small shook of his head, and curled up into a ball, the same position I like to assume when I want to disappear. Nico is taller and not really thinner than me, but he somehow managed to coil into a smaller ball than I ever could.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” I rubbed my hand on his back. “We’ll get out of here—”

“It’s not going to be okay.” His voice came out muffled against his laps. “It’s never going to be okay, and it’s all my fault…”

“How could it be your fault?” I almost snorted. “You’re not the one that bombed the city—”

He shot me a painful look, and I snapped my mouth shut.

“Sheena…” He buried his face back down in his knees. “This is all my fault…If it’s not for me, Ruby and Vida…Jude…”

My blood ran cold at his name.

“What do you mean?” I asked, one word at a time, very carefully.

He didn’t say anything. I reached for his face and dug it out from behind his legs. “_What,_ do you mean?”

Tears started beading on his cheeks. “I…I…” He couldn’t catch his breaths, and I almost felt bad for pushing him. “…I help… helped Clancy… find them…”

I retracted my hand immediately. “And?” it became harder and harder to contain my voice. Nico, worked with Clancy Gray?

“I didn’t know Clancy would…trick them into coming back…” He continued, but I couldn’t look at him, not anymore. “Sheena…if they didn’t…Jude…”

Jude would still be alive.

I shot up to my feet, blood roaring in my ears. He did this. _Nico. Did. This._ Jude’s prone body wedged between the cement. Jude’s face drenched in blood. He did this.

He killed him.

No. I can’t think like this. I can’t. Nothing can be done now. No amount of pointing fingers would bring him back—

Jude would still be alive. If not for him. If not for—

_ Gray_.

This is the only real answer here. Not Nico, not even Clancy Gray—even if that piece of shit really couldn’t care less about who he hurt—not anyone but President Gray.

I kneel down beside Nico again. “I stand by my words. This is Gray’s fault. He is the one that bombed the city. Not you. He is the one that...” _killed everyone_.

Nico still looked like someone had pull the gut straight out of him. For a moment, I was not seeing him as he was now, but the skeleton-like boy back in Leda Corp.

“Listen to me.” I held him by his shoulders. “This is not your fault. Do you hear me? This is _not_ your fault.”

Nico shook, and for a long time, didn’t say anything.

“I wish I could be so sure.” was what finally came out of his mouth.

I sagged against the wall behind me, slowly, piecing the puzzles in my head together, and finding the missing pieces.

“How did you know him?” I asked. I had spent three years in the same place with Nico, and I had never seen Clancy Gray, not once.

“Before I was sent to Leda Corp, I was in Thurmond.” He answered in a relatively stable voice. “Clancy and I had been subjects together, before he escaped.”

“And you guys were friends?” I asked. It was difficult to imagine Nico befriending someone as cunning and calculating and devious as Clancy Gray, but if there’s anything I learnt during my times in Leda Corp, it was that friendships did bloom on unexpected grounds. If anyone should know that, it would be me.

Nico shot me an agonized look, and I saw that it was not friendship—it was something so much more, and it had prompted him to forsake his better judgement, for the off chance of seeing Clancy Gray again.

Will I do anything differently if it had been Cole?

I sighed. “Maybe we should go back. We are moving out pretty early tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to sleep.” He said.

I closed my eyes. “Me, neither.”

╳ ╳ ╳

The next morning before dawn, we started preparing for the move out. Ruby went to “take care of” Clancy Gray, and I sat with Liam and Vida. Chubs was half awake now, and was staring longingly at the now empty backpack Cole used to carry the fruits yesterday. Nico was still in the cocooned state he was in last night, and now I understood why. Also, why Ruby had been ignoring him in the past two weeks.

When Ruby came out of the Clancy Gray’s room—after a deep conversation with Cole, of course; what else did I expected? The two of them were practically bonded now—Cole called for everyone to gather beside him. We shifted to his front, with me hiding my face behind Liam’s back.

“Okay, I’ll make this quick,” Cole began. “We’ll be splitting into teams and dividing ourselves between the three exit points. If the location you’re assigned is compromised in any way—soldiers present, shady-looking folks hanging around, anything—head to the next-closest.”

Some of the agents buzzed in understanding, but some of them looked—contempt. Especially Sen. Last night, right after Cole came back, she had all but challenged Cole into a single combat for his status as leader of our small platoon. At the moment, I didn’t think about it all that much—Sen was never a pleasant person, and I wouldn’t put it pass her ego to feel that she could lead better than Cole, but now that I thought about it, it could have been something else, and Cole knew.

“Once you have your assignment,” He continued, “check it against the map for your car locations and the routes listed next to them. Team A is me, Sheena, Ruby, Liam, Vida, Nico, our guest, and what’s-his-face—the one in the prissy button-down.”

Liam threw his hands up in exasperation and rolled his eyes.

Chubs only shrugged. “Better than Grannie. And, for the record, Chubs.”

“Not Nico,” Ruby cut in, and I felt Nico shifted away beside me.

_ Oh, Ruby. _I understood why she was thinking the way she did—it was a risk to put Nico beside Clancy Gray again—but understanding was not the same as agreeing. I followed Nico with my line of sight, and found him at the very back of the group, back to us.

“Fine,” Cole said, “Nico, you’ll go with Team D.”

“Am I the guest?” Senator Cruz voiced from the other side of the circle.

“You’re with Team C. Team A has our less-welcome guest.” Cole answered, and Senator Cruz must have known who he meant, because all she said was “oh, I see.”

He went on to plot out and explain every route for every team. When he was done, people were slow to voice their comprehension.

“Once you have your group,” he continued after he asked Ruby to get Clancy Gray, “go, get the hell out of here. Good luck and take care of each other. We’ll see you up north.”

The circle started moving, dispersed and regathered into the assigned grouping. I went to say good-bye to Nico when the agent responsible for him came to grab him.

Cole pulled me away to the window that led to the fire escape—our exit. “Stick with me, okay?” He said as he climbed out of the window and helped me out, too. When we reached the ground, the way he looked as he scanned the perimeter, a gun in hand, was almost too much for me to handle.

We marched along the railroad tracks for a mile or so, before Cole’s hand suddenly shot up in the air and stopped us all. I followed his line of sight, sharpening my vision, and saw what the problem was.

According to Ruby, the exit we were taking—along the bank of Los Angeles River, under 101 freeway—was supposed to be a blockade with ghost guards. There should be nothing but empty cars and floodlights, but the silhouettes on the edge of the bridge was telling us otherwise.

I docked onto the ground immediately, laying on my stomach beside Cole. He was hissing one curse after another, and shuffled to crawl back as he gestured for us to do the same. Ruby was dragging Clancy Gray backward with one trying hand, and Vida was pulling Chubs along with her as he asked “What’s going on—?” and she shushed him.

I pulled out the gun from the holster on my thigh, and crawled with my elbow. The metal sheets by the side of the railroad rattled loudly against the wind, providing us with some cover audio-wise, but things kind of went downhill from there.

One big piece of broken metal sheet tore itself off the rest, and flew straight towards us in a horrifying speed. I flipped myself sideway and threw an arm in front of Cole, ready to push him out of the way, but the metal sheet never hit us.

I moved my eyes away from the metal sheet, and saw Liam—a hand outstretched in the direction of the metal, face stony in concentration. The sheet seemed to just froze in its place—mid-air, hanging against the bellowing wind.

Chubs shifted in an attempt to help his friend, but Liam said, clearly and quietly before he could, “I have it.”

Cole tapped on my thigh to get my attention, and gestured to the freeway over our heads. For a short second, I thought he wanted me to help him take out the soldiers posted there—I can’t do it with my ability from this far, but if there were only three, maybe Cole wants us to handle them with guns? But then, I saw the floodlights dimmed, and the soldiers moved away.

They were leaving. One of the cars sputtered to life and drove away, confirming my assumption. The floodlight wasn’t turned back on. No one would be taking the soldiers’ place. Cole and I exchanged a look.

He pulled me up to my feet with him, and waved for the rest of our team to do the same. Liam let out a breath, and threw the metal sheet in the direction of Los Angeles River.

Cole went to haul Liam up, and he let him, before he got to his feet and pushed him away.

“For someone who sucks so bad at sports, those were some surprisingly decent reflexes.” Cole said in a, I assumed, joking tone to himself, but it kind of came out like a taunt.

“That must be thank you in a language I don’t speak,” Liam said, his jaw set as he turned to look ahead. “Can we get moving?”

Cole stared at him a moment longer, taken aback, but in an invisible way. “All right. Let’s roll,” was all he ended up saying.

╳ ╳ ╳

We reached Glendale—the closest city to us outside of the bombarded downtown LA—a couple of hours later. Cole took me to scout the area before we pushed forward with the entire team. We could tell that everyone was exhausted, and it wouldn’t be a good idea to drag them along, and had them wander on the streets when their reflexes were slow with tiredness.

The city seemed to be deserted, courtesy to the panic after the attacks, I believed. Cole and I walked two blocks in total silence, until all of a sudden, we saw a parking lot—with its streetlamps flickering in white light.

I heard Cole let out a breath beside me. “Let’s go get the others.”

When the group came to see the first sign of electricity in miles, their reactions were almost exactly the same as ours.

Before Cole could give out directions on which car we should take, Liam was already in motion—he walked towards a midnight blue sedan, and started jimmying its lock in a movement so smooth and confident that I could only assume he had done it before. More than once.

When he opened the door and climbed inside to hot-wire the car back to life, Cole got to his side and dragged him out before killing the car’s engine.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa—” Cole said. “Christ, who the hell taught you that?”

“Who do you think?” Liam retorted, ripping his arm out of Cole’s hand.

“Harry?” Cole let out a disbelieving laugh. “Don’t they take away your halo if you teach an impressionable youth how to steal a car?”

Liam shot back a look so cold that it could solidify into ice spike. “Are you finished?”

“No, I’m just—” Cole was picking at a scab on his chin unconsciously. “Harry. Harry Boy-Scout-Troop-Leader Stewart taught you. Why?”

“Because he trusted me not to abuse it.” Liam turned a bitter smile on him. “What, you didn’t get a lesson?”

Something flashed in Cole’s eyes, passing as fast as it came, and the corner of his eyes ticked. If I hadn’t known him better, I wouldn’t catch that at all. Liam might have let his anger for his brother cloud his judgement, but I know that look. That was hurt, Cole’s hurt, disguised as anger or distaste. The fingers on his right hand gave a small spasm before he could tuck his hand into the back pocket of his pants.

For a moment there, I actually wanted to slap Liam. Just for a moment.

“God, even Stewart family drama is boring.” Somewhere behind me, Clancy Gray grunted, “I thought we were in a hurry?”

But somehow, Cole and Liam managed to keep on fighting. They started arguing about which car they should drive, which was such a pointless topic that made me sighed in impatience. I mean, I get that SUVs are kind of the go-to cars for agents in the League, mostly because of the flexibility they provide, but _does it really matter_?

Just as my mind drifted elsewhere, I felt a tickle on the back of my neck. For an instance, I thought someone had touch me right above my collar, but the sensation was softer, more like something was hovering there. I turned around, and saw Clancy Gray staring at me, one corner of his mouth lifted.

Before I could think about it, I lifted the gun in my hand and slammed it on the side of his face. He fell to the ground in a painful groan.

“What the hell!” Cole rushed over towards me as I aimed the gun at Clancy’s face.

“You try that one more time, and I’ll blow your brains out.” I said in the calmest voice I could muster, but somehow, Clancy Gray, laying sideway on the ground, was still smiling.

“Did he try to get into your head?” Cole asked.

“Yes.” I replied.

“You can feel it?” Ruby asked in incredulity.

“I…think so.” I didn’t move my gaze away from Clancy Gray on the ground, but I could tell that everyone was looking at me now.

“Alright. I guess that means you are riding with us.” Cole sighed. “Let’s go.”


	13. Cole

When we reached Burbank, California, twenty minutes after we hit the road, I had finally allowed the exhaustion to take over my body a little—I hadn’t sleep for longer than ten minutes continuously in the past two weeks. I didn’t like the feeling of giving in to unconsciousness, not when we were outside.

The streets in this city looked abandoned, just like Glendale. Still, I scanned every passing intersection carefully, watching out for surprises, and occasionally, spared my attention for Liam in the car behind us, and the girl in the backseat of our car.

Sheena looked alert, but exhausted, just the same as everyone else. She is an indomitable girl—she might look small and fragile, but I know her level of tenacity is one most of us could only dream of having. I would say I am proud of her, but the truth is, she’s like this long before she met me.

Hell, she even got herself out of the wreckage back in HQ, no thanks to me. Why did I leave her? Why did I listen to her? I should’ve stayed. If she hadn’t gotten herself out in time, she would’ve been trapped down there, like those other kids, like Eva, like Barton…

Ah. These thoughts are going to haunt me for quite some time.

I didn’t know what had prompt me into looking around at that moment, but I found nothing odd except that itch in the back of my neck.

“I don’t like this.” I said to Ruby, who was behind the wheel. “Make your next right—”

A huge sound of metal banging against metal had me whipped my head around in shock, and saw the one thing that frightened me more than anything.

The tan SUV carrying Liam was gone; in its place was a military Humvee, clearly just stopped after diving its nose into the other car.

Liam. No.

Somewhere out of the burn that exploded inside me, I vaguely felt our car stopped, but I saw none of it, heard none of it—not Clancy Gray’s wussy protest, not Sheena’s hand on my shoulder—all I felt was the flame, swallowing me whole.

My mind started to jump from one moment to the next. I didn’t really remember kicking the door open, or making the Humvee explode, or sending the bullet into that first soldier’s face. When I finally started to get awareness of what I was doing, I was standing in front of the other soldier, one hand balled up in his collar, the other hand swinging towards his face, again and again.

I released him, and he fell to the ground. Before I raised my gun and pulled the trigger, the last thing I saw was his eyes, burning horror into mine, and I knew what he was seeing—a monster.

A fire breathing monster.

Beside the SUV, Ruby was half-hanging on the window on the driver’s side. I ran towards her, and saw—thank _God_—Liam’s face, fully conscious, talking to her. The other two kids were alright, too.

As I got to Ruby’s side, Vida asked from the backseat, one finger pointed to the burning Humvee, “What happened? How did—”

I cut her question off with my answer, “Bullet to the gas tank—lucky shot.”

I honestly hoped they wouldn’t think any deeper into this.

I shuddered Ruby out of the way as I realized she couldn’t get the door on Liam’s side open—she was either too shaken or simply didn’t have the strength to begin with. But I was not that much better—my hands were still shaking, jerking, spasming with the burn when I put them on the door handle and yanked on it.

The door gave way in a shriek. Inside, Liam’s face was pale except for the blood dripping down his forehead, his expression agonized. I reached in, hands still twitching, and hauled him out.

“Dammit, you stupid kid,” My voice trembled when his foot landed on the asphalt outside. My heart was pounding so hard that it could jump out of my throat any minute. Dammit, dammit, _dammit_—he could’ve died! “Damn you—how hard is it to not get yourself killed on my watch?”

“Trying,” he said, between gritted teeth. “Christ, that hurts.”

“Give me your arm,” I said after I realized that his left shoulder had dislocated, “this is going to suck, but—”

“Are you doing it?” The boy Chubs was asking from the backseat, “make sure you’re in the proper position—”

I wasn’t really thinking about it all that much when I pushed Liam’s bone back into its socket, but come to think of it, maybe I should let Sheena do it—

Sheena.

I whipped around and dashed for the truck, and found Clancy Gray still on his seat, the hood already off his head. Behind his skull was a gun, in Sheena’s hands. She was holding the gun with both her hands, looking so intense that I thought she might snap, given the gentlest tap.

I let out a breath. “Thank you, Sheena. We might need a moment.”

She didn’t turn her focus away, only gave me a very small nod as an acknowledgment.

When I turned back, the four kids were already making their way towards us. I ran to help them, half-carrying Liam to the flatbed of our truck. Before we could actually lift the kid onto the truck, he turned to Ruby, and said, “Kiss me again.”

She did, soft and quick, right at the corner of his lips.

“Saw my life flash before my eyes. Not enough kissing.” He protested, and I snorted, despite the heat still raging in my system.

“Wow, kid. Unusually smooth for you.” I commented, trying to blow off the steam a little.

I lifted him onto the flatbed after the four eyes—no, two eyes. He was holding the broken frame of his glasses, two cracked lenses in his hands.

“Oh, damn,” Liam said to the boy Chubs. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

“Prescription,” he said in a low, mournful voice. “They were prescription lenses.”

I felt relieved, and a little irritated by how fast they had bounced back from the incident—they were actually talking about _glasses. _I yanked the blue tarp out from under Liam, and was ready to spread it over the kids, when Vida shot up and demanded, “What are you doing?”

“Stay down and stay covered.” I said, voice straining. “We’re going to get as far as we can away from here and switch cars. Chances are they radioed this one in.”

“I would like to register the fact that this fucking sucks,” she said.

“Noted,” I replied, shutting the gate.

As Ruby climbed back into the driver’s seat, I returned to one of the dead soldiers, and snatched the gun out of his hand. I had started to regret my action—I shouldn’t have let the rage took over me; I shouldn’t have blown up that car. It’s just…dammit. Dammit. Dammit. I have to be better than this. Fuck.

As I slid back into the car and slammed the door shut, my head was still buzzing loudly with all the blood rushing. I saw that my hands were still shaking, so I tucked them under my laps.

“Clancy...” I heard Ruby started, but before I could turn to her, I was gone.

Images flooded into my head, relocating me into an entirely different environment. A white room, lit so bright that it almost blinded me. A boy in front of me, strapped to the bed, screaming. I didn’t know why he was screaming so excruciatingly, until I saw the man beside him, swinging a bat into his shins, over and over again. I tried to get to him, to rip way that bat in the man’s hands, but I couldn’t move—I was trapped, too, on my own bed. I tried to wrench myself loose, but another man appeared in front of me, and he raised the bat in his hand—

The image dissolved. Same room reformed in my eyes, with different set up. Now, there were more than one kids in front of me. They were all strapped to their beds, their bodies struggled to break free as the light became brighter and brighter, and there were voices, broadcast over the speaker, colder than ice—_you are sick… let us to fix you… give up… we can help you…_

The images shifted. I was placed inside another similar room, another kid in front of me. It was a girl this time, her face reminded me of Sheena. She was unconscious, until a man poured water on her. She gasped as the man yelled at her with a megaphone, “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” Her body jerked and twitched in the way I did when I lost control, and another bucket of water poured over her. I didn’t know how, but I know that water was ice cold. And another. And another, until she stopped shaking. In fact, she had stopped moving all together, and the man pulled out a baton and swung it at her stomach…

God. I need to get out. I need to do something about this—

Another scene. I was in an infirmary, the kind in the camp. A boy, no older than twelve, was restrained on a bed, a woman at his side. He was crying and speaking incoherently as the woman put gauze on his—_god_, those wounds… “I’m so sorry… I won’t do that again… I’ll be a good…” The woman replied, “I know. We will help you, but you need to do what we tell you to do, okay?” She sounded so tender, but when she stood up, her face showed nothing but contempt and disgust.

Another shift. I was in front of a glass window, overlooking into another room—a dark one, with lights lining the floor instead of the ceiling. In there, were a row of kids in Red camp uniforms. Their bodies twitched, and their faces impassive in an unnatural way, almost like they weren’t really there—like they were already dead, and these were nothing but the shell they left behind.

The people besides me—PSFs, Camp Controller, doctors—buzzed in discussion, until one of them pressed a button on the panel in front of us, and said, unemotionally, “Fire.”

Orange flames engulfed the room in front of me, and the soldiers by my side shifted in fear. I could see it in their eyes—dread, then loathing, then hatred. But the one at the front, the one giving out command, his expression was different. It was…satisfaction.

The images wavered, like a TV that was connected to an unstable source of signal. I heard Ruby’s scream, “Sheena!”

And my vision snapped black.

╳ ╳ ╳

When I came to, I felt like I had been out for an entire week, but we were still on the road, still in the same truck. The air even still smelled of burning rubber.

I rubbed my temple with my thumb, trying to clear my head. “What the fuck...”

All the images flooded back into my head, and I started to shook, edging into the flame. I kept repeating the same sentence, louder and louder, until I was roaring. “_What the fuck_?”

A soft hand reached out to turn my face back, and I saw Sheena’s brown eyes, locked in a gaze on my face. “Cole, listen to me,” She said, “You are all right. You are safe. You are in control.”

Her touch had sent a coolness down my nerves, and I felt myself sagged, the burn that was holding me stiff and rigid drained away. I almost couldn’t get the words out as I repeated what she said. “I am all right. I am safe… I am in control…”

She let out a breath, and gave me a smile before she let go of my face.

When I finally felt like I could move my eyes away from hers, I started scanning my surrounding, and saw Clancy Gray’s limp form slumped on the back of his seat.

“What happen to him?” I asked.

“I put him out.” Sheena answered.

I took in a breath, and punched the little bastard in the nose.

“_Cole!_” Ruby screamed as she spared a moment of her attention to shot me a shocked look.

“Had to.” I said. “Otherwise he would put two and two together and know that Sheena had some special tricks up her sleeves.”

Ruby didn’t look happy with that explanation, but she didn’t protest.

I leaned back into my seat, and the images came flushing back into my head. “Shit. That was nothing like the way you did it at HQ—shit!” I growled.

“What did he show you?” Ruby’s voice became softer now.

I didn't know how to put it. Those images... Those kids...Christ. They were all...me. “Myself.” I sighed. 

“What do you mean?”

I turned away, leaned my forehead against the glass to cool it down. “It was a Red camp. Somewhere. What they did to the poor kids to train them. I saw how everyone must see us, if that makes any sense...it was just...it felt like I was being smothered with smoke. There was nothing in their expressions, but, for a second, I was scared shitless. It was like I was really there. They had me and I was next.”

“I’m sorry,” Ruby said, her voice straining. “I realized what was happening a second too late. I should have...”

“It’s my fault he figured it out,” I said sharply, cutting her off. “Don’t take that blame, Gem, it’s not yours to shoulder. You told me he was involved with Project Jamboree. I should have checked myself instead of acting like a monster, it’s just—dammit!” I slammed my fist against the door, “I wasn’t thinking at all. I just—it won. For a minute, it won.”

I saw Sheena’s expression in the rearview mirror—deep frown in concern, lips pressed bone white. She hadn’t seen me like this before—she had seen me using my ability, and she had seen me angry, but nothing like this. I scared her.

At that moment, a hard and cold realization set in my chest like an anvil—I don’t deserve her. That’s the real reason I had been holding back. Not that I am responsible for her, or any other bullshit I had been telling myself, but because I don’t deserve her, and deep down, I knew all along.

I had to let it out. Now.

“Those kids, those Greens and Blues especially, it all comes to them so easily, doesn’t it?” I said quietly. If anyone would understand what I’m going through, it’s Ruby. “Easier to control, easier to hide. It doesn’t fuck up their lives the way it does for us. We have to be focused, otherwise we slip. And we can’t slip.”

To my surprise, Ruby started pouring her heart out, too. “It feels like I’m always at the edge of it, and I can’t...I can’t step in, not without feeling so damn scared I’m going to ruin everything. I want to stop ruining every good thing that comes my way. I couldn’t control it for a really long time—”

“And you think I can? Jesus. Half the time I feel it boiling me alive under my skin. It simmers and simmers and simmers until I finally release the pressure. It was like that even when I was a kid.” I let out a faint laugh. For a second there, I didn’t really care if I’d scared Sheena even more. I just had to let it out. “It wasn’t...it wasn’t like a voice or anything, not one that whispered to me. It was just this urge, I guess. It was like I was always standing too close to a fire and needed to just stick my hand in once, to see how hot it really was. I couldn’t sleep at night. I thought for sure it was because my dad was actually the devil. Really, truly, the Prince of Darkness himself.”

In the backseat, Sheena was quiet. Her expression had loosened up a little. I had nothing to worry about now. This was a story she had heard of.

“Harry?” Ruby asked, confused.

“No, bio dad. Harry’s—” I clarified.

“Right, forgot,”

“Lee talks about him a lot, then?” I didn't even know there's that much for him to talk about. The kid was three when we left the devil. “Yeah, our real dad...that man...dumb as a bag of hammers, mean as a snake. Not a good combination. I still fantasize about looking him up, breaking into the old house, and setting his whole world on fire.”

“Liam only brought him up once,” Ruby said. “When he lost his temper.”

“Good, hopefully that means he doesn’t remember the half of it.” I let out a breath through my nose. “The guy was—he was a monster. He was the devil himself when he got his temper up. Guess one of us was bound to be a chip off the old block. I used to wonder, you know, if the abilities we have are somehow dependent on something we already have inside us. I thought, this fire—this is his anger. This is my dad’s rage.”

“You’re not a monster.” Ruby said, firmly, and it reminded me of how I said to Sheena so many nights ago—_You are not your monster._

“Don’t monsters breathe fire? Don’t they burn down kingdoms and countries?” I gave her a wry smile. “You call yourself that, too, don’t you? No matter how many times others tell you it’s not true, you’ve seen the proof. You can’t trust yourself.”

“This isn’t about the camps for you...is it?” Ruby asked, “It’s about the cure.”

I swallowed hard. The moment I heard Clancy Gray claimed that there was a cure, I felt my whole world shifted. It was like, suddenly, out of the smoke-stained darkness, there was a light, and it wasn't until later, we found out that the light was nothing more than a cinder. Even if we could understand the medical gibberish on what was left of Project Snowfall’s file, we still need someone to make it happen.

The real light, was still somewhere out there, out of our reach.

“Got it on the first try. Feel free to think I’m an asshole.” I let out a mirthless laugh.

“Why? Because you don’t want to suffer like this?” She asked, sharp, all of a sudden. “Because you want to be normal?”

The notion almost made me laugh. “What’s ‘normal’?” I asked. “Pretty sure none of us remember what that feels like.”

“Fine,” She pressed, “then because you want a life where you’re free from all of this bullshit. I want the cure more than I want my next breath. I never used to. I never let myself think of the future, and now it’s like a compulsion. I want that freedom so badly, and it seems like the more I strain to try and reach it, the further away it gets.”

She saw it before I did. The struggle to get the cure, to finally live a life that’s not in hell, was getting tougher. This is the last mile uphill. We’re in the endgame now. “I underestimate it sometimes...you forget, because you function, and each time you get kicked down you manage to pick yourself up. But now, it’s starting to get harder, right?”

“Yes.” was her quiet answer.

“It’s not that I don’t think I won’t be able to get up. It’s that I’m afraid one day I’ll just...explode. Combust. Take out everyone I care about because I can’t stop myself from feeling so damn angry all the time.” I pulled up my hand, holding it in front of my face, waiting for it to spasm again, but it didn’t happen. “They keep them locked in these white rooms. Lights are on the whole time and there are voices. Voices that don’t stop, that are constantly telling them shit like, _you’re wrong, admit you’re wrong so we can fix you._ They hurt the kids—they really hurt them, over and over. It was...I could barely stand to see it, and I wasn’t the one getting beaten.” I fought against the bile in my throat as I said, “Was that...real? Can he make stuff up?”

“He can plant any image he wants in your mind, but I think the truth is bad enough that he doesn’t have to embellish it.” She said, almost too calmly.

“I don’t know what pisses me off more—what they did to the kids, or that they figured out how to contain the fire in them. Shit, Gem. How the hell...”_—are we going to get through this?_ I shook my head, trying to clear it. “If he tells any of the others, if he tells Liam, what am I supposed to do? None of the kids will come within a hundred feet of me.”_  
_

“He won’t.” Sheena said. She had been so quiet, I almost forgot that she was there. “I’ll keep him down for as long as you need me to.”

“We’ll keep him locked up from others at all times, and he’ll only interact with me. No one else.” Ruby added.

“Killing him would be simpler.” I suggested.

“Can’t.” Ruby reminded me. “He’s the only one who knows where his mother is. You can’t do anything to him, not until we find out where she is, or we could be sure the remains of Project Snowfall actually lead to the cure. Whatever it is, I need it. I hate him more than anything in the world, but I hate living this way more. I hate the idea of there not being an end to this.”

I raised my eyes and met Sheena’s in the rearview mirror, and she gave me a small shook. She hadn’t figure the research out yet, and if she couldn’t, likely, no one could.

I turned my head away to look at the road outside. “In that case, we’ll just have to figure out a way to stay one step ahead of our monsters.”

I heard Ruby swallowed, and I closed my eyes a little.

After a long silence, I opened my mouth, and asked quietly. “Are you sure this isn’t a nightmare?” I could hear the pain in my voice, carving against my own chest. The most horrible kind of life is not one without hope, but one where hope is close, but constantly out of reach. “And that we won’t just wake up?”

After another long silence, Ruby answered, “Yes.”

╳ ╳ ╳

We found ourselves another ride—and one for the kids in the back—in Mojave. After what happened with Liam almost dying and Clancy Gray melting my brain, I felt tuckered out, and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep right after we switched cars.

A sound of something snapping woke me up. I was still a little dizzy when my eyes opened, but what I saw jolted me into a fully alert mode.

It had seemed like we’ve driven into…trees.

“You should have woken me up!” I squinted at the glowing dashboard console, and realized that we were heading in the wrong direction. “Where the hell are we? Why are we going east, not north?”

“I have a hunch,” Ruby answered. I whipped my head back to look at Sheena, but she merely shrugged.

“Yeah, and I have a pain in my ass—and surprise, it’s you,” I grunted, glaring at Ruby over Clancy’s limp body. “What’s this about?’

“I think—” She started, but didn’t finish. Her attention had been taken by the sudden revelation of a huge house in front of us.

“Still waiting on that answer.” I prompted, an edge to my voice, fingers tapping on the windowsill.

“I think there may be some kids hiding here,” She said. “I just want to have a quick look around—I swear, I swear I’ll be fast.”

Her expression was so filled with hope that I couldn’t refuse. Something told me that it wasn’t just some sort of kindhearted act—it was personal. “Fine, but take Vida with you. You have two minutes.”

She jumped out of the car, and asked for Vida when I turned back to look Sheena in the face.

Ah, here we go again. That look. The look she had when she knew I won’t be happy about something, but did it anyway. The look that asks for forgiveness instead of permission. The look I could never be angry at, not once.

It took me a while to come up with the right question, though. “Why did you let her?” I asked after I broke eye contact with her.

“She seemed…determined.” She said. “Ruby has good instinct on things. That was how she managed to get you in Philadelphia.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Instincts are always good until it gets you killed.”

I looked at the electric clock on the dashboard, which showed me that the two-minute time limit I gave Ruby had passed. I reached for the wheel and honked the horn. She should come back now.

With Clancy Gray stuck in the middle of the front seats, I had to get out of the car in order to get in the driver’s seat. I can’t risk having another one of Ruby’s “instinct” get in the way, otherwise we will never get to the Ranch, and Sheena had made it pretty clear that she wouldn’t be of any help in stopping Ruby’s whims.

When Ruby got back with Vida, the two of them, for some reason, stopped in the middle of the road, and started picking on something.

_ God. Is there no end to this?_ I rolled down the window, and was ready to rush her along when she dropped that thing, and gave me a hasty acknowledgement.

“Alright, alright!”

She finally climbed back into the car. She was shaking so badly from the cold that for a second, I felt bad for her, and turned the vents her way so she’d get some warm air. She looked utterly defeated, and I reminded myself how I registered that this was personal to her. She came to find someone she knew, and she didn’t succeed.

I started steering the car around as I flipped on the radio, unable to take the silence in the car.

“All right,” I said, trying to get us back on the right track. “Do you have any idea where we are? Did you see a city name? Gem?”

She didn’t hear me. Before I could press again, she sucked in a sharp breath.

“What? _What?_” I demanded, but of course, she didn’t answer. What did I expect?

She unbuckled herself and jumped out of the car before I could stop her. I cursed under my breath as I unbuckled myself, too, and kicked the door open. She was already running towards the house when the gunshot sounded, stopping me cold.

_ Fuck! _I saw Liam and Vida running towards her, and I threw the car door out in their way to stop them. Ruby is still standing. She is alright. For now.

I pulled out my gun and trained it to the trees. By my side, Vida and Sheena were doing the same. I carefully scanned the dark shapes against the even darker background, waiting for movement.

“Zu?” I heard Ruby called, confirming my assumption earlier. I felt agitated and sad at the same time—agitated that she’d expose herself like that, and sad that she was desperate enough to do so against her better judgement.

“Zu?” She called again, “Suzume? Zu?”

No responses. Ruby had finally seemed to accept the defeat, and started backing away. “Okay,” She said. “Okay, I’m sorry—we’re going.”

Liam had come to stand by my side when I put down the gun. He reached out a hand as Ruby turned towards us, and that was when I saw it—a kid, a really small one, stepping out of the dark.

And the kid all but tackled Ruby in a flash of white—if she had been strong or heavy enough to do so. Ruby held her in her arms, a laugh came out choked as she fell backward, bringing the little girl in her arms down to the ground with her.

Liam started towards them in a run, followed by the now half-blind Chubs, who had to be guided by Vida. I turned to look at Sheena, and cocked my head.

We looked at them from a few steps away, the happy reunion. Sheena slipped a hand into mine, and gave it a light squeeze before letting go. I had been right, but it was something more than I expected—it wasn’t just personal for Ruby, but for Liam and Chubs, too. They must have been travel companions after Lee broke out of his camp.

And there are more. Coming out of the tree line, were twelve more kids, all skins and bones and no meat.

Damn. I turn to look at Sheena, and saw her face slightly twisted at the sight of these kids’ visible malnourishment.

I let out a long sigh. “We’re going to need to find another car, aren’t we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Apherod speaking]
> 
> Hi there,
> 
> As I felt like these two chapters (11&12) provided less new information than most of the other chapters, I decided to publish them back to back. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Also, I really wanted to include that conversation between Cole and Ruby even though they mostly stayed the same, as this conversation is crucial to their friendship, but I still have to clarify: this, and some other conversations included in Ultramarine, are all created, word-for-word by the amazing Alexandra Bracken, and I cannot claim any credit. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Apherod out!


	14. Sheena

The sky had turned into a pale purple when we reached the front of the Ranch. _Lilac._ I heard Cole’s voice whispered in my head.

He had driven us through the night, despite I offered to take over. He looked exhausted, but I guessed he just didn’t trust me enough to let me steer the wheel after what happened with Ruby basically hijacking the car. Still, I could tell his mood was getting better and better with each mile we pushed forward.

Ruby woke up from her sleep as we passed by the row of silver warehouses. “There it is.” Cole pointed to one of them for us to see. They all looked the same to me, to be honest.

“Are they here?” Ruby asked, and I felt my heart sank. Cate. What if she isn’t here?

“We’ll know in a second.” Cole answered simply.

He parked the car in front of a used-car dealership, and let out a long breath.

“Okay, ladies,” He raised his face heavenward, and said, “Are you ready?”

_ For what?_ I wanted to ask.

“What about him?” Ruby asked, pointing to Clancy Gray.

“I’ll get him later.” He said. “He won’t wake up anytime soon, right? Lilac?”

“Yes.” I answered. “Not for another twenty-four hours.”

Ruby seemed torn, but she eventually gave in to her exhaustion. We moved out of the car, and followed Cole to the front of a bar. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked.

“Is this a bar?” I heard Chubs whispered somewhere behind me. “Are we allowed to go in? We’re not twenty-one.”

“Oh, Grannie.” Came Vida’s grunt. “I can’t even.”

Inside the glass window was what I imagined a standard mid-western cowboy bar would look like—wooden shelves, pleather seating booths, rock band posters lining the wall, interspersed by photos of swimsuit models on sports cars.

“Do we have to break in?” I heard Ruby asked.

“Nah. I was just checking to see if they were still using the joint as a front. The entrance to the Ranch is behind the bar.” Cole answered.

He moved on to lead us to the alley beside the pub, and punched six digits of code into the keypad beside a door. A flash, a beep, and a click later, we were let into the back room of the bar. 

“It’s a long way down,” Cole said over his shoulder. “Anyone afraid of heights? The dark? Nah, of course not. You guys are champs. Just be careful, you hear?”

He led us to what looked like a small bedroom, and crammed us all in there before he started to try and open the tunnel that led to the Ranch. I saw why immediately—the door had to be closed for him to lift the bed, which was hiding a trapdoor.

That was our way in. Cole kicked the door open, and Tommy and Pat—boys we pick up in Tehachapi—leaned over the half-lit hole and said at the same time, “_Cool._”

I really don’t see what is _cool_ about it. Well, look on the bright side—at least from the smell of it, this tunnel would be less nauseating than the one in HQ, physically speaking.

I tried not to think about what I found at the end of that other tunnel, and squeezed my eyes shut. Cole’s hand was the next thing I felt, falling on my shoulder. I opened my eyes, and met the blue in his.

“Stick with me, okay?” He said, a faintest smile on his lips.

It looked weird, this tunnel. It was…lit? decorated?—by strings of Christmas light, and it veiled the tunnel in an odd, foggy filter. I imagined that to the person who set this up, it should look cozy, comforting, but now that I was here, all I felt was disoriented, like I would float out of my skin any second.

Cole’s hand was the only thing holding me to the ground. He didn’t let my hand go, not once in this long and nerve-wracking walk. The heat emitting from his hand was all the warmth I need to feel alive.

We are alive.

When we reached the end of the tunnel, Cole guided me up a half flight of stairs, and banged on a metal slab there. It took me a moment to realize that it was a door, because there was no handle on it. Not on our side. We had to be let in.

A voice had come from the back of the line behind us. “What if no one’s here?” It was Chubs. I didn’t allow myself to really register his words.

A moment later, Cole banged again. Still nothing. He continued to bang the door for another minute, until Tommy and Pat grew restless, and came up to join him. More kids came up to the top of the staircase and knocking the door together, sending a loud hum echoing down the tunnel.

I sat down, ran my hands in my hair and gripped my head hard. As each second passed, I could feel panic crept up from my chest, choking me by my throat, hand in hand with the numbness that signaled my monster’s arrival.

_ No. Not here, not now… Please… _I begged in my head.

It had become so much worse since the bombing—I had been having these episodes in the past two weeks, every time more intense than the last. It was like it had grown stronger since it last talked to me, announcing in a proud voice that it had saved my life, that I should be grateful. 

But all I want is for it to leave me alone.

Cole dropped a hand on my shoulder, and I grabbed it like I was clinging to a lifeline, choking down the sourness that flared up in my throat.

Before he said anything, the door opened. I was almost blinded by the light for a second. “Hello, Dolly!” I heard Cole sang out before I could see a woman standing at the doorway.

“Oh my God!” The woman cried. “Hurry up, get in here—my God! We thought...we were worried we were going to have to go out and find you.”

She cut past us as we walked inside—Cole finally let go of my hand—and walked down the tunnel to see the rest of this miserable troop. When she reached Ruby and Liam, she glanced between him and Cole. “Oh, God, there’s another one of you? How has the world survived this long?”

“Pure dumb luck,” Cole said, deadpan. “Is everyone here?”

Dolly visibly hesitated. “Well...not exactly.”

“Cate?” Vida said, her voice shook in the amount of hope she couldn’t contain.

“Conner’s just fine. She’s been worried sick about everyone.” Dolly answered her.

Hearing her words, I started shifting away from Cole, heading into the hallway of this strange place. Beside Cole, Cate had been the only other person that truly tried to protect me in the League, and even if I couldn’t protect her in return, I need to at least see if she is okay—

“What do you mean, not exactly?” Cole said, “Ten of you came to open the place, right? And Conner brought her dozen—”

Footsteps came out from the deeper end of the hallway, and my whole body ached in tension. The platinum blond hair that flashed out of the corner had me relieved, until I turned back, and saw the expression on Ruby’s face.

Jude. She doesn’t know yet.

Vida blew past me and launched herself toward Cate, nearly tackling them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Cate said, “we were just outside of the attack zone and couldn’t get back in through all of the barricades that were set up—”

She looked past Vida’s shoulder and gave me a smile, and moved away to find Ruby behind me, but all I could think about was that she didn’t know.

Jude is gone. I couldn’t open my mouth to tell her that.

Her expression shifted, and at that, I saw the truth settled in her eyes.

“How about...” Dolly put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, trying to break the tension in the air. “How about I show you guys where the bathrooms are and where you can sleep? All of the rooms are open. Just pick which one you’d like. We’ll have to figure out sheets and blankets tomorrow, I’m sorry.”

“What happened to the bedding?” Cole asked in a low voice.

“They took it.” Dolly lifted a shoulder and shot a look from him to the kids and then back to him, and Cole finally got it.

But I didn’t. Who were “they”? What happened?

Cole guided me into a small room besides the tunnel’s opening which looked like an office, when Dolly led the others into the deeper floors of this building.

“Stay here. I’ll go get Ruby.” He said, and left me with Cate and Vida. The moment he was gone, I rushed to give Cate a hug.

“Sheena, I’m fine.” She gave me a reassuring smile, but it came out a little wry.

No bone broken. No wound. No illness. Not even a scratch. She _is_ fine. I let out a breath.

Cole came back shortly afterwards. “What happened?” he asked, tone impassive as he leaned on the desk in the middle of the room, legs sprawled out in front of him.

Cate blew out a long sigh. “One of the agents in your team called to say that they are going to Kansas, and most of the agents here left to join them, taking everything they could carry—food, bedsheets, clothes, guns, even lightbulbs.”

I almost couldn’t register what she just said. So the rest of the agents—Kalb, Fowler, Russell, Frances—they are not coming here?

“Dolly and I are worried sick.” She continued. “We thought there had been some change of plans, and you couldn’t inform us. We were this close to going out and look for you guys ourselves—”

“Let me take a wild guess,” All of a sudden, Cole’s voice had taken on a chilling tone. “Was it Sen who called?”

“Did you know about this?” Cate asked, her tone cooled down instantly as well.

Vida exploded before Cole could answer. “_This is bullshit! This is such fucking bullshit! Are you fucking kidding me—_”

Ruby joined us at this moment, and Cole offered her a brief. “As soon as they were out of Los Angeles, Sen contacted the Ranch and told them they were heading to Kansas—”

“And they left.” She finished.

Oh, my god. She knew, too.

“And took pretty much everything that wasn’t nailed down here with them, including most of the food,” Cole said.

Why didn’t they tell us?

“Cate and Dolly were going to come looking for us—apparently you really sold that we were going to Kansas. We’re going to have to start from scratch in building this place up, but it’s doable.” Cole continued.

Wait. What?

Cate’s head shot up. “What do you mean, she ‘sold’ that?”

“You knew,” Vida said, shooting a laser-sharp glare in Ruby’s direction. “You sent them away?”

Ruby took a step back, assuming a defensive pose. “I did. I influenced them to go straight to Kansas, so that we could break off on our own somewhere outside of the state. I should have made sure they didn’t contact the agents here before we could arrive, though.”

Oh, god. “Why?” I gasped.

“What the hell?” Vida seethed.

“I second that,” Cate said, holding Cole’s cold look with one of her own. “Explain exactly what you were hoping to accomplish.”

“Ah, well, how about trying to save the lives of all of these kids?” Cole shot back, bracing his hands on his knees. “You want to know what your pal Sen was planning? They were going to split the kids up between the cars, take them just far enough outside of Los Angeles to think they were safe, and then turn them in for the reward money.”

I focused on Cole’s angry eyes, trying to grasp what he just said, but the words buzzed so loud in my head that I couldn’t get it through. They were going to sold us to the PSFs? Frances, who took her time to find me a book just so I wouldn’t be bored? Russell, who had given me his half of the apple in the safe house? Instructor Johnson, who always looked at us like a stern but caring father?

“You can’t know that...” Cate began.

“I saw it in her mind,” Ruby cut her off, tone venomous. “She had everything planned out to the minute. They wanted the money to be able to buy weapons and explosives on the black market. They want to go hit Washington, D.C.—they have no interest whatsoever in helping us free the camps.”

“Our plan played out like we thought it would,” Cole added, “Mostly. Don’t get your panties in a twist, Conner. No one got hurt. It’s a clean break. The fact that the other agents left does nothing but prove that our instincts on this were right. No one wants to help the kids. At least this way, we’ve got the Ranch and we’ve muddled them on what our plans are. If they’re stopped or picked up by President Gray’s friends, they’ll give them wrong intel on us. This is the right base of operations for us, not them. It’s quiet, we have working electricity and water, and, now, plenty of space to work.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked in a shaking voice. _Please, I need to know why._

He ignored me.

“Yeah, and look at what we don’t have!” Cate’s voice finally exploded into a cry. Her pale face flushed, and she was barely keeping a lid on her trembling anger. “You sent away trained professionals—the ones who could have conducted these camp hits you want to do, the ones who could have protected all of these kids! We should have spent time working to bring them over to our side, not manipulating them into thinking it was their idea to go! And how dare you make this kind of decision without even consulting me? I can’t—” She shook her head, her eyes turned to Ruby before she could look away. “Ruby, what is going on?” There was a soft plea in her last question.

“Give it a rest, Conner,” Cole said, with an edge to his tone. “The plan is to train the kids to fight. To empower them.”

“To empower yourself,” Cate corrected sharply, and I heard myself gasped. Cole’s fist clenched at his side. I wanted to reach out to him, but couldn’t bring myself to. I had always felt safe reaching out to him, to calm him, but not now. Even seeing him lose control wasn’t as frightening as _this_. I once told him that he would never scare me, but I was wrong—this side of him does.

I finally understood what it was that I felt. Betrayed.

Cate continued. “I get it, Cole...I do. But this wasn’t the right way. They took the computer servers. I have one laptop, and only because I brought it into my quarters to do some work last night and hid it when they started talking about leaving. They’ll lock us out of the system. What are we going to do then? You burnt this bridge without giving us a way to get back over.”

“The Greens can break into the League’s network, that’s not even a question,” Cole said, waving Cate’s concern off. “They’re the ones that built it. And I took measures to ensure that we would be able to copy the research on the cure. My only question is, where is the flash drive of the information I stole from Leda Corp? With the study on what caused IAAN?”

The one he almost died for. The one that I almost died for.

Cate’s jaw set as she looked away. “It’s in the garbage. We weren’t far enough outside of the city when the EMP went off. It was wiped clean by the pulse...I’m sorry. I wish—” She shook her head, stopping herself.

All that, had been for nothing. Ruby risking her life, Cole risking his life…nothing. Three years of my life, being carved open day in and day out…nothing. The reality sank in harder and faster than I expected.

Does it really matter anymore? Does anything?

Cole let out a snort, and retorted in full-blown sarcasm. “_Oh, wonderful._”

Cate shot him a painful glare, and walked to the door.

“Where are you going?” Cole asked. “Let the kids sleep a little while longer.”

“I’m not going to the kids,” Cate said coldly. “I’m going after the other agents to fix this mess you’ve gotten us into. To get them to come back so we can work together on this.”

Before I could say “don’t go”, Ruby began, “You want them to come back?” her voice erupted in anger, blanching Cate’s face. “Who? The ones that ditched you at the drop of a hat to go play terrorists, or the ones that wanted to hand us over to the PSFs?”

“I’m sure there’s been a misunderstanding...” Cate began, slowly.

“You’re right,” Ruby snapped, a steely cut in her voice. “I _misunderstood_ how in denial you are about who these agents are—”

“Ruby!” Vida snarled. “Shut the f—”

For a moment there, I wanted to cover my ears, because all of this just seemed too much to take. Ruby and Cole played a trick on all of us, and now Cate is the one going to have to make up for what they’ve done…

But Ruby kept going. “I don’t know how many times they have to prove it to you, but these agents have never cared about the League you joined, the one that actually cared about the kids who are still stuck in camps—who are still dying every day from something we’re within an arm’s length of finding a cure for. We don’t need them! We don’t need to have them taint what we’re trying to do here! _Wake up!_”

“I am not interested in sending kids out to play soldier,” Cate said.

“You didn’t have a problem with that before,” Ruby said bitterly.

“You were supervised by trained agents who led the tact teams—”

“Right. You mean the agents who then turned around and started picking us off one at a time? How about Rob? The one who tried to kill both me and Vida in one ‘accident.’ Do you even know that he came after us? He _hunted_ us. He put a muzzle on me!”

I drew in a sharp breath. A look at Vida’s face was all I needed to understand that what she said was the truth. Rob had gone on to track down Ruby after being cast out by the League, and apparently, he succeeded.

Cole reached out to put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder, but she stepped away, eyes still holding onto Cate in a demanding glare.

“Dolly and I will leave first thing tomorrow.” Eventually, Cate said quietly. “The other agents only left a few hours ago. We can still catch up to them.”

“Fine. Then go.” Ruby snapped, looking away.

“Good luck,” Cole added, not purely insincere.

Cate’s eyes fell on Ruby one last time before she walked out of the room. Vida followed immediately. I turned to look at Cole, feeling too gutted to actually say anything, and moved to go after Cate, too.

He doesn’t need me now. He has Ruby on his side.

In the hallway, Cate was wrapping one of her arms around Vida, face still paled, but expression stabled. She and Dolly were deep in conversation about the trip to find the agents. I went over, but don’t really know what to say.

“Don’t go.” was what ended up coming out of my mouth.

Cate gave me a wry smile. “I have to.”

Before I could beg again, a loud bang came from the metal door. All of us jumped, but Vida was the first to get there and opened the door. Outside, was the eight kids of Team C and D, with Senator Cruz bringing up the rear.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Cole and Ruby rushed out of the office.

“Made it in record time!” Cole said, pounding each of the kids on the back in turn. A few smiled back, some even hugged him. “Did you have any problems?”

“No, we were a little confused about the instructions you gave us on how to get down into the base from the pub, but once we saw the place we figured it out.” Zach, a tall, tan-skinned leader from one of the League’s Blue teams, seemed as stable and sturdy as ever.

Nico, on the other hand, was a total mess. He stepped into the light, lift his eyes to meet Cate’s, and started crying—a heart-wrenching, terrifying wail that killed all the smiles in the room.

Senator Cruz was the first to wrap her arms around him. I should have done the same, but I was pinned in my place by the numbness of all the arguments earlier, and I couldn’t move.

Finally, when I felt like I could feel my feet again, I started towards the opposite direction, and found myself heading towards the sleeping quarters. Vida, appearing behind me, snagged me by my shirt, and dragged me into one of the rooms. “Come here, girlfriend. We need to talk.”

Inside the room, Liam and Chubs were sitting on the beds, with the little silent girl Zu beside them. Vida shut the door behind us, and quickly ran down what just happened and what we had just learnt for them.

“You’re not in on this, are you?” Vida turned to ask me after the facts had been lay out.

I shook. “Cole didn’t tell me anything.”

“This is bullshit! Cole is one thing, but Ruby… She couldn’t have just told us?” Vida threw up her arms and ranted. “Un-fucking-believable. If our lives were in danger, she shouldn’t have dicked around with Cole. We should have been the first people she told!”

_ I should’ve been the first person Cole told. _I said to myself in my head. But in the end, what could I do? If their plan was to ‘influence’ the agents, then what good would I be to them? Cole is…his mind is very compartmentalized, with one secret for one person and another for someone else; I learnt that very soon after I started to know him for real. In a way, that could be what makes him such a good agent, but it would also mean that, I might never get to truly understand him, not fully. Parts of his personality actually sit on the edge of full-blown Machiavellianism; I just couldn’t seem to face it before now. Despite all the good about him that I love, there were still a part of him that I couldn’t bring myself to look straight in the eyes…

In denial. I’m in denial.

“She and Cole have been acting all buddy-buddy for a while,” Chubs said. “I’m not surprised they pulled something like this.”

“It doesn’t make sense…” Liam’s voice lowered, trailed off at the end, and I could see how he was inching towards the same realization I had just minutes ago. The little girl Zu was wringing her hands together.

I sagged down on one of the beds. “Maybe, they just didn’t trust us with the truth.” I said, almost in a whisper.

Chubs shot me a look of incredulity. Liam’s look, on the other hand, was full on agony.

“This is—” Liam shook his head, couldn’t finish his sentence. “I’m sure there must be some kind of explanation. I’m sure of it.”

_ There is. I just told you. _I lay back onto the bed, fighting the feeling of a knife against my chest.

The Japanese phrase for betrayal, if taken literally, means ‘cut from inside’, and I found it very accurate. The feeling of being hurt by the person so close to you that the knife might as well had come from inside out, is exactly what betrayal is.

No one talked, not for a long time. I felt myself drifting into the edge of unconsciousness. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I just…I want to rest.

I closed my eyes, and fell into the bliss of oblivion.


	15. Sheena

I actually slept for almost a full day. When I woke up, it was like someone had rang a gong by my ears. I shot up from bed, and saw that everyone in this room was still fast asleep. Vida, Chubs, Liam...but no Ruby. I shook my head, and walked out of the room.

According to the clock the agents oh-so-benevolently left on the wall, it was roughly 5 in the morning. I took a look at my hands and my feet, and instantly decided that I needed a shower.

After finding a baggy T-shirt and a pair of cargo pants in a linen closet, I dove into the cold, pressurized water, and didn't think about anything, not until I came out and got dressed.

There was an itch in the back of my mind, something that didn't feel right, like I was forgetting something, until I remembered what it was, and rushed towards the tunnel door.

Cate. First thing in the morning. I sat there, looking back at the clock every ten seconds, fearing that she might have left.

At around 6:30, she appeared with Dolly and Vida. "Morning, Sheena." She gave me a smile, but I couldn't return one.

"Do you have to go?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yes."

"Then let me come with you." I said, and Vida nodded beside me. "I'll go, too." She said.

To this, she chuckled a little. "No. I'll need you to take care of everyone else." She raised her eyes from us, and saw into the empty hallway behind us. "Where's Ruby?"

Vida cursed under her breath. "I'll go get her." She dashed away, calling out Ruby's name.

Cate put her hand on my back, and said, "I'll need you to take care of Cole, okay?"

I bit my lip, and shook. "He can take care of himself."

Cate lifted my face, and gave me a warm smile. "He can't sometimes. You know that better than most."

I let out a long breath, couldn't say anything in return.

Vida came back after a while. "Can't find her. Where the fuck had she been?"

Cate pressed her lips. "Maybe she's still sleeping? We could wait for a moment longer." Dolly shrugged in response.

And we waited. For an hour.

She didn't show up.

Finally, Dolly made the decision and insisted on moving out. As they were about to cross the threshold, Cole appeared from behind us.

"Safe travel." He said. "But I won't get my hopes up if I were you, Conner."

Cate waved it off. "Worry about yourself, Stewart."

And that was the last thing she said before she turned away and walked into the tunnel. At that moment, I have this weirdest impulse of wanting to catch her by the back of her shirt and dug my heels in, because every goodbye at this point could have been a last. _Stay._ I wanted to say. _There's nothing for us out there._ Vida followed them out. In a distance, I saw Cate stopped to say something to Vida, and when she turned to walk back towards me, her expression was very complicated.

Cole closed the door behind Vida as she came back into the light. Before I could take the chance and snuck away, Cole had already put a hand on my arm and started pulling me down towards the agents' sleeping quarters.

There, he opened one of the rooms, and pulled me inside. He leaned on the desk, and I decided that I was going to keep away from him, so I sat down on the bed, which was beside the opposite wall of the room.

I didn't know what kind of expression I was wearing, but I knew it wasn't a pleasant one, because Cole took one look at me, and it seemed to have taken all the wind out of him.

"Look, I'm...I'm sorry." He finally said, rubbing his brows. "I should've let you know, but it had happened too fast—" He shook, and the look on his face... I almost couldn't stay mad at him. "Ruby told me what she found out only the night before we moved out, and we couldn't risk for anyone to know."

I let out a long breath. "Did they all need to go?" I asked, that half-eaten apple Russell had offered me still imprinted in my mind. "Are they all...bad?"

"Honestly, I don't know." He sighed. "But I can't risk it. Leaving out any single one of them could lead to kids being sent back into camps, and I can't have that."

I nodded. After a moment, I said, "I wish you'd just tell me."

"I know." He answered.

For a moment there, the ice between us melted, and I could almost feel the warmth we had all those evenings in his room, just the two of us.

"I'll keep you safe." All of a sudden, he said quietly, half to himself. "I'll keep you all safe."

_ But what about yourself? _I wanted to ask, but before I could, he stood up. "C'mon. Let's go find Clancy Gray."

I felt the blood drained from my face. "He's still out there?"

He smiled wryly, and shook. "No. I had put him in the cell in the lower level. But we do need to get him something to eat. When I brought him in last night, he all but bite my head off."

I frowned. "You shouldn't go for him alone. Why didn't you wake me?"

"Don't worry." He ruffled my hair. "He didn't wake up until I put him in the cell and locked the door. And I'm getting my backup now, aren't I?"

His answer wasn't all that satisfactory to be honest, but frankly, I don't give a damn, because the idea of him trusting me—again—had sent my heart fluttering through the roof.

After he went to fetch the breakfast for Clancy Gray—a glass of water and a slice of really dry bread—we headed down to the lowest level. Through a fake file storage room, was a hidden door in the disguise of a shelf. We crossed it, headed into the hallway behind it, and Cole asked me to stop before the next door.

"Here's how we are going to do this." He said, "You are going to stay here when I go in there and feed the beast. If you notice anything unusual about me, if you think he is trying anything, you stop him. Understand?"

"Why don't you just let me go in there?" I asked. "You know he can't get into my head."

He smiled and shook. "Can't risk it. If there's one person in this world that I had to keep your secret from, it would be him, 10 out of 10."

Because I'm just too dangerous. I sighed. "Alright. Just, don't let him get to you, okay?"

"From the looks of him, he is still asleep." Cole peeked into the other hallway through a grate on the door. "Be right back."

And he went in.

╳ ╳ ╳

After leaving that hallway, I found myself wondering towards Cate's room. It a place I knew I'd be alone. Cole had left for the office by the entrance—turned out, it was Alban's office when he was here. I considered going back to the room I spent the night in, but there, I'd be surrounded by...strangers. Liam, Chubs, Zu. They are strangers to me. Vida and Ruby and Nico, they are familiar faces, but they seemed to be drifting away from one another now.

In front of Cate's room, I found that my hope of getting solitude had gone out of the window—Vida was sitting on the floor, elbow braced on her knees, staring into the empty spaced in front of her.

"Get the f—" She started before she raised her head, "Oh, it's you."

I gave her a tight smile, and sat down beside her. "Yeah. It's me."

"I thought you are that little mute girl." She said.

"You mean Zu?" I asked. Well, "little mute girl" had been my identifier once.

She let out a whimper behind her throat. "Do you think they did something to her? Like they did to you? Is that why she can't talk?"

"Could be." I shrugged. "She was in Caledonia, right? I wouldn't put it past them to run tests in smaller camps, too."

Vida pursed her lips. "But you came through. You opened up."

I nodded, very slowly.

"Why?" She asked, almost absentmindedly.

"Because..." I gagged on my words. _Because Jude._ Because he was so stubborn, so persistent on breaking my silence. And he succeeded.

Before I realized it, tears were already tumbling down my cheeks, drenching my shirt.

"Oh, jeez..." Vida turned to look at me, stunned for a moment, and she must have seen it, too, because her face had twisted into a deep frown.

"I can't..." She raked her hands through her hair—its usual electric blue had mostly faded, replaced by pale yellow, like hay. "How could Ruby just get over—"

She cut herself off again, "God, even Cate won't talk about him—"

"I saw him, down there." I was surprised I could even get the words out. "I touched him, and I couldn't feel anything..." Vida didn't know about my ability, and it wouldn't really make sense to her, but I just had to get it out. I can't stand holding that image to myself anymore.

"For fuck's sake... Can you not?" Her voice started shaking. "I don't want to—" She let out a frustrated grunt. "God, this is all my fault—"

"No, it's not—"

There were footsteps down the hallway, and I coiled up into a ball immediately, hiding my face. Vida threw up an arm and half-shield me from whoever was coming.

It was Liam.

"What do you want?" Vida barked. To Liam's credit, he didn't flinch.

"I'm just...um, passing." He said, but clearly, not anymore, because he actually crouched down in front of us. Vida moved to block me from his view.

"Are you okay?" Liam asked, carefully.

"Yes, Boy Scout. Can't you see she's whooping in joy?" Vida snarled.

"Look, um, I don't know you well, and I totally understand if you don't want to—" He looked past Vida's shoulder, and straight at me. "But if you want to talk, you could talk to me, okay?"

"Back off." Vida warned. "Get back to your friends, and leave mine alone."

At that point, I saw Liam was truly hurt. To be honest, I never would've thought that Vida would feel protective towards me. But then, I realized that she must have felt the same as me—like an outsider in that room, outside of that small circle of light that we couldn't step in.

When Liam walked away without a word, I started, "Vida, you don't have to..."

"But I want to." Vida didn't look at me, but I saw the line on her shoulders hardened. "He's got his family; we gotta stick with our own."

╳ ╳ ╳

In the afternoon, I noticed that Liam and Chubs stalking past the hallway, once, twice, thrice, fast paced, so I went to follow them. Chubs couldn't really see without his glasses, and Liam had to be his guide dog, but they were obviously doing something purposefully.

"—that's five doorknobs." I saw Liam scribbled something down on a piece of paper, and continued walking. Chubs, on the other hand, couldn't move at all without guidance. "Where are you, man? I can't see—"

"Sorry, bud. Here—" Liam came back to help him, but I beat him to it. I walked over, and put Chubs' hand on my elbow, and walked towards Liam.

"Thanks, man." Chubs said. Obviously, he couldn't tell that I was not him.

"Thanks, Sheena." Liam said, a slightly embarrassed smile on him face.

Chubs almost jumped, but he must have realized that he wouldn't be able to move without me. "Sheena?"

"Yes." I said. "Do you guys need help? What are you doing?"

"I'm checking what things we'd need to get to make this place, um, inhabitable." Liam answered. "We need at least three dozens of lightbulbs, some fifty towels, and five doorknobs, so far." He tapped his pencil on a nearby door, which had a hole on it where the doorknob should have been. "Correction: six."

"And don't get me started on the kitchen. God, this is a disaster." Chubs grunted. "They've taken everything. What kind of psychos take away_ doorknobs _when they move?"

The frugal kind. Or, just desperate. The League didn't survive this long by squandering resources on lean times.

"Chubs, I think that's enough." Liam shot him a look he couldn't see. Oh, yeah, right. I'm _their _lot. I'm the League to him.

"It's okay. I, too, think this is a disaster." I said, "Can I help?"

"Well, I'll just be grateful if you could help with Hawkeye here—" Liam said, "—so I could have two free hands to do things."

"I heard that." Chubs complained.

I chuckled. "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere but here, apparently." Chubs grunted.

As I guided him away, I had half the intention to treat his eyes, so he could at least see better—he had thrown away the remains of his glasses in his fit of frustration yesterday, and I saw Ruby collected them and put them away, but there was no other real way to fix his problem, not with those lenses and a broken frame. Still, I caught myself before I could. I can't expose myself.

I hate feeling useless.

I took him back to the room we spent last night in, and to my surprise, they've left my bed the way it was. Maybe they don't mind me staying here.

"The asshole brother really didn't tell you what was going on?" As I sat him down on the cot, Chubs suddenly demanded.

"No." I said, almost corrected him on the "asshole brother" part, but didn't. "He did tell me this morning that they were in too much of a hurry to share their plan."

Chubs snorted. "I don't like him. He thinks he is smart, but he is not as smart as he thinks he is, and he is starting to make Ruby think in the same mindset." He said, "Just look at how their plan backfired, and they are not even sorry."

"He has all his time in the League to prove that the trajectory of his actions is an effective one." I sighed. "It's been working for him so far, so why stop now?"

"How could he consider this 'working'?" Chubs shot an incredulous look towards where he must have thought I was.

"It hasn't got him killed." I answered simply.

"Yet." He wrinkled his nose in disapproval, and I couldn't decide if I want to smack him or agree with him.

He went silent for a moment, and continued, "Ruby mentioned that you were not in the League for a long time?"

"Just about four months." I answered.

"And before that—?"

"Leda Corp." I said. "The same program as Nico."

Chubs raised his brows. "That'd explain your loyalty to Cole. But you are not half bad, I guess."

"I could say the same about you." I replied, not without humor.

The door opened, and in came the little girl Zu. I called out, more to inform Chubs of who just came in. "Hello, Zu."

She nodded, and came to sit beside Chubs. "Where have you been?" Chubs asked.

She didn't answer. Not verbally, anyway. She took out a piece of paper and a pencil, and the picture of her scribbling down her words was almost too much for me to handle.

She is just like me. Her voice had been taken from her, and she hadn't found the strength to get it back, not yet.

_ With Hina, then Liam. _She wrote on the paper, and I read it out loud for Chubs to hear. Hina is one of the girls we brought back from Tehachapi, who, I assumed, is Japanese like Zu.

Zu scribbled some more. _Liam has finish the checking, and is passing out charts for everyone to sign up on what they want to do. You guys could sign up, too._

I stood up immediately, and headed back to get Chubs. The three of us got to the rec room, and found two papers stuck to the door with scotch tape.

I signed up for cooking, and I saw Zu's name already on the 'Laundry' department, but Chubs—he could barely walk without help, so I guessed he'll have to pass.

Out of nowhere, Vida showed up. "I got him, girl. You can go help in the kitchen." I gave her a smile, and left. Zu took a look at Vida, and came with me.

In the kitchen, it was just as pathetic as Chubs promised—the hardware was mostly there, but almost nothing else, except for some sad canned food. Hina and Lucy, another girl from Tehachapi, were fighting to open a can of tomato sauce without a can opener.

"Let me." I walked over, took out a Swiss knife from my back pocket, and opened it for them.

Hina shot Zu an inquiring look, and asked, "_Kore wa dare_?"

It meant 'who is this?', and not in a polite way.

"_Shiina Hikari_." I answered my full name. "Look, I just want to help—"

Lucy let out a long and relieved breath, an embarrassed smile on her face, "Thank God. I was just thinking how on earth could the two of us feed all these people..."

I smiled, and said, "I'm all yours, then."

╳ ╳ ╳

When we finally whipped up some kind of dinner for everyone, Vida had claimed a table for me, Chubs, Liam and Ruby. Zu joined us, but Vida was ignoring her.

From our earlier conversation, Vida wants to stick with her own, and I get that, but it seems strange that she doesn't have the same kind of wariness towards Chubs. She seemed determined to hate Zu, who had done nothing at all beside existed.

Liam was doing some kind of...math, while Chubs struggled to put the fork in his mouth. I felt really bad for him, and had the impulse to fix his eyes again. Ruby joined us shortly afterward, still looking exhausted.

Liam told her about the food situation, and the discussion somehow, very quickly, escalated into a low-key argument on how Liam shouldn't go out to get supplies, and how Cole will 'handle it'.

I think I need to talk to him.

I followed Liam and Zu's side of the conversation as Ruby's attention had been drawn away. Even though it seemed rather personal, and I knew it was none of my business, I still felt like I should.

It took Zu a little while to write down what she wanted to tell Liam next, though.

_ You can't go. It's too dangerous out there._

"Zu, I know what I'm doing." Liam said, tenderly. "Don't worry, okay?"

Zu shook her head frantically, and Liam said, "I know, but someone has to get it done—"

No, it's not that. She's shaking her head because _you don't understand._

She started to write again. _It's too far away._

"What's too far away?" Liam asked, genuinely confused now.

Zu's brows drew near. _Arizona._

Liam let out a small choked laugh. "Why would I want to go to Arizona?"

Zu's eyes widened, and she started scribbled speedily.

_ For your parents? When I was trying to get to California, I ran into your mom there._

Jesus. Cole's mom? He needs to know—

"Wait, what?" Liam yelped. "Are you sure? I mean, positive? Why didn't you tell me before?

_ I thought you would leave to find them. I'm sorry. _Zu wrote.

"Oh, man," he said, dropping a hand on her head. "I wouldn't have. I won't. You don't have to be sorry, I get it. But are you sure? It just seems like such a coincidence—"

Before he finished, Zu continued writing. _She looked about forty-ish, have blond hair like yours. She helped a kid we met, and gave us the paperwork we need to cross the state line._

"That sounds like her...But how did it even happen? What were you doing in Arizona?"

Chubs—with glasses! When did that happened?—waved a hand in front of his friend's face. "Care to share?"

"Zu..." Liam swallowed hard before he offered an answer. "Apparently on the way over to California, Zu crossed paths with my mom.... I've been trying to figure out where they've been in hiding."

"Because they caught heat from Gray's lapdogs after you broke your stupid ass out of that camp?" Vida asked.

"Why Arizona?" Ruby asked. "Or, I guess a random choice is a good a choice as any?"

Zu was furiously scribbling something down, looking up only to shoot an exasperated look at us when we crowded over her. Liam put his hands up. "At your leisure, ma'am."

Maybe I should teach her how to sign, too.

_ They're hiding kids in their house—protecting them. She used the name you gave me, Della Goodkind, but I knew it was her because she looks and talks like you. I told her you were safe. _Zu wrote.

It sounded like what Cole would've done. Well, actually, Cole is currently doing something pretty similar, isn't he?

"Oh, God," Chubs said, "Why am I not surprised? Your whole family fell from the crazy tree and hit every damn branch on the way down."

Zu tapped the end of her pencil on her nose before continuing. _It was just for a few minutes, but she was really nice._

Liam was babbling out one question after another instantly, without even stopped for a breath in between. "Did she say anything else? Was Harry there with her? You said she's been helping kids, but did she ask you if you wanted to stay? Or any of the other girls? Is that what happened to Talon?"

"Which of those questions did you want answered first?" Chubs asked. "Because I think you just crammed ten into two seconds."

"Kylie said Talon didn't make it to California," Ruby started carefully. "Did someone hurt him? Did he...?"

"Did the kid croak?" There was a steel-cut edge to Vida's voice. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I supposed to act like the rest of them and treat you like you're a baby? You need me to coat everything in cotton candy? Or can you be a big girl?"

Liam flushed with anger. "Enough—"

"Hey—" I said.

"You have no idea what you're even talking about!" Chubs growled.

"That's not fair—" Ruby began.

As we all reacted instantly in warning, Zu seemed undaunted. She wrote something down on the paper, and held it out for all of us to see.

_ We got run down by skip tracers and he died when we crashed. A friend helped me get to California when I got separated from the others._

Run down. The way she could write these things down so unemotionally made my chest hurt. But wasn't that the same for me? Didn't I have to step away from emotion time and time again, because it was easier to just not feel it than to have to piece myself back together after I crumbled?

"Friend?" Chubs pressed. "Another kid?"

She shook her head, but didn't elaborate.

"An adult? An adult drove you?" Liam ran both hands over his face. "Oh my God, I'm scaring the crap out of myself picturing this. We never should have split up. Never. Never. Oh my God. Weren't you scared he was going to turn you in?"

Zu went even paler. She clenched her fists, and for a moment, seemed like she was going to cry.

"She's a good judge of character," Ruby said, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"And you came to that conclusion how, exactly?" Chubs asked, pushing his glasses up. "Based on the fact that she let you into the van instead of locking you out?"

"Exactly," Liam said. "I seem to recall someone trying to vote her out."

"Yeah!" Ruby said. "Thanks a lot. Trying to dump me off on some random road..."

"Excuse me for trying to look out for the group!" Chubs huffed.

I shot Vida a look. This was what she meant by 'their family', the one that include Ruby and Zu, but not us.

Zu started to write something down, but Vida ripped the paper out of her hands, held it in front of her face, and tore it straight down the middle. "If you want to say something, fucking say it."

Her chair screeched as she shoved herself back from the table, and swiped her plate from it. She threw her paper plate away, and stalked out of the room without another word. The entire table quiet down as Ruby stood to follow her.

"What was that about?" Liam shot me a demanding look.

I sighed. How do I put this?

"I think..." I began, "Well, we feel... that we are being ostracized by you."

"What does that supposed to mean?" Liam asked. For a moment there, I didn't realize what he was asking, but Chubs offered, "'Ostracized' means being excluded—"

"I know what that word mean." Liam waved him off. "You think we are pushing you away?"

"We are clearly not part of your...friend group." I said, softly, in the way I did when I reminded Cole of something. "You have inside jokes that we don't understand, and for a moment there, we couldn't join your conversation, at all."

"And that justified treating Zu like a bitch?" Chubs demanded. But Liam's expression was different. Saddened.

"No." I shook. "I'm just saying, it hasn't been easy for her..."

"You said we ostracized you both, but you didn't seem bothered." Chubs commented.

Did I? Did I really?

"I can tell you, I _am_ bothered." I said, coldly. "I just cope in different ways."

Also, because when I saw Zu, I saw myself, and there was no way I could treat her with anger.

"Look," I said, after some silence, "We're glad that you could be together all over again after everything you've been through, but you have to understand, it would never be like this for us, for Vida and me."

I didn't mean to put it like this, because the cut still seemed too deep and too fresh to be touched, but I still said it out loud, and when I did, it was like seeing it all over again. The Jude that laughed and jumped and waved his arms when he spoke, and the Jude that was under the pile of cement. The last sentence I heard him speak... What was it? God. He used to talk all the time and won't shut up, and now... everything was just so quiet.

I felt a drop of tear fell down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away.

If what I said about ostracizing had him blanched in the face, what I just said had drained every single drop of blood out of Liam's system. "Jesus. I... I never thought about that..."

"I don't blame you." I sighed. "But don't blame her, either. She's... too proud to show her pain, so she put up the front of looking angry."

To my surprise, it was Zu who showed that she understood. She slid out from her chair, and gave me a tug. I stood up, and she led me out of the rec room.

We found Vida and Ruby on the floor of the hallway. Zu was hesitant to approach at first, but Vida saw us, and she waved. She waited until Zu was looking at her before saying, "My bad, Z. I shouldn't have gone bitch on you. We cool?"

I looked at Ruby, whose face was still wet. She gave me a tight smile.

Zu offered her hand to Vida for a handshake, but she gave her a fist bump instead.

"Alright." Ruby said, "Should we go back? The boys are probably wondering where we are."

"Let 'em wonder," Vida said. "We've got some catching up to do."

╳ ╳ ╳

After ten in the night, and most of the kids gone off to bed, I found myself wondering to Cole's room. This was how we used to spend our time in HQ after he came back, and I missed those times to the point of physical pain.

I knocked, and no one answered. I sighed, didn't know where to go next, until I thought about Alban's office. Cole is the de facto leader of this place now, so it was likely that he'd be there.

And I was right. "C'mon in." When I knocked on the door, his voice came out.

I opened the door, and saw him sitting behind the desk, some files spread in front of him.

"Hey, Lilac." He said. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"We never used to sleep so early." I said as I went over to check out what he was reading. They were records of this place apparently. What was in its inventory, where they used to get supplies, who their contacts were...etc. "And you missed dinner."

"Yeah." He gave me a tight smile, and went back to the files. His face looked so tired, I wanted to drag him back to his room and put him down to sleep, but I couldn't. He was doing this for the entire Ranch, and it didn't matter what I feel about all this. "I'm sorry about our training; it might need to wait for a while. Though, I think you are more than ready to graduate."

I snorted. "Wait till I could snap an entire camp of PSFs into sleep, then you could call me 'graduated'."

"If that day comes, I hope we never need it." He drummed his fingers on the desk absentmindedly, and asked, out of the blue, "How many foods do you estimate there are in the kitchen now?"

I tried to remember the numbers on Liam's paper earlier. "It would last us about three more meals." I answered.

"Hmm." Cole ran a finger over his chin. He hadn't got the time to shave yet, and the stud there gave his jawline an unnatural sheen. "I think we have some kind of humanitarian rations here, but I'm not sure where they had put it—"

"Wouldn't the agents took it with them?" I asked.

"Nah. It's a hundred cardboard boxes of stuff, and it wasn't meant to be eaten. Not for us in the League, anyway." He shook, "I guess I'll have to figure it out tomorrow."

"Liam could help you, you know. He has already been checking inventory anyway, and he offered to go out and find—"

"Did he, now?" Cole's tone dropped in temperature instantly. "Well, that's not gonna happen. Not on my watch."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because he is careless and naïve, that's why." He shot, "He could blow our cover; he could get himself and others killed—" His voice got louder and louder before he caught himself, and let out a long and heavy breath. "Sorry, Lilac, I didn't mean to..." He shook, and raked his hand through his hair, "Can we not talk about this now?"

If not now, when? I heard myself sighed a little. "Alright." I shifted a little, not entirely sure what I want to do next. "Do you want me to leave you?"

Cole looked up, brows drawn together. After some silence, he said, "Just...give me a night."

I pressed my lips. "Good night, then."

And I left the room, leaving Cole with his endless business to get this place back in shape.

╳ ╳ ╳

Back in front of our room, I was surprised to find Zu sitting alone in front of the door.

"_Why are you still up?_" I asked in Japanese, and it got her to smile a little.

She took out the paper and wrote in Japanese,_ I wanted to wait up for you. That's what family do, is it not?_

"_Yes, it is._" I said. "_It feels really nice to speak Japanese to someone._"

She smiled. _You could speak to me any time you want._

"_Will you speak to me, too?_" I asked, and her smile went still for a moment. I thought for a second that I had said something wrong, but then she wrote,_ I want to, but I don't know how._

"_For a time, I didn't know how, either._" I said, "_But Jude—the boy we told you about? —he refused to give up, and he got me to start._"

She nodded, very slowly. Then, she wrote. _Would you practice with me?_

"_Sure_," I said, "_What would you like me to do?_"

She leaned in to whisper in my ear, "_Like this would be great._"

Her voice, though not enunciated, still sounded clear and sweat. I felt like I could cry.

"_Your voice is beautiful._" I said. She gave me a bashful smile.

_ This is what Jude would've wanted._ I thought to myself. If he was here, he would've been the one talking this girl's ears off, wearing her down day after day until she couldn't stand it and politely ask for him to shut the hell up. Since he couldn't, I'll have to do this for her. For him.

I hope he would be happy about it.


	16. Cole

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

She warned me. Last night when she came to my office—_Alban’s_ office—_Liam offered to help_. I should’ve seen it as the red flag it was. _Liam offered to help._

Help. My. Ass.

And of course they have to go out without a burner phone. Fuck. My right hand gave out a sharp twitch. I tucked it into my back pocket.

_ I am in control._ “Do not go outside until you’ve had the training you need to survive, and until we’re stocked with weapons.” I said to the entire group of kids in the rec room, “I’m going to take care of everything, and we’re going to take care of each other, but you have to listen to what I tell you, otherwise this won’t work. All right, guys?”

The kids nodded. Some voiced their affirmations.

Ruby was back to business before I really calm my head down. “—The flash drive containing the research Cole stole from Leda Corp, about whatever caused IAAN, was wiped by the EMP.”

The only kids that didn’t look devastated by the news were those in Ruby’s immediate circle. The rest of them—ah, those faces—I’d gladly go back to Leda Corp again just to wipe that desperation away.

Ruby went on to explain our next moves—setting up the plans for freeing the camps. At the moment, half of the remaining Project Snowfall file had been safely store away in our only laptop, and the other half in my room. I reminded myself that I’ll have to tell Sheena she could use my room as her own when she needs to do research.

Now, the kids had started brainstorming in group. I gave Ruby a pat on her back, threw in an approving smile, and started taking rounds around the kids.

Pushing Ruby to be the leader was the right call after all. As an “adult”, I could never get the trust she could with these kids, not in the same way. And she’s a natural. She might not be loud, or over-confident, but there’s something to her… a kind of warm earnestness, that you’d know when she said something, she meant it, and she’d work her ass off before she fails you.

But her friend clearly didn’t buy that. Chubs the four-eye—four eyes again, somehow—was currently having a low-key argument with her, which, I didn’t need to hear the content to guess what it was about.

Liam. My jerk-ass little brother who thinks he’s better than everyone else.

Too much of a saint to hold a gun. Too much of a moron to keep his ass out of troubles. _This_ is why he’s a shit soldier, why he couldn’t even stick through the training—he couldn’t keep his head down and follow the simplest order. Gosh, how many more times do I have to get him out of trouble? And how many times had he gotten _me_ into trouble?

“Cole,” Sheena’s voice broke my train of thoughts. “Are you okay?”

I looked at her, and realized that she was holding my hand. It must have been shaking again.

“I’m fine.” I said, pulling away. This doesn’t look good in front of the kids.

“If you say so.” She stepped back, almost unemotionally.

Just like that, she pulled that veil on me, like we were back to the nights we spent running and hiding from Gray’s pawns. She meant well, and I get that, but me looking vulnerable in front of these kids would help no one. They need something solid. _Someone _solid. Not to mention if one of them picked up the signs and figure this out…

“Don’t you want to join the discussion?” I asked.

“I think I’ll be more useful elsewhere.” She said, voice betrayed none of the anguish she must have felt—or was it just me? “If there’s nothing else, I want to go back to the research again.”

“Sure.” I answered rigidly, and remembered what I wanted to tell her earlier. “You can use my room whenever you want to, okay? No one’s gonna bother you there.”

Her expression was unreadable for a moment—this is insufferable; I used to be able to read every spark in her eyes—then, she gave me a smile. A faint one. With nothing but sadness in her eyes.

╳ ╳ ╳

I waited for Liam at the entrance. For one goddamn hour. When his voice—excited, exhilarated, _infuriating—_echoed through the tunnel, I was more than ready to skin his ass with pure, white-hot rage.

The moment he showed his face, my fist balled up in the front of his shirt and slammed him up against the wall.

“Jesus Christ—” Liam choked in pain, but I don’t give a damn. Might even be a little satisfied for shutting down his little parade.

As I hauled him into Alban’s office and dumped him onto the desk, he cried, “What the _hell_ is your problem?”

Oh, my problem? Guess what, it’s_ you!_

“My ‘problem’? Try finding out a kid’s gone out to get himself and two other kids killed! Are you really that stupid?”—Gosh, the _audacity_ of him— “I hope it was worth it. I hope you got to feel good about pretending to be a hero again, because you just jeopardized the whole operation! Someone could have followed you back to us—someone could be monitoring the building right now!”

Liam’s eyes flashed, and he pushed me back, hard enough that my back slammed onto the bookshelf behind me. “Play the hero?” He roared, one arm barred across my chest in a pathetic attempt to hold me in place, “You mean what you’ve been doing this whole damn time? Walking around, barking out orders like you have any right to lead these kids. Like you know how they feel or what they’ve been through?”

_ I fucking know it better than you, you little shit. _For a moment there, I almost said it out loud. Just so for once, just _once_, he wouldn’t take me—take all of this—for granted.

“I got it done,” He spat, breaking my train of thoughts. “We weren’t followed; no one ever saw us. I’ve done this a hundred times, in a hell of a lot worse places, and each time I got it done—which I would have told you if you’d treated me like I was capable of doing something besides sitting around with my thumb up my ass, waiting for someone to take care of me!”

Oh, is that it? Who was the one that had to take you in when he was on a goddamn undercover mission, then?

“Why are you acting like you actually care?” He continued, utterly oblivious of how fucking close he was to getting on my last nerve. “You ignore my existence for years, going around thinking—”

You want to go there? Sure, let’sfucking _go there_.

“You have no idea what I’m thinking,” I pushed him off, “You want to know? Really? I’ll tell you—it was _how am I going to tell Mom another one of her kids is dead?_”

It got what I wanted. Liam’s face blanched instantly, his mouth hung gaping. Head flushed by the heated sense of cruel victory, I continued, “You made me tell her, remember that? You couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t even leave Claire’s room. I had to go downstairs and stop her, because she was already making her sandwich and getting her lunch bag ready for school.”

Liam finally found his words. “Sorry—God, I’m sorry, I didn’t think—I just wanted to do something—”

I cut him off. I don’t give a shit about how sorry he thinks he is. Sorry for making me do that? Sorry for every shit that I had to push through? Sorry for making me shield all that from you with my body, my sanity, my fucking _life_?

“The only reason you’re here is because I don’t know where the hell Mom and Harry have holed up, and I can’t ship you straight to them—” There was a flash of panic in his eyes, like the way he looked when I caught him red-handed, rifling through my stuff, “—_What?_”

He didn’t say anything, just snapping his mouth shut, and that was all I need to know—he knew where they were.

A surge of fury flared up in me in an instance, and I punched him. “You know!” I bellowed. _He knew, and he didn’t tell me_. “You lied to my goddamn face! _Where are they?_”

“Cut it out!” Ruby cried—I totally forgot she was here. “Stop it, both of you!”

I saw Liam’s face twisted, and his arm pulled back. I could laugh—like he could win in a fist fight with me?—but what I didn’t took into account was Ruby, who wedged herself between us, and Liam’s fist, though losing its momentum instantly, still landed on the side of her stomach.

All the anger had evaporated from Liam’s face; taking its place, shock, and agony—the thought of hurting Ruby would’ve pain him hundreds of times more than any fight with me. Ruby’s hand grabbed him by the front of his shirt as I moved to check on her, but his arm shot up to push me off.

“Oh my God,” Liam said hoarsely, “why did you—that was so stupid—”

This, I agree. But still not as stupid as him for thinking that he could actually fight me. _Dammit._ He needs to go. I could actually get him off my hands now—

“Liam should be quartermaster.” Ruby said, out of the blue.

_ Excuse me, what?_ “That’s—” _the stupidest idea ever came out of your mouth, Gem._

“A great idea, you’re welcome.” She said, like she had somehow become the older sister of us both. “He does know where your parents are, and will happily fill you in on the details now.”

If only it’s that simple. “As a trade?” I asked. “Do you even know what a quartermaster is?”

“Of course I do,” Liam gritted. “I know you try to forget, but I was part of the League for a few months.”

_ Ha. Like I could._ Those days were sticking to the back of my mind like some black hot tar, even to this day. It took me at least a year, and volunteering for some of the shittiest Ops, to get trusted—really trusted—again after he left.

No, not left. _Deserted_.

“It’s not a trade,” Ruby cut in before I could retort. “It’s because he’ll do the best job out of anyone here. It’s a role that needs to be filled, and fast. It’s because your brothers and you love each other, and should respect each other’s capabilities and focus your energy on the actual fight in front of us, not each other. Am I wrong?”

“Gem, it has never been more obvious than now that you’re an only child.” I snorted. “The joys of siblinghood have never played well with logic.”

“Cole,” Ruby said softly, giving me a small feat of satisfaction seeing Liam tense up to the way she called my name. “He’s already been doing it.”

“It’s not a matter of whether or not he can do it, but if he deserves it,” I replied. “He disobeyed a direct order not to leave the premises and he acted without permission.” Because he is not a soldier, and that is what we need here, not heroes or wanna-be.

“Oh, right, I forgot, you elected yourself leader,” Liam said, with much more venom in his voice than I would ever give him credit for. “_So glad_ we got a vote on that. What, were you afraid someone would question why you had any qualifications for the job? What you knew about us and our lives? Or was that another decision the two of you made and kept from the rest of us, hoping we’d all just nod and trail behind you like little mice?”

Oh, I’m so gonna make you regret that, you little shit.

“My qualifications?” I sneered, ready to drop the killing blow. “Try not getting a hundred and five kids killed with a naively planned and poorly executed escape attempt from a camp that wasn’t even that bad in the first place.”

“Out of line,” To my surprise, it was Ruby who protested. “The fact that you consider_ any _camp to be ‘not even that bad’ shows you have no idea what you’re talking about. The two of you—”

“You want to punish me,” Liam cut her off, pushing her away and stepped up to me. Oh, how_ tough_ had my little brother become. “Fine. Name it. If you want to throw your weight around, just do it. I’m done with you wasting my time.”

Name it? Gladly.

“Clean the bathrooms. With bleach.”

He actually smirked. “It’s already done.”

“Clear out the backup in the sewage system.”

“Already done.”

“Laundry. A month. By yourself.”

“You let them steal all of the sheets and towels,” He said, “in case you managed to forget.”

The smirk of victory on his face had grown into a smug grin, and I want to punch him again. He thought he had won this round.

But no, actually. Not yet. I smiled.

“Then you can clean out and organize the garage.”

╳ ╳ ╳

When I got back to the office—_my_ office now, apparently—I just felt bone tired. Not only because I hadn’t sleep properly for a while now, but the kind of tiredness that seep out from the mind, from the argument earlier, from knowing Ruby is going in to handle the Little Prince, from…just everything.

I sank into the chair, and closed my eyes for a second. Just for a second, and I’ll have to deal with the ammo, the electronics, the _plans_…

I must have fallen asleep, because the moment I heard her voice, and opened my eyes, I felt like I had been dragged out from a pool of mud.

Sheena was standing by the door, looking hesitant to come in for some reason. “Hey, Lilac.” I said softly. Not seeing her for only a few hours already made me miss her to the point of physical pain. “What time is it?”

“About two in the afternoon.” She walked in, and laid a plate on the desk in front of me. On it, a sandwich. “You didn’t show up for lunch. I was a little worried.”

I picked up the sandwich. The bread is fresh. “Did you make this just for me?”

“The lasagna we had for lunch was cleared out in minutes.” She sighed, “And I figured you need to have at least one hand free.”

“Thanks.” I smiled. Having her here, I could finally relax. She came to sat down in the chair opposite the desk, and her expression froze.

“What happened to your hand?” She asked.

I turned my right hand over, and saw the bruises crowning the knuckles. “I, um, had an argument with Liam earlier, and might have got carried away—”

“You hit him?” She clarified.

“A little.” I said.

She narrowed her eyes at me, and sighed. “Did you fight Ruby, too?”

I choked a little. “How do you know?”

She pressed her lips. “I wish it was less obvious.” After a moment, she reached out. “Give me your hand.”

“You don’t have to—” I began, but she shot me a look that was the closest to being murderous I had ever seen coming from her, so I shut up. I laid my hand on hers, and the familiar feeling of warm flush told me that I had been healed.

“Thanks.” I said, and she let out a small but sharp breath from her nose, almost like a grunt.

“Liam is trying to help.” She said, “Try not to kill him, or get yourself killed.”

Now that’s insulting. “I don’t think he could even if he tried.”

“He’s a Blue.” She said coldly, “Theoretically speaking, he could pop your head clean off your shoulder with nothing but his will.”

“And I’m a Red. I could—”

“Yes, but he doesn’t know that.” She cut me off, “And I think you’d rather let him kill you than let him know.”

I was speechless. She’s absolutely right.

“Fine.” I sighed. “I won’t skin his ass.”

Her brows were still furrowed. She wasn’t satisfied, but it took her a moment to speak her mind. “Ruby told me what you were fighting about.” She said, “I don’t know what it is that’s been keeping you from trusting Liam, but he really seems like an okay guy—”

“Is that so?” I felt my temper flared up inside me, “You have no idea what he’s like. Do you know when he broke out of his camp, he got more than a hundred kids killed? Not to mention he almost ruin our plan of getting the HQ back—”

“Those weren’t his fault—”

“Enough.” I snapped, and she almost flinched. The flash of fear in her eyes was like a slap to my face. I let out a breath, and squeezed my eyes shut. “Please, Sheena. I don’t want to fight…”

“Me, either.” She said, saddened. “I just want to help.”

If we had been in our room, sitting on my bed like we used to, I would’ve pulled her into my arms and give her a good, firm hug. But now she’s sitting across from me, with a desk between us, the distance almost felt unbearable.

“You’re already very helpful with the cure—” I said, and saw her eyes dimmed. She hadn’t figure it out yet.

“It’s okay.” I said before she could confirm my thoughts. “We have time.”

“I’m sorry…” She said in an almost-whisper. “I know how important this is to you—”

At this, I did stand up and close up the distance between us. “Don’t worry about me. I should be the least of your concern, all right?” I put both my hands on her shoulders and said.

She shook, and gave me a tight smile. “You’ll always be the first I worry about.”

I let out a soft breath through my nose. “Then I must take a better care of myself, mustn’t I?”

“Please do.” She said, smiling wryly.

╳ ╳ ╳

I met Ruby in front of the computer room. In there, all the Green kids here seemed to gather in front of the only laptop we have here. Except for the one hour these kids allowed Sheena to check and copy the research—and I had to ward them off every second of that hour—they had been having this computer all to themselves, but mostly, Nico was the one using it. Still, the way they gawked at the laptop, you’d thought that they were jackals, not kids.

Uh, I’m so not fitted to deal with kids. This is supposed to be Conner’s job.

“She should have listened to us.” Ruby blurted after I told her Conner hadn’t checked in yet. 

I lay a hand on her shoulder. “Mark my words, Gem. Conner will come crawling back tomorrow, tail tucked between her legs when they reject her. This’ll be good for her. Everyone needs reality to punch them in the face every once in a while. Keeps you on guard.”

She frowned, and sank into a deep silence. As far as I’m concern, Conner is just too naïve for her own good, but Ruby is closer to her and Liam, the sentimental lot, so she still doubts herself whenever the hard choice had to be made.

One of the Greens, a girl named Erica—I made it my business to remember all of their names—turned around and saw me, so I gave her a wave and a smile. She blushed, and hid her face behind Nico’s gaunt form.

After a little coxing, Ruby gave me the piece of paper with the IP address and password on it—she still hasn’t forgiven Nico for what he did with the President’s boy—and I figured, maybe she needed someone to straighten things out for her. Like how much I had needed it when I was trapped in the darkness, so damn convinced that no one will ever understand me.

“Hey, Ruby,” I said, almost didn’t get the words out of my throat. “The thing is...what they don’t tell you about forgiveness is this—you don’t give it for the other person’s sake, but your own.”

Because if I didn’t at least _try_ to forgive—my dad, Harry, Liam, Conner…—I’d never survive to this day.

“Who’d you steal that one from?” She snorted.

“That one’s courtesy of having lived and learned.” I gave her a smile, hoping it didn’t come out wry.

She rolled my eyes. “Oh, I’m sure—” And she cut herself off.

Ruby had always been a very perceptive person. Whatever it was, I must have betrayed it in my eyes, and she caught it, however brief it had shown.

“Who did you have to forgive?” She asked, voice filled with tender concern.

I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t even really _think_ about it… How many nights had I flared up in sleeps, dreaming of the anger I could neither contain nor let go? It was…hell. Very literally. Fire and hatred and sulfur and screams, all that.

“It’s not—listen, it doesn’t matter, just—just think about it?” I stumbled on my words, trying to defuse her attention.

She held me in a careful gaze, but the longer she looked at me, the harder it became to look back at her. This is the kind of gaze that reaches into your eyes and catches your soul naked, and I just don’t want to be bare, not now. I broke the eye contact as soon as I could, and all but escaped into the computer room.

We started checking on the data on the server Clancy Gray “provided”. It was hard to see both Nico and Ruby confronted by the images, and with those, memories of Thurmond, but they wouldn’t face away. They have hearts of steel.

A moment later, Senator Cruz joined us, and I struck a deal with her—saving her daughter, in exchange of weapons, resources, and technologies. It would work in our favor—we need to run our big plan in a scale model anyway, and the camp her daughter is in—a camp named Oasis—is a perfect size for us to take down with limited resources and manpower.

Oasis, then Thurmond. That’s our endgame.

After the senator left the room to make contact to her Canadian friends—I might have thrown in one of my signature smile when I bid her goodbye, just for good measure—I looked back to Ruby, but she wasn’t looking at me. In fact, she didn’t register my voice or my wave at all when I was trying to get her attention. She just looked…blank.

“Ruby? Are you okay?” I asked, waving a hand over her eyes.

“Yeah,” She finally came to. “Why?”

“You just...were staring around the room, but you didn’t—” I explained.

“I’m fine,” She cut me off. “So the plans—the ones the kids made? You’ve read them?”

“Yeah,” I said, slipping into Nico’s seat in front of the laptop and started checking what more’s in there. “They’re not bad, but I seem to remember a better one.”

“Whose?”

“Yours,” I’m surprised she asked._ Isn’t it obvious?_ “You put together a whole plan for hitting Thurmond, remember? Gave it to Alban behind Conner’s back.”

The truth is, what really intrigue me the most about her, wasn’t just the fact that she lied to Alban for me and Liam, but also the fact that she so diligently and fervently put together that plan on freeing Thurmond. It took me only ten seconds in reading that file to know that this kid wants the same thing as me, and would be determined enough to make it happen.

“This thing about Thurmond...it sucks. I know that’s a crappy word to express the magnitude of how terrible it is, but it just plain sucks and we’re going to have to work harder and faster now.” And the hard truth is, none of those plans those kids cooked up could work, because they lack a real grasp on what Thurmond really is. “We have until the beginning of March to get our act together. It would help to have a fully formed plan to run with so we can jump into action—the one you spent months thinking through.”

I picked out a notepad and tossed it to her. “Here. Write it out—everything you remember from your original idea. I’ll work on combining everyone’s ideas into something cohesive and realistic for tonight’s meeting.”

I left her to her writing, whereas I got back to check the content of that server. Thurmond, Cardinal, Tribes, FC, PSF…

Jamboree.

I know I shouldn’t click. I know it down to my guts, but I couldn’t resist. Ruby said _the truth is bad enough that he doesn’t have to embellish it_.

I want to know the truth.

I clicked. A girl, crying, in a white room. Water poured down on her. She was shivering, but the woman in white coat lend her no help. _Please. Make it stop. I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again. _She was begging. The sound from the speaker grew louder and louder. I closed the window, and opened another one. A boy, surrounded by doctors. His skull was opened, and they poked around in his brain. His eyes were opened, and his face streaming with tears. He was screaming. Another video. A boy, strung up to a post, wires sticking out of his head, threshing against the restraint. With one heavy jerk and a beastly cry, he flared up. The fire subsides. He panted and shook. Then another wave of electric shock arrived, and he combusted again. There was a cold and constant commentary off screen, telling the viewer what kind of stimulation they were creating with the electric shocks. Anger. Disgust. Desperation. Fear—

I didn’t notice Ruby was standing behind me until she rested her hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and back down instantly. I restarted the video without a word.

It wasn’t that I don’t want to cure myself, but this is something more now—just having the cure for me, for us, is not enough. They needed it, just so no one would ever use them like this. Sheena is working so hard, and it hurt me so much to see her coming up with nothing so far, but the thing is, maybe she would never come up with anything. We can’t gamble with this.

“Ruby,” I said, turning halfway towards her, trying not to let the strain in my voice show. “After tonight...after we have our Op strategy...I want you to do everything in your power to find Lillian Gray. Everything. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” She answered, softly. “I do.”


	17. Sheena

Cole’s room looked exactly the same as the one he had in HQ. Unlike Cate, he doesn’t personalize his room. Other than the picture of his sister and mother on the nightstand, there was almost no evidence suggesting that this room was inhabited.

Maybe it really wasn’t. For all I know, he might have spent all his nights in Alban’s office since we got here. His bed looked otherwise untouched, and the copy of Project Snowfall lay on his desk exactly the way I left it.

I sank down in the make-shift chair—a wooden crate I found in the storage room—and started flipping through the papers again. For the moment, the info I gathered is that the mutations happened to our brains, in Blues’ and Greens’ case, in the cerebral cortex, but in other cases, it might be in the limbic system, even the brainstem.

But this information really gets us nowhere. Even if I somehow managed to identify the mutated brain area in every color, I wouldn’t know how to fix it—I don’t have that information here, not the nature of the mutation, nor the proposed treatment or the dosage.

I need help. That much is clear. Just as I was thinking about asking Cole to…I don’t know, get me a doctor here or something—I wish like hell Dr. Thorne is here—the door opened.

It was Liam, holding a chair, for some reason. “Oh, hi, Sheena. Sorry to barge in.” He said, “I didn’t know you’d be here. I should’ve knocked.”

“It’s okay.” I said.

“I’m just here to get Cole this…” He came in, and propped the chair down beside me, “I noticed this room was lacking one of these yesterday, and I just happened to find some in the garage—”

“Thanks.” I said. Actually, his intention was to help his brother, not me, which made me even more sad that he wasn’t here to receive this. But then again, maybe they’ll just have another fight. It had seemed like whenever I tried to talk to Cole about Liam, he’d snap.

“How’s the garage coming along?” I asked. “Do you need help?”

“It’s okay. You have other things to attend to, anyway.” He leaned over to check on the paper. “You’re still working on that, huh? Got anything yet?”

“No.” I sighed. “Well, actually, I did get something. It suggests that the mutations are the result of anomalies in different brain areas, most noticeably in cerebral cortex, but also the thalamus, pineal body, and, I suspect, part of medulla oblongata and interventricular foramen—”

“Was that English?” Liam asked. “Because I don’t think I understand any of it. Well, maybe besides ‘different brain areas’.”

I almost laughed. “Sorry, I got a little carried away. That was a very pretentious way to say that the mutations have something to do with our brain.”

“Hmm, figures.” He said, and I did laugh this time. Liam has this distinctive kind of warm about him. Very different from that of his brother’s fire.

“You know what? I think Chubs would be very interested in all these.” He continued after I was done laughing, “He is the only person I know that could possibly understand all those medical mumble jumble—”

“Really?” I asked. “How? Did he receive special training at any point?”

“No, he sort of…trained himself.” He said, “His dad is a doctor, and on top of that, he’s a huge nerd. He reads medical textbooks as bedtime readings.”

That is kind of impressive. I always assumed that most people would fallen into utter idleness if given no purpose to learn or work, but apparently that’s not Chubs. Even if he would probably never become a proper medical doctor, he still educated himself as much as he could just for the heck of it.

“Do you think he would be willing to help?” I asked. “With these?”

“Oh, I think the only reason he hasn’t trampled over me and sat down on this chair is because he doesn’t know you’re working on this.” He said, “Should I send him your way?”

“Please, that would be most helpful.” I said.

“You got it.” He stood up and was ready to leave, but I called him again.

“Liam?” I asked.

“Yes?” He whipped his head back.

“Could you grab some…fruits, the next time you go out?” I asked. The lack of vitamins in everyone’s diet had started to show—probably less obvious to others, but I noticed.

“Oh, sure.” He said, “Anything else?”

“Just Chubs.” I said. “For now.”

╳ ╳ ╳

Chubs came in only less than a minute later. “Liam said you are working on the cure?” was the first thing he said.

“I don’t want to keep your hopes up, but yes.” I said, “There is no real breakthrough at the moment though.”

“What do you have so far?” He asked as he sat down on the chair Liam brought in, propping his glasses up a little.

So I repeated my findings to him. After hearing my words, he sank into a deep contemplation. Then, he started flipping through the papers, and noting things down here and there.

“I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert in Neuroscience or anything, but I don’t get why they don’t use fMRI to do the scanning.” He said, “Look at these images. They are all PET or MEG, no fMRI, but—”

“—fMRI is more accurate when spatial precision is concern.” I continued, “If they are trying to pinpoint the mutated area, wouldn’t spatial precision be crucial?”

“That’s what I thought, too.” He said, “I understand that there could be some time-sensitive factors we didn’t took into account,” he tapped the end of the pen on the paper, “But what I don’t get is why they didn’t use cross references? Like that should be the logical thing to do, right? So unless there are a third factor we haven’t found out about yet, or—”

“The mutation wouldn’t show on a fMRI scan.” I finished.

He nodded, solemnly.

So what wouldn’t show on fMRI? I used to have a lot of trouble learning about different neuroimaging techniques, and the only reason I passed Dr. Thorne’s endless quizzes was because Jack reviewed the class materials with me, over and over again.

So, if my memory serves me right, fMRI relies on observing blood flows to detect brain activities, and it is precisely because it uses blood flows as the indicator and not the neurotransmissions or neural oscillations that cause it to be less chronically accurate…

Wait.

_ Oh, god._ I almost jumped before I caught myself, and started flipping through the papers furiously.

“What?” Chubs yelped, but I didn’t answer him, not right away.

“Here!” I found the page I was looking for. It had some EEGs on it. “See? The patterns of brainwaves in a mutated brain are similar, but the amplitude is significantly higher.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” He asked.

“I’m not gonna guess what you think I’m saying. I’m gonna tell you—” I said, “—it is an electrophysiological mutation, not a structural one. Our brains send out stronger electric impulses, but the physical compositions—”

“—didn’t change.” He finished.

“Yes! Exactly!” I said.

For a moment there, Chubs almost laughed. I saw the excitement sparked in his eyes, and he was only an inch away from exclaiming the joy he must have felt, just like me. But then, his eyes dimmed.

“But how is that going to help us?” He said, almost to himself.

And that took all the wind out of me.

“I don’t know.” I sighed.

If it is a physical composition problem, I could very easily fix it, but brainwaves are not something to be trifle with—any single impulse could be a memory, a habit, or a piece of knowledge. By meddling with them, I could very literally _break_ someone.

“It’s…still good.” He said, after some silence. “This is still some break through.” I wondered if he said that just to make himself feel better, or did he said that for my sake.

“Yeah.” It took me a while to affirm. “It’s still good.”

╳ ╳ ╳

I totally forgot my duty in the kitchen that afternoon, but after Vida came to call us to dinner, and Chubs and I went to the rec room, Lucy told me that Liam had explained things for me.

Cole was nowhere to be seen for the entire meal. It wasn’t until the scheduled meeting time, and we all gathered in the computer room, did he came in, almost bouncing on his heels, with an obviously very-pleased Senator Cruz.

“Okay,” Cole said, clapping his hands together. “So. Thank y’all for all of your ingenious planning and scheming. I reviewed everything, and I think we’ve landed on a winning strategy.”

He walked up to the white board behind him—there was a map of the US plastered to the wall beside it, with some small red pins Chubs and Vida had put on moments ago, locations of the tribes of Psi Clancy Gray kept tracks on—and he drew a line in the middle; on one half, he wrote down THURMOND, and the other, OASIS.

“We’re going to be making two hits: one, Oasis, is in Nevada. It’ll serve as a kind of test run for our big hit on Thurmond in five weeks’ time. In addition to getting those poor kids out, think of Oasis as an opportunity to work out the kinks in our strategy.”

This must have been some decisions he made with Senator Cruz and Ruby. As far as I know, there is absolutely no one else included in his decision making process at the moment.

“One or two volunteers will enter Oasis ahead of the actual hit.” He turned to face the group of Greens sitting directly in front of him, “We’re going to need to install a small camera in the frames of someone’s glasses, and it can relay back to us here. We need to get a sense of the compound’s layout to fine-tune our timing.”

“Why glasses?” Senator Cruz asked. “Won’t those be taken when they’re brought into the camp, too?”

“No, they’re considered essential items,” Ruby was the one to answer. “They’re probably the only things that won’t be taken.”

“The catch is, the kids who volunteer can’t have been previously in a camp. PSF policy dictates that kids be returned to the original camp they were processed through, and Oasis is a relatively new camp.” He continued, looking at the kids with firm gaze. “There is absolutely no pressure to participate. Like I said, this is purely volunteer.”

I closed my eyes, and let out a little breath. I had never been in a camp before, and I highly doubt that I’m in any database, but I don’t need to be a Green to know Cole’s reaction if I were the one to volunteer. But the thought of any of these kids going in…they are so young. More than half of them are no older than 13.

And then it hit me. We’re here to fight. It wouldn’t matter if they go in the camp or not. They will be fighting, and they will get hurt; they will get scarred, whether it be from someone else’s bullets or by firing one at someone else. They won’t come out of this the way they come in, like how I was never the same after Leda Corp.

The thought made me want to scream. What if they became something like me? What if the experience was so traumatizing, that monsters grew inside them, too?

“That aspect of the plan won’t be necessary for Thurmond, as we have three people who have been inside of the camp and are intimately familiar with its layout.” Cole continued. “The other difference between this and the big hit is what we’re doing with the kids we free. From what intel we have, Oasis has approximately fifty kids, all of whom I’d like to have return with us. Depending on how willing they are to fight, we can ask them to join us in the Thurmond hit, or we can slowly return them back to their parents, a few kids at a time.”

“Are we still going to go out and try to round up the tribes of kids?” Chubs asked, jerking his thumb back toward the map.

Cole nodded. “We’ll start sending out cars once we have supplies. We need as much manpower as possible if we’re going to pull this off ourselves.”

He moved on to explain the detail they have so far for the Oasis hit, which is not so detailed to be honest, but we couldn’t possibly have anything better until we know what is inside the walls of the camp, hence the need of those kids to go in with a camera. The only solid thing in the whole plan is that Ruby would be influencing the camp controller.

“Fifty kids is a hell of a lot different than three thousand kids.” Out of the blue, Liam said.

“Better to run this through on a scaled model,” Cole replied simply, the smile on his face identical to the one he had when Sen challenged him in the warehouse.

“Okay, that may be true, but other than giving us practice, and rescuing a small group of kids, what is this going to accomplish?”

Oh, god. Here we go again. If there’s one thing I know Cole hates—actually _hates_—is being questioned in front of people, whether it be his leadership status, his decision, or just him as a person in general. See where that had gotten Sen.

Cole put his hands on his hips, one brow raised. “That’s not enough for you? Really?”

“No, I mean—” Liam ran an agitated hand back through his hair. “The plan is good, but couldn’t it serve as something else, too? Are we going to release the photos or video that’s taken so people can actually see what conditions are like in there?”

A few kids murmured in agreement, including Lucy, who added, “I like that idea a lot. People should have the opportunity to see what it’s really like.”

“Do you have the means to do that without Gray tracing their source, swooping in, and blowing this place sky high?” Cole asked, in a tone that could almost be interpreted as amused, except it definitely wasn’t.

Liam’s face was still hard, but he didn’t press. Cole had won this round.

“Whose plan was this?” Chubs asked. “I read through all of them, and I don’t recognize it....”

“It’s a combination of a number of them.” Cole answered, almost without missing a beat. “I pulled the best elements from each.”

The expression on Chubs’ face told me that it was a lie. If I want an answer there, I guess I’ll have to ask Cole later.

“Senator?” Cole motioned for her to step up.

“Ah, yes,” she said, “I was able to secure a promise of supplies from my contacts in Canada. Food, gasoline, technology, and a limited supply of guns. The issue is that they refuse to bring them across the border into California. They want to bring them in by boat to Gold Beach, Oregon. Is that doable?”

Liam spoke up before Cole did. “I just need a map and a car, both of which I can find around here.”

“And at least three kids as backup,” Cole amended. “Kylie, Zach, and Vida.”

“And me—” I heard Ruby piped up, but she was cut off by Nico’s furious slam on the table. We all turned to find him stumbling backward, tripping on his chair, fist pressed against his mouth.

No, not furious. Despaired.

Ruby was the closest to him, and he looked up to her as we gathered around him, trying to make sense of what was on the laptop’s screen.

“Cate,” Nico cried, “Cate. Ruby, they took her—they took Cate.”

I had never felt blood drain out of my head so fast—in fact, so fast that I almost couldn’t make sense of what he said. _What did he mean? Who took her?_

It took only a look at the screen to catch on. It was playing a video on loop, showing a footage of a military convoy apprehending a group of people, loading them onto a truck. The group of people were all hooded, wearing black head to toe—standard Op getups—and as if that’s not enough, the caption on the lower edge of the screen reads: _Children’s League Agents Captured in Colorado. _Before I could say anything, one of the prisoners at the end of the row—a smaller figure—turned their head towards the side, and a lock of hair fell out of their hood.

It was platinum blond.

_ Cate. Oh, god. Cate._ For some reasons, the first thought that stormed into my head was the image of Cole’s blooded back, wounds crisscrossing on it in red and purple and black lines.

That is going to happen to Cate.

No. Not just that. Cole had his back whipped and his bones broken because they need things from him. They don’t now, not with her.

They are going to kill her.

“You son of a bitch!” Vida screamed, frenzy in fury as she lashed towards Cole. Out of pure instinct, I wedged myself between them. “Vida, don’t—”

“This is on you, asshole! _Goddammit—dammit—_” If it wasn’t for Chubs pinning her to his chest, Vida would’ve lashed onto Cole by now, tore me apart along the way. She tried to head-butt Chubs, but only knocked his glasses of, and Zu rushed to pick it up before it could be trampled.

It took us all another moment to let everything sink in, but I didn’t need that extra moment. I was already suffocating as it was… I should’ve gone with her. I should’ve stopped her from leaving. I should’ve—

“What does the AMP watermark mean?” Liam asked out of nowhere, and if I hadn’t been so shaken, I would wonder how the _fuck_ did he manage to be asking something as trivial as _watermark_. “It’s in the upper right-hand corner of the video.”

“That’s short for Amplify,” Senator Cruz answered him. “They’re an underground news outlet. Gray must be livid. They’ve shown he hasn’t successfully stamped out the League in the Los Angeles attacks like he promised.”

“Do they collect information? How do they distribute it?” Liam pressed. “Do you have any contacts there?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“But it doesn’t matter, Lee,” Cole cut in.

“Look at this,” Liam said, gesturing toward the laptop. “They got the video to a major online news outlet. They convinced them to run it, knowing that Gray could come—” Kids were nodding now, whispering, but I had toned out half way through. I just want to yell at him, _shut up, please, shut up—_ “—Amplify could help us get the word out, and then the parents will want to do something to help the kids themselves. They’ll go to the camps, stage protests—”

“Liam!” Cole barked. “Pay attention to what’s important here. New organizations cannot be trusted, no matter how underground they claim to be. They’ll sell you out in a second if it means attaching their name to a good story. You want to know why I won’t contact them? Because I don’t want to risk the lives of everyone here by accidentally or intentionally revealing our location. We can do this ourselves. _End of discussion_.”

Now Cole is really angry. Really, really angry. Liam stood up against him, and he stepped up, too, staring his brother down, eyes filled with pure rage.

“We have to go after them,” Vida said. “Where is the nearest prison bunker to where they were picked up? Would they fly them east? They’d have to keep them alive, they’d want to interrogate them, right? We can put our ear to the ground, stage an Op—”

“We can’t do that, Vida, and you know it,” Cole said, face still rigid, but there’s a sympathetic light in his eyes now that he had looked away from his brother.

“What the _fuck_—” Vida snapped.

“Hey—hey! You think I don’t want to go after my friend? You think I want her to go through this? No one deserves this, least of all Cate. It’s too late to do anything. You’re right, they’re probably going to try to bring them in for interrogation, but once they have them underground, they’re gone. They’ve disappeared. We’re not ever—” He swallowed. “We’re not going to see any of those people alive again.”

No. _No, no, no…_

Vida let out a scream of frustration. “We got your ass out! We got you out of one of those prisons—”

“With a fully armed, well-trained tactical team,” Cole said, “and even then there were casualties. Even if we find where they’ve brought them, do you honestly think Cate could live with herself knowing that any of you were hurt trying to get her out? This is why we had that rule in the League. If you’re caught, we can’t come for you.”

Jack’s life for Cole’s. Who’s going to die for Cate, then?

“Yeah, unless it’s you,” she snarled. Cole closed his eyes, taking that one silently.

“You’re always bragging about those crazy-ass missions you went on,” Vida continued, her voice taking on a pleading tone as she sagged, and I realized the only reason she was still standing was because Chubs was holding her. “Why not this one? Why?”

“Because this one wouldn’t be crazy, it’d be suicidal,” Cole said. “And the fastest, best way we have of getting her and the others out is to see our plan through. It’s to get Gray out of office.”

“Talk to Harry,” Liam said. “He has contacts in the different branches of the military. He can recommend someone to talk to.”

Cole looked like he was ready to argue, but the moment came and left in a flash, and he rubbed his eyes before he continued, “The bigger concern we have now is deciding whether to stay here or go. Any one of them could compromise our location.”

“You said that your plan was to trick them into thinking we were going, too,” Chubs said. “That we weren’t coming here at all.”

“Right.” Cole hesitated. “But Conner knew that we were staying.”

“Oh, fuck you!” Vida yelled, finally breaking out of Chubs’ hold. “_Fuck you,_ Stewart! You think she’d give us up?”

“Having experienced their interrogation methods firsthand, darlin’,” Cole said, his voice taken on an acidic tone, “I would say that is an unfortunate possibility.”

“She won’t.” Ruby’s voice, sounding almost too detached to be real, chimed in. “Cate would die before she’d tell them.”

I closed my eyes at her words, feeling a drop of tears falling down my cheek. It doesn’t matter what we could do. Even though Vida could throw a truck at Gray’s army, Nico could break us into almost any security system, Ruby could read and manipulate minds, and I could literally bring someone back from death if they weren’t dead for too long and weren’t too damaged, it doesn’t matter. We don’t know where to find them. Cate is going to die. Maybe she is already dead.

I sagged onto the floor, feeling someone blew past me and dashed out of the room. I curled up into a ball, burying my face behind my knees, letting the familiar white numbness washed up in me. The other kids buzzed around me, and I had the oddest impulse of wanting to scream at them. _Have you had enough of an entertainment? Do you enjoy watching other people’s misery?_

I felt a soft hand on my back, and a female voice, “Oh, sweetheart—” It was Senator Cruz. I shook, wanting to shift away from her touch. I can’t be here. This is too dangerous. It is exactly situation like this where the monster comes out and take control. I should be away, keeping the monster down, doing something to keep myself busy—anything at all—

I straightened my back, and took in a deep breath. “I’m okay.” My voice came out more stable than I expected. Looking up, I saw Cole looking back at me, a deep frown locked together with a steely gaze. “If you’ll excuse me.” I stood up, and left the room, fully aware of the lines of sight following me out, but couldn’t care anymore.

╳ ╳ ╳

I didn’t break down again until I reached Cole’s room. It had become so hard to breath with each step forward, but at least I made it. I sank onto the floor, back against the door, and finally, cry my heart out.

_ We’re not seeing any of those people alive again. Cate would die before she’d tell them. _Their voices rang in my head, repeating the bleak truth like a spike thrusting into my chest over and over again. In and out, in and out…

Maybe we are all dead, and this is hell. Otherwise, how would there be no end to this pain? I didn’t realize, not for the first few moments, that this was the mindset I was in back in the Leda Corp lab.

I just want the pain to stop.

I didn’t know how much time had passed, until the door behind me pushed against my back. It must have been a really long time, because my hips were numb when I tried to move, and there were specks of white on the corner of my eyes, neither of which happen all that much on me. I shifted a little, and a voice came from the other side of the door.

“Lilac, do you mind if I come in?” It was Cole.

I stood up and wiped my face with my sleeves as I let him in. The moment he saw my face, he sighed, closed the door behind him, and pulled me into his arms.

Face buried in his chest, surrounded by his heat and his scent, I suddenly realized that I had no tears left to cry. Had it been an hour earlier, I would’ve cry my heart out in his arms, but now…I could only sigh.

“Cole,” I said, voice muffled against his shirt. “Did you really mean it when you said we won’t see them alive again?”

He didn’t answer immediately. “Yes.” He said, “But not now. I don’t mean it anymore.” His arms loosened up a little, and he looked down to me, “Kansas HQ would be looking into this. I’ll make some contact, meet up with someone, see if I could get any news from them—”

“Take me with you.” I said, “I can’t bear it if you don’t come back, either—”

He pressed his lips tight, and it looked like a painful smile. “I will be just fine, Lilac.”

I let out a breath, and buried my face in his chest again. _I can’t lose him, too._ I wrapped my arms around his waist, breathing his smoke in. In and out. In and out. We could be okay. We’ll get her out. His arms tightened up a bit around me, and I did the same with him.

A moment later, he said, “By the way, if you don’t mind, I hope you could take a look on Ruby’s feet tomorrow.”

“What happened to her feet?” I asked. It’s oddly specific, and oddly… everything, that she’d hurt herself hard enough for Cole to require her be healed.

“The kid…I guess you each has your own way to cope, but hers wasn’t the healthiest.” He said, “After she left the computer room, she went to run her feet broke.”

Oh, dammit. Ruby must have taken this so much harder than anyone else. I should’ve been there for her. “I’ll go to her now—”

Cole didn’t loosen up. “She’s sleeping now, and she needs it.” He brushed a hand over my hair, “This can wait.”

I nodded, and looked up to his face. He had looked so sad, and so beautiful at the same time. I reached up to touch his face, and for a moment, just want to take this in, drink in the sight of him. I want to remember this, every detail of his face, the way his brows slightly furrow, and how his eyes shimmer, because time has never seemed more precious than it is now. Any moment, the world could rain fire on us, and I can’t lose this…I can’t lose him…

But just before I could come up with something to say, to tell him how much I had needed him—how much I still need him—a voice rang in my head.

_ He did this._

It was my own voice, but not my own thought.

I stepped back, feeling myself drained of all color. It just spoked to me again. My monster spoke to me, and it blamed him.

“What happened?” Cole’s voice instantly strained with concern. I don’t know how to answer.

_ It’s not blaming when it’s the truth. _It continued.

“Are you okay?” He asked again. I looked up to him, frantic. My monster just spoke to me. I wanted to say.

_ If you tell him, he’ll never touch you again. _The voice said before I could.

I took another step back, pulling a safe distance between me and him. “It’s…nothing.” I said, too distraught to convince anyone, least of all Cole.

“You don’t look it.” He said, voice worried. He stepped up, and I stepped back again.

“Cole…” I said, swallowing hard, throat feeling excruciatingly dry. “Could you leave me, just for one night?”

The look on his face was unmistakably hurt, but he didn’t protest. He let his arms dropped to either side of him, and sighed. “If you say so.”

Then he turned to leave the room.

_ Finally. _The voice said as the door clicked shut behind him.

No, no, no. This is not happening. Since when did my monster grow to this size—this strength—

_ I had always been this strong. _It said. _I just didn’t say anything until your shit falls apart._

No. This has gotta stop—

_ The least you could do is talk directly to me._

“What do you want?” I exclaimed. It wasn’t until I heard my own voice, did I realize I had spoken out loud.

It took my monster out of the blue, apparently, because it didn’t answer for a moment.

_ I want you to let me live. _It said, eventually. _I want to breathe._

“And I didn’t?” I asked, but before I heard its answer, I knew it myself. I didn’t.

_ Smart girl. _It said in an amused voice. _But do you really think he can help you? You need me, not him. I could teach you so much—_

“Stop!” I cried. “I don’t need your help! You killed someone with my hands!”

_ I did it to save you. _It said coldly. _I saved you more times than that precious golden boy of yours…_

“At what cost?” I asked, voice shaking.

_ Not your life. _It…spat? _You gave up on yourself too easily, but in case you didn’t notice, I also need this body to live. If I could take better care of this body, would you give it to me?_

I kept silent. Me talking to it is exactly what it wants.

_ Don’t be childish._

I remained silent.

It let out a sound very close to a laugh. _You can’t run away from me. _It said, amused again. _I am you._

I closed my eyes, refused to talk again. With that, I could feel the numbness subsided, giving my head some space again. It left, at least for now. I let out a breath, and sank onto the floor, back flat against the cold tiles.

I’m so tired. It was the last thought I had before I fell into utter oblivion.


	18. Cole

“You.” I banged on the glass to wake the boy sleeping on the other side. It is three in the morning, not that it would matter much to him—the lights here stay on whole day through—but he _was_ sleeping. “Get up. You’re having a word with me.”

He didn’t move at all, except lifting his arm off his face. “Fancy you here, Stewart.” He said, turning only his face towards me, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I know you’re not giving us everything you know, so spill.” I said.

He raised his eyebrows. “And what’s in it for me?”

“How about letting you keep your life?” I retorted.

He snorted. “I think we had already established that you’re _not_ killing me.”

That much is true. I hated that so much. But if stick can’t work, we still have carrots. We—well, _I_—had already given him well more than he deserved. The blanket and the pillows were all granted yesterday under the futile hope that he would let more slip if he’s comfortable. Not to mention the clean clothes.

But I have more tricks up my sleeves.

“I heard you are bored.” I said, and took out a copy of _A Farewell to Arms _from the bag I brought in. “And I heard you like books.”

One look at the president’s boy confirmed my victory. His eyes sparked before he could contain it with a front of contempt—he’s taken that bait. This had been my one gift, what makes me a good agent; a great one, even—the postures and the facial expressions might lie, but eyes never do, and I catch those lights in people’s eyes like no one else can.

“I want _War and Peace_.” He said.

“Don’t have that here.” I said. It’s the truth, but even if I do have it here, I would still lie. In interrogation, you never give the prisoner what they want off the bat. “But I could find it in my heart to get you a copy—”

“If I’m a good boy?” He finished.

“Looks like you know the drill.” I said.

He let out a long sigh. “What do you have there?”

“Guess.”

He rolled off his bed, and stood up. “Stewart, you know I could do much better than that.”

“Sheena is outside, and she has my permission to blow your brains out as soon as you try anything on me.”

It’s a lie. Sheena is still in my room after she asked me to leave her alone, and there’s no one else. But from the look on Clancy Gray’s face, he couldn’t tell. He narrowed his eyes at me, and didn’t say anything as he was obviously trying to figure out if I was bluffing.

“Fine.” He said finally. “But I don’t know anything about your colleagues, except they are going to be put into one of those black sites. For all I know, they are most likely dead.”

I felt my face drained of all blood. _How did he know that?_ The ring finger on my left hand gave out a sharp twitch, and I clenched it into a fist.

_ No. He’s baiting me. Cool it._ “And you think I’m going to buy that?”

“Buy it or not, it’s the truth.” He said, “That’s the first piece of information. Now give me my book.”

I snorted a little, and threw in a book through the slot on the door. He all but jumped for it, until he realized what it was. He picked the book up with two fingers, an obvious disgust on his face.

“You have got to be kidding me.” He snarled as he flung that copy of _Tiffany’s Table Manners for Teenagers _to the other side of the room.

“You give me garbage, you get this in return.” I deadpanned. “Now would be high time to get serious with what I’m asking you.”

He looked like he just swallowed some bitter stuff. His own tongue, perhaps.

“Fine. Ask away.” He dropped down into his bed, leaning back, looking me straight in the eyes.

“Project Jamboree.” I said.

“What about it?” He said, moving nothing besides his lips.

“What did they do with the kids in there? How many of these camps exist? How many kids? What—” I know I shouldn’t appear so interested, but I couldn’t help it—the words just tumbled out of my mouth, until his hand shot up in the air and stopped me.

“One at a time.” He said, “And with _agreed_ prices.”

I snorted, agitatedly. “How many camps?”

“Three.” He said. In exchanged, I threw the _To Kill a Mockingbird _in.

“Where are these camps?”

“One in Austin, Texas, and one in Knoxville, Tennessee.” He said, paused, and continued, “Oh, and, I think there’s a newer one, in Sawtooth, Idaho.”

My mind just took off in light speed at his words, getting way ahead of myself in an instance. Sawtooth. That’s only a few hours of drive away. I could go there. I could get those kids out…

“That’s some very valuable information there.” He said, visibly relaxed again. “If I can’t have _War and Peace_, I want _Watership Down_ for that.”

“Deal.” I said. “I’ll get you that later. Now, what do they do to the kids?”

He let out a devious laugh. “Really? Stewart? I thought you knew.” He leaned forward, voice suddenly lowered. “Or do you need me to show you again?”

I held my ground, clenching my teeth hard. “Was that all?”

“There’s more.” He leaned back, and started picking on the book he just got.

“Are those camps you mentioned similar to regular camps?” I continued, ignoring his bait.

“Now, now, you’re getting ahead of yourself.” He said, amused, “One thing at a time, Stewart.”

I turned on my heels, pretended I was going to leave. And as expected, he started behind me. “Stewart?”

I turned around, and the moment I met his eyes, the world dissolved around me.

There was a boy, standing in the middle of a dark room. He wasn’t restrained, nor were there wires hooked on him. He was wearing red, his eyes burning black. His head lowered, and his entire body shook as if he was holding an explosion with his skeletal frame. There was a shrieking sound, like a whistle, and his fire engulfed me in a whirlpool of heat and light.

When I came to, I was sitting on the floor, panting. It couldn’t have been more than two seconds, but I felt like I had just gone through an entire triathlon.

“Think about that, will you?” Clancy Gray said, smirking as he looked down on me.

I shot up from the floor, and took off without another glance back. He had just shown me…the finish product. That was what the Red camps aimed to produced. A weapon.

Locking up the door behind me, I realized how much of a mistake this is. I had to be more prepared next time. I came in here for information, but still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was the one getting out of this conversation with what he wanted.

╳ ╳ ╳

I ended up running my head clear like Ruby did yesterday. I ran, and ran, and ran, and it did nothing to calm me. The image didn’t fade, the fear and anger didn’t, either. Clancy Gray’s influence was like venom, seeping in my vein, burning in its course, and I saw nothing in my head except the images he left me. The boy’s dark eyes flashed, and I saw another boy, trapped on the bed with wires sticking out of his opened skull; the scene changed, and it was a girl, legs beaten to the point that her bones were exposed…

Then, there was another pair of eyes, blue like mine. I could sketch every detail on that face; the way his brows curved when we know things were about to turn to shit, how his lips twitched as he looked down on me, on Mom, on Lee…

Every time I look in the mirror, I’d see him.

Any moment now, I could burst into flame, and the only thing stopping that from happening was my feet on the treadmill, one foot in front of the other.

After God knows how long, Ruby appeared in front of me. She came in, and I ignored her as best as I could, until she came to stand right beside me, eyes bright with challenge.

_ Please, Gem. I really can’t. _I couldn’t say it out loud.

Before she opened her mouth, I said, “Not in the mood, Gem.” But maybe, what I should’ve said was, _I don’t trust myself now._

“Too bad,” She said, “I am.”

And she went to get two pairs of sparring gloves. I tried to ignore her for another moment, but failed.

_ Screw it._ I sighed, and punched the button to stop the machine. Maybe I do need a good fight to blow off the steam, since running gets me nowhere. Maybe she needs it, too.

I picked up the gloves from the floor, put them on, and started the fight without a warning. I had fallen into the trance—the heat was still raging in my head, but for a moment, I forgot it wasn’t from the run. The only thing I registered in my white blurry mind was the dull pain on my foot. It picked up the poisonous thoughts, picked up the memories, picked up the flame, and—

I let go when I realized I had been pinning her against my chest, and walked away. _No. This is too much. Too dangerous. I’m not myself—_

The glance of reflection I had before my face slammed into the mirror, was the last thing I remembered.

Before I almost choked Ruby to death.

When the heat faded, I was kneeling on her chest, an arm against her throat, and she wasn’t moving. I backed away instantly, feeling nothing but painful emptiness inside my chest.

Then, the fear sank in.

She started breathing and coughing the moment I let go of her, and all I could do was to back away from her as far as I can. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…_

I could’ve killed her. Oh, God, I could’ve kill her._ I’m so sorry…_ When will I stop hurting people around me? No. _Not just that… _I could’ve ruined everything and everyone— I could’ve killed her—

She came to pull my hand to her, and I realized it had been bleeding. I must have punched the mirror at some point, but I couldn’t remember when…

“Fuck.” I choked out when I finally could, “I’m sorry—we shouldn’t do this anymore. _Fuck_.”

“Okay.” She said softly, but didn’t leave.

╳ ╳ ╳

I went back to my room, hands still bleeding, desperate to be alone. There, I got the next best thing—Sheena was sitting in front of my desk, studying the remaining pages of Project Snowfall. It was a surprise that she was up so early, though.

“God, Cole!” She gasped as she saw me. “What happened?”

I shook, and sat down on my bed. She knelt down in front of me, enveloping my hands with the soft of hers. “You broke your fingers.” She held my gaze, and said very slowly.

“It’s nothing.” I said. I don’t want to tell her how I almost choked Ruby to death because I lost it.

“It’s not nothing.” She stood up, and to my surprise, went to get a bag of antiseptic and gauze. She rubbed the alcohol pad on the opening on my knuckles, and I hissed in pain. “I fixed your bones, but it might be a good idea to let the flesh wounds heal on their own.”

“Why?” I asked.

“That way, you might actually remember that pain is there for a reason.” She stated plainly.

I snorted, the tension released in my chest a little. _So this is a punishment._

“It’s not funny!” She chastised, “This is serious, Cole. There are people born without the ability to feel pain, and most of them don’t live past their 18th birthday!”

“Poor them.” I said. What was she getting at with this again? Oh, yes, punishing me.

She shot me a glare. “Cole, I’m really sick of this. Where did all these bruises and wounds come from?” She paused, and continued in a softer voice, “Have you been hurting yourself?”

I shook, not wanting to tell her. It didn’t really matter. We’re not doing it anymore.

She stood up, and folded her arms. “I’m not healing you again until you tell me.”

“Fine. I won’t die of some scratches anyway.” I said, an edge of impatience in my voice.

But that obviously was the wrong thing to say, because when she turned her eyes away, I saw that painful look. But it wavered and disappeared in the matter of seconds, and replaced by irritation.

“Fine. Suit yourself.” She snapped, and was ready to leave my room, but I stopped her.

“Wait, Lilac.” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Be an asshole?” She puffed her cheeks and turned around. “Not forgiven.” But even as she said that, she sat down beside me on my bed, and lay the back of her hand against mine. It felt so good, feeling the warmth of her.

“Did you come up with anything new in that research?” I asked, wanting desperately to change the subject.

“No, I can’t wrap my head around those graphics…” She shook. “If I could just run a cross reference with all the colors and a regular human brain…”

“Absolutely not.” I shook. “We’ll find another way to get the info on the cure, but I can’t have you expose yourself, especially not to an adult.”

“You are an adult.” She clarified.

“You know what I mean.” I rolled my eyes. “An adult that isn’t a freak.”

She lowered her head in what I assumed was defeat, until she turned to meet my eyes, and saw that it was something else. “You’re not a freak to me.”

That simple sentence was almost too much for me to handle, especially after what happened in the gym.

_ Oh, but I am. _I wanted to say. _More than a freak. A monster._ But I know better than to say it out loud. I don’t want to remind her of her own monster.

She _has_ a monster, and I _am_ one.

We stayed in that silence for another while, me still fuming in that misery, but clinging on to the tenderness of her words like it was my only salvation. Maybe it really was. After all, she just might be the only person I wouldn’t accidentally kill—Christ, just thinking about it almost killed me with guilt.

“Cole.” Her voice was soft all of a sudden, and it send a chill down my spine. “You once said that you want people to see the good in me, right?”

“I did, yes.” I answered. “And I still do.”

“I…” She said, slipping her hand into mine. “I want people to see the good in you, too. I want them to see you in the way I see you.”

“Which is?” I prompted, swallowing hard.

Do you get the hunch, from time to time, that something is about to happen? You wouldn’t know what it would be, nor how it would go down, but you know it’s going to be phenomenal, and it’s going to happen _right now?_

That is exactly what I feel.

She had turned to look at me, her face so close to mine that I could feel her breaths brushing against my chin. All I need to do is lean in a little, and my lips would’ve been on hers. At this moment, I didn’t care anymore—not about what just happened, not about the Minder business—the need for her had grown too strong for me to care. She smelled like flower, and her eyes looked so warm and clear—

She turned away. The disappointment hit me like a punch to the gut. “A great person. A life saver.” She said. “Angel of Mercy.”

_ But I’m not. _I sighed, and didn’t say anything in return.

“You said you want to go to meet the contact with me?” After some thoughts, I said.

“Yes.” She sat up straighter. “Now?”

“Yeah.” I stood up. “It’s about time. We’re meeting in Vegas.”

“I’ll do some work on our way, then.” She went to riffle through the notes on Project Snowfall, and collected some of the paper and a pen.

My must-haves for a road trip is very different from hers. I went back to the garage to check on the supplies for the kids going out to Gold Beach, swung by the closets for my gun, and back to my office to make sure I didn’t miss anything. While I was there, for some reason, the cellphone on my desk started to buzz.

My contact shouldn’t call me by this number. Sheena shot me an inquiring look as I shook and picked it up.

“_Hello, is this Mr. Bill Nelson’s phone?_” A lightly southern accent flowed out from the receiver. Both this man and I know this is _not_ Bill Nelson’s phone.

Harry. How the hell did he get this number?

“Speaking.” I squared my shoulders, and braced my hand on the edge of the desk.

“_Son,_” There’s this quality in Harry’s voice that could say “son” without being condescending, but I hate it just the same.“_Liam called me earlier, and told me—_”

“Did he, now?” I muttered._ Of fucking course._ He just has to go behind my back and do shits.

“_Yes._” Harry affirmed, “_He told me about some agents of yours being caught. If you’d like, I could make some contacts. Some friends of mine still work in the government—_”

I didn’t respond. I’d much rather cut my fingers off than accept this offer from Harry, but it’s not just about me, not if Cate’s life is concerned. Sheena, Ruby, Vida, Nico. They are all counting on this, and my pride shouldn’t matter one bit.

“I’m going to meet with some old friend today.” I said, “He might know something.”

“_No problem. I’ll keep my ears to the ground, too._” He said, completely ignoring my unwillingness. “_Look, son, you’re going to need all the help you can get—_”

“I know.” I cut him off. “Is that all?”

He let out a long breath on the other side. “_Liam told me you want to fight. He said you’re planning on liberating a camp—_”

“He would be right.” I snapped, “And if you’re going to nag about how violence is not the right way, save it.”

“_Cole, I used to be a soldier._” Harry made a sound that sounded like a snort. “_Force is a necessity sometimes, and I believe it is now._”

Oh. “Let me get this straight,” I said, “You want to help?”

“_Yes._” He said, “_With all due respect, but I don’t think twenty odd kids could take down a heavily armed camp like Thurmond even _with_ firearms and superpowers._”

Damn. Admitting he’s right is even more painful than I thought, but alas. “Liam told you about that, too?”

“_Yes._” He said, “_Some of my friends back in the army are willing to help, too. We’ll start by looking around for your friends, and maybe we could discuss the camp hit later—_”

“Later.” I affirmed. I’m already impatient to get off this phone. “Later.”

“_Wait._” He said, and sighed. “_Cole,_ _your mother would never forgive me if I didn’t ask. How are you?_”

“I’m fine.” I said, “Just, _fine_.”

Harry didn’t say anything for a moment. “_She misses you a lot._”

_ And I miss her, too. _But there’s no way I’m telling him this. “Say hello to her for me.”

“_Sure._” He said, “_And stay safe, okay?_”

“Of course.” I said, and hung up before he replied.

Okay, that was awkward. I turned around, and found Sheena looking at me in a very concerned expression.

“Was that…?” She asked.

“Harry.” I replied. “C’mon, I’ll tell you on the way.”

As we headed for the car, and started towards east, I briefly explained the content of my conversation with Harry. She only listened quietly, nodding here and there. When I was done, the first question she asked wasn’t what I expected, though—I thought she would be most interested in news about Cate, but no.

“You said Liam contacted Harry?” She asked.

“Yes. Behind my back.” I grunted.

“I don’t think the ‘behind your back’ part is the most important bit here.” She said, “He got us the help we need.”

_ Not the help we want. _I sighed a little, facing the road ahead, “We could’ve handled it ourselves.”

And she sighed, too. “Cole, I hate to say this because I know how much you hate to be corrected, but don’t you think you could, you know, accept some kindness from people once in a while?”

“I do.” I said, waving my hand a little impatiently, “Just not from…_them_.”

Sheena went silent for a moment. “Is there anything Liam could do—anything at all—that would make you trust him?” She asked slowly in the end.

“I don’t know.” I shook. I’m just…there’s no real way to trust him, or Harry, when our lives had gotten so different. They are the good kind, the saint kind, and I’m the kind that do all the dirty works. I know they wouldn’t approve of me.

But then, I guess the real issue is, how could there be real trust when they could kick me out of their lives, quick as a snap, once they know what I am?

“I guess…you just can’t have that kind of trust when you’re like me, you know?” I said.

Sheena turned to look at me, and with an expression that was obviously fury. I don’t think I have ever seen her actually angry before. “What the _hell_ are you talking about?” She shot, “What about me? Ruby? Did we scream at you or throw you out of our lives after knowing you are a Red? No. We’re here, because you are more than just your color and your ability, and surely Liam will see that, too—”

“I’m not so sure…” I muttered.

She shot me an exasperated look. “Stop that.” She snapped, “You told Ruby that you are angry all the time, but you know what I think? You are not angry. You are afraid.”

“And what exactly would I be afraid of?” I snorted, ignoring my fingers’ tap on the steering wheel.

“Rejection.” She said without missing a beat.

Her answered brought me up short. I let out a sharp breath through my nose. “Fine. Run with that theory if you want.”

She turned her face away from me, and didn’t say anything. Apparently this is what we are now, bickering every ten minutes about the “important stuff”, and went on to sulk for the next ten.

We drove in total silence for another twenty minutes or so, until I couldn’t stand it and flipped the radio on. After some fumbling, I hit the jackpot—Lefty Frizzle.

“So you like country music.” She said finally. I almost forgot that was the topic of our last bit of unfinished conversation in Leda Corp.

“Not just any country music.” I said, “This is_ the_ Master. Capital M and all.”

She chuckled. “You’re like my dad…” and her voice faltered into nothingness. I didn’t get to know a whole lot about her family, but from what I gathered, she isn’t all that fond of them.

“Um, Lilac?” I started slowly, “It’s okay if you don’t want to answer this, but I’m just wondering, what do you think your parents would say if they found out about you?” Though coming out as it was, I guess my real question is, _do you fear rejection, too?_

She went very still all of a sudden. “I wouldn’t know.” She said, “I guess…it won’t make much of a difference.”

“Really?” I asked. “Why?”

“Because…” She started, but paused for a moment, as if she is trying to find the right way to put it, “I was never going to be good enough for them, anyway.”

The way she said it, so unemotionally, makes me want to hold her in my arms all over again. It’s one thing to be afraid of the loss of love, but the fact that she so calmly accepted the lack there of to begin with, is something else entirely.

“Then they are idiots.” I said. “Because you are much better than they deserved.”

She smiled, very faintly, brows still furrowed. “I don’t know about that.” She let out a wistful chuckle. “I sometimes wondered if they would just have another kid after I’ve gone missing, and raised them the right way.”

“They’d do that?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t blame them if they do.” She said, eyes closed. “I’m not going back, anyway, even when all these are over. My family is here.”

At this, I reached out and put a hand on hers. She opened her eyes, and looked at me a little surprised—which is odd; this is not the first time I’ve hold her hands. I wonder if that family she just mentioned includes me. _I never would’ve abandoned you. Not for anything._ I wanted to say.

Eventually, she pressed her lips, and said, “I just want you to know…I know what conditional love looks like. I know how some people demand you to win their love, and it never feel totally safe with them, but I don’t think Liam is that kind of person.”

“That’s one hella big assumption there, Lilac.” I sighed. “Not being a manipulating dickhead is not the same as accepting your brother when he came out as a fire-breathing—”

“_Don’t,_ say that word.” She snapped, cutting me off. After a pause, she continued. “Just, think about it, okay?”

I let out a breath, and nodded. “Fine. I’ll give it a thought.”

“Thank you.” She squeezed my hand a little, and I put it back on the steering wheel. The Lefty Frizzle song has ended, and in its place, Beatles. Sheena sat up a little straighter, and I recalled she told me she likes Beatles back in Leda Corp.

“Your tune?” I turned the volume up a notch.

She nodded, and started singing along. It became clear, soon enough, that she didn’t really know the lyrics. I tried to hold in my laugh when she sang _he got told you food bowl_ and _moldy Walter_ and whatnot. I wondered what this song meant in her head.

But she did get the chorus right. _Come together, right now, over me_?C’mon, that’s gotta be… “Do you know what this song is about?” I asked.

“Not really.” She answered. “I’ve heard a story that John Lennon wrote this song out of spite because people keep taking his lyrics out of context, so he just wrote a song that’s totally meaningless.”

Totally meaningless? I hardly think so. I snorted a little.

The next song, though not Beatles, is a tune I’ve heard before, played through the wall from Lee’s bedroom. I sang with her, but she stopped as soon as I started.

“What?” I asked.

“You could sing.” She said, eyes wide, as if she just found the eighth continent on earth.

“Everyone can sing.” I said. “What’s the big deal?”

“Not like that.” She replied. “Keep going.”

I snorted. “Your wish is my command, Darlin’.” And I keep singing, to the sentiment of imagining _me and you, and you and me, no matter how they toss the dice…_

This is such a Lee thing to do, but I guess it isn’t that bad at all. For the length of a song, she actually convinced me that I could make her happy with nothing but my voice. If only our lives were that simple. If only our lives were just…_so_ _happy together_.

We drove for another few hours, she humming to songs and taking notes on the papers all the way, until we arrived at Vegas an hour past noon.

Las Vegas, in every sense, has lost its former glory, like so many other major cities in this country. Yet, Vegas didn’t just _lose _the glory—it plunged into a deep dark state of complete desolation, with no inhabitants and no electricity. In fact, the entire city just seemed like a ghost town—if ghosts still dwell here, that is.

When we got there, my contact, a Bhaer, was already waiting. He used to work for Leda Corp, in a different division, and he was the one that got me my position in the research center in Philadelphia. He still serves as an informant of the League now, and I figured he could give us some news about what is happening in there.

“Hey, Jones.” He waved as I got off the car, “I thought you’re gonna leave me hanging here.”

“Nah, how could I?” I smiled. Bhaer had always liked me a whole lot; maybe a little too much, but that was why I asked him—I knew he wouldn’t say no to me.

“And you brought a…kid, with you.” He said as his eyes fell on Sheena, who just got off the car.

“Consider her my assistant.” I said simply. “She’s a Green, so she’ll be able to remember what we said if I forgot.”

Bhaer let out a thoughtful hum. “Okay. But there’s not much to remember though.” He said, “As far as I know, the people in Kansas are looking, but they haven’t got anything yet.”

“Really?” I asked, “Nothing at all?”

“Yeah,” Bhaer said, “Everything is sealed tight as a clam this time. Words have it, Gray is furious that the news got out in the first place.”

“Okay.” I sighed. “Sounds about right.”

“Hey, you know I only ever want to help.” Bhaer offered me an apologetic smile. “Sorry I can’t bring you better news.”

I pressed my lips. “Is that all?”

He paused for a second, and reached into his bag for some papers. “Amplify released these a couple of days ago. I thought you might be interested.”

The papers he handed me were pictures. Photo after photo of…dead kids. Face blooded and swollen. Eyes blank, staring at the sky they couldn’t see. There were at least twelve. “Where did they get this?” I asked in a gasp.

“They made a statement saying that a PSF snuck in a cellphone and took these in a camp.” He answered. Sheena leaned in to check on them when she heard that, but I hid it from her. I don’t want her to see these.

“Which camp?” I asked, flipping the first picture over to cover the rest.

“Didn’t say.” Bhaer shrugged.

“Did they say what happened?”

“Not that I know of.” Bhaer said, “It wouldn’t matter, though.”

I guess he’s right. Nothing could justify this. These kids were...they were beaten to death. In what world could someone have done something like this?

“Did it took?” I asked slowly.

“Not really.” Bhaer said. “You know how it is. The masses will always fear the death of their own kids more than someone else’s. This might get a few days of buzz, but the government is already claiming they are fake. They are not, though.”

I put the photos down, and felt my hands let out a sharp twitch. I turned to look at Sheena, and my eyes must have betrayed how painful I felt, because the moment her eyes met mine, it turned from concern to compassion.

“Thanks.” I turned back to look at Bhaer. “I owe you one.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it.” He waved. “I’m sorry about Alban, though.”

The muscle on my shoulder blade ticked once. “Me, too.” I said as I turned to leave.

“Don’t be a stranger, Jones.” Bhaer said before leaving for his vehicle.

On our way back, I stuffed the pictures in my side of the door so Sheena wouldn’t see them. Those were…nightmares. Even having gone through Leda Corp, having seen kids screamed as their bodies being carved opened, those photos were still…just downright horrifying.

Why did this happen? What would prompt them into killing these kids? Half of them were Greens. Defenseless. What could make the PSFs so angry that they’d kill them? Then, the worse possibility came to mind—they weren’t angry. Maybe they were just…having fun. Or maybe it was just business. Bhaer is right, it wouldn’t matter.

And it got me so angry. Even this is not enough. Why wouldn’t they just wake up? Why do these people trust their government so much? So much so that even when they saw hard evidence of the government murdering children, they still wouldn’t get angry? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

_ We’re a nation of children. _I can’t remember where I’ve read this, but I very vividly remember that it was talking about America. And we are, aren’t we? We need to be told what to do, what to say, even how to _think. _The adults in this country couldn’t function, couldn’t be responsible, couldn’t get their heads out of Gray’s ass, so they leave this mess for the children to carry.

We have to carry this. If not for this goddamn country, then at least for ourselves.

As if sensing my low spirit, or because she was bumped out by the lack of news about Cate, Sheena kept silence the whole way back, too. We just drove, and drove, and drove, until the sky above turned into a gradient of orange, red, then dark blue.

“_Oumagatoki_.” Sheena suddenly blurted as she looked thoughtfully onto the sky. Stars had started to peek out.

“Say again?” I prompted.

“It means ‘the time when one meets ghosts’.” She explained. “And it is now.”

“That’s…not a good omen?” I said.

“Yeah, it’s not.” She chuckled. “But I always took it to mean that it is a time we get to meet our dead love ones.”

“Do you always find a better way to interpret everything?” I asked.

“You could put it that way, I guess, but I just think it keeps me sane.” She said simply. “The world is crazy enough as it is.”

How she managed to state those things as if they were nothing but weather reports always baffled me. Still, what hurts me even more is that I couldn’t be a haven of sanity for her. I had to drag her into this madness—into my world, a place where fight is the only way to survive. I had wanted to teach her how to protect herself, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I’m forcing her into this fight.

But it is always like this, isn’t it? Her life is always like this, long before she met me. It didn’t matter one bit if I didn’t want her in this fight. It had picked her long ago. It had picked all of us, and none of us had a say in it. At least with me, she’ll have a chance to fight, too.

This is when I finally see it—maybe, maybe I’m not so bad for her after all.

I didn’t know what got me at that moment—an instance of weakness, perhaps, or something else entirely—I just can’t help it anymore.

“Lilac?” I called before I could stop myself.

“Yes?” She answered.

How do I put this? How do I phrase it so it comes out right? I got one shot. One shot to make it right—

Dammit. I’m not a poet.

I stopped the car.

“Yes?” She prompted again. “Cole?”

I took in a deep breath, and turned to her. She must have seen it, whatever I was holding in with every ounce of my prudence, because her face just looked alarmed.

I unbuckled my seatbelt, and leaned in, reaching out for her face. A deep breath in, a deep breath out, moving closer and closer, until her face was so close I could count her lashes. I shut my eyes—

And she pressed her forehead against mine.

“Cole?” Her voice trembled as her breath brushed over my lips.

“Hmm?” I let out a soft hum through my nose, the heat from her cheek warmed the center of my palm, soothing the ache of anticipation there.

“I…” She said, voice still shaking. “…can’t.”

I pulled away at this. _Oh, dammit. What have I done?_

There was an unbearably awkward silence that followed. Her eyes were somehow filled with agony, and I was speechless. I must have hurt her somehow, but I don’t know how.

“I’m sorry.” I gasped out. “I wasn’t thinking straight…”

“Don’t be.” She turned her face away. “It’s not that…”

“Okay.” I sighed. turning back to face the road, and started the car. “Let’s just, nothing happened, okay? I’m sorry.”

“Cole…” She started.

“Just drop it.” I affirmed, couldn’t bear to look at her again. “Please.”

She took in a deep breath, and didn’t say anything else.


	19. Sheena

_Don’t do this._

If it had just been my monster’s voice, I would’ve let him kiss me. Ah, I really want to kiss him, so much so that even its voice of warning wouldn’t stop me.

But it was never going to be just that, was it? The moment his hand touched my face, I felt a pang of flame flared up inside me, and I—no, not me, _it_—just wanted to twist his head off. It wants to hurt him. It wanted _me_ to hurt him.

It was like this yesterday, and this morning. It stopped me, again and again. I had spent such a long time before actually confronting this…feeling, only to be stopped by _it_. Dammit. Dammit. I’ve just ruined it.

I’ve ruined _us_.

He didn’t say anything, not for our entire way back. Did listening to him sing _Happy Together _really happen only a few hours ago? The air in the car could’ve froze our breaths.

He must’ve thought I rejected him, and it pains me _so much_—I just told him that I thought he was afraid of rejection! How could I do this to him? Maybe I should just let him, maybe—

No. I can’t risk it. Not before I figure out a way for it to be safe. Not before I know it won’t hurt him.

It has got to go. I can’t stand it anymore. I can tolerate everything that had happened to me, but I can’t lose him. I have to be able to have him, and if that means I had to get rid of my monster, then all the more reasons to do it.

As we reached the Ranch, we saw that the team that went out for the supplies has come back.

“Could you go gather the kids?” There is an unnatural formality in his voice when he asked. “I’ll go open the garage door from the outside…”

“Sure.” I answered rigidly. I had to find a way to explain to him. The thought of hurting him just killed me…

But he’ll never touch me again if he found out. That was what my monster said.

Well, we’ll see about _that_.

With the help of all the kids in the Ranch, we managed to unload all the stuff—computers, telecoms, firearms, foods, gears, beddings and clothes—into the garage. The garage looked much neater and cleaner now that Liam’s team had done organizing it, and we could fit all the new stuff in with ease.

Vida was…not herself. We each had our own way to cope, but Vida seemed to have given in to an utter emptiness, and it was really worrying. I haven’t had the heart to tell her what we learnt from Cole’s contact today, which was…nothing at all. Even Chubs endless questions couldn’t shake her out of her numbness.

Eventually, Ruby approached her, and gave her a hug.

And she let her.

I wouldn’t know what to do if Vida just crumble down onto the ground at that moment, but she didn’t. She’s Vida, after all.

“We are going to fucking get her back,” She said, one word at a time, gritting with a force that nail every word to the wall. “I will burn Gray’s house down over his head. If she’s not all right, I’m going to rip out his heart and eat it.”

“You really shouldn’t eat raw meat.” Chubs piped in before I could reach out a hand to put on Vida’s back. The three of us all turned to look at him, more in disbelief than anything. “It can carry pathogens—” His words faltered off in the end. If it wasn’t for the atmosphere at the moment, I would’ve laughed.

By the time most of the stuff were unloaded, Ruby called Liam and Chubs to her side, and Vida, Cole and I joined them, sensing it was a conversation that would include us.

“I…dealt with Clancy today.” Ruby said. “To find out where his mother is.”

My whole body suddenly shivered at her words as the underlying message registered. Clancy Gray’s mom. The cure. A white flame immediately followed.

_ Don’t. _It spoke before I could let the hope grow. I ignored it.

“And?” Cole prompted.

“She’d been working in a facility near Georgia HQ, protected by the agents there, but her lab burnt down.”

“Really?” Vida said, “You sure?”

“Positive. And I think they wouldn’t let her leave their sight, so—” Ruby answered.

“You think they’re hiding her in Kansas.” Cole finished.

“Yes, and it make most sense, doesn’t it? She’s too valuable an asset to cut loose, and after what happen with Clancy, they couldn’t put her in external locations—”

“Would they trade her?” Vida suddenly straightened up, “A prisoner exchange?”

“Not for a hundred agents.” Cole shook. “But if they already have her all this time, why wouldn’t they use her to make some demands? They weren’t exactly shy about that—”

“Because they might not want to put her in front of camera.” Ruby answered solemnly, “Clancy tempered with her mind. _Really_ tempered with it.”

“He scrambled her head? _Great._” Vida grunted, “So much for our answers.”

I felt my body losing up, but it wasn’t me._ It_ doesn’t want us to find her. _It_ doesn’t want the cure.

All the more reason to do it.

“You want to go get her.” Liam said, with only a slight trace of judgement in his tone. “You think you can fix whatever he did.”

Ruby nodded.

“You mean you want to send an extraction team into a secure facility, manned by a hundred trained ex-soldiers who specialize in torture and terror...because you have a theory.” Cole confirmed, much more judgmentally than his brother.

“If she’s not there, then at least we’ll find answers about where she is,” Ruby all but plead. “It’ll be a quick in-and-out. It’s not like we don’t know where Kansas HQ is. Two of us could go, survey the situation. If it seems too dangerous, we’ll back off. It’s worth the risk. If we find her and I can fix her, we’ll have answers about the cure. If not, then...we’ll have someone to trade for Cate.”

I couldn’t pretend that I was as tempted about the prospect of having a bargaining chip for trading Cate back as the prospect of the cure—and upon realizing this, I felt guilty as _hell_—but it was exactly the other way around for Vida.

“Promise me that we’ll eventually trade her for Cate, and I’m in. You and me, we can do this. It’s nothing we haven’t done a dozen times before.”

Chubs groaned, rubbing his brows with his hand. “Don’t tell us that. That makes it worse.”

“It can’t be Ruby,” Cole said, “she’s needed here. To deal with _it_.”

Ruby sighed. “If anyone is going in to bring him food, it’s going to have to be you. I can pretty much guarantee he’s not going to want to see my face for a while.”

Cole stopped for a second, and actually considered the possibility, but eventually shook his head. “No, you’re needed here. If not for that, then to lead the camp hit.”

“It would just be for a few days,” Ruby pressed.

“No. I mean it.” Cole replied.

Ruby shot Cole a glare, and Cole met her eyes head on. The two of them continued to stare each other down, until I opened up.

“I’ll go.” I said.

“No.” Cole broke the staring contest to shot me an incredulous look.

“Cole,” I said, “I have the training. I can do it.”

“Lilac—”

“Are you going to tell me I can’t?” I asked, impatience seeping up in my voice, “Because you know full well that if anyone here could get us there and back in one piece, it’s me.”

“Sheena?” It was Ruby this time. She sensed what I’m getting with this, and she would be right. This has gone on long enough. If Cole refused to let his brother know the truth about him, I’ll have to prove it to him that Liam has a higher tolerance for things than he gave him credit for.

“Guys, there’s something I haven’t been totally honest with you all.” I turned to address the group, and saw Cole’s face shot white.

“Don’t—” Cole said at the same time as I said, “I’m Purple.”

The air went totally silent for a moment. Cole blew out a long and loud breath through his nose.

“The fuck’s a Purple?” Vida was the first one to say something.

“I…control people’s body…well, bodily function.” I said, “It’ll be easier if I just show you.” I turned to Chubs, and reached out to take off his glasses. “Do you mind?” He was taken aback at first, but I put my hand on his face, and the effect was instantaneous.

“What…?” Chubs gasped. “How did… What…?”

“What just happened?” Liam looked utterly confused, but both Cole and Ruby realized what I had done immediately—Ruby looked concerned, but Cole just looked agitated.

“Granny, you gotta speak a full sentence so we’d understand you.” Vida said.

“She…” Chubs stuttered, “I can see you! Now!”

Vida raised two fingers in the air. “How many fingers do I have now?”

“You have ten fingers on your hands, if no one chopped them off in the last ten seconds.” Chubs rolled his eyes, “What you want to ask is ‘how many fingers am I holding up’, and the answer is two.”

Vida whirled on me. “Did you do that? You can do this all this time?”

I nodded, and sighed. “I couldn’t tell you, because it should’ve been a secret.”

“You fuck! You let us be his seeing-eye dog when you can fix him all this time?” Vida yelped. “Was that why you were put into medical team?”

“Yes.” I answered.

“And why you are working on the research?” Liam added.

I nodded.

“Can’t fucking believe—” Vida continued to complain, but her words were cut off by Chubs.

“What else can you do?” Chubs jumped in the conversation—to Vida’s visible displeasure—with both hands on my shoulders, like a kid stumbled into candy land. “How do you know what to do? Can you tell if someone is sick? Or internal injuries? Tell me everything—”

“Cool it, champ.” Liam said, “You want the answers, you’ll have to actually let her speak.”

“That’s a yes to both sickness and injuries, and I do it by touching people. But in some cases I’ll need external resources to cure them—”

“Wait.” Liam said, “If we get you the details on the cure, could you actually make it happen?”

The air went very quiet all of a sudden. I felt the fire of my monster grew again, and I ignored it again.

“It is possible, but there’s no guarantee.” I answered, “I haven’t got anything worthwhile from the research yet—”

“If that’s the case, you can’t go with Vida.” To my surprise, it was Ruby who said this. “Even if we find Dr. Gray, it is possible that I can’t fix her. If that’s so, you’ll be our only other chance to actually get the cure—”

“And we can’t put all the eggs in the same basket.” Chubs finished.

Okay, that worked out exactly the opposite as I imagined. Cole’s face turned from sulking to somewhat relieved. He didn’t have to be the person to shot me down this time. I frowned at him, and he returned a tight-lipped smile.

“I’ll go.” Chubs suddenly said, and we all turned to him. There was this extremely awkward silence that followed—if this was an _anime_, a crow would be flying through this room, cawing over our heads.

“Uh, no thanks,” Vida said. “Pretty sure it would be more helpful to bring a dish towel.”

“I still have my skip tracer credentials—it’s just a matter of stopping somewhere to get a new ID made,” he said.

Wait. Chubs, a skip tracer? I never would’ve guessed in a million years.

“You? You were a skip tracer?” Cole almost laughed, but upon realizing we weren’t, caught himself and hid it with a cough. “Wow, okay then. Why not? Continue.”

“I can access their network and GPS system to make sure we steer clear of them.” Chubs continued to banter with Vida for a while, until Cole joined the conversation, and she finally persuaded him.

“All right, Vida. All right. You can go, as long as you take Skippy the skip tracer here with you.” Cole raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Unnecessary risks aren’t an option. Do you understand?”

“You got it,” Vida said. “If you think I’m going to blow any chance to get Cate back, then you must be smoking the good stuff.”

“Darlin’, I wish.” Cole let out a long sigh.

╳ ╳ ╳

As soon as our short meeting dissembled, Chubs pulled me back to our room and started firing away with his questions about my ability, leaving Liam, Cole and Ruby to put the firearms into the weaponry.

I answered his question half-heartedly, mostly thinking about when will be a good timing to talk to Cole, until I saw the time, and insisted Chubs go to sleep.

“I’ll answer all your questions when you’re back, but now you got to rest, okay?” I said. “Where’s Vida anyway?”

“She went to put her war paint on.” Chubs said, “She might be a while.”

War paint? Oh, right. Her hair.

“Uh, wait.” Chubs called before I could leave the room. “Could you, um, give me my eyesight back?”

“I’m not sure I follow…?” I asked.

“It’s just… weird, that I am not nearsighted all of a sudden.” Chubs said, “I know it’s an odd request, but it is a part of me, you know?”

I haven’t thought about this possibility at all. Maybe it was not really a favor—maybe he didn’t need to be cured.

“I’m really sorry.” I sat down beside him. “I should’ve asked you before I did that—”

“It’s okay.” Chubs shook, “I mean, I imagine it must be something normal to want, but it’s part of my identity now, I guess. It didn’t really occur to me until I lost it, either.”

_ Lost it._ He described his nearsighted problem as something that he _lost_. “Sure.” I put my hand on his face, and returned his eyes back to the state before I tempered with it.

“Thanks.” He put his glasses back on. “Hmm, I might miss that just a little.”

I chuckled. “Feel free to tell me if you ever want a change of scenery again.”

I left for the bathroom, and found Vida with company.

Zu was whispering into Vida’s ear as I walked in. She saw me first, and gave me a wave. Vida saw me through the mirror, and offered me a smile.

“I hope you don’t mind; I told our girl here about you.” Vida said as she put more of those thick cream-like product on her air. Zu showed me two boxes of dye—one red, one blue, so…purple.

“It’s fine.” I said. Zu jumped off the counter to offer me a hug. I hugged her back.

“You said you’re Purple?” Vida said as she offered me the bowl of dye. “Wanna give it a try?”

I smiled. “I don’t think it would work on my hair.”

“Well, we could get it bleached if you want to.” Vida shrugged. “Anyway, Zu and I were just talking about our families.”

Zu nodded, confirming her words. In our prior conversations, I learnt that Zu’s parents had sent her to the Collection themselves, and I know Vida’s sister was the one who reported her to the PSFs. So, not the most pleasant topic.

“I was just saying, we can’t let them win, you know?” Vida said. “I mean, our families are shitty people, but we can be stronger than that. We can’t let them get us down.”

Zu leaned in towards Vida, but said in a loud enough whisper that both of us could hear. “I know, but I don’t know how. I just…don’t want to get punished.”

“Me, either.” I said as I put a hand on hers. “But sometimes I think, even if we do nothing, we’re still going to be punished. And the only way out is to push back.”

“It’s not just my family, but everyone else in this world, too.” Zu whispered. “Outside of this place, there’s no trust at all. I don’t think anyone will listen to me…”

“Yeah, but doesn’t it bother you?” Vida offered. “Aren’t there things that are important enough to say—I know you can write it out, don’t get me wrong, but how are you ever really going to get this shit off your chest if you can’t talk it through? Like, really voice it out? I mean, look, Z, you know I feel you, but the only person that’s being hurt with this silence is you. Don’t give them that power. Don’t let them trap you into not voicing your thoughts. There are people worth remembering, speaking up for. You’re important. You deserve to speak and have people shut the hell up and listen to you. You’re smarter than ninety percent of our population.”

I wished I could’ve heard this a few months ago. _Don’t give them that power._ We need to take that power back, from the grownups that put us in cages, the scientist that carves us open, the people that hunt us like preys.

“I’m scared.” Zu’s voice trembled a little when she said, and I looped an arm around her.

“It’s okay. I’m scared too.” I said.

“Oh, girl, me, too,” Vida said as she put another blob of dye on her hair, and smooth it out on her hair. “I’m always a little scared when I go out on an Op. Not, like, shit-my-pants scared, but I’m afraid of what could happen to the others if I screw up or don’t cover them well enough. Our friend Roo owes me about five years of my life back.”

“How do you get past that?” Zu asked.

Vida smiled. “Thing is, though, fear is worthless. It stops you when you need to keep moving most. And it only exists inside of your head. You can hate yourself for being scared, but that’s still letting it control your life. Aren’t you tired of that same old shit? It’s just going to keep dragging you down.”

“I’m just…scared of being abandoned.” Zu said, “Like how my parents abandoned me. They could just leave me…just like that…”

Fear of rejection. I told Cole that, but this is more accurate, isn’t it? It was a fear of abandonment. I may have made my peace with that long ago, but they haven’t.

“People come in and out of our lives all the time,” Vida said, her voice suddenly hoarse. “They can promise that they’ll be right back, but you might never see them again. We got a good unit here, and you know why it’s so strong? Because we chose it. We made it. My sister, she wasn’t like your parents, but she still left me. The bitch called in my location for a reward, but I won’t let her win. I won’t give her the satisfaction of not letting myself trust anyone ever again. She didn’t choose me, and now I’m choosing a different family.”

At this, I put my hand on Vida’s shoulder, and she offered me a grin. This is my family. Now that they know what I am, I could do everything I can to protect them.

The door behind us opened, and in came Ruby.

“Hey, girl.” Vida threw her a glance through the mirror, “What’s doing?”

Ruby walked towards us, and Zu showed her the boxes of dye.

“I made Boy Scout stop on our way back from Oregon,” Vida explained, taking the towel from her shoulders and wrapping it around Zu’s. “Glad I did, too. Had to get my war paint on to go into battle tomorrow.”

Ruby narrowed her eyes at her.

“Fine. My carefully planned, reasonably cautious reconnaissance mission.” Vida cocked a brow. “You sure you and me can’t just sneak out tonight?”

“Chubs is useful,” Ruby said. “Please try not to kill him.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see.” Vida shrugged. “All I’m saying is, accidents happen.”

I snorted a little, and Ruby shot me a look. “Sorry.” I said.

Vida turned to look at Zu, and scooped out a bit of the dye to put on her hair, to Ruby’s visible surprise. Zu, on the other hand, couldn’t be more excited.

“Let start there, and see how you like it before we dye the whole thing, okay?” Vida said, “Have you decided on the color yet?”

“She’d rather had pink.” Ruby answered for her. Zu turned to Vida, anticipation shining out of her eyes.

“I could try mixing a separate batch and using a little less of the red dye than I normally would. Might not work, but it’s worth a shot.”

Zu nodded eagerly, flashing us a big smile.

“Charlie Boy’s going to kill me,” Vida sang out, leaning back against the counter. “But we don’t give a damn what boys think, do we, girlfriend?”

“Charlie Boy?” Ruby choked out a little.

“Well—I mean, his name is Charles, right?” Vida said, an eyebrow raised. “How is Chubs any better?”

“Good point,” Ruby said. “Well...I’ll leave you guys to it....”

“Where’s the fire, boo?” Vida asked, hopping up on the counter next to Zu. “Stay awhile. It’s quality girls’ night tonight.”

Ruby gave me a look, and I merely shrugged back. “Alright, then.” She picked up the two boxes of dye, “Let’s see if we could get you the perfect shade of pink…”

╳ ╳ ╳

When I finally went to talk to Cole, it was at least two hours past midnight. But he’d be up. I knew he would.

I walked into his office without knocking this time. The moment he saw me, he dropped the papers on his hands into the drawer, and gave me a smile—he’s hiding something from me.

“Lilac.” He leaned back on his chair, and as if our previous conversation came back to him, frowned. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking,” I began, moving to sit on the chair in front of the desk. “If you wouldn’t tell Liam about yourself because you think he wouldn’t be accepting, I’ll have to show you that he is.”

“Good motive, but wrong logic.” He sighed. “Your ability is not the same as mine. The way they see you, and the way they see a Red would be totally different. I guarantee you.”

Are you serious now? Even that wasn’t good enough? I sagged on my chair, totally defeated. He still believes that he was different from us. He still believes that he was too wrong to be accepted.

“Cole,” I said, “I’m sorry for—”

“Didn’t we agree to drop that topic?” He cut me off. “It’s me who should be sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight, all right?”

“No, it’s not that—”

There was a knock. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?” It was Nico, standing by the door.

“Not at all.” Cole said with a forcefully bright tone. “What’s up?”

“There’s something I think you’d like to see…” Nico said, sparing only a glance my way.

“Sure.” Cole stood up, giving me no room to argue on the finality of his gesture. This conversation is over.


	20. Cole

As if I hadn’t had enough on my mind. As if knowing we have a rat here, in the Ranch, was not enough; as if ruining my friendship with Sheena was not enough; as if sending two kids out on a mission that could possibly killed them was not enough…

My days’ just getting better and better.

“Shut the door—Ruby!” I slammed my hand on the table as she came storming into my office with the force of a hurricane, screaming to my face. For a moment there, I gave into the strain in my chest, and continued in a sigh. “Shut the door.”

“It is a death sentence to send that kid into Thurmond,” Ruby said, voice hoarse like mine. “He won’t be able to handle it, and even if he could, who’s to say they’ll take him to the camp and not back into Leda’s testing program?”

“The one he was in was closed shortly after I got the flash drive out,” I said, holding in the pressure now.

“Like there aren’t others?” She shot.

“You were fine with sending Tommy and Pat into Oasis,” Senator Cruz piped in, which…wasn’t exactly the best idea.

“I’m not _fine_ with it. I don’t _like_ it. But they’re functioning as eyes and ears only, and we’ll have them out within a couple of days.” Ruby waved her hands in the air impatiently, “Nico won’t be able to get away to install the program, and even if by some miracle he does, he won’t be able to get away from the Control Tower once it’s complete.”

“Then, what do you suggest?” I asked, trying to keep a lid on my fury. _I have no time nor energy for this._ “Really, I’m all ears.”

“I think we need to consider Liam’s ideas,” She said. “Maybe we should go more indirect. Use the media. Get the parents involved. If we take Gray’s image down, shake up that last bit of trust people have in him, we can dismantle his government that way. The international community can’t ignore evidence of abuse and wrongdoing for long. They’ll step in—”

Really? We’re having this conversation, _again_? I was going to start, but Senator Cruz beat me to it.

“Sweetheart, they’ve been ignoring evidence for years,” She said. “They tried to drop aid into the country and it backfired. Gray threatened to shoot their planes out of the sky if they crossed into our airspace again. I’ve tried and tried.”

“We just have to get them the right proof,” She said. “We can use Lillian Gray’s words about the cure and whatever she knows about what caused IAAN to prove it’s safe for them to travel in, and help overthrow Gray. Haven’t there been peacekeeping forces formed in the past?”

“We have a deal. Oasis for supplies,” Senator Cruz turned to me and demanded. “Are you reneging?”

This is exactly what I’m afraid of. Cruz might be our ally, but she’s in this for her own gain, too, and the only way we could keep this alliance is to make sure she gets what she wants.

Which is why we can’t have this fight in front of her.

“No, I promise you, that’s not what we’re doing,” I said, holding my hands out, palms downward to reassured her. “It’s natural to have cold feet before an Op like this. Can I speak to Ruby alone for a few minutes?”

Senator Cruz rose stiffly, shooting Ruby a glare before leaving the room.

“Talk to me, Gem,” I sighed as the door closed. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“We should keep the plan for Oasis, but I think we need to rethink our approach to Thurmond. Nico won’t be able to handle the strain, and we have no guarantee he’d even be brought in.” There was a pleading quality in her voice now. “We don’t have to be the League—default on a straightforward assault.”

Of all people, she’s the one I least expect to have to convince about this. The kids might not want to fight, Liam might not want to fight, but Ruby…she’s the one who came up with that plan for Thurmond. I thought she’d understand.

So if she doesn’t, I’ll have to make her.

“Do you know why that became the general strategy? It wasn’t always that way. Alban tried for years to release the truth about Gray and the quality of life in the camps. He tried propaganda, straight-up emotional manipulation. And what messages did get through fell flat. It wasn’t that people didn’t care. It was that their heads were already in Gray’s game, and he told them, time and time and time again, that if they took their kids out of his camps, they would die. For what Liam’s suggesting to work, it’s not just about getting the parents there, it’s making them willing to come. And if you don’t think the PSFs wouldn’t open fire on civilians, you are dead wrong, Ruby. Dead wrong.”

“There hasn’t been a situation like this before, though,” She said. “You can’t know for sure.”

_ But I do. _I reached into the drawer—I would want to keep these away from all kids, but I had to make her _see_—and slammed the photos I got yesterday on the desk, one at a time, a gallery of dead faces.

Ruby’s face blanched at the sight of them, and for a second there—only a second—I had this cruel, twisted sense of victory. _She sees it now._

“Where did you get these?” She managed to choke out.

“Amplify released them a few days ago,” I explained. “I don’t think I need to tell you that these aren’t doctored, no matter how hard Gray’s cronies try to spin it on the news shows.”

She shot up from her chair, and I knew she was going to run, but I wouldn’t have it. She needs to hear what I have to say, once and for all, even if the truth is hard.

“These are the people we’re dealing with,” I said. “_This_ is reality. These are people who won’t hesitate to kill anyone who interferes with their orders. This is what hesitation has cost us. This is why we have to fight. Revolutions are won with blood, not words. These photos have been out for days, and what have they done to get people involved—angry enough to stand up and protest? Nothing. Ruby, even this isn’t enough. They all think they’re fake.”

“Let me go—” She struggled against my grip, but I only held on even tighter.

“No one is going to fight for us, Ruby—we have to fight.” I said, effectively pinning her to my chest now. “We have to end this. Match force with force. Every second we waste circling back and debating the same shit is a second we could be saving these kids from something like this. What do you think sparked this? They were beaten to death. Was it because they tried to escape? They were caught in the middle of a fight? Did some PSF snap? Does it _matter_?”

She finally gave up struggling, and instead sagged against me. “These pictures are from Thurmond—this is Thurmond. That girl—that girl in green—” She choked out, vaguely pointing to one of the picture. “I know her. Her name is...was...Ashley. She was one of the older girls in my...”

“In your cabin?” I finished. The cold cruelty earlier faded, an even colder detachment taking its place. “Are you sure? Maybe you should take another look.”

She didn’t say anything, only shivered even more as she shifted her eyes away from those pictures, and something warm seeped back inside of me. She was telling me the truth. I should’ve heard it in her voice the first time.

“Okay,” I said. “I’m sorry. I believe you. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have showed them to you at all if I’d known. The source that sold them to Amplify didn’t identify which camp they’re from.”

Ruby wiggled out of my grip, dived for the trash can on the ground, and hurled into it. _I had taken it too far. _I kneel down beside her, lifting her hair out of the way, and rubbing her back softly. _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

When she looked like she’s done, I handed her a tissue.

“Did the source say what happened?” She asked, the skin on her forehead still seemed tight.

“They issued a statement saying one of the PSFs stationed there snuck a cell phone into the camp and snapped the photos.” And I let my earlier thoughts poured out. “Ruby...I think—I don’t want to believe this, but it seems like too much of a coincidence that this happened and they’re closing the camp. There are over three thousand kids there and the other camps are small and crowded. Is it possible they’re trying to reduce the population of kids before the move?”

“They’ve killed kids before,” She said, almost too calmly. “The ones who tried to escape...the Oranges. Reds who wouldn’t let themselves be controlled. If this has happened once, it’ll happen again. They’re going to keep doing this. We’re sitting around, waiting to get one useful piece of information, and they’re _dying_. This can’t just be about evidence. Not for Thurmond. We need to get those kids out _now_.”

_ Finally, _she gets it. Yes, my method is a bit over, but she sees it now. She understands.

“We’re going to need actual fighters for the Thurmond hit,” She said. “Trained soldiers to go in first.”

“Agreed,” I affirmed. I guess…I don’t have much of an option here. “Harry...Harry offered to help us fight. I wasn’t going to say yes. I hate the idea of owing him anything, but we don’t have any time to waste now. Nico is right. The only way to shut down the camp’s defenses is by attacking them from within. I’ll see if I can try to bribe one of the PSFs—someone has to know someone there—”

“No,” She interjected. “It has to be me. I have to be the one who goes back. A PSF can flip, take a bribe, tip the camp controllers off to what we’re doing. If it has to be done, I’m going to do it myself.”

She more than sees it. She moved from in denial to being ready to make the ultimate sacrifice in the space of this conversation. I’d stand up and applaud her if it wouldn’t be awkward. I don’t like the idea—sending anyone I know into Thurmond wouldn’t have been the first choice anyway, but I supposed since things already came down to this, we really don’t have any other option.

“The others will never agree to it.” I said, knowing that she understands what she’s signing up to.

“I know,” She said, calmly. “That’s why we aren’t going to tell them until we have to.”

╳ ╳ ╳

“I was expecting someone else today, to be honest.” As I walked into the dungeon, Clancy Gray greeted me with these words.

“This face is all you’re going to see for a while.” I said, dumping his lunch into his cell.

“I get why Ruby is not coming,” He was reading the book I gave him yesterday, _Watership Down_. It’s a book I’ve never read before, but he seemed intrigued by it. “But why are you? Do you miss our last conversation?”

I turned to leave.

“C’mon, Stewart.” He said in his silky, lazy voice. “If you’d like me to apologize, here it is.”

I turned back, armed folded. “I’m waiting.” I said.

“I just said it.” Clancy said.

“Telling me I want an apology is not apologizing.”

“Fine.” He put down the book. “How about I give you something you want? A show of good faith?”

_ Do you even know what that mean?_ I wanted to ask, but ended up didn’t.

“I think we already have everything we want from you.” I raised an eyebrow at him, suddenly aware of the upper hand I have here. We know where to find his mother. We don’t need him now. “As a matter of fact, I could kill you right now and send your body back to your old man. That’ll teach him.”

“Stewart, you and I both know that neither of your statements were true.” He said, amused, which made me really, really uncomfortable.

“You mean the part about your dad? Don’t go crying on me, now. It’s not my fault your daddy didn’t love you—”

The president’s boy rolled his eyes. “You can’t kill me, because if you somehow managed to find and fix my mother, she will want me before she gives you anything. Me for the cure, it was the deal she struck with Alban, and it will be her deal with you, too.” He said, “As for what you want. Stewart, seriously?”

I took in a deep breath, and smiled. “I believe I’ve made it pretty clear how irrelevant you are in our plans from now on.”

“Even if I know a thing or two about those Red camps you want to go in?”

I stopped cold. _He’s baiting you. Don’t take it. He’s baiting you. Don’t—_

Dammit. I can’t. “What about them?” I still couldn’t help it in the end.

The kid’s lips curled up in a crooked smile. “I can tell you everything I know, if you want.”

“And what’s in it for you?” I asked.

“How about,” He said, leaning in, “You let me go?”

I let out a sharp breath through my nose. _Not in a million years._

But I don’t really have to. I just have to let him _think_ that it is an option.

“Fine.” I grunted. “You start talking, and I’ll think about it.”

╳ ╳ ╳

Over the next week, the Ranch had become much more colorful with new faces. Tribes were coming in, and we got busy. For some moments in that week, I almost forgot how awkward things had become between me and Sheena. To be honest, I felt a bit embarrassed, but mostly, I wanted things to cool off for a bit. Let’s just be friends. If that is what she wants. If that’s still on the table.

Meanwhile, the president’s kid had been…cooperative. I don’t believe there would be someone less suited for that word, but he was actually working with me, for some reason. Every intel he gave me so far about the Red camps had panned out, and I do think we could make a hit there, if we have enough manpower and resources.

I can’t pretend that it was not a selfish decision, but to think that they are doing that to my kind… Thurmond is our endgame, not only because it was one of the first and largest camps, but because it was Ruby’s nightmare, and she has to be given a chance to conquer it. If that’s the case, Sawtooth, or any of the Red camps for that matter, would be the nightmare that _I_ have to conquer.

I have to be the one to help them, if no one else.

With more tribes coming in, we grew in size—and with that, troubles. One of the tribe, a group of five Blues, were alright except for one thing. Well, one kid, to be exact. Their leader, a stocky boy name Gav, is not particularly fond of my leadership, nor of pretty much anything else here, apparently. He complained about everything—from “who give this adult shithead the right to tell me what to do”, “what the hell is this sorry place, I might as well sleep on the road” (_by all means, do that_), to the smell of the fucking body soap and how much he hated _Freesia_—the fuck is a freesia, anyway?

But it was when he complained about the food, did he really gets on my nerves. That evening, I found myself needing a moment of rest, so I joined the kids in the rec room. Sheena’s making spaghetti that night—not that the menu changes much, but there’s no complaining when she’s cooking.

However, that was not the case for The Master Chef.

“Pasta again?” Gav grunted loudly. “This is disgusting. There isn’t even any meat in it. It’s just tomato sauce and noodles—”

I raised my head, and saw Sheena frowned across the table. As subtle as her usual facial expressions go, that was pretty close to actually saying_ fuck you _for her.

“Feel free to starve.” I said, loud enough for the whole room to hear.

“Oh, yeah?” Gav whirled on me. “How about you go out and get us some real food? A grownup dickhead like you could at least waltz into a grocery store, no? Or are you telling me you can’t even do that?”

_ All right. That’s it._

I shot up from my seat, snagged him by the back of his collar, and dragged him out of the room. I could tell the other kids were hot on my heels—especially Sheena and Ruby—but I ignored them, and shove Gav into the shooting range before locking the door behind us.

I pulled out a handgun from the closet, pushed Gav up on the wall, grappled his arms from behind, and pressed one side of his face against the cement.

“Get off me!” He barked.

“You wanna know what I can do?” I growled, holding the gun directly to the wall, point blank, the side of the barrel pressed on his face, right in front of his eyes. “I can use _this_. In fact, I’m very good at it. This is called a gun. Seen this before?”

His face blanched the instance he heard me clicked off the safety. “Please don’t shoot me, please don’t shoot me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Gav the Asshole has gone out of the window; Gav the Wuss is in the house now.

“About what?” I demanded.

“About calling you a dickhead—”

“And?” I pressed.

“Complaining about the food…?” He was shaking so hard, I’m surprised he hadn’t pissed his pants.

“No,” I snapped, “You are sorry about being a whining bitch. We need soldiers here, not babies in diapers, you hear?”

“Yes!” He cried.

“Yes, _sir_!” I shouted. “Did no one teach you your manners?”

“Yes, sir!”

I loosened my grip a little. “Now, I want you to go out, and apologize to everyone outside.” I said in a low voice. “They are working their asses off, trying to make your life here comfortable, so the least you can do is show them some gratitude. If not—”

I fired a shot into the wall. When I removed the gun, there was a hole, in it, buried the remains of the bullet, still smoking.

Moments after I released him, Gav still stared at that hole, mouth gapping. I went to open the door.

The kids were all gathering on the other side, of course. As soon as I stepped out, some of them rushed in—to check if I killed the boy, apparently. I walked away, with only Sheena following me.

When we were far enough from the rest of them, she sighed. “Do you have to?”

“I don’t, but I want to.” I answered. “The kid needs some attitude adjustment.”

She snorted, obviously hiding a laugh. “I see.” She said, and after a moment, added, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” I said, cherishing this moment of just being her friend. Maybe this isn’t that bad after all.

But the moment she met my eyes, her smile faded, and she turned to walk away, breaking that short-lived peacefulness between us.


	21. Sheena

This is not getting anywhere.

I leaned back into the chair in Cole’s room, rubbing my eyes as I decided it was about time I gave myself some rest. The research on the cure…I couldn’t say that it was uninformative. I had found out more and more from these documents, it’s just that…they didn’t give me what I’m looking for. After my discussion with Chubs, most of the information I gathered since was not so much about the cure itself, but the methods in which the doctors conducted the research. In short, it was disturbing, to say the least.

Maybe we really do have to pin our hope on Lillian Gray. She’s the person that authorized and participated in this research, so she must have known of these methods—I really don’t want to trust anyone that’d do something like these to children, but the likelihood of it becoming our only option had seemed to increase by the day.

It was another night where Cole holed up inside his office, and I just hadn’t got the strength to be turned away anymore. It was bad enough knowing he was hiding something from me, but the fact that he was meeting Clancy Gray without anyone checking on him… I tried to talk to him about it, but he had always found a way to avoid that conversation.

I wondered towards the direction of vibrant sounds of discussion, and found myself in front of the gateway leading to the garage. Liam was there, deep in conversation with Liza and Lucy.

Before I could take a step in there, a girl—Kylie—came out of nowhere and stopped me. The conversation inside snapped shut as all four of them stared at me, expression unreadable.

“It’s okay, Kylie. She can come in.” Liam said.

She looked unwilling to budge, though. “Are you sure? Isn’t she your brother’s—”

_ Pet. _I finished in my head.

“Really, it’s okay.” Liam insisted, and stood up to greet me at the gateway. Kylie finally stepped down, but was still staring at me in a guarded look.

“So, Sheena.” Liam put a hand on the door frame, leaning over me, and I had to fought the urge of putting this smile side by side with another one I knew in my head. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“I just…” I muttered, “I had nothing else to do, so I thought I should come and see what you guys were doing.”

“Well,” Liam gave me a tight smile and began, “For you to be let in, you’ll have to be a little bit of a rebel, because we do what we do here under the radar for a reason…”

“Are you going to tell me something I can’t tell your brother?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do you still want to know if it is?” He returned a challenging look of his own.

I looked at him for a moment, and sighed. “Well, it’s not like he’s not been keeping secrets from me.”

Liam took in my expression carefully, and for a second, I wondered what kind of face I was wearing to prompt him into giving me such a pitiful look. I hated it. I hated how much his eyes had looked like Cole’s, but the light emitting from them was so different.

“All right.” He broke eye contact with me, and gestured for me to walked deeper into the garage.

On the floor before Lucy and Liza, lay some papers and sketches—almost like maps.

“We are working with a reporter from Amplify on the Oasis hit.” He said.

“I don’t follow…?” I frowned. “Did you persuade Cole and Ruby to change the plan?”

“Not yet.” He shook, and took in a deep breath before continued. “We want to get the reporter the information of the camp, so they can spread it out.”

_ Oh, damn. _“Are you sure? You know Amplify are not the most discrete people out there—”

“Gosh, she sounds just like your brother.” Kylie said, exasperated.

“The one we’ve made contact with_ is_ discrete.” Liam affirmed, ignoring Kylie. “You know I wouldn’t put anyone’s life in danger, carelessly or otherwise.”

I guess he is right. “If you say so.” I said, and after a moment, added. “Do you need help?”

Liam’s face bloomed into a smile. “Sure. Why not?”

“So Ruby doesn’t know?” I asked in disbelief. After Liam’s explanation on how they managed to establish contacts with Amplify, one thing was pretty clear: they did a good job on establishing different levels of security clearance—almost no one knew anything more than what they absolutely needed to know.

So why tell me the whole thing?

“No.” Liam shook. “You know how she’s like…”

“Like Cole.” I sighed. I had been there every time he brought up the idea of starting a media war, only for Cole to shot him down with words like ‘stupid’ or ‘naive’. I knew Cole doesn’t trust Amplify—their reputation in the League had pretty much guaranteed that no agent in their right mind would—but Liam’s idea actually isn’t all that impractical, and I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just listen, just for once.

“I think—” Liam began, and almost didn’t continue, “I think they are planning something about the Thurmond hit, and they are not telling us because they know we wouldn’t like it.”

“I…” I began, “Nico told me that he was working on some kind of virus…That could paralyze the camps’ communication system with the outside world.”

“Did he also tell you that it has to be activated from the inside?” He said, the smile entirely gone.

Oh, god. “And you think—”

“You and I both know that Ruby would not allow anyone else to go in there except for herself, and Cole knows it, too.” He gave me a look so painful that it finally woke up the part of me that couldn’t see the truth before now.

He told me this, all of this, because this is his last resort to save Ruby. He was pinning his one hope on pulling this off before the Thurmond hit, so Ruby wouldn’t have to…die.

“I’ll talk to him.” I said. “I’ll…” But even as the words left my mouth, I knew it would never work. I’m dealing with the compartmentalized Cole now, the one that divides and distributes his secrets into different little boxes in his mind, so he could spill the right content to the right person—all in the name of protection. The box that he shared with Ruby is one neither Liam nor I could touch, and there’s nothing I could say that would change his mind.

“He won’t listen to you.” Liam said. “He’s in too deep to get out. The League—God, I frigging hate them for this—they taught him that the only way to win is by force.” He shook. “No, maybe he was like this long before he joined the League, but that part of him was encouraged, and—”

“—he doesn’t know another way to live.” I finished.

Liam looked completely deflated now. “God, it’s like…she’s not the same person I knew anymore. She isn’t always like this. She used to let me help her. We used to be partners…”

Used to. Like how Cole _used to_ let me help him.

“Then we’ll have to prove it to them, that we could make it happen.” I said, more calmly than I expected. “That we can protect them, too.”

╳ ╳ ╳

Five days after the scouts for Oasis went in, we were on our last stage of the run-through. Well, not _we_ as in the sense where _I _was included—Cole flat out refused my request to be sent out as medic—but most of the Ranch in general.

Liam, Ruby, Lucy, Zach…a total of twelve are going in. I had been there every day, watching them rehearse this silent symphony with much struggle in the process. Cole had been making amendments here and there, trying to perfect the plan, and the combination of the team carrying it out.

When Cole yelled “_begin!_”, I started the watch. But this rehearsal was stop only one minute in—Zu and Hina acted over-dramatically as the two Blues were pretending to take them out, and many people laughed.

“Girls! You have to take this seriously, otherwise I’m subbing you out. There’s not enough time for us to be dicking around, not when it could mean this team not getting their timing down. Got it?” Cole chided, and the girls took his word in silence.

After Cole made more adjustments to the team, they started another round. This time, it got in a little longer—Ruby actually managed to get past the Control Room—but it still got called off after Liam and part of their team burst into laughter half way through. As much as I understand most of these people are teenagers—in a normal sense, not like Ruby, Vida or I, who had received military standard training—the fact that they find anything about an Op simulation funny is still beyond me.

“_Stop!_” Cole called. “Lee, you’re out. You too, Mike.”

“Excuse me?” Liam spun on his heels to face his brother, and demanded.

“_You_,” Cole repeated, one word at a time, slowly and loudly. “_are out_.”

“What the hell for?” Liam turned to Ruby this time, looking for help. When he found none from her, he turned back to Cole. “Why? I’ve done everything you asked—both me and Mike have experience hitting trucks. So why?”

“Because,” Cole said, jumping down from the ladder he had been using as a referee chair, “I decided twelve is too many—you guys are practically tripping over each other. We need to be in and out faster and quieter. If you take this personally, you’re an idiot.”

But of course this is personal. In the past few days, Cole, even if he was trying hard to pretend he wasn’t, was doing everything he can to find an excuse to sub Liam out, and now he had finally found one.

“That’s bullshit,” Liam said, hands on his hips. “You just want me out of this.”

“Well, your attitude isn’t doing you any favors either, baby brother,” Cole said, hands held out. “Your helmet and gun. You go cool off somewhere. Mike, I need you as another PSF—”

Liam ripped the rifle down from his back and shove it up against his brother’s chest. After dropping his helmet to the ground, he stalked away into the hallway, leaving the room in an angry fume. Ruby went to follow him.

Since we can’t run the simulation without Ruby, there was nothing left to do for us, except listening to their arguments echoing through the hallway in an unsettling silence.

Ruby came back only moments later, her expression betrayed none of the frustration she must have felt. When Mila—one of the new girls from the Green tribes we picked up—came to stand on the sideline, I gave her the stopwatch, and left to search for Liam.

I found him on the hallway leading to the tunnel exit, with a duffel bag over his shoulder. “Where are you going?” I asked, an arm raised to stop him on his path.

“Leave me alone, Sheena.” He said, but however hard he tried, his words could never carry the same kind of hostility like that of his brother. “I’m going to find the tribe I had been looking for.”

“And would that be the truth?” I asked, arm still out, blocking his way.

Liam took a look at me, clearly debating with himself whether he should tell me or not. Finally, he let out a long sigh, and said, “You can’t tell them.”

“I thought we were already past that.” I said, “Where exactly are you going?”

“I’m going to find the reporter from Amplify, and I’m bringing her in.” Liam said.

“Here?” I clarified.

He shot me a look, and the realization hit me like a bus. “_To Oasis?_” I yelped.

“Shhh.” He dragged me towards the tunnel door, further away from the rest of the rooms. “You can’t tell them, please. I know what I’m doing.”

“What are you trying to accomplish by that?” I hissed.

“Think about it.” Liam said, “We could give Amplify the satellite images of the camps, give them information, even recordings Tommy and Pat got, but none of those would’ve been as powerful as seeing us actually liberating a camp, wouldn’t it?”

I was torn to admit he was right. He does have a point. Cole insisted that this method wouldn’t work, because the people of America weren’t going to move their asses if someone else could fight the battle for them. But he might be wrong. Couldn’t there have been another reason why those messages didn’t work?

Then, I saw it. All the media wars failed before because the information released at the time were all about fear, and fear is Gray’s game. We can’t beat him at it. No one wants to fight in a battle which they have no possibility of winning.

If this is ever going to work, we need to give people hope, too.

“I should go with you.” I said. If he’s going to do this behind Cole’s back, then I’ll have to make sure he is safe for Cole’s sake.

“Sorry, you can’t.” Liam shook. “As much as I don’t want to be my brother, I’m taking the bike, and I can’t carry you and the reporter at the same time.”

I sighed. “Then _please_ just promise you’ll be careful. If anything happened to you—” _I don’t think Cole will be able to handle it._

“Don’t worry.” Liam let out a long and deep breath through his mouth, and gave my shoulder a firm squeeze. With that, he puffed his chest, and ducked out of the tunnel entrance.


	22. Cole

In the computer room, half of the kids that stayed behind surrounded me and Nico. It was late, very late—most of them should’ve been in bed if we still run things in the League’s schedule, but of course, most of them weren’t thinking about sleeping, not when something like _this_ was happening.

Liam was not here; he wanted to go out and find some of the Blue kids he knew from East River. I was kind of surprise that he’d choose to go out when Ruby was on an Op—I thought he would want to be here to see her through, but apparently not. I knew something was going on between the two of them, but honestly, I hadn’t got the time nor the energy to care.

Recently, Liam had pushed me so close to the limit of my sanity that just by looking at him made my stomach hurt. He fought and argued against almost everything I said, and rallied a group of kids to his side in the garage. In a way, I wasn’t all that displeased about him fussing around in there—he could play there with his toys, as long as he let the grownups do the actual work. What actually bothered me, was that Sheena was spending her time in the garage, too, and every time she came out of it, she was smiling in a way I hadn’t seen her smile in a very long time.

I’m jealous of my little brother. I have officially become the most pathetic person I know.

Sheena was in here, but somewhere further back, behind the other kids. She had been putting me somewhere further than an arm’s length recently, and it was very uncomfortable, to be honest. I can’t really blame her—it was my doing that brought us to this—but knowing the fact didn’t make it feel any better. I still want to talk to her, make her smile or laugh, but I guess I just don’t know how to do that anymore.

Nico patted me on my arm, and pointed to the numbers on the corner of the computer screen. It’s time.

“Status?” I asked into the headset connecting to the radio—to call it a radio was kind of misleading, since it didn’t work on the same bases as a traditional radio, but it functioned like one, except it carried signals much further. I didn’t really care much about the rest.

“_Same as an hour ago. Nothing so far, over._” Ruby’s voice came from the earphone, settling a stone hanging in my chest. Knowing Ruby was on the other side of the radio was all the reassurance I need—I don’t think there would be anyone else that could carry it out so smoothly. She has almost everything it take to be a good soldier—she’s calm, she’s determined, and she’s smart. All that, combined with her ability as an Orange, made her almost invincible.

About ten minutes later, she radioed in another status. “_We have our ride, over_.”

“Fantastic. Proceed with Second Phase.” I said.

When they reported that they had gotten in, I started the ten-minute countdown.

For a while, there was nothing. This would be where they disabled the Control System in the camp, and I imagined they wouldn’t have time to report back until it was done.

I held my breath, and watched the seconds ticked away on the clock.

“_Control is out of play, over,_” came Ruby’s voice, and I let out the breath.

“Roger that,” I replied. “Proceed upstairs with the others.”

And then, nothing. For a precious minute, nothing at all. What happened? It shouldn’t have taken them so long—

“Status?” I asked, nervousness edging in my voice, “Gem—status?”

Still, nothing. I tried again, gripping at the side of the headset, trying not to let the stress in my voice escalated into panic. I felt my hand twitched, a trickling heat starting to spread.

Finally, I heard a click on the earphone, and out came Ruby’s voice. “_Liam is here, with a reporter from Amplify.”_

At that, I ripped the headset off my head and slammed it down on the table, breaking the plastic into dozens of small pieces, startling Nico by my side.

What the fuck? What the _fuck? _That kid—that stupid, selfish kid—

I took in a deep breath, unplugged the useless rubbish that used to be the headset with trying hands—they were shaking; _great_—and held up the radio to my mouth. “Say again.”

She repeated, and even though I didn’t really need the confirmation, I still felt myself sank, sagged inside my own skin.

And another me reemerged; a colder, more controlled person, that was here for business, to see things through.

_ Accept, adapt, act._ It’s almost like a mantra.

“Five minutes. Are you heading out?” I asked into the radio. I’ll deal with that little shit later. When he comes back.

I saw, at the edge of my vision, Sheena’s jet-black hair disappeared behind the door, and it lit up another field of fire in my chest.

_ She knew._

_ She knew, and she didn’t tell me._

Ruby didn’t report back, so I had no choice but to keep counting down the time. “Two minutes.”

One minute.

Times up.

One-minute overtime.

I felt myself burning, so much so I thought I’d catch on fire. I kept requesting report, until finally, I heard Ruby’s voice. “_We got them. We’re out, over._”

That was when I finally threw the radio onto the desk, and left the room for good. I have had enough.

╳ ╳ ╳

I got out of the computer room, and for a second there, didn’t know where I wanted to go. Then I realized, I’m not the one that needed to _go_ anywhere. It was Liam. His time here is _done_.

I stormed down the hallway without thinking, and tore open the door of the room which Liam shared with some other kids.

In there, was Sheena, curled up into a ball on a cot, half of her face behind her knees. This sight would usually soften me, but not now. I didn’t mean to lash out on her, but it was just too much for me to take anymore.

“_You!_” I crossed the room in three long strides, and stood directly in her front, towering over her. She seemed to curl up even more, and it made me even more angry. “How could you?”

She lifted her face to look at me, and for a second there, the plea and surrender in her eyes almost made me budge. Almost.

“I have no choice, Cole.” She said, her voice trembled against her obvious attempt to stable it. “You don’t let me help you, and Liam thinks you and Ruby are planning on something that you’re hiding from us—”

“So you colluded with my brother and conspired against me? Sabotaging our operation?” I heard my voice rising louder and louder, but I couldn’t contain myself. _How could she pin this on me?_ “What if something went wrong, and one of them died? Have you thought about that?”

There were tears in her eyes, but I turned away. “I’m really sorry. I should’ve told you, but it was our chance to make it happen without bloodshed, before one of you actually go on an Op that you don’t come back from—”

“What do you think we are doing here?” My voice finally erupted into a roar. “All of us, are risking our lives! _This is war!_ If you and Liam couldn’t handle that, then why don’t you just get the fuck out of here?”

It didn’t occur to me, not for the first few moments, that she’d actually leave. She didn’t move at all, her expression frozen in shock. After a moment, it shifted, melted into acceptance, calmness, and…disappointment. That expression, the way her eyes slightly narrowed in an attempt to conceal the pain underneath, pinned me in place. She stood up, with the dignity and grace almost like a marble statue, walked past me, and headed for the door.

I turned around, and began after her, “Sheena…”

She turned, but not fully around, eyes half-veiled by her hair. “Goodbye.” She said, soft and clear.

At that moment, I didn’t know what to do, and I just panicked. As she put her hand on the doorknob, I shot forward and spun her around to face me. Before her eyes met mine, I pinned her on the door, and pressed my lips on hers.

The kisses I shared with some female agents in the League were always playful or sexual. Or both. I never kissed someone out of desperation before, not until now. It was such a different experience that, for a moment, my head just went blank, and instinct was the only thing guiding my action. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her in, in, into my body, and I didn’t think about if I’d crush her. She was moaning in a weak protest, and her hands were pressing against my chest, but she wasn’t pushing, not really—I know for a fact that she could send me flying to the other side of the room if she so chooses. I pried her mouth open with my lips, and the taste of her was so sweet that I want to swallow her, devour her…

And that was all I got. Before my body got enough of what it wanted—when will that be, though? I don’t really know—she pushed me away, hard enough to make me let go of her and break off the kiss.

I staggered back, and saw she staring at me, a profound horror in her eyes. Before I could say anything, she twisted the doorknob, and ran out of the room.

That’s when I know it’s really over.

I’ve ruined it.

I’ve ruined _us_.


	23. Sheena

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god…

What the _fuck_ just happened?

_ He hurt you. That was what happened. _It said coldly.

“Shut up!” I screamed.

_ I promise you, I wouldn’t just push him off if it had been my choice._

“Get out of my head!”

_ I can’t. I_ am_ you._

“Stop!” I cried, “Please, just…” and I didn’t have the strength to keep going anymore. I’m so tired.

Even after running out of the Ranch, and hid behind the back of this warehouse for hours, curled up in a ball on the ground, I still couldn’t wrap my head around everything. Why did he do that? Why would he yelled at me like that and kiss me immediately afterwards? What the actual _fuck_ was that?

One thing is for sure—my monster wanted to hurt him. Really hurt him. It had taken me so much strength keeping it under control when we were fighting, but it had somehow gotten even worse when he kissed me…oh, god, why did that happened?

I had to go. That much is clear. He wants me to. _I_ want me to. I had to leave, before I could do any real damage—

“Sheena?” The voice that called sounded so familiar, my heart jolted in pain.

I raised my head, and saw a silhouette against the strong light shining my way. For an instance there, I thought it was floodlight, and almost took off and ran out of pure fight-or-flight instinct, but soldiers wouldn’t know my name. They also wouldn’t call me by that voice.

As the person approached, his hair had taken on a blondish color against the harsh white headlight, and his facial feature started to get clearer.

Liam.

“Sheena, are you okay?” He crouched down in front of me, and I squeezed myself into an even tighter ball. “What are you doing here—”

“Don’t touch me.” I shrank away from his outstretch hand, and he retracted, but didn’t leave.

“What happened?” He sat down in front of me, with zero regard of the dirt on the ground.

I wanted to tell him, but tears caught on faster than my words.

It startled Liam. “Jesus…” He laid a gentle hand on my shoulder, “Did…did he take it out on you?”

No. I did this. It was my fault. I made my bed, now I had to lie in it. “…not really…” I gasped in between breaths, “…it’s not safe…”

“Not safe?” Liam said, alarmed. “Sheena, what are you talking about? Did he hurt you?”

I shook. The thought of Cole hurting me is a little ridiculous at the moment—whatever he could do, it’s not like I couldn’t hurt him a thousand times worse. But the real answer came much slower. “I’m not safe…to you. All of you.”

Liam frowned. “Look, Sheena.” He braced his elbows on his knees, “I don’t know how it’s like for you, but another girl I know also said something very similar to what you just said when I first met her. But guess what? You are not dangerous.”

“I just…hate it, that you guys think of yourselves like that.” He continued in a calm voice. Tired, even. “I may never really understand what it was like for you, but the thing is, none of us really have it under control just like that. Even now, I still had to talk myself down before I chuck my brother to the other side of the room, you know?”

I choked out a breath.

“But we learn together.” He moved on, “I learnt it from my friend back in Caledonia; Ruby learnt it by being not so damn afraid of herself, and someone else…but that’s beside the point.” He ran a hand over his hair, like how Cole always does when he was thinking, just subconsciously, “My point is, wouldn’t it be better if you have help? Friends? It surely beats running out in the wild, all alone?”

“It’s not just that.” I shook, “It’s not so much about my ability, but something…” I took in a deep breath, “I think I’m sick, Liam.”

Liam’s expression turned very still for a moment, but he didn’t say anything, didn’t show anything, besides, “all the more reasons to let us help you,” deadpan.

My head went a little haywire hearing his words, my thoughts shooting from “is this what a saint looks like” to “what the hell is wrong with this boy” and back in matters of milliseconds.

If there was any more proof that this person here wouldn’t reject Cole, not for anything, this is it. For a second there, I actually considered telling him, just to get it over with…but it was not my secret to tell. If it is ever going to happen, Cole will have to do it himself.

I let out a long breath. “He’s really, really angry.” My voice came out pretty stable by all standard.

“Figured.” He stood up, offering me a hand. “C’mon, I’ll have to be back before they shred my reporter friend into pieces.”

“You brought her back?” I asked, startled.

“Yeah.” Liam sighed. “Yes, I brought her back.”

Jesus. This would be a tough day for Cole. I sighed, too, and accepted his hand.

╳ ╳ ╳

By the time we got to the garage door, there was a…kind of a stand-off in the middle of the garage. On one side, Ruby and Cole, the other side, a red-hair young woman with freckles. The rest of the people were still there, standing by the silently-agreed sideline, waiting for the situation to erupt.

We walked slowly towards them, the red-hair woman came closer to Liam as she saw us, and I had half the heart to run away and hide. The moment Cole laid eyes his brother, I could see the flame flared up inside him. But his anger didn’t come out in explosion.

“I have taken the liberty,” He said slowly, voice ice-cold, after throwing his brother a backpack. From the sound of it, it was a heavy one. “of packing your things. You’re finished here. Get on your little bike and go home.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Liam said, expression rigid with heat, opposite to that of his brother’s. “And I’m just getting started. You can’t make me go.”

“No, but I could.” To my surprise, Ruby was the one to answer. Her words drained every single drop of blood from Liam. He whipped his head towards her, face filled with shock. Zu was standing beside them; her eyes widened, darted from Ruby to Liam and back.

I turned my eyes on Cole, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were determinedly trained elsewhere, fixated on his brother.

“You went behind my back,” He started, barely keeping the fume of his anger from leaking out, “and somehow contacted Amplify when I specifically told you not to. You were stupid enough to email confidential files, risking Gray’s Internet crawlers picking them up and tracing them back to us. You clearly lied about going to meet that other group of kids and met with Amplify instead, wasting our gas and our time. You interrupted an Op in play and endangered every single kid participating in it, including yourself and the ones we rescued. And to top it off, Liam, you brought a civilian into play. I really hope it was worth it to you, because while you’re getting the hell out of here, she is staying where we can keep her secured and locked up until this is all over.”

“Excuse me?” The ginger woman stepped up, brown eyes flashing. She muttered to Liam, “You said he’d be pissed, but this is—”

“Reality,” Cole finished, holding out his hand. “Give me your camera.”

She leaned away, a hand on her bag. “Listen to me when I say this,” she said, a finger raised in Cole’s direction. “because I mean it literally—_over my dead body_. You think I’m scared of you? I survived the D.C. bombing and covered eight major city riots, including the one in Atlanta that killed my camera guy and my fiancé. So go ahead and try it, asshole.”

There was something about her that made her instantly dislikeable; I didn’t know what, but I regret helping Liam find her immediately, if nothing else.

“Okay, sweetheart,” Cole said, voice low and threatening. “you can keep your camera. May the tender, glowing light from the digital screen keep you company when we lock you in your new room and throw away the key.”

The Ginger was ready to argue, but Liam stopped her, and took the rein back in his hands.

“You’re right,” he said. “I did go behind your back and find out how to contact Amplify. I met with Alice and her team, but only after I found Olivia and Brett, who I told not to come in until I was sure being here would guarantee a lower chance of getting killed than trying to survive alone in the wild. I downloaded files onto a flash drive to prove my story to Amplify; I never sent them. And you know why I did all of those things? Because no matter what you said in Los Angeles, this hasn’t been anything that resembles a democracy, let alone a fresh start. You’ve ignored everyone’s ideas in favor of your own and you haven’t once listened to what I’ve tried to say, even though you know nothing about our lives and what we’ve been through. You like the fight, but some of us don’t.”

“Not your best argument,” Cole retorted, waving a generous hand towards the people on the sideline. “considering today worked out pretty damn well.”

“He’s telling the truth,” The Ginger butted in. “We never would have asked him to risk sending the files digitally. He only brought us printouts, and only a few to prove his affiliation with the League. Or whatever the hell it is you’re calling yourselves now.”

“We can use the footage Alice captured today, deliver a media package to their contacts to run—a package that carries an actual message.” Liam, after visibly attempting to blew out his anger, said. “That proves something, even if it’s just that people have nothing to fear from us kids. You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter if we get all the kids out of the camps and blast through every damn fence and wall between us and them. If we don’t change people’s minds about us, then where the hell are those kids going to go?”

Cole folded his arms, “Bye, Liam.” And turned to walk away.

He wants us to go. I let the fact settle in my chest, heavy as a boulder, and turned towards the direction of the garage door, but someone’s voice stopped me.

“If he has to go, then so do I.”

I turned back, and saw it was a Liza. She was raising her hand in the air, like a kid waiting to be reprimanded when the teacher angrily yelled “who did this?” in the classroom.

“For any particular reason...?” Cole prompted.

“I covered for him.” She put down her hand, and brushed her hair over her shoulder. “I knew he was going to meet Alice and I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Me too,” said Lucy beside Liza, wringing her hands. “I lied about supplies he never brought in, and I don’t really want to fight, I’m sorry.”

“Ditto,” Kylie said. “Not sorry, though.”

And for some reason, everyone that worked in the garage—even some out of the garage—started piping up, claiming themselves guilty.

I looked at Cole, and found that he was looking back at me. His face was impassive, but his eyes were filled with torment. I’m sure mine were exactly the same.

_ Do you want me to go? _The silent question hung in the air between us.

“Okay—Christ, I get it, Spartacus. You all made your point.” His hand shot up in the air, interrupting Sarah, another Green from the League.

“You get one shot,” he told them...or _us_. “Prove to me this works the way you want it to, and we’ll adapt our plan, but—” The kids around him had started to buzz in excitement, so he raised his voice, curling all his fingers on the raised hand except one. “_But_, you all stay here and you cannot, for any reason, leave the Ranch without getting permission. That includes you, Carrots.”

The Ginger’s face flushed red in an instance. Cole took a step closer, towering over her, and said in a dangerous low voice, but somehow still smiling, “If you reveal our location to anyone at Amplify, I’ll know.”

“No you won’t.” The Ginger shot back, her arms crossed in front of her. “But I’m not in the business of getting kids killed. Unlike you.”

Before I could do anything about it, Ruby warned, “_Hey._” And the woman stepped back. Seeing her defend Cole like that was…sore. They are a team, and there’s nothing I could complain about it, because I chose to team up with Liam. It was my choice.

When Cole turned back to address the rest of the crowd, his voice was back to the usual bright tone. “All right, everyone good? Everyone cool?” he nodded, and the kids around him started nodding, too. “Great. Let’s get the supplies off the bus and everything organized. Someone needs to tell me about the PSFs’ faces when they saw you.”

Gav laughed immediately, breaking the tension. I shifted out of the light emitting from this buzzing crowd, and started towards the tunnel. Ruby had taken off in a run in front of me, Liam soon followed.

I left the garage to their happy victorious stories and conversation, with Cole in the middle of all that glory. I wondered deeper in to the hallway, trying to find something to do, trying to keep my head clear from all this…complication. I need to be alone.

The only thing I can do now…the only thing…is keep it under control, and find the cure as soon as possible before I let it hurt anyone.

After god-knows-how-long in Cole’s room, sitting in the darkness, I suddenly realized that given the situation, it’s probably no longer appropriate to use his room as my study anymore. I started collecting the remaining pages of Project Snowfall and my notes, when a knock came on the door.

“Sheena?” It was Chubs.

“Yes?” I took in a sharp breath through my nose, and wipe the tears off my face. “You’re back?”

The door opened. Chubs on the other side of the door looked…better than I expected. To be honest, I didn’t know what I had expected; I might have subconsciously imagined everyone coming back to look like they just survived some sort of natural disaster. But Chubs looked alright; healthy, even.

“We brought Lillian Gray back.” He said, and my monster’s anger flared up inside me, quick as a snap, making my body shiver. “She’s…a bit unstable. I want to get your opinion on something.”

“Sure.” I collected the folder, and walked out of the room with him.

“Um…if you don’t mind me asking,” Chubs, as I brushed past him, took a careful look at me, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes.” I sniffled, and his frown went even deeper.

“I don’t believe you for a second.” He said, “Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Cole, not since Day One, but you’re probably the sane one in the two, so I’ll just have to tell you this: just because he looks like he knows what he is doing, doesn’t mean he does.”

“But I think it is really me who messed it up this time.” I answered sorely.

“I doubt that.” He said. “Just because you feel like shit, doesn’t necessarily means you’re wrong. I got a feeling you’d feel like shit either way.”

I choked a little. “In that case, how would I know I am right?”

“You won’t.” He sighed, “I guess none of us would. Not until all of these are over.”

He led me to another senior agent’s room down the hall, where Cole, Ruby and Senator Cruz had already been waiting. The moment Cole’s eyes fell on me, his whole body stiffened. I shifted past him, moving my sight away.

And I saw her.

I didn’t know why the sight of Lillian Gray could conjure up such a negative emotion in me, but it did. No, not just any negativity. It’s fear. Looking at her sent waves after waves of shivers down my spine, and not in a good way.

I knew for a fact she had done something horrifying to other children…to my kind, and I knew how she must have felt no regrets, because she thought she was doing the right thing. But there is something more than that. It was simply something in her face, her posture, the way she holds herself, that makes me wanted to get away from her as fast as I can.

She was sitting on the bed, with Ruby sitting in a chair in front of her, holding her hands.

“Dr. Gray,” Ruby said, driving Dr. Gray’s attention towards her. “Can you tell me what your first name is?”

She opened her mouth, but what came out of it wasn’t a sentence. It was barely even a word. “Naahhmmeee,” she muttered, hands reaching up to shield her face as if we were going to hurt her. “Don’t...good...pale...shade...”

Chubs shot me a sharp look, and I caught what he wanted to say immediately. I kneel down beside Ruby, and let Dr. Gray’s attention—and the rest of the room’s—fell on me.

“Dr. Gray. I’m Sheena, and this is Ruby.” I said, gesturing Ruby. “We are here to help you.”

“Sheeeee—” She gasped, “Stone…red…saaaaffiiire…”

“Can you understand me? Nod if you can.” I said.

“Nahhhhd…”

“Can you…count to ten for me?” I asked.

“Count…number…one, two,…five…aaaaeeit…”

“How could you stand this?” Senator Cruz said somewhere behind me. “Poor woman—”

I let out a long breath. “I think…” I turned around to address the room, “I’m not going to pretend that I’m some kind of expert in neurology—we glossed over that territory—but I think…I think she’s displaying some of the symptoms of expressive aphasia.”

“Can you, elaborate?” Cole asked, and I met his gaze a little before shifting away.

“Aphasia is a kind of illness that affect the patient’s ability to produce or comprehend languages, and there are multiple kinds of aphasia.” I said, “Expressive aphasia is generally the result of brain damage in one of the language processing centers in the cerebral cortex, Broca’s area.”

I stopped to see if everyone followed, but other than Chubs, the rest of the room just looked dazed.

“So, her brain is damaged?” Senator Cruz asked.

“I can’t know for sure.” I said, “And if it is, the damage might not be limited to Broca’s area, either.”

I guess there’s only one way to find out, but I really don’t want to do this in front of Senator Cruz. She is still an adult. I looked at Cole, and even with everything that happened, he still caught what I was trying to say with that look.

“Ma’am, would you mind giving us a moment?” Cole asked, and Senator Cruz frowned. But in the end, she didn’t protest, and left the room quietly.

I turned back to Dr. Gray, reached out for her head, and lifted the baseball hat off from her. She was startled, but I put my hands on her face before she could back off.

Inside her brain was like a _hanabi taikai, _or in American’s cultural context, 4th of July fireworks. The neurotransmissions in her head are…everywhere. Messy, aimless, and all over the place. It had seemed like her brain was haywire, neurotransmissions happening randomly, some to no end at all. But there were no dark areas—her brain is as brightly lit as a Christmas tree—which means that the damage is not a physical one.

“Chubs, can you help me?” I asked.

Chubs came to crouch down beside me.

“I need you to snap your fingers at the side of her ears when I asked you to.” I said, “On the side I asked.”

“Snaaap…” Dr. Gray said. “Fingers…click…up…”

Chubs nodded, and I put my hand back on her face again.

“Right.” I said, and Chubs snapped. I traced the neurotransmission signal from her right ear to the brainstem, the auditory cortex, and…

It’s gone.

“Left.” I said. This time, the signal stopped as soon as it left the brainstem.

“Right.” I said, and this time, I traced it as far as passing the corpus callosum, but it went into the mess of the fireworks, and I lost it.

“Okay.” I released Dr. Gray, and sat back down on the floor.

“Okay what?” Ruby asked.

“I think…” I started, slowly, “The left hemisphere is…sort of rewired? Because the left hemisphere is primarily in charge of language processing, it could be the reason why it was targeted in the first place. I think the signals are still there, just—”

“The pathways were messed up, so she couldn’t get it out?” Chubs offered.

“Yes, exactly.” I said.

“Then…can you fix it?” Cole asked.

I blew out a long breath. “I can’t.” I said, sagged. “I can only fix physical damages. This one is not. If I tried, I might make it even worse.”

_ I’m so sorry. _I wanted to say._ I’m so sorry for disappointing you, again and again._ But whatever emotion Cole felt, he didn’t show.

By my side, Ruby said, “Then, I guess I’ll have to figure out what the hell did Clancy do.”

I turned back to look at Dr. Gray again for no reason at all, and suddenly, a pang of white flared up inside me, and it spoke.

_ Kill her._

I shot up from the floor at this, with my hands outstretched, but not palms up like I was going to touch her face, but palms down—like I wanted to choke her.

I pushed past Chubs and Cole, and stormed out of the room before any of them had the chance to stop me.


	24. Cole

Maybe all this really goes nowhere.

Finding Dr. Gray turned out to be a huge dead end. Liam’s overly naïve planned had gone to naught. Even bringing the Oasis kids back to the Ranch didn’t seem to increase the helping hands here—the kids rather stayed in the garage with Liam and his lot, than in the Ranch itself.

Seeing the news Nico showed me, I gotta say, I wasn’t surprised. Alice—the _Carrot_—and Liam managed to put together some media package and send them out last night, but it was…not well received, to say the least.

_ They all think it’s fake. _I already told Lee. Time and time again. _They won’t buy it. It’s not going to work._

And Sheena. She believed him, too. I don’t even know how to describe that kind of betrayal. Moving past the initial anger, I felt… empty. I don’t want to think about the way she cried, don’t want to know why she did it, don’t want to feel that—

It’s all for nothing, isn’t it?

At least she’s not hanging out in the garage anymore. Since she found out she can’t treat Dr. Gray, she had been working even harder on the cure—make sense, she could be our last chance of getting it. She never goes anywhere without that folder, and whatever she does, she will still have at least one of her hands on the papers, reading or jotting down notes. Also, she and Chubs were almost inseparable now. Every time I visited the computer room, they would be there, huddling together like two top notch nerds in some elite study group.

This, and Thurmond. They are our only hopes.

Which is why, when I got to the garage, and saw Lee and his team still working on a media release, I haven’t had the heart to stop them. They still haven’t seen the truth, and at this point, I haven’t got the strength to make them.

Apparently, they decided to go on a full-blown emotional manipulation tactic this time, seeing that they put Liam and Ruby’s friend, Zu, the little mute girl—well, that was how the other agents described Sheena, wasn’t it?—on the spot for an interview. She can’t speak, so Lee is speaking in her stead.

It’s not that she can’t. From what I’ve gathered, she can, physically, she just chose not to. But does that really make that much of a difference? Even when Sheena managed to fix her throat, she still chose to stay silent, because she didn’t want to speak. If I hadn’t got back, is it possible that she’d just stay silent forever?

Their voices were taken, and it doesn’t matter one bit if the psychos actually removed something from their body. For some reason, I found myself silently rooting for this little girl. For her to fight this nightmare she’s been through. To get something back.

“Suzume? That’s a lovely name.” After Liam read out what Zu wrote down on the paper, Alice said behind the camera.

“Thanks. My friends call me Zu.” Liam read for her.

“Can you tell us a little bit about why your friend is speaking for you?” Alice said.

The little girl turned to look at where the teens had been standing—Ruby, Chubs, Vida and Sheena. I saw Sheena pressed a hand over her mouth.

“Because...because for a long time I was too scared to say anything,” Zu said. “And I didn’t t-think anyone would l-listen.”

The impact was instantaneous. Liam shot up from his chair, looking paled and stunned. Vida clapped and whooped cheerfully. Chubs rushed forward to give the little girl a hug that drowned her in his body. But Ruby and Sheena, they stood where they were. Ruby seemed as stunned as Liam, and Sheena…she had let down her hands, and tears were streaming down her face, but she was smiling.

“I did it.” Zu said, almost dazed.

“Yeah!” Vida clapped, “You nailed it!”

If they were planning on plucking some heartstrings, they are doing it right, I have to give it to them. Maybe…maybe if this ended up achieving nothing—which it likely would—she’d still have this. This small victory of hers on taking something back from the people who had given her nothing but trauma.

Before I could catch myself, I had walked up behind Sheena, and laid a hand on her shoulder. To my surprise, though a little jolted at first, she let me.

And we watched, in this silent truce, the interview continued. Zu laid out her life’s story for us—how she was sent to the camp, how she learnt to control her ability, and…how she escaped the camp.

She relayed the details of their plans; how the leader—Liam—managed to cook up a plan of breaking out, and execute it, too; how the plan failed, and the PSFs opened fire on them. I turned to look at Liam, as he, like everyone else, looked on to Zu in the spotlight.

So _this_, was how close I came to never seeing my brother ever again. Looking at the intels in the League, you’d never realize what was actually happening behind those numbers. A hundred and five. That was how many lives were lost that day.

But no one could’ve told me about how the PSFs shot them like they were shooting fish in a barrel, not before today. No one could’ve told me that each of them had a letter to their family, in case they didn’t make it. And no one—_no one_—would’ve let me know that there was, in the end, really nothing they could do. Nothing _he_ could do, except run for his life.

No one. Because I should’ve known it myself.

The interview concluded with Zu giving a borderline miniature speech on how we shouldn’t be afraid of each other, when we were all, at the end of the day, just humans.

When Liam and Vida went up to congratulate the little girl, Ruby instead walked towards us—maybe not me, but Sheena and Chubs to be exact. I listened half-heartedly about their discussion on some brain anatomy, half of my mind still on the details about Liam’s camp break, until Ruby said, “We need to jump-start her.”

“Excuse me?” I piped up. “Who are we giving the shock treatment to?”

“You think you can reset that system in her mind,” Chubs said, not explaining anything for me, but I could only assume it was about Lillian Gray. “But...how, exactly?”

“Clancy said something to me the last time I was in his head,” Ruby said. “_Mirror minds_. I think that’s what happens when I enter someone’s head. I’m mirroring what’s in their mind with my own. When I’m tampering with memories and searching through them, it’s like I’ve set up a mirror between us, and all of those changes I’m imagining into existence are immediately reflected in the other mind.”

“Okay?” I wasn’t getting it, and I felt like I never would.

“So you think that if you engage that part of your mind, it’ll engage that part of her mind, too, and reset it?” Chubs offered.

“That is possible.” Sheena said, “Part of the brain areas associated with empathy is pretty close to one of the language processing centers. As we discussed before, it might be the key to your ability.”

“Worth a try?” Ruby said.

“More than worth a try,” I said. “It’s time we checked in on her anyway—”

My words were cut off by a loud bang on the garage door. We all jumped a little, but Liam was the one went for the door. On the other side, was eight very filthy kids, whom we could probably smell from miles away. Liam greeted them with blazing enthusiasm, and that was all I needed to know that these were the tribe he set out to find.

As they chatted on, and Liam bragged about the Oasis hit, I have half the intention to leave, but one of the kids said something that caught my attention.

“It was all over the radio as we were coming in,” A stocky boy—I think Ruby called him Brett—said. “You guys do know that the Children’s League is taking credit for it...right?”

I stalked to the workstation and flip the radio on immediately. The news coming out of it confirmed his words.

_ I told you so. I fucking told you so. _I tried hard—_so hard_—not to say these words out loud.

“Is this real?” As she rushed into the garage, Senator Cruz asked, facing me. “Would they claim responsibility for it? Or is Gray trying to pin it on them to justify another attack on them?”

“I think they’re claiming credit,” Ruby was the one to answer her, though. “Gray doesn’t need another excuse to attack them, and he’s been scrambling to float the theory that everything was doctored. I guess it doesn’t matter, though. The League has the target on their backs now, not us.”

I pressed my lips, trying to keep in the sense of victory I’m feeling from showing. “Well, y’all have succeeded in putting another undeserved feather in their cap. But Ruby’s right. This is a good thing for us.”

Out of the corner of my eyes, I felt Sheena sidestep away from me, but I didn’t turn to catch her.

╳ ╳ ╳

As Ruby and Chubs went to treat Lillian Gray—Sheena refused to go in her room, for some reasons—and it was dinner time, I went on to have my daily meeting with the devil himself.

I didn’t expect our conversation to taken on such depth, but it was something. Of course, I’d take whatever he said with a large grain of salt, but getting to know his side of the world, the way he thinks…it was interesting, to say the least.

He shared how he managed to set up East River, which, I believe, could be adapted into something useful once we get the Thurmond kids out. Also, how he managed to get information in the government’s database through different levels of security.

And his opinions on things. Some of which, I did agree. He argued that we should keep the cure to ourselves, otherwise we’d be giving the control to adults, and…I did see some reason in this. Kids like me might want to be cured, but what’s to say that the people outside wouldn’t force it on every one of us? Even those who didn’t really need it, say, a Green?

Also, there is Sawtooth, but his information had been somewhat lacking—if he was telling me the truth.

“You know everything I do. That wasn’t the camp I helped set up—it was the original one in Tennessee,” Clancy said, and shot a glance up past my shoulder. “Are you ever going to come in, Ruby?”

I felt my blood ran cold at that. I turned around slowly, and started towards the door as it opened, revealing Ruby on the other side, looking at me in a very complicated expression.

But neither of us start, until we reached the hallway outside.

“Don’t,” I said before she could, “I have this under control.”

“Nothing is ever really under control with him,” She said, pointedly. “As long as you’re careful...”

“You’re killing me, Gem,” I sighed, changing the subject. “What is it?”

“I think you have to see it to believe it.”

╳ ╳ ╳

After seeing Lillian Gray had fully recovered with my own eyes, I assured her that we will talk tomorrow, and went to the computer room, started on finalizing some details on the Thurmond hit with Ruby.

Knowing that we have a solid resource of getting the cure is somehow…not as satisfying as I thought it would be. Yes, I’m happy that we could give everyone a choice, but I guess, deep down, I still wished Sheena had been the one coming up with something, not Lillian Gray.

Ruby had fallen asleep halfway through our discussion when I was putting down some finer details to the paper, and I haven’t had the heart to wake her. Thurmond is less than ten days away; the kid needed some rest.

Before I could actually consider if I want some rest myself, the phone in my pocket buzzed.

“Hello?” I answered.

“_Cole? Son?_” Harry’s voice came through the receiver.

I gripped the phone a little tighter. “Yes?” There was a loud static sound one his end, “Christ—where are you calling from?”

“_We’re halfway through Missouri,_” Harry said, “_I’m calling to give you a brief on the operation we conducted a couple of hours ago, but before that, I need a server IP to send you some of the intel we gathered—_”

“Operation?” I asked. Jesus, please tell me it’s not—

“_We stormed a suspected black site prison this morning._” Harry said, “_And retrieved a number of the prisoners, some of which are League agents—_”

“You got them out?” I asked. Cate, Johnson, Frances, Russell… As much as I’m angry with him for doing this behind my back, for refusing to take my no for an answer, it doesn’t really matter. Though the notion is dangerous, he got it done, and it was all that matters, right?

“_Yes,_” Harry answered, “_But could you give me the IP first? The reception here is really bad. I don’t want to lose—_” a static cut him off, “_—could get you the intel._”

“Sure.” I quickly ran to ask Nico about the info I should give him, and get back to the phone. He went on to fill me in the details of their operation, and the number and names of the people they extracted. Every name he said had settled a stone in my chest. As we talked, the printer spurted out paper after paper of pictures in a constant stream. Satellite images to be precise. Top notch resolution.

_ Thanks._ I wanted to say, but the word caught up in the bile lodged in my throat.

“I think there’s someone that would like to speak with you.” I said in the end, and went to wake Ruby up with the now pieced-together satellite map of Thurmond.

“What’s this?” She asked, half awake. When she finally registered what she was looking at, she jumped. “This is Thurmond. Where did you get this?”

I didn’t answer, only handed her the phone.

“Hello?” Ruby asked, and she gripped onto the phone tighter as Harry’s voice, too low for me to actually hear the content, flowed out from the phone.

Nico came into the room with another file for me, and Ruby switched the phone to speaker.

“—_know that last night we conducted an operation_—”

“One you never cleared with me.” I muttered.

“_A group of old, retired army types_,” he continued with a laugh. “_Some new friends, too, who have recently had a change of heart about serving the President. This morning at approximately oh-two-hundred hours, we conducted a raid on a suspected black site prison._”

He went on. “_It was successful, and we were able to recover a number of suspected traitors and informants. We’ve forwarded on what intel we were able to recover from the site as well as from our own sources in the government. We’ll be joining you by the end of the week, but I wanted to let you know that we did get your—_”

Someone on the other side—a woman—interrupted, and Harry seemed to have put away his phone to talk to her. “_Lie back down. Yes,_ _I’m glad you’re awake—these gentlemen will explain what happened—yes, you can speak to her in just a moment—_”

There was a clatter, as if someone had snatched the phone out of Harry’s hand.

“_Ruby?_” Out came Cate’s voice, hoarse, trembling, strained, but it was her. I felt myself sagged under the relief. By my side, Nico let out a small whimper.

“Cate,” Ruby choked, “Are you okay? Where are you right now?”

“_Ruby_,” Cate said, cutting Ruby off, “_l-listen to me—We’re okay, we’re all okay, but you have to listen to me, some...something happened with the League, didn’t it? They—_”

This managed to set me in a fully alarmed mode.

“Conner, what’s going on?” I asked, leaning in, hands gripping on the side of the table.

“_We overheard some of the...the guards posted there, they were taunting us, they said that Kansas HQ’s going to be attacked. None of the agents—none of us can get a hold of anyone there. Can you warn them? Can you give them the message—?_”

“We’ll take care of it,” I assured. Nico had already gone into work, keying in one command after another on the computer. “You sit tight, Harry’s going to bring you guys back up here.”

“_The agents want to go to Kansas,_” she said, distressed.

“Well, they might not have a choice,” I sighed, and added, “Hey, Conner, it’s great to hear your voice.”

“_You too. You taking care of my kids?_”

I let out a soft chuckle. “They’ve been taking care of me.”

“_Ruby?_”

“I’m here.” Ruby answered in a rush. “Are you okay? Tell me you’re okay—”

“_I’m okay. I’ll see you soon, under—understand? I’m sorry—the—connect—out—_”

Then, nothing. I reached over to put the phone in my pocket, and reassure Ruby that we are on the right track.

And we are, aren’t we? When was the last time I felt like I could say that? Ten days, and we’re on the other side of the hill. Ten days.

I left the room to call my old colleagues, but got no response from any of them, so I went back into the computer room, and walked right into a conversation between Ruby, Senator Cruz and Lillian Gray. I asked Ruby to relay some part of the plans for the two women, and lo and behold, the conversation turned into a discussion on Lillian Gray’s term for sharing the cause and the cure of IAAN. Since she asked for a private place to talk, we moved our discussion to my office.

As soon as we walked into the office and all sat down, Ruby started.

“You want us to hold up Alban’s end of the bargain,” she said, “You’ll give us the information in exchange for being able to perform the procedure on Clancy first.”

Lillian Gray might have been surprised by how point-blank Ruby had been, but either way, she didn’t show. “Yes. That would be my condition.”

So Clancy Gray had been right. His mother does want him as part of the deal.

“I was under the impression it’s a kind of operation.” I scratched my chin. “You couldn’t expect to be able to perform it here....”

“Of course not,” she said, with a slight contempt in her tone that got on my nerve a little. “You could scrub every inch of this place with bleach and it still wouldn’t be clean enough for an operation. I would need you to quietly help me set up a time it can be performed at a local hospital, where I’ll have trained staff.”

“That’s a tall order.” I commented. “There’s almost no way to keep it quiet.”

“Once the procedure is complete, the plan has always been to take Clancy and go into hiding. I want to return to a life that resembles normal, with the son I once had.”

Would he want that?Because it has seemed to me that this son in question has no say in it at all. Like all of us.

Maybe we would all end up having no say in it.

I looked to Ruby, waiting for her to decide this one. She’s the one that fought for this the hardest, she should be the one calling the shots—plus, it’s not like as an “adult”, me deciding things for them wouldn’t look bad.

“Okay.” Finally, Ruby said, solemnly.

_ Wait. _“I have, um, one more condition.” I said. Ruby shot me a surprised look. “Before we rounded the kids and let you explain things to them tonight, I want you to explain—in detail—about the cure to our resident medic. You said you want trained staff, correct? She would be able to help you.”

This is a risky move. There’s no guarantee whether Lillian Gray would figure out what Sheena is or not, but this is also the only chance to have the cure in the hands of one of our own. To have the choice to ourselves.

“Resident medic?” Lillian Gray asked. “You have a medical doctor here?”

“Not exactly.” I stood up, and gestured her to walk out of the room. “C’mon, let me introduce you to the result of giving a Green medical training.” 


	25. Sheena

My heart stopped cold when I saw Cole walked in with the last person I want to see in this place—well, other than her son.

Dr. Gray came in, looked around our humble bunkroom, and Cole gestured for her to sat down on one of the cots. I sat stiffly in my bed the entire time. I was shivering again—numbing white creeping up in waves of anger, stronger than ever before—and I knew it was struggling to come free.

“Dr. Gray, ma’am, this is Sheena. She’s the medic I told you about.” Cole said, “Sheena, you’ve met Dr. Gray.”

_ Why?_ I wanted to ask, but she gave me the answer soon enough.

“Mr. Stewart mentioned that you have had medical training?” Dr. Gray said, “And if I were to relay the details of the procedure, our approach on the therapy of IAAN, you will be able to understand?”

I took in a deep breath, and nodded. “I believe so.”

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” Cole was ready to leave, but I stopped him.

“Cole, could you find Chubs for me?” I asked.

He hesitated for a second, and answered stiffly, “Sure,” before he left.

I tried to pull a safe distance between me and Dr. Gray as she asked for the remaining pages of Project Snowfall, and commented on the notes I made there. I counted the second before Chubs arrived, all the while trying to keep a lid on my monster’s furious claws.

He came in no longer than two minutes later. “Chubs,” the moment I saw his face popping up on the other side of the door, I shot up and pulled him away from Dr. Gray’s vision. “Listen, I need you to take Dr. Gray out of the room and lock me inside if you notice anything wrong with me, okay? As soon as you notice anything odd.”

His eyebrows arched up. “Define odd, because this conversation, by all standard, does _not_ seem right—”

“Chubs! Please!” I shot.

“Okay!” Chubs raised both his hands up, followed by a concerned look. “Sheena, are you okay?”

“I am.” I said, a bit too quickly, “I just…don’t trust myself with her.”

Chubs’ look turned from concern to…really concern. “Okay. If you say so.”

We went back into the room, and one side of Dr. Gray’s brows lifted. “I thought the agreement was to talk to you. Alone.”

“Consider him my…assistant.” I said.

Dr. Gray pressed her lips, but didn’t argue. She moved on to explain what I interpreted right about the research, and the part that I missed. Surprisingly, it wasn’t all that much—I somehow managed to get most of the details in the procedure down, going as far as to point out which brain area to tackle in most of the color, and even the dosage of stimulus—when did that happened?—just not the implant part. The cure is an implant, and for some reason, I simply never made the connection between the two.

It’s really weird, listening to her telling me that I had all but deciphered this research completely, but in reality, feeling like I had done no progress on it at all. Chubs was listening very carefully, but I don’t really know how much he understood.

Finally, after she explained everything, and I’d connected all the dots, I felt as if I had been struck by lightning.

I know the cure now. I might even be able to cure someone.

No. I could do it better. I don’t need to actually open someone’s skull to do it.

It felt good and bad at the same time—I, myself, was ecstatic, but the shivering and the numbness grew even stronger, and I had to hold on to my body just so I could have some kind of control. I asked Chubs to take Dr. Gray outside, but assured him that he didn’t need to lock the door, and I was left alone.

When the door clicked shut behind them, its voice rang in my head.

_ Please don’t do this. _I heard, and realized, for the first time ever, my monster was _begging _me_._

“Why?” I asked. “There’s nothing on the research about Purple.”

_ Does it matter? _It said, and all of a sudden, it left.

Oddly, this time, I felt relieved, but disappointed at the same time.

But I have the cure now. If there is anyone that needed to know this, it would be Cole. Whatever happened between us doesn’t matter—even if we do not speak to each other after this conversation at all, I still have to let him know. He has to be the first to know.

I shot up from the bed, and ran out of the room. I started from his office, the computer room, to his room and the showers, but found no sight of him. Just as I was about to give up, and ready to meet everyone for the Ranch meeting, someone stormed out of the stairway, and knocked me to the ground.

“What the—” I turned around, and saw a visibly very distressed Liam on the ground beside me. “Liam, are you okay?”

He seemed to choke on his words, his face red, breaths heavy. “I’m…okay…”

I stood and offered him a hand while someone else strolled out of the same stairway.

It was Cole, face cool, showing no emotion at all, the polar opposite of his brother’s fuming mess.

“It’s about time.” He said, and walked away without a second glance back. I wanted to pursue him, but Liam stretched out a forceful arm and stopped me.

“Did you know?” He asked, voice low and hoarse.

“Know wh—” I started, but cut myself off. _Oh_.

I took in a deep breath. “Yes.”

_ He finally told him._ I was relieved to the point that I wanted to laugh. _He finally told him._

“And you never thought to tell me?” He demanded.

“It’s…not my secret to tell.” I answered. “I thought telling you about myself will make him more willing to come clean about himself, but—”

Liam blew out a sharp breath. “I can’t—”

“C’mon, what are you guys doing here?” Lucy called from the other end of the hallway. “The meeting is about to begin.”

Liam snapped his mouth shut, lips tight in a thin line.

“Let’s talk about this later, okay?” I said, nudging him towards the direction of the garage.

We were the last one there, apparently, and there were four chairs setting in a row in the middle of the room for, presumably, Cole, Ruby, Senator Cruz, and Dr. Gray, with a circle of people around them.

After a brief introduction as to who Dr. Gray is, she started explaining to us the cause of IAAN.

The research I spent three years of my life in hell for. Hearing her say it, in the distant, clinical voice, made my chest flared up in anger—and it was me, all me. She told us about how the government, out of the need to counter some sort of bioterrorism attacks, dropped chemical agents into the nations water supplies—an Agent Ambrosia; how appropriate.

And of course, even though Dr. Gray assured us that the scientists had ran all the tests possible to ensure there will be no side effect, here we are.

_ They poisoned us. _That’s the only conclusion to be drawn here. _They poisoned us, then proceed to carve us open to find out what they’ve done._

I’m going to be sick.

I sank onto the floor, hiding behind other kids, not wanting to look at Dr. Gray as she continued to explain exactly how Agent Ambrosia affect us. As it turns out, if my parents hadn’t been so keen on giving me “the best opportunity money can buy”, and insisted on giving birth to me in the States, I wouldn’t have this at all. I could’ve been a normal kid.

Jokes on them. Jokes on me. Jokes on all of us.

“Why did so many die?” I heard Cole asked, his voice straining.

“Those mothers ingested higher quantities of the chemical, or there was a third, unspecified environmental factor.” Dr. Gray answered without one shred of emotion in her voice. It made me want to scream at her. _This is someone’s sons and daughters, brothers and_ sisters_ you’re talking about! How could you feel nothing?_

“Is the chemical still in our water supply?”

Dr. Gray took her sweet time before answering this one. “Yes.” She said, “Though now that Leda has confirmed that Agent Ambrosia is to blame, I would say it’s fair to assume they’re most likely planning to introduce a neutralizing chemical into the water supply, beginning with the larger cities. But seeing how many women and young children have ingested the tainted water, it may be a full generation or two before we start seeing children without this mutation.”

_ Generation._ If one day, I have children, they will have to live through this, too. I felt myself agonized to the point I had to hug myself tight just so I wouldn’t fall apart.

“So if that explains what happened,” I heard Cole said, “What’s your method for curing it?”

I wanted to leave the room at this point. Whatever she’s going to say, I already know. I don’t need to stay here anymore. But before I could, the conversation quickly shifted, and they started talking about finding proof for Agent Ambrosia.

I raised my head to Liam’s proposal on going out to find water treatment facilities.

“Wait—wait,” Cole said. “Our priority now should be lying low, refining our hit on Thurmond, and waiting for reinforcements to arrive. If anyone goes out, it should be to gather more forces for the fight.”

“Reinforcements?” Liam growled.

Cole raised his brows.

“Oh, you bastard,” Liam snapped. “Harry? You’re asking Harry to fight?”

“He volunteered. He and his unit of forty ex-military guys and gals are eager to do their part.” Cole turned to address the masses of the kids—us. “Contrary to what he’s been telling you, I would never have asked someone to fight who didn’t want to.”

And there they go, another argument on what way is the _right way_ to take Gray down. I buried my face in my knees, trying not to scream at them to shut the _fuck_ up. _Haven’t you had enough of this?_ I know I have.

I felt a hand laid on my back in a gentle rub, and raised my head to find Zu sitting beside me. I forced a tight-lipped smile for her, and saw that the argument had ceased, and in its place was Cole, standing in the middle of kids buzzing to group up for the water treatment facilities. The Ginger—what’s her name again?—was, for some reason, bold enough to assume that she’s in charge of the thing, and was cherry-picking on the team she wanted to follow.

_ I’m so sorry. _I wanted to go up to Cole, and tell him this. _I shouldn’t have help Liam with any of that. I shouldn’t have let him bring her back. _Because she had somehow, with the neck made of brass, claimed the position of leader in this Op, when Cole should’ve been the one calling the shots, when Cole had been the one getting things done.

But before I could do anything, Cole started. “Well,” he said slowly, “I have some intel for you, if you’d like it.”

“I’m sure you do.” The ginger—oh, yes, her name is Alice—rolled her eyes, as if the over-dramatic tone wasn’t enough.

“You say you want to give the world a sense of who these kids are, but you’re really just setting them up to be pitied.” Cole said, voice louder and steadier with each words. “What motivates people, even more than anger, is fear. Go ahead and release all that intel on Ambrosia, see where that lands this country when people start rioting over the last few fresh, untainted water sources. Or, you can show them Gray’s trump card—that he’s been building an army of Reds.”

My attention converged into a laser sharp focus at his words. He’s on to something, and I had a feeling I won’t like it.

“What are you talking about?” Alice demanded.

“You all saw what happened at Kansas HQ today.” Cole said. “But what the news didn’t tell you is that there are reports that it was Reds, not a military unit, that attacked them.”

“Oh, convenient—_reports_ with nothing to back them up.” Alice waved him off.

Cole wasn’t letting the conversation slipped off from him, though. “My trusted source says that there’s a camp of Reds not too far from here, in a place called Sawtooth.” He said, “I’d like to go and document evidence of them—their training, the camp’s existence—and I’d like to give it to you for Amplify, on the condition it’s used in conjunction with the actual camp hit.”

_ No._

I shot up and ran for tunnel.

Before I left the garage, the last bit of conversation I heard was Cole saying that he only needed one other person for this hit, and I didn’t have to be a Green to know who he’d pick.

I need to be alone, but Cole’s room is no longer an option now. I ran down the hallway, blindly stumbled past one door after another. In the end, without thinking it through, I found an empty closet at the very last corner of the hallway, and jumped in before closing the door.

This cramped and dark box, for some reason, felt like a safe place. If my time at Leda Corp had taught me one thing, it was how to cry my heart out without making a sound.

This is it. The thing I had been trying so hard to avoid, the very reason I helped Liam in the first place. He is going to go out on an Op I don’t know about without me, and I’ll have to wait, wait for him to come back—or not.

Do I even have to ask who this “trusted source” is? It might be Harry, yes, but I know it to be someone else without a doubt. Clancy Gray. That had been what he was putting in his head all these times. He can’t go…He can’t…

But he had to, now. He is doing this, so his original plan for Thurmond hit wouldn’t be hijacked by Alice and turned into something completely different.

He is going to pay for my mistake.

I did this.

I have no idea how much time have passed—it could’ve been two minutes; it could’ve been two hours—until I heard footsteps approaching, and I held my breath. It got closer and closer, louder and louder, until all of a sudden, it stopped. I counted the seconds as the silent rolled on; ten, twenty, thirty, forty…until I couldn’t hold my breath in any longer. I let out the breath in a gasp, and the doors of the closet swung out all the way.

Cole was standing in front of me, expression unreadable. I wondered what he saw—a disheveled girl cowering in a closet like a rat? A petty kid flinching at the sudden exposure to light? I hated for him to see me like this. I don’t deserve him like this.

“Sheena.” When he opened his mouth, his voice was low, like he was suppressing something that he couldn’t quite contain.

I shook my head, and buried my face in my arms. I heard him sigh, and the next thing I knew, he lifted me up and out of the closet, and propped me over his shoulder. I could feel his skin burning against the fabric of my T-shirt as he strode away, not acknowledging any of the curious glances shooting our way.

He carried me to his room, kicked the door shut behind him, and dumped me on his bed. With that done, he pulled over his chair, and sat down in front of me, face still impassive.

We sat there in total silence for a few minutes, until I finally couldn’t stand it anymore. “Don’t go.” I said, more plea in my voice than I intended.

When he closed his eyes and blew out a long breath, I finally saw what he was keeping in his chest under this seemingly placid face—pain. He is in as much pain as I’m in, if not more.

“Come with me.” But when he opened his mouth, what came out of it was soft and tender like the light shining out of his eyes right now.

_ What? _My eyes widened at him.

“Why?” I asked. _I thought you’d never pick me._

“In case you haven’t notice, my principle on whether I’ll let you go on an Op, is whether I’m on that Op myself.” He said, smiling very faintly. “In other words, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

“But I…” _I betrayed you._

“You don’t want to?” He raised an eyebrow, “Well, that’s gonna be a problem, because I just told everyone you’re coming with me.”

“You did?” _That doesn’t make any sense…_

“I did.” He was holding in a laugh now, “And you would’ve found out yourself, if you had stayed in the garage for ten more seconds.”

I sat up straighter, wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to say to this turn of events. He leaned back on his chair, looking much more relaxed now, and there was a real smile on his face, too—not a smirk, nor was there self-tormented humor under it. It was just a smile, and it looked so good.

“Were you angry with me?” Eventually, I asked, sheepishly.

He closed his eyes, and let out another breath through his nose. “Not half as angry as I am of myself, I guess.” He shook, “I…didn’t see how what I was doing have been hurting you, hurting us—” He raked a hand over his hair, “I’m sorry. All this time I thought I was protecting you, but I wasn’t, was I? I promised I’d teach you how to protect yourself, but all I have done was doing that for you—”

“No, you are…” I started, but didn’t really know how to finish, and the words just tumbled out of my mouth one after another, “You are doing the right thing. You always have been. You were right about the Thurmond hit. Liam’s strategy wouldn’t work on its own, because we don’t have the resources to pull off that kind of media warfare, not yet—”

“But I had been doing this long before Liam’s plan even comes into play.” He said, bitterly now. I wanted to reach out and wipe that sadness from his eyes. “Hell, even before we were even here. I didn’t realize that it was always there on my mind; I let it cloud my judgement; I—”

_ What is “it”?_ I wanted to ask, but found the answer before the question left my mouth.

Fear. The fear of losing me.

At this, I did reach out—for his face, and pressed my lips on his.

He was taken aback for an instance, but quickly softened as he gently brushed a hand over my cheek, a soft hum coming out of his throat. This is so different from that first kiss—that one was filled with rage and agony and desperation, all hard and full of edges, but this one…this one is soft, warm, and gentle, like the sea waves on the beach under the summer sun.

The familiar numbness caught on, overwhelming the tender feeling of his heat. But before my monster could rage inside me, I finally realized what I had to do.

_ I know what you want._ I announced to it.

It didn’t say anything in return, but I knew it was listening.

_ I know you want to live._ I continued. _I promise I won’t try to get rid of you, as long as you let me have this._

It remained silent.

_ Let me have this. _I repeated.

After another moment of contemplation, it said, _Deal._

With that, the numbness faded, and a never-before experienced level of clarity washed up inside me—like I had been living with my head below water for all my life, and finally came up for air.

Then I drew Cole in with every ounce of my painful yearning for him.

I have waited so long for this. Too long, perhaps, to the point that my whole body ache to be in his arms. He slipped his hands to the small of my back, leaving his chair to lean in, and I shifted in complement of his movement, wrapping my arms around his neck, letting him lay me down on his bed. He smelled so warm, and he _tasted_ so good, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find a word to describe it.

Finally, when he broke off the kiss, we were both panting. My lips let out small puffs of short and hasty air by the side of his temple as he rested his forehead against my shoulder, his breaths warming the fabric of my shirt. Then, he braced his elbows on either side of my shoulders, and gave me a smile, the blue in his eyes almost electric.

“So you _do_ want to kiss me.” He said, amused.

I drew him down for another kiss as an answer. He was still grinning when our lips met, but the laughter was gone soon enough, replaced by desire in all its rawest form.

And the position we were in…didn’t help in stopping the fire from spreading. His heat was so close, so omnipresent, and so _visceral_, that I felt like I would melt into his body any second. And I want to. So bad.

He wants it, too. He let me know by his kisses tracing away from my lips, to my cheek, my ear—made me shiver in the best way imaginable—down to my throat and collar bone, and I couldn’t think at all.

But I could feel. Every fiber of his muscles, every breath he stole between kisses, every inch of his skin emitting scorching fever into the air around us—

And he broke away, before I could protest. He sat up, folding his legs beneath his hips, and I sat up, too, feeling disappointed to the point of actual anger. I crossed my arms in front of me, holding his gaze—carefully attentive but still wild and blazing.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked.

His sternness broke into a laugh. “No.” He smiled, “You are wonderful. I just…” He ran his hand over his hair, “…want to make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

_ Which is? _I almost asked before I caught myself.

Oh.

Ohhhhhhhh.

He cocked his head as if he had drawn some sort of conclusion from my reaction, and turned his face away a little.

“What was that about?” I demanded. “I haven’t given you an answer yet.”

“You kind of did.” He chuckled, a smug grin on his face. “The fact you haven’t even thought about it just goes to show you’re not—”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” I cut him off, and shifted closer to him. “You don’t need to keep protecting me like this. You can leave that to me now.”

His eyes sparked in surprise for only an instance, then it shone—with understanding, with acceptance, with happiness—as he leaned in to kiss me again.

As I fell backward onto the mattress, I had this epiphany, clear and bright as daylight—if this is what life feels like, I never want to die again. I let his warmth and his smoke enclose me, feed into every breath, every cell, every drop of blood in me, and I realized, this is heaven for me. 

Heavenly fire. _His_ fire.

My grandmother believed in reincarnation. She used to tell me all the time, _you reap what you saw; do good deeds in this life, and you shall be blessed in the next_. If she’s right, then I must have saved the world in my last, because nothing else could’ve justified _this_…

I am blessed, with him. From the day he walked into my life with his eyes blue beyond the sea, I could feel it, even if I didn’t really know what it was at the time—a future, and it wasn’t bleak, wasn’t endless years in the heart of darkness, wasn’t pain and screams.

It was light; blue, and red, and gold, and every color in between.

It was him.

╳ ╳ ╳

The Ranch outside of his room seemed to fell into sheer silence. The others must have all gone off to sleep at this point, and I couldn’t hear a thing besides his breaths and his heartbeats, steady and robust as I rested my head on his chest. He was stroking my hair with one hand, pillowing on the other, and for a moment, we stayed in that silence, listening to nothing but our hearts, beating for each other.

Then, I suddenly remembered what happened earlier today, before Liam rammed into me and knocked me sideways.

“Cole,” I propped myself up a little with my elbow so I could see him in the eyes. “I think…I can cure you now.”

To my surprise, he wasn’t at all excited. “I figured.” He said, “That’s why I sent Dr. Gray your way.”

“So…?” I asked. This is what he wanted for almost half of his life, isn’t it?

He gave me a faint smile, and frowned a little before he said, “It’s okay.”

_ It’s okay? _“You don’t want it?” I clarified.

He took in a deep breath. “Not now, not anymore, I guess.” His hands shifted to stroke the bare skin on my back.

“But…” I started.

“You were right.” He said, very calmly, “I am afraid of rejection. But I realized…maybe even before today, that…I…had been the one that rejected myself first.”

“I let it beat me. I don’t want to be a monster, but it will always be a part of me, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter if I flare up at night or not.” He flexed a hand in front of him, as if waiting for it to spasm, but it didn’t. “It took me too long to see this…The fire was never the problem. My fear is.”

I pressed a kiss on his cheek hearing this. “I’m…so glad you told Liam.” I said, “I told you he wouldn’t reject you.”

“Well, give him some time. He may still change his mind.” He chuckled, then let out a breath. “You know, I might never get the guts to do it if you hadn’t drilled that in my skull so hard.” He brushed a lock of my hair over my ear—it’s finally long enough to be tucked back now.

“So…” I began, “You really don’t want it?”

“No.” He said firmly, drawing me in his arms, and pressed a light kiss into my hair. “I have you now.”


	26. Bonus Scene

Let's just assume that Liam, being Liam, forgot to keep his "personal belongings" to himself, and accidentally put it on the shelf when he unloaded the supplies.

So, one night, Cole, checking the inventory after everyone else had gone to sleep—

Cole: That's five bottles of Advil, two pints of Hydrogen Peroxide, ten boxes of Panadol, twenty boxes of sterile gauze, forty packages of sterile cotton swabs, one box of condom...

Cole: *_stops in his track_*

Cole: *_doubles back_*

Cole: What the hell? *_picks up the box_* Oh, that little bastard—

Cole: *_opens the box_* *_counts the content_* 12.

Cole: So he hasn't used it.

Cole: *_snorts_* Loser. *_turns to leave_*

Cole: *_stops again_*

Cole: *_doubles back_*

Cole: *_takes one out of the box and quickly shoves it in his pocket_* *_walks away as if nothing happened_*


	27. Cole

I felt peaceful.

The feeling came even before I opened my eyes, and saw her face inches away from mine, before I realized the sweet smell of flower I had been breathing had come from her body.

Then it turned into a profound happiness, so strong and absolute. It had never occurred to me, that reality could feel better than a dream, but here I am, and here she is, and these are all the proof I need.

So I kissed her, because if I don’t, the ever-swelling heart in my chest just might implode. She let out a small whimper, and I thought I had woken her, but she simply buried her face deeper into my chest, and kept on sleeping.

That instance, the feeling was almost painful—to be so loved, and to love so hard.

I just looked at her, counted every blessed second that I somehow managed to be lucky enough to have, saw her eyelids fluttered, and wondered what she’s dreaming about. I hope it’s good.

Eventually, the alarm clock went off. I quickly turned it off, but she was already woken.

“Is it the time already?” She asked in a still-sleepy voice.

“Unfortunately, yes.” I answered.

She raised her head to give me a light kiss, but I wasn’t having it. I prolonged it to the point we were both breathless before letting her go.

The dressing up part of the routine, was interesting to say the least. When I rolled off the bed to find my clothes, I caught her staring at me, very openly cataloguing my entire body—not that I mind, though. She saw me catching her, and her face shot red as she buried it in the bedsheet.

After a quick shower and grabbing a piece of bread from the kitchen, we headed for my office to get our supplies ready—guns, mostly. When we got out, Ruby and Liam were already waiting. Judging by the way she and Liam stood side by side, they’ve made up—if my assumption of them fighting before had been correct. Liam’s brows went up the moment he saw me coming out of the office holding Sheena’s hand, but he didn’t comment on it. Neither did Ruby, besides the amused look they exchanged.

“Be careful.” As I was done handing over my duties to her in my absence, and assured her I have the cellphone for taking the pictures, Ruby said, “I mean it.”

“When was I not?” I gave her a smile, and patted her shoulder. She rolled her eyes at me, and I laughed.

“Take care of things, boss.” I gave her a mock salute before I turned around, and Liam, for some reason, came up to catch us before we could step through the threshold.

“Take care of him,” He laid a hand on Sheena’s shoulder, and added, “for me.”

I whirled on him, finding him looking somewhat embarrassed, but holding onto some sort of pride to not let it show. Sheena threw me a meaningful smile. After a second of silent gaze, I pulled Liam in, and gave him a hug.

“I’ll see you tonight, brother.” I said before I grabbed the duffel bag with one hand, Sheena’s hand with another, and left for the tunnel.

╳ ╳ ╳

We arrived at the Sawtooth area at around noon. The Sawtooth camp was not like the other camps, which were mostly remodeled from old school grounds or military bases—it was built from scratch, and safely tucked away in a valley between two rows of snow-capped mountains.

We first tried to check the perimeter of the camp, snapped some pictures for the Ranch, then we found ourselves an empty warehouse not too far away from the camp, and settles things down to make up a plan.

“How many kids do you think are in there?” Sheena asked as she kneel on the cement ground beside me, sketching down a rough map of the camp—the part we could see from the outside at least.

“From what I’ve gathered, it is not that big of a number. Red camps couldn’t take in too many kids, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to control them. Likely a hundred, tops.”

“Guess we’ll have to find out.” She shrugged. “You said you want to document their activities, right? But from the looks of it—” She tapped the half-blank map on the paper, “—We’re not gonna get that much from the outside.”

It’s true. The camp was likely designed this way for this very reason—there were only three main buildings we could see from this side of the fences, one is obviously the mess hall, another, the control tower, and the last one was a large, multi-story building that could’ve enclosed another structure in it. It basically looked like a jail.

“What if…” I started slowly, wasn’t even sure I wanted to say it out loud in the beginning. We can’t go back empty handed; we’ve come all this way. And I had to get the right info back to them, even if it’s just to shut that damn woman’s mouth. “If I say I want to go in, would you stop me?”

Sheena turned to looked at me in a very careful gaze. After a moment, she said, “Not if you don’t stop me from going in with you.”

_ That’s my girl._ I drew her in and kissed her on her forehead. She gave me a light shove. Before I could steal more kisses from her, we both heard a sound outside—footsteps, then, someone hissed, “James! This way!”

We went for the only entrance here immediately. I gestured Sheena to get behind me as I leaned on the wall beside the door, and readied my gun.

The door opened, two men rushed in, and the door closed behind them. The moment it did, I dugged the muzzle of my gun between the shoulder blades of the man closer to me.

“Who are you, and what are you doing here?” I demanded in a low voice.

The two of them didn’t move at all. I couldn’t see their faces, so I didn’t really know what they were thinking, or what they were feeling at all. They raised their hands mid-air in a pose of surrender, showing me that they were unarmed.

“Wait.” Sheena suddenly gasped beside me. I gave her a quick glance, and she leaned in to whisper into my ear. “They are kids.”

Kids? I frowned at them, but of course they couldn’t see me.

“Turn around.” I demanded. Sheena was right; they _were_ kids—leaning towards the adult side, but still Psi. One of them is a stocky boy with brown skin, and the other is a slim boy who looked almost too pale to have ever been under the sunlight.

“Please don’t shoot us.” The stocky boy said, voice straining.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

The stocky boy seemed torn on what he should say, but the pale boy offered. “We’re just here…because our friend was taken, and we want to get him back.”

What a surprising turn of event. I didn’t really know what made them think they could trust us. “Name yourself.” I said.

“I’m Drew.” The stocky boy said, “And this is James.”

“Where’s your friend?” I asked.

The two boys exchanged a look. “In that… camp.” The pale boy said.

_ Okay._ My day’s just getting better and better.

“And you want to get him back?” I asked, a little amused and agitated at the absurdity of the situation, “Not like this, you won’t.”

They exchanged another look. “He got us out of a camp on his own.” The pale boy—James, is it?—said.

This got me intrigued. And Sheena, too. I let down my gun a little.

“How?” I prompted.

“He…got himself caught, and blew up the control tower from the inside.” The other boy, Drew, said.

Sheena shot me a quick glance. I finally realized who we were looking at—their friend must have been the leader to that only other camp break we know of. The League tried to recruit him about a year ago, to no avail.

“So your friend is a Red?” I didn’t know why I didn’t draw this conclusion sooner. He was taken into a Red camp, after all.

“Yes.” James said.

Maybe… even if our plans hadn’t been really settled or solid before, it just got a lot more concrete now. And a whole lot crazier.

We are going in.

I looked at Sheena, and saw the understanding in her eyes—we’re going to help them, and… we might not like it.

I put the gun back into the holster. “I’m Cole, this is Sheena.” I gestured at her, “We’re going into that camp, too.”

╳ ╳ ╳

Our plan goes like this: We observed the patrols, find a dark zone in their shifts, make it our entry point, and go in and out precisely at the right timing. James, being a Yellow, will be the one to disable part of the electric fence.

Sheena and I were dressed in a getup very similar to PSF uniforms, but the two boys weren’t, so we’ll have to find something for them as we got in first. Once we’re all in, we will go into search in the largest building, which we suspect was the living areas, infirmary, and the labs. Drew, a Blue, will be deflecting any bullets flying our way if we were ever found—he demonstrated it for us, much to our amazement. I don’t think I had ever seen a Blue done that before. Once we found their friend, they will leave the way they got in, and Sheena and I will continue to collect evidence until we got enough intel.

We stayed in the tree line right outside of the camp until nightfall before we make our move. The patrols of this camp is…less than ideal, to my surprise. I thought a Red camp would’ve had a bigger number of guards, but it just seemed proportional to a regular camp, if not fewer.

We had to work in one group as we went into search, though, and I didn’t like how slow it was, but it was better than the other option—separating from Sheena. The building was larger and more complex than I expected, and the cameras were almost too many for me to remember where each of them was, but since I deliberately made us go in at dinner hour, we didn’t saw a soul in our way.

As we rounded the third outmost corner of the building, I caught something familiar at the corner of my eyes—a door I’ve seen in the memory Clancy planted in my head. It leads to the white room.

“Here.” I hissed, leading the squad towards it. Peeking in through the window on the door, I saw no one inside besides a teenage boy strung up to one of the bed, and he looked exactly like every kid I’ve seen in those videos and memories of Red camps—battered, helpless, shattered. He had passed out, and his arms and legs were all blacks and blues that I was sure they were mostly broken. Other than the muzzle on his face, he also has wires hitched to his cleanly shaved head and every single finger on his hands.

“Is that him?” I shifted away for Drew to look on. The moment he saw the boy inside, he pushed the door open before I could stop him, and ran in. James immediately followed.

Sheena rushed to their side as they started taking off the restrain on him, and woke the boy up. He drew in a sharp breath, and his friends let out a small cry in relief. James even go as far as to kiss him as he ripped the muzzle off—so, not just friend, this one.

“Ang, are you okay?” James panted, grabbing the boy’s head with both his hands.

“Been better…” The boy—Ang? Interesting name—answered, voice hoarse. I tried not to think of it as a result of screaming too much. Soon enough, as he registered his surrounding, his face turned into a portrait of profound horror.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” He gasped.

“Getting you out of course, dumbass.” Drew choked out a laugh as he ripped the wires off his friend’s hand. Now I had a closer look, I realized that his face was riddled with burnt marks from electric shocks. “How did you get yourself into this mess?”

“Can you walk, kid?” I asked as James helped Ang up.

“I don’t know…” He was clearly suffering some extreme pain. Sheena’s face told me as much. I gave her a very small nod. If he can’t walk, he’s not going to get out of here.

Sheena put her hands on Ang’s hand, and the effect was instantaneous. The scars and bruises were still there, but his legs weren’t slightly crooked anymore.

“Whoa…” Ang muttered, “What just happened?”

“Stop asking questions, and start moving your ass.” Sheena snapped. “We don’t have all day.” If it wasn’t for the situation, I would probably laugh—since when did she start to talk like that?

As soon as we left the white room, we let the boys go their own way, and we started gathering the evidence we needed.

But the overall situation just seemed…weird. It was odd enough that we really didn’t meet a single soul here—even at dinner hour, there should’ve been people—but the guards had also seemed to be slacking off.

At least the boys would’ve got out with ease. I thought as I led Sheena out of the building, and we headed for the mess hall. We docked out of the sight from the eyes on the control tower, stayed in the shadow between floodlights, and reached the back side of the building.

And this is where everyone is, apparently. From what glimpses we could get through the crack on the metal window, it was very well lit, and filled with uniforms. There was a fire escape on the outside of the mess hall, so we climbed the ladders, and found a window looking inside.

There were less kids than I expected—only about fifty-odd of them in the Red camp uniforms, and they all sat at the long table in the center of the mess hall. On either side of that table, were rows of PSFs, some pacing around the hall, all hands on their guns. More of them were on the metal shaft mid-air. If my estimation was right, the ratio of PSFs to kids in this place is at least one to one.

I held my rifle ready as Sheena started to take the picture with the phone. It didn’t occur to me, not at first, how odd this really is—if they have so many PSFs here, why didn’t they spare a couple of them to do the patrols? Surely they don’t need that many of them here, watching a bunch of kids eating canned food—

All of a sudden, Sheena drew in a sharp breath.

“What?” I hissed, but before she answered, the world rained fire on us.

“Cole!” I heard Sheena cried as I regained my consciousness. I was on the ground. There was fire everywhere. She pulled me up to my feet.

We took off running. The fire wasn’t the problem now, not anymore—the bullets were. Other than the PSFs rushing out of the mess hall, the sniper on the control tower was on our back, too. I tried my best to fire back, but there wasn’t that much time to aim properly at all, and there were just so damn many of them.

They were also too far away for Sheena to use her ability. I could see her tried and failed. The time turned so painfully slow, and I could almost see all and everything happening, but couldn’t move fast enough in response. I took out two PSFs in one attempt of firing back, but a shot chipped into the ground by my feet, and I took off running again before I pushed my luck.

Sheena took out one of the sniper on the control tower, but another soon took their place—dammit, is there no end to this? Another shot clipped off a block of cement on the wall beside me, just a few inches shy from my face.

Their aims were getting better, and we were not picking up speed. I heard Sheena let out a sharp gasp, and saw her left foot leave dark red footprints—she’s shot—but she didn’t slow down. I took her hand.

_ C’mon, we’re almost there—Hang in there—Thirty feet—Twenty—Fifteen—_

I felt a sharp pain in my right leg that made my knee buckled. “Cole!” Sheena immediately hauled me up, and half-carried me as she healed me. I heard another shot hit her, but she didn’t even flinch. _Almost there—_

We got out of the fence, but the rain of bullets didn’t cease. The metal chain and pipes rang as the shots hit them, rattling behind us in an ominous rhythm. I tried hard not to think of it as a swan song. The forest was just yards away. _We can make it— C’mon—_

Another bullet got me on my back, right below the rib. I let out a choked cry, struggling to move forward. I saw her face riddled in panic as she looked at me, and…it turned.

Into sadness, and determination.

I saw, as I felt my wound being healed in a shocking speed, another bullet hit her. And another.

“I love you—” She whispered. I didn’t know how the hell her voice could’ve reach my ears with all the gunshots being fired, but nothing at that moment sounded louder than her words.

“Sheena, don’t—” I cried, but it was too late.

The last thing I recalled before being pushed by her and literally flying hundreds of feet backwards into the trees, was her smile, and the bullet that flew out of her chest in a mist of blood.

And then there was black.

╳ ╳ ╳

“Cole!” Someone called. “Can you hear me?”

I struggled to come out of the haze that gripped me by my head. “…what…?”

“Cole!” The voice called again, hastily. “Wake up!”

I heard the voice spoke to someone else, but I couldn’t hear the response. There was a low hum surrounding me, and a steady vibration. I’m…in a car?

I opened my eyes, and saw the face of a boy. _Ang_. I registered.

And it all came crashing back onto me.

“Where’s she?” I shot up from my back. “Where’s Sheena?”

“Good God, man, we thought we lost you.” Drew’s voice came from the driver’s seat.

Ang was sitting in the backseat with me, with James riding shotgun. I turned to Ang, and demanded, “Where is she?”

He hesitated to answer, and it was an answer on its own.

“No, no, no…” I choked. My hands let out a sharp twitch. “We have to get back to her—Turn around—”

“Cole…” James began.

“_Turn around!_” I roared.

“Cole, listen to me.” Ang had his hands on my shoulders, and was pushing me back into my seat as he forced me to look at him. “We can’t. It’s too late.”

No, no, no, _no_… Sheena can’t… She’s a Purple. Nothing would be too late for her… “No, you don’t understand—” I panted, “She’s different—We have to go back—”

The boys exchanged an uneasy look. “Cole…” Ang began, “We…we saw a PSF shoot her, _in the head_.”

His words almost didn’t make sense. “What—what—?” I gasped.

“I’m so sorry…” Drew said, voice trembling now, “It was point-blank. I couldn’t stop them…they were too far away…”

As I finally understand what they were saying, I started to shake, and the blaze boiled over inside me, swallowed me whole. _No—Dammit…Goddammit—Fucking—_

Ang’s eyes sharpened instantly. “Stop the car!” He bellowed, “_NOW!_”

The car screeched to a stop; he hauled me out of the backseat, and sat me down on the asphalt outside, all the while I edged closer and closer to an explosion.

“Cole!” Ang kneel in front of me, both hands on my shoulders now. “Listen to me! You have to fight it, okay? Don’t let it win! Control it—”

Control. _You are in control. _Her voice rang in my head. _You are all right._ _You are safe. You are in control._

All of a sudden, the fire stopped growing. In its place, tears.

I buried my face into my palms. _She’s…she’s…_ I can’t even say that word, even in my head. _Fuck!_ It’s on me. It’s all on me… I dragged her out here… Dammit… She must have used all her strength on me…

“Cole, we gotta get going, okay?” Ang’s voice came through the fog clogging my head. “C’mon…”

I let him pull me up, and put me back into the car. It rolled on.

“Now, is there anyone we could contact for you?” Ang asked as James handed him a cellphone. “Where did you come from? Is there a place you can go back to?”

“The…the Ranch…” I choked out, and strained as I read him the numbers. He dialed, and put it to speaker.

It was picked up on the third ring. “_Hello?_” Ruby’s voice, on edge.

“Hello, this is Angelo Mendoza. I’m here with a Cole—”

“_God!_” She yelped, “_Is he okay?_”

“He’s…all right, but very distressed.” Ang answered. “Where can we find you? He gave us this number to contact you.”

Ruby proceeded to tell him the direction. I was still shaking, and Ang put a hand on my back as he held the phone with the other.

“_Can I speak to him?_” Ruby asked. Ang looked at me.

“Gem, I’m here—” I said, voice still straining, “Listen, Gem, they have her—”

She didn’t answer. Someone else took over the phone.

“_Cole, are you all right?_” Lee’s voice, sounding somewhat relieved. “_Listen to me, you have to come back, okay? We’ll work things out, but you have to come back…_”

“No—” I protested, pulling on my hair. _Why does everyone keep telling me to listen to them?_ “We have to get her out—”

There was a silence.

“_Cole, it’s too late._” Ruby’s voice. “_They’ve sent…proof._”

“What?” I gasped, couldn’t make sense of what she was saying.

“_They’ve… taken pictures with the phone you brought._” She continued, “_I don’t think even she could make it…_”

Something suddenly settled in my chest. “What have they done?” I asked.

No one answered.

“What have they done?” I roared.

“_They burnt her body._” Ruby’s voice, more stable than I could imagine. I started shaking again, and Ang wrapped his arm around my back firmly.

“We’ll get him back to you as fast as we can.” Ang assured. “Cole, you have to go to your friends first. You have to let them help you.”

“_Cole, talk to me, okay?_” Liam said on the other side, “_Just talk to me_—”

What’s there to talk about? Why the fuck is everyone acting so calm?

“She…” I choked on the thought of it. “She gave everything she had to me… I should’ve been…”

“_Cole—_” Ruby’s voice again, “_I’m so sorry—shouldn’t have let—so sorry—_”

Dial tone. I drew in a sharp breath. Ang took a look at the phone, and shook. “Cole, we’ll get you home, okay?” His hand was still on my back. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you home—”

But where’s that? The Ranch is not my home. Not when she’s not there… I could feel my whole body tremble as I buried my face in my knees, and Ang was rubbing my back, trying to calm me.

_ She’s gone._ I could finally string those two words together. _She’s gone, and she’s…not coming back._

I let it all wash over me. The desperation, the pain, the emptiness—the reality. She’s not coming back, and it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let her come with me…shouldn’t have persuaded her to go in…

I shouldn’t have trusted Clancy Gray. Of fucking course. Why on earth would he do anything just because he wanted to help? He set this up. This is the only possible explanation here because…the PSFs knew we were coming. That’s why it looked weird. They were baiting us to go in.

Another flame boiled up inside me. A blue flame this time. No less scorching, if not more, but composed, controlled.

He’ll answer for this.

╳ ╳ ╳

When we got to the bar entrance, Ruby and Liam were already waiting, expecting to help me.

But I didn’t need their help. I blew past them, headed straight for the tunnel, then the stairs, ignoring all the glance shooting my way. I tore open the door to the dungeon, and stormed into the boy’s cell.

“I must say, I’m a little disappointed to see you here—” Clancy Gray said before my hand balled up in his shirt, and—

I was in the white room. Sheena strung up to a bed in front of me, crying. “Kill me!” She screamed, as fire surrounded her, smoke suffocating her. I wanted to reach out, but I can’t. “Please, Cole! Kill me!” She cried, over and over again.

Fire rose, and I couldn’t see her. I wanted to put it out, wanted to control it, but as I raised my hands, I saw it grew—it grew from my hands—

“Cole!” I heard Ruby called when I came to. I was on the floor. I sat up, saw that I was dragged out of the cell already, and an unconscious Clancy Gray lay on the other side of the bulletproof glass, nose bloody.

“Cole, I’m so sorry…” Ruby was crying. “I should’ve known… I’m so sorry…”

Seeing her face, I couldn’t get a word out. Couldn’t get anything out. All of a sudden, I was choking, huffing, drowning on dry land—

“Cole, c’mon…” I heard Liam’s voice. “Let’s get out of here…” He hoisted me up, and I let him. I let him walk me out, out of the hallway, and into one of the bunkroom. In there, was a gallery of wet faces. _They all know now._ Vida, Chubs, Nico, and Zu… _the little mute girl…_

“Gosh—we’re so sorry…” Liam sat me down on one of the cots, and crouched down in front of me, holding my hand.

I crumbled in front of him, all over the place. “This…this is all my fault…” I choked out, “She…she died for me…”

“No, Cole, this is not your fault.” Ruby’s voice came, “None of it was. It was Clancy, and Clancy alone. Do you hear me? It was his fault—”

I shook, pulling on my hair. “I-I… should’ve seen the signs, the traps…”

“You couldn’t have…” Liam was pressing his head against mine, also choking on tears. “Stop blaming yourself, dammit…”

“No—”

“I’m so sorry—”

“_Please—_”

I didn’t know how long that back and forth continued, but I felt so exhausted in the end, I couldn’t shake out of the rigid posture I froze myself into. If it hadn’t been for Ruby who eased me down to my back, I wouldn’t even know how to move. The pain is still there, even after I ran out of tears, and the energy to cry.

“—sedated Clancy and tied him up. We can’t risk it again—” I heard Ruby, voice much more stable now, explaining to the rest of the room. Then I realized these kids just witness me having a metal breakdown.

“Gem…” I called, trying to sit up. “I can’t be here…They can’t see me like this…”

“Hey, hey,” Ruby came to kneel on the floor in front of me, and spoke in the most tender voice imaginable. “It’s okay. They understand. No harm, no foul, remember?”

Her words got me choked up all over again. I covered my mouth with my hand, and squeezed my eyes shut, swallowing down the anguish, the agony, the heartbreak—

No. Heartbreak is not the word for it. My heart didn’t break. It was snatched away, carved out from my chest, leaving a giant gaping hole in its wake, and all I want to do is to jump in, and be done with it. I couldn’t feel anything besides this…torture. _I can’t… I’m not…_

Ruby lay me down again, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I smelled her. The sweet smell that woke me up this morning. This is her bed.

I clung onto the last bit of her warmth, held it in my arms as if she was really here. The others were moving now; leaving the room to, presumably, give me some space.

Liam was the only one who stayed. He didn’t say anything as he sat down on the bed, putting a hand on my back and soothed it, over and over again.

“I’m…so tired…” Eventually, I said, after an eternity of silence.

“I know.” He said softly, still sitting where he was.


	28. Cole

I can’t move.

It’s like…even my muscles know there’s no point anymore. This morning, I heard Ruby talked to me, placing a plate on the dresser, but I couldn’t move. Liam came in after her, talked to me, too, but I still couldn’t move.

I don’t know if I’ll ever want to. I don’t know if I’ll ever want anything.

They left me alone, for the most part. I could hear kids buzzing outside of the door, asking if I was okay, and heard Vida shushing them away. I don’t even feel hungry anymore. Just bone tired. And nothing.

I woke, lay there, until the tiredness caught on, and I was snatched back into darkness. Then I woke, again. Repeat the whole thing. Sometimes I dreamt, and I woke with strained and wet eyes. But I would fall back to sleep again, soon enough. Light on, light off. The bottom of the top bunk was all I see for…days? Weeks? I can’t tell. Light on, light off. I couldn’t feel anything.

There were voices. I listened to them, but they didn’t make any sense. I didn’t know where she was. She must be cold… Where is she? Why is she not here?

Then I remembered. But I still couldn’t feel a thing. Like her, now.

For some split seconds, I could stay on the same train of thought long enough, and I’ll wonder if at that moment, she was afraid. When the soldiers put a gun to her head, did she feel as afraid as when she was in Leda Corp, and they cut her open when her eyes were still wide? Or was she already gone, and even if they didn’t use that bullet to seal the deal, I still wouldn’t get her back.

She wouldn’t feel afraid anymore. She is gone. But I’m still here, and I would gladly sell the world just so I could feel afraid again, because that would mean I still have her.

I found myself replaying that scene over and over again. The sound of her voice, the way she smiled, and the smell of blood splashed out. I could almost taste the bitterness of that red like putting a coin in my mouth. And I tormented myself with it, again and again, but I still couldn’t feel anything.

I’m no longer fire. I’m no longer red. The flame that had been eating me up from the inside for ten years was gone, and all I feel was this…emptiness. Nothing is there. Nothing is inside me. Not even my soul. Still, all I am is this body. I’m locked in, and there’s no way to get out, nowhere to run, to hide…

Light on, light off. Liam came to talk to me again. I didn’t hear what he said.

╳ ╳ ╳

Likely, it was meal time, because Ruby came in again, took the plate on the dresser away, and put a new one there.

“Cole, you have to eat something.” I heard she said.

“I’m not hungry.” I said, to my surprise. I didn’t even know I had the strength to do that.

She sighed, and sat down beside my bed. “She wouldn’t like you starving yourself like this.”

“She couldn’t like anything.” I said, unemotionally. “She’s dead.”

Ruby didn’t say anything in return, not for a long while. I moved my eyes to see her face, and found it twisted. She closed her eyes, frowning deep, like she was hurting by keeping something in, but she still kept it because she knew it would hurt _me_ if she let it out.

This, somehow, managed to woke me up. I sat up, and started, “Gem…”

“You know, she’s our friend, too.” Ruby said, very softly.

I closed my eyes, and drew in a deep breath. “I’m-I’m sorry…” I found myself whispering, and it came out—all of it—in an avalanche of emotions, tumbling and crashing, burying me six feet under.

Then Ruby was holding me. I didn’t know if she was the only reason why I was still sitting, but I couldn’t tell much of anything at all.

I couldn’t breathe.

Ruby was holding me, maybe with everything she had, because she was choking on tears herself, too. Her bones seemed so frail beside mine. I must have forgotten how to be her friend, because how on earth could I sit here and let her tremble like that without doing a thing? But I couldn’t do anything. I forgot how to _be_ anything at all anymore.

And I was shaking, too. I knew I was, but it wasn’t from the fire. It was water. Tears, drowning, echoes, salt, chlorine; everything she had told me about, the content of her dreams and her memories.

Oceans. She always loved the sea. Vast, blue, majestic, like it would claim your soul, and you’d gladly give it out. She said every time she looked me in the eyes, she’d thought of her home, a place surrounded by the ocean. She could always find words to describe things, and make them beautiful, in ways I never could. And sometimes, I’d feel like I actually deserved those words.

“Cole,” Ruby started, after I put down my hands, and finally composed enough to let out a long, deep breath, “I’m so sorry, for everything. I should’ve fought harder—”

“No. I-It’s on me.” I choked. “I let Clancy Gray get into my head without even having to use his ability.”

“He gets into everybody’s head without using his ability.” She blew out a sharp breath. “He…he warned me. When you guys went out, he asked me to leave with him, and no one will get hurt.”

So I had been right. He set us up. But I don’t feel the anger like that day anymore. Not after the fire had burnt out.

“I don’t think there’s a thing you could do.” I said, voice much more stable now. Thoughts, too. “She asked me not to go. The night before. I should’ve just…listen.”

Ruby shook, and pressed her forehead on the side of my arm. “We could…sit here and try finding what we did wrong all day, but I think it’s just…we shouldn’t talk to Clancy in the first place. We should’ve kill him the moment we know where Lillian Gray was.”

“I—” I hacked out a cough, “—I should’ve kill him… the moment he scrambled my head, and just trust Sheena to come up with the cure.”

Ruby let out a whimper, and didn’t say anything for a while.

“I…don’t know if this will make you feel better,” she sniffled, “but I think…she was really happy, with you.”

Is it time to talk about her in past tense now? “I really hope you’re right.” I drew in a sharp breath through my nose.

“You should…see the way she saw you.” She said, “It was amazing.”

I wouldn’t know about that. We had spent such a long time going around circles, that we ended up only having a day… It was just a day. I wished like hell it was our entire life.

But I had known it all along. The way her eyes sparked since the first day I met her. It just took me so long to realize that they did spark for me, and I was exactly who she saw me to be.

“I…I think, I know.” I swallowed hard.

Ruby gave me a faint smile. After a long silence, she said, “The kids are asking about you.”

“I know.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, for making them fret.” I took in a deep breath, “—and making you deal with…everything.”

“It’s okay.” She shook, “That’s what friends are for.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, and nodded. “Do you think I should show my face in public now?”

“If you want to.” She laid a gentle hand on mine, and said, “If you’re ready.”

I drew in a hard breath through the nose. “Yes,” I nodded, “I am.”

╳ ╳ ╳

The rec room went absolutely silent when I walked in with Ruby. Everyone was looking at me, in all shades of concern.

All of a sudden, something hit me at around my waist. I looked down, and found…Lindsay, one of the smaller kid we brought back from Oasis, wrapping her arms around me. I laid a hand on her shoulder.

And then, another one came. Sarah was her name. Then, Pat, and Tommy. Before I knew, I was almost drowning in hugs. None of them say anything, and neither did I.

When I felt myself on the verge of tears again, I turned my head a little, and found Ruby’s eyes shimmery. “Okay, guys, I think we should let Cole eat something first, okay?” She said, voice a little shaky.

I looked in, and found Liam sitting with Vida, Chubs, Zu, and the three boys we met in Sawtooth. _So they stayed_. Ruby guided me to join them.

Ang was visibly better now, chatting with Vida in Spanish, looking almost relaxed. Liam, sitting directly next to him, was looking at me in a careful gaze at all time. Chubs and Zu were talking in a small voice, so were Drew and James.

“Hey,” As I sat down beside him, Liam began. “Um, Drew…told us what happened.”

All the conversation stopped at the table, and they all looked at me. Zu pushed a plate to my front. Pasta. I choked a little.

“Thank you, man.” Ang said, reaching out to put a hand on mine. “Thank you.”

“For what?” I muttered.

Ang turned to look at James, and back to me. “For saving my life? Getting me out of the camp?”

“Did I…?” I didn’t seem to remember that part…

“You did.” James said. “We never would’ve got him if it weren’t for you…”

My head was still very much fuzzy. The past couple of days…other than that scene…everything else was just a blur. Why did we go into Sawtooth in the first place?

But out of that static noises, something clicked. _So they knew we got Ang out from Sawtooth…_

“Did you tell them what color you are?” I asked.

“I thought it was pretty obvious?” Ang frowned, “I mean, you all know Sawtooth is a Red camp, right?” He turned around to see everyone at the table, and they nodded.

They knew. And they still sit with him. Chat with him, even, as if he was just another kid.

“Um, guys? There’s something I should tell you—” I found Ruby’s face, and she gave me an encouraging smile. Liam laid a hand on my back.

“I’m a Red.” I said.

If this shocked any of them, they didn’t let it show. I was met with a gallery of stony faces. No one spoke.

All of a sudden, Vida slapped Chubs on his back, “I _fucking_ told you.” She said, deadpan. Chubs grunted, and rolled his eyes.

“What?” Liam huffed, which was exactly my thought. Ruby turned to look at them incredibly.

“We thought something is off with you.” Vida said, addressing me. “I told him I think you’re a Psi, and you’re hiding it from us, but Mister Smarty Pants here called me ridiculous, and said you probably just have some kind of chronical illness.”

“It _is_ ridiculous! The probability of him having a cancer or Parkinson’s disease is way higher, okay?” Chubs yelped. “How is that even possible, anyway?”

“Clancy Gray is, what, 20, 21 years old? And he’s a Psi.” Vida shrugged. “Who’s to say someone a little older can’t be? Be a little open-minded, _por favor_.”

“And you never thought to tell me?” Liam asked Vida.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you didn’t notice anything. Damn, you’re the one living with him for 12 years in your life, no?”

“What—?”

Hold up. This is not even remotely the point here. “And you’re all okay with that?” I asked slowly.

“What’s there to be _not_ okay about?” Chubs turned to me and asked, slightly confused.

“That I’m…” I started, but didn’t know how to continue.

“You’re my brother.” Liam finished for me. I whipped my head to him, and he was wearing this faintest smile. “I…really don’t care about much else.”

I stared at him, speechless, and the longer I stared, the harder it seemed to be for him to hold my gaze. _Liam._ I can’t believe I actually convinced myself…well, actually, I can, but still…

I should’ve just listen to her. To them. Sheena and Ruby. They had tried so hard, so hard to convinced me of this…and it was so simple.

The tears were coming out again. _Dammit. Why am I so weak now? Why am I so vulnerable?_

I stood up, walked away without a word, found my way to an empty hallway, and sat down on the floor. _Fuck._ I took in a deep breath. And it is still painful. It still hurt, even just breathing. I took in another ragged breath, let my body tremble as I tried to hold it in, felt my ribs expand to the point of straining. My palms were hurting, too, like I was holding a hot coal, and it was so agonizing I wanted to scream, but I still couldn’t let it go. Everything hurt.

But...at least, I’m feeling something now.

“Hey.” I raised my head, and saw Liam in front of me, a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry if I said something wrong—”

_ No. You said exactly the right thing, and that was the problem._

“No, you didn’t.” I shook, “She pushed me to tell you. So many times, and I couldn’t do it…”

“No, Vida was right, I should’ve known…I should’ve seen the signs…” and all of a sudden, Liam was crying, for some reason, “I mean, what was I thinking? Your bedsheets were always charred…you keep burning my stuff…Christ, I can’t believe I actually thought you were_ smoking_…”

“That was why I left, you know?” I coughed a little, “At least, one of the reasons. I couldn’t risk burning the house down…” I drew in a sharp breath, “After Claire, it just gets so much harder…”

“I’m so sorry…” He shook, kneeling on the ground now, head bowed. “I…should’ve been there for you. I’m so sorry…I thought I had so much going on, and I didn’t think…”

I wanted to say “it’s okay”, but I didn’t know why it’s so hard to just said it out loud. _It’s okay, Lee. I get it. It’s not your fault. _Then I realized, it was the same thing we kept telling each other over and over again in these past couple of days.

But it’s not okay. It’s not anyone’s fault, but it’s not okay, either. She’s not coming back. I wondered if I’ll ever be okay.

In the end, all I could do was sigh. Long, deep, soul-pouring sigh.

“Lee. Stop apologizing.” I said, voice flat.

He rubbed his eyes, and looked at me. “I…I don’t think I can.”

This got me to choked out a little laugh. “I already forgave you,” I said, “a longtime ago.”

That, clearly wasn’t the best thing to say, because he stopped for a second, stared at me all wide-eyed, and literally started _bawling_.

“Christ, Lee—” I leaned in, a hand on his back, “Stop this; you’re gonna make me cry, too—”

He let out a grunt, and pulled me in for a hug like he was drowning, and I was his only lifeline. I imagined, to any onlooker, the two us must have looked crazy, but for a second, I actually didn’t care anymore. I pressed my head against his, and I started crying, too. Choking, huffing, hacking, panting, gasping for air as we both let out ugly crying noises.

Then we must have laughed. Because we sounded ridiculous. Because we both looked stupid as fuck, but we didn’t give a damn.

Finally, it was Ruby who came to find us. She sat down on the floor beside us, and she started crying, too, but we were both coughing so hard that we could barely breathe, let alone do something to comfort her.

“You two—are the—_biggest_—idiots—there are—” She choked out between breaths, and we laughed, and she punched us each on the arms, hard. And it hurt.

But I felt it. I felt all of it.

╳ ╳ ╳

After the dinner, I went back to Ruby and Lee and their friends’ room. I considered going back to my own, but the memory there still seemed too fresh to be touched. I let myself sank onto Sheena’s bed, and just breath in the scent. I’m already missing her.

“Cole…?” A timid voice called, and I sat up as I dried my eyes.

“Yes?” It was Zu, holding a piece of paper. She came to my side, and handed it to me. On it, was three neatly written characters in a language I don’t read.

“What is this?” I asked.

“This is Sheena’s name, in Japanese.” She explained, in a soft and clear voice. “She wrote it out for me when we were talking. This is her writing.” She pressed her lips, and continued, “I just...think she would want you to have it.”

I looked at the three blocks of characters, tracing each stroke with my eyes, but couldn’t make sense of it.

“What does this mean? How do you read them?” I asked.

She came to sit down beside me, “_Shii-na Hikari._” She pointed her fingers at each of the characters as she read them.

“_Shiina Hikari._” I repeated. “What does it mean in Japanese?”

“_Shiina_ is a place in Tokyo, I don’t think it has any other meaning than that.” She said, “Most of the Japanese last names are like that—”

“Wait.” I said, “Last name?”

Her eyes widened a little. “Yes. Sheena is her last name.”

_ Christ_. “So you’re telling me, all this time, I have been calling her by her last name?” By the name of a family that abandoned her, left her alone and scared in a country that speaks another language?

Zu looked at me, a little confused. “I thought…” She began, hesitantly, “You have been calling her by another name all this time.”

Oh. Yeah. Right. _Lilac_. That was my name for her, and maybe that was her real name to me. I had somehow, with my usual audacity, came up with all sorts of nicknames for her, and she’d accepted them, without any protest. But she liked this one the best, didn’t she? So I continued to use it, just so I could see her eyes sparkle when I called out for her.

“Then, what does this word mean?” I pointed to the last character on the paper—her real first name.

“It means ‘light’.” Zu answered.

Light. “That’s…a beautiful name.” I muttered.

She offered me a smile, and pressed the paper firmly into my palm. “Her handwriting is beautiful, too.”

I folded the piece of paper in half, and held it to my chest. This is a part of her. A part that I never really knew I wanted, but now, had to hold on to, desperately.

“Thank you.” I said. She gave me a small smile, and hopped off the bed.

Watching her leaving the room, I realized that she just gave me something. The girl that was robbed of everything, even her voice, when seeing me in pain, found it in her very limited belongings, something she thought would comfort me, and gave it to me.

She would’ve been very happy with this.

As I tucked the piece of paper in my pocket, the door opened.

“Cole!” It’s Liam, face flushed like he ran all the way here. Maybe he did. “Harry’s here.”

I shot up from the bed, and went with him. He led me to the garage; there was a large group—at least fifty people, all wearing black head to toe. In the center of them, was Harry, talking to Ruby.

The moment Harry turned back and saw me, he strode past all the people around us, and pulled me in for a firm hug.

“Son, I heard about what happened.” He said to my ear, “I’m so sorry.”

Everybody keeps saying that. I wish they’d stop. “It’s, nice to see you.” I ended up replying.

“How’re you doing—” He asked as he let me go a little, but he was cut off by someone else.

“Cole!” I whirled around, and saw Cate rushing my way. “Hey, Cate.” I said as she rammed into me and almost tackled me to the ground. I didn’t expect her to be so thrilled to see me.

But when she let go of me, I saw it was…just lost. She knew about the Kansas HQ now. She, too, had lost so many people in her lives, not to mention two kids under her care, and it just makes every reunion all the more important and precious.

“I’m…fine, Cate.” Before she asked, I said.

She gave me a smile that was all red eyes and creased brows. “That’s…good.” She nodded.

_ I’m so sorry. I know she’s your kid, too. _I wanted to say, but I’m just…so done with being sorry. Done with feeling sorry for everyone else, and everyone else feeling sorry for me. Being sorry wouldn’t bring her back. Being sorry wouldn’t make anything or anyone hurt less.

I think Cate sees that, too.

Scanning the room, I realized that they were all here. Russell, Frances, Johnson…hell, even Sen looked less abominable now.

I greeted them all, patting, hugging, even smiling.

All of a sudden, I heard a high pitched scream and thought someone had been murdered, but it was just Vida—rushing into the garage, charging in a speed that would’ve run down a bull as she and Cate all but slammed into each other, tumbling to the ground. I let out a small laugh as I watched them. This would’ve made her so happy.

“Cole?” I heard Ruby called beside me, and saw her stood with Harry and Liam, waiting for me. “Do you want to…talk about Thurmond?”

“Why the hell not?” I answered before I thought it through. I have to pick myself up and fight, otherwise I’ll just rot, and I can’t let that happen.

It’s the least I can do now.

╳ ╳ ╳

I didn’t feel like sleeping at all, and apparently, neither did Harry and the rest of his team. We stayed up till almost morning, revising our plan for Thurmond—we’ve decided that Ruby should not go in to install the program, after all. Even I couldn’t bear to ask her to do this, not now. Still, none of us could think of a viable Plan B.

We did manage to nail the other parts of our plan down. Once the security system in the camp is down, Harry, as vanguard, will go in with a team of ten, taking down the guards. Ruby and I will be part of that team. Shortly afterward, Russell and Liam’s team, with the bulk of our fighting force—including the willing teens—would be fighting the majority of the PSFs, as they will be getting the children out. The last team that comes into play would be Conner’s team, standing by at the meeting point, ready to take care of the children we got out. At the same time, Alice would be releasing pre-made media package everywhere the Amplify could managed, trying to rally the people to make a stand with us.

When everyone was tuckered out, and the meeting started going around the same circle, Harry made everyone go to bed. But I still didn’t feel like sleeping, so I got back to my office, and Harry followed.

After going through more files, trying to figure out a solution to install the program—without sacrificing any kid—to no avail, the two of us just sat there, and I realized I had been staring blankly into the air.

“Son?” Harry said, out of nowhere.

“Yeah?” I answered, still staring into the air.

“I…” He started, but didn’t continue for a moment, “…I just want to say, you did good here.”

I turned to look at him. “You think so? Really?” I asked carefully. Since when did I care about what he thinks, anyway?

“Yeah.” He nodded, but wasn’t looking at me. “It takes some…conviction, to pull this off.”

“Thanks…?” I said.

He smiled, but didn’t say anything in return. It wasn’t until I decided I should get back to work, did he open his mouth again.

“Um, Son?” He asked.

“Hmm?” I prompted, getting a feeling that I might not be ready for what he was about to say.

“Liam…he told me,” He said, “Everything.”

What does that supposed to mean? “Everything? Everything, everything?”

“Yeah.” He said, now frowning. “Look, I’m just…I’m so—”

“Please—” I waved a hand in a vague gesture, “—don’t say sorry. I’m…done with that.”

He let out a snort. “I’m not gonna say that, then. But there’s no other way around it.” He ran a hand over his head, “I should’ve been there for you. I knew it…I knew you were going through some trouble, but I didn’t know what…and I thought I could make it right…”

“It’s fine.” I said, a little too hastily, perhaps, “It’s not like I had been the easiest kid to deal with, either.”

That much is true. I used to really go out of my way just to make things difficult for him. I didn’t hate him, per se, just…the idea of him. I never understood how Mom could just let this man waltz into her life after everything that happened. Then there was the fire thing, and everything just got all the more complicated.

He actually laughed a little.

“Son, I’m…just…” But it wasn’t until much later, did he said, choked on his words, “…so damn sorry, about everything.”

I didn’t know why I laughed. It wasn’t even funny. “Me, too.” I said, after getting a confused look from Harry. “About everything.”

He closed his eyes for a little while. This Harry is so different from how I remembered him. The Harry that sent me back to my room after a good feat of lecturing, or sighed when he lay his eyes on me, or the one who roared at me the night I left home…none of them remotely resembled this man in front of me. This man is tired. Bone tired, and saddened.

But this is the side of him that has always existed, he just never showed me before because I used to be a child.

He recognized me as something else now.

“Harry, um—” For a second there, I actually considered calling him “Dad” like Liam always do, but I ended up didn’t. I might never be able to call him that—the word had already taken up such a negative connotation in my head, I don’t think I’ll ever want to call anyone that. “—Thank you. For everything.”

“Anytime, son.” He smiled. Though still saddened, this smile actually reminded me a little of what he looked like when I saw him for the first time, running into our lives with a grin that split his face. “Anytime.”

Before I could suggest we get back to work, I heard a loud bang on the metal. The tunnel entrance.

“Who—?” Harry started, but I was already tumbling out of the office, and scrambling to get to the door before I really thought it through—who would come here now?

I opened it.

On the other side, was Sheena.

“Well, hello there. Cole Stewart.” She said with a low and sleek voice. A voice I had never heard before.

Then she snapped.


	29. Cole

“Cole! Wake up!” Someone was calling. “Wake up!”

Her voice was straining. My eyes fluttered open.

Ruby.

“Cole!” She let out a long relieved breath. “Are you okay?”

“Wh-What happened?” I asked, head still hazy. She…she was here…

She was here.

I shot up from the floor, almost knocked Ruby out with my head. I’m still in the Ranch, but in my office.

“Where is she?” I asked, voice shaking.

“Cole…” Ruby said, “She’s gone.”

“What? I saw her!” I cried, “Did I dream that? Was I hallucinating?”

Ruby shook, and her face twisted. “You didn’t.” She sighed, “But…”

“We don’t think it’s her anymore.” Liam’s voice came, and I finally noticed him, crouching opposite to the kneeling Ruby.

“What—?” I gasped. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

Neither of them spoke. Harry came in with a stern expression on his face.

“What happened?” I asked as soon as the door closed behind him.

Ruby and Liam exchanged a look. “Had Sheena…ever told you about being…sick?” Liam asked, carefully.

“What? What are you talking about?” _Why wouldn’t they just answer my goddamn question?_ “Where is she?”

There was an uneasy silence in the room.

“She left—” Ruby said.

I bolted for the door immediately. I have to find her. I don’t care how this happened but I know it’s happening; she’s alive and I need her back—

“—after she killed Lillian Gray and took Clancy with her.” She finished.

I stopped where I was.

“You might want to take a seat.” Harry said.

Too stunned to react, I allowed Liam sat me down. Ruby came to stand by the desk beside Harry.

“After you went to get the door, I heard a thump, and went out to check.” Harry started, leaning on the desk, “I saw you on the ground, and the girl just walk right past you. I asked her who she was, and she…snapped her fingers. The next thing I know, I was on the ground, waking up.”

“No one else was hurt, but we think she wasn’t trying to hurt anyone else in the first place.” Ruby continued. “She seemed to only want the two of them.”

“Did you saw her?” I asked, “How do you know it was her who got to them? How are you okay?”

“Security camera.” Liam answered simply.

“Do you know anything about it? Do you think maybe Clancy gets into her head somehow?” Ruby pressed.

No, that’s impossible… that doesn’t make any sense… Clancy Gray can’t get into her head, and killing someone just like that… That doesn’t sound like her… _She_ didn’t sound like her…

That’s because it wasn’t her.

“I think…” I started, but didn’t know how to phrase it. The notion seemed too ridiculous to be real. “Gem, do you remember the monsters we talked about?”

“Of course.” Ruby frowned. “But this is—”

“—different.” I finished. “Because her monster _is_ different. Her monster is…real.”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

“When we were in Leda Corp, she told me about this…voice in her head, that told her to hurt people, to hurt the scientists in the research team.” I tried to explain, “At the time I thought it was just like us, you know? Like we lose control sometimes? But it’s different for her.”

I finally piece it together now. The voice… the time when she killed that guy… when she told me it wasn’t her, and I thought it was like me… It wasn’t. It was something much more. Her monster…is something else entirely. _Someone_ else entirely.

“I have to find her.” I stood up.

—Annnd was immediately pushed back into my seat by Liam.

“You can’t.” He said, “It’s not her, Cole.”

“But—”

“It’s not her.” Liam seemed torn, and I knew right then that whatever coming out of his mouth next wasn’t gonna be pleasant. “The way she talked to Clancy Gray… Cole, whoever she was… I don’t think it’s there anymore.”

“What are you talking about?” I snapped. “She can’t just be gone.”

“We can’t know for sure.” Ruby said, softly, “But we can’t risk it. Whoever she is, she might not hurt you now, but there’s no guarantee she won’t in the future.”

“The fact she didn’t hurt me is exactly the proof that she’s still in there.” I said.

“What if it’s not?” Liam asked. “Clancy Gray didn’t kill his mother, either, but he very clearly wants her dead.”

His words brought me up short. It’s true. I’ve never known her monster before, and in that brief moment which I saw her again, she really didn’t look anything like the girl I knew. That smile, that voice…there was nothing in there that could’ve been her.

It didn’t pain me as much as I thought it would, the feeling of hope being trampled out. I didn’t know if it was because I haven’t really let it sank in, or was it simply because I wasn’t even done grieving the first time around, but it didn’t hurt that bad. Or, maybe I just couldn’t feel it.

“I should’ve known.” I sighed. “I never really thought about it... how far her ability could go…”

“But it wasn’t her, you say?” Harry asked.

“No.” Liam answered for me. “The Sheena we knew would never do something like this.”

“That’s…one hell of a girl.” Harry shook.

“Do you think she’s still in there?” Ruby asked.

“I wish like hell I knew.” I sighed. _She could be, but—_

This is not the important thing here.

_ Eyes on the prize._

“Does Senator Cruz know about what happened?” I asked, amazed by how fast my head could get back into business. _Damage control. _I guess the League did train me well. Too well, perhaps.

“No. We haven’t told anyone yet.” Ruby said. “Most of them are still asleep.”

“How long was I out?” I asked.

“About an hour.” Harry answered. “It’s five in the morning.”

“Okay.” I breathed in deep. “We can’t let them know what happened.”

“What?” Liam demanded, “You want us to _lie?_”

“Do you really want the kids to know that both of the people that could possibly cure them are dead?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

Liam was taken aback. “What are we gonna tell them, then?”

“We tell them Lillian Gray left.” I said. “We don’t know where she went, or if she’ll come back. We tell Senator Cruz the truth. We stick to our Thurmond plan, and after that, I’ll go find her, and I’ll get the cure. If she doesn’t want to kill me, maybe I can reason with her.”

The three of them seemed too shocked by my plan that no one knew where to begin.

“I don’t like this.” Liam shook. “Any of this.”

“Agree.” Harry muttered.

“What if they sabotage our Thurmond hit?” Liam asked. “Sheena knew about it, we had to assume her...other, knows it, too.”

“We move our plan earlier.” I said, “Even if it’s just for one day, it’s better than nothing.”

Also, if she wanted to stop us, she could’ve just killed us all, but she didn’t.

“If we want to hit earlier, we have to leave _right now_.” Harry said, “And there’s the virus problem…”

“And the Clancy Gray problem.” Liam added, “How are you going to find her, anyway?”

“We’ll find out later.” I said, “But now, the priority is to get over Thurmond.”

“But we don’t have a viable plan yet—”

“I’ll go in.” Ruby stated plainly, and Liam blanched in an instance.

“Ruby, we’ve been through this—” He said hastily.

“It’s not like we have a better option now.” Ruby cut him off.

“They will kill you—”

“No, we don’t have time for this!” She snapped, “Please, Liam. You don’t understand. I have to do this. I owe it to them—”

“Gem,” I interjected, with a new-found calmness. “You don’t owe anyone anything.”

Ruby looked at me, face filled with disbelief, mixed with anger. Liam, on the other hand, actually looked like he wanted to kiss me.

“We’ll figure something out.” I said, simply. “I was wrong, Gem. Nothing—and I mean_ nothing_—” I swallowed hard before continuing, “—is going to be worth this much. Not for the ones who live.”

Ruby bit her lip hard, like she wanted to say something back. I offered her a wry smile, sealing my argument.

I get it now. In the end, it’s not about how much enemy we destroy, or how much walls we tear down, but how many people we saved, and for that to work, we ought to live, for the sake of the people we love and love us back. When I was talking Ruby into this, I also thought it’d be worth it. Damn, I even thought it would be, up until…two days ago.

Liam mouthed a “thank you” in my direction. I returned a small nod.

“All right.” Harry clapped his hands together. “If we’re going to do this, we’ll have to act now.”

“Sure.” I stood up. “Let me just…take care of the body first.”

╳ ╳ ╳

We drove almost none stop the whole way, carrying seventy people—only the fighting force—in two buses. Liam and Ruby argued about going into Thurmond the entire way—_argue_ might have been too strong a word; _discuss_ was probably more suited, seeing that all they did was huddling together and having the same conversation over and over again. Since I had rest my case on the matter, I didn’t butt in.

I spent most of my time—when we were not in meetings—just looking outside. To the sunrise and sunset. To the blue sky and white stars in between. I forgot how to say the phrase she told me about, the phrase for dusk in Japanese—_the time when one meets ghosts_. Is she even a ghost now? Could her soul be free when someone else had claim that body? Still, I wish I could meet her now, and tell her just how much I loved her.

No. _Love_ her. It’s still in present tense for me.

That was what she said to me last, wasn’t it? And I couldn’t say it back. I should’ve told her that night in my room, while I still have the chance.

Too late. Like so many things in life. Too late.

During the second sunset we encountered, Ruby came to sit down beside me, showering in a golden light.

“I thought you wanted this,” was what she said.

“I do,” I said, “Just not at the cost of your life.”

“But I won’t die.” She said, “We’ve been through this. I could jump between minds, as long as there were no more than two of them at a time—”

“And I think Sheena’s other wouldn’t kill me,” I said, “But that doesn’t stop you from keeping me here, does it? Because there’s no guarantee.” I brushed my hair back, trying to find a way to start. “Gem, we have to hold on to this. This…life. That’s what we are fighting for, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter how willing we are to sacrifice ourselves, it wouldn’t mean a damn thing if we don’t cherish it. And I want you to cherish it, because I wish like hell I had done that with mine.”

Ruby turned away, leaning her head back, eyes closed. “But we’re running out of time, and we have no other ways around it.”

“We’ll figure something out.” I said. “We could always bribe a PSF.”

Ruby laughed a little, catching my joke. After a moment, she opened her eyes. “Cole…?” She started.

“Yeah?” I prompted.

“When this is over, I’ll go find her with you.” She said, “If she’s somehow still in there, maybe I could get her out.”

I almost couldn’t get the words out. “Thanks.” I said in a half-whisper. The possibility of getting her back—no, the _hope_ of getting her back—is too much for me to handle, and I can’t break, not now.

When our conversation ended, so did the daylight. Ruby returned to her seat with Liam, and I allowed myself to be taken by the sleepiness.

Dreams. That just might be the only place I get to see her now.

╳ ╳ ╳

We arrived at the general area of New River that night, still having zero clue as to what we’re going to do to install the program. Harry even considered dressing up as a PSF, but that would never work, not in a place as tightly sealed as Thurmond. Everyone that goes in and out of that camp is going to be thoroughly checked and confirmed.

We made camp in the forest that night, though there were no actual camping involved. Then, we talked, discussed, argued, trying to give birth to one—_just_ _one_—viable solution to our problem.

We were all tired. My brain had been straining to the point I could hear it churn. We kept going. Bribe PSFs. No, they can flip. Kill a PSF and take their place. No, someone will recognize them…

It soon started going around circles, so did my head. Liam was clearly more desperate than anyone else, and Harry had to coax him a little when his stress was showing. Ruby had to excuse herself for a bathroom break halfway through, as we all were just dying to catch a breath but couldn’t get ourselves to actually do so. We have to have something. We must.

It wasn’t until four in the morning, when Harry finally decided that we had to prepare for a straight-on assault, did we finally snapped out of that loop. This is the worst case scenario, but we might still have a chance. I have to say, picking up James, Drew and Ang might be one of the luckiest thing there was, because all three of them are exceptionally powerful. If we could get James close enough to the camp’s perimeter, he could disable some of the light and part of the electric fence. Drew could shield off some of the bullets for us, and Ang…well, he’s like me. If we worked carefully and fast enough, we just might make it work.

“Where’s Ruby?” All of a sudden, I heard Liam asked. I turned around, and didn’t see her.

“She said she’s going to take a leak.” Vida offered.

“But that was like, at least an hour ago…” Chubs replied, and his words faltered off as he realized what he was saying. Liam’s face shot white. I knew mine did just the same.

Oh, God. Gem. What were you thinking?

“That _bitch_—” Vida seethed, whirling a full round.

“Dammit!” Liam cried. “Find her!”

I started running towards where I thought she had disappeared to, but before I could go far, Harry caught up, snagging both Liam and me by the back of our shirt. “Son, don’t—”

“No! Let go—” Liam was thrashing against Harry’s grip, face flushed bright red, disheveled. There, I imagined I would look the polar opposite to him. I was pinned in place, stopping cold. Vida was still screaming; Chubs had to wrap his arms around hers to stop her from getting away.

“Listen—” Harry shouted.

“No!” Liam tried to push Harry off to no avail, and something fell out of his shirt pocket. I stooped to pick it up. It was a note.

_ 8 p.m. Love you. I’m sorry._

I almost couldn’t bring myself to show it to Liam. _Gem. What have you done?_

Liam let out a beastly cry as he finally saw the content of the note. “_No! _Dammit! Goddammit—” he howled as Harry pinned him against his chest, “How could she? I thought we talk it through!”

“Liam! _Liam!_” Harry barked, “Listen! I don’t like this either, but we don’t have time to go out and find her. If she wanted to do this, we have to start preparing—”

“No! We can’t let her go in!” Liam turned to me in a pleading look, “They will kill her! You know they would…”

I pressed my palm over my face, unable to say anything. _Dammit, Gem. Why do you have to do this?_ Lee would never survive if she doesn’t come back. Hell, I don’t think I would, either.

But then again, we did go through this. When I was still hell bent on working this hit in that original plan, with whatever it takes. She knows what to do.

“She won’t let them.” I said, solemnly. “It’ll be difficult for her, but she can do it. I know she can.”

“What the actual f—” Liam roared.

“Hey! Liam! Cool it!” Harry bellowed, “We have thirteen hours to make this count, okay? Let’s make this count!”

_ Let’s make this count_. I found myself repeated these words in my head.

_ Accept, adapt, act._ Except this is a plan I had spent the last four weeks memorizing by heart.

Let’s make this count.

╳ ╳ ╳

Ruby stayed true to her words. Twenty minutes to eight, the entire camp snapped into darkness. 

It’s show time.

Liam had taken Ruby’s place in the vanguard team, going in by my side. Seeing him carrying a gun is somehow still a very odd picture for me, but I guess I’ll just have to get used to it. The helmet, the rifle, the vest, none of them suited him, but he pulled the look off with a stern and determined look on his face.

We blew up the gate with some C4, and took out the guards in the firefight immediately followed. Some of the patrols tried to come for their aid, but Liam and Zach threw them flying sideways immediately. With one shot, I took out one of the snipers on top of Control Tower. Harry took care of the other.

According to Ruby, at this time of the day, the bulk of the kids—minus those sent for punishment and those in the infirmary—would be having dinner, hence, Mess Hall. But that was the secondary team’s responsibility. Our mission is to get into the Control Tower, and get Ruby the hell out.

“This is Team Bravo. We’re going in.” Russell’s voice came from the comm.

“Roger.” Harry said, “Good luck. We’ll see you on the outside.”

We all took out the white cloth in our pockets and bound it on our arms. It was our signs to ourselves, to avoid friendly fire. The white looked like a slash of light across our stark black getups.

This is familiar. This was how I lived; this sound and smell, this adrenaline rush…were all built into my bones now, under the careful nurturing of the Children’s League. There was something I forgot along the way, but I guess I remembered now—in the League, I used to live for fights, but in truth, we should only fight so we could live.

Another team of PSFs down. We continued forward in a zigzag route, dodging straight-on assaults. As we approached the Control Tower, some PSFs came rushing towards us, and we saw them—

Reds.

I didn’t know what scared me the most at that moment—the fact that they were finally weaponized and put to use, or the fact that they looked exactly like the finished products in Clancy Gray’s vision. One look at them was like living all those nightmares all over again. I heard a shrill, and they let out their fire. We barely had the time to take cover.

When the fire subsided, everyone around me was training their guns at them, but I couldn’t do the same—_They are kids—They are _me_—_

Liam took a look at me, and lowered his gun. Instead, he swept his arm in a single stroke, and the Reds flew sideways. The PSFs opened fired. We took cover behind the wall as we fire back.

It was Russell’s team that came to our aid, with Vida redirecting the PSFs’ bullets—a trick she may or may not have learnt from Drew. We eventually took them out one by one.

“We got this! Go!” Vida roared as she and the rest of her team went to secure the Reds on the ground. I nodded, and went with my team.

We had run out of explosives when we got to the gate of the Control Tower, , and it was sealed shut.

“What I wouldn’t give for that Yellow boy right now—” I heard Harry mumbled as he and John, another guy on our team, tried to pry the gate open.

“I have a better idea.” I said, laying down my rifle. “Step back.”

Harry only looked at me once before he warned everyone to step out of the way.

And I let it all out.

All the fire I had bottling up inside me all this time. All the pain and anger and fear, was and is and would have been. I thought my fire was gone, but it wasn’t. It never left. It just burns in a different way now. In a way I’m not afraid of anymore.

I am in control.

When the fire subsided, the gate was mostly gone. As Harry and the rest of the team come to join me, Harry blew out a long breath, “Whoa—” He said, “That was something, Son.”

“I know.” I strapped the rifle back on, and we dived into the darkness inside.

As we suspected, the Control Tower wasn’t as populated as the Mess Hall at the moment, but it still gave us quite a hard time. We separated into five pairs for the five floors there were, Liam and I going for the third.

The two of us rounded the corner out of the staircase, and a bullet immediately caught me. It grazed my arm as I ducked back into the shelter of the wall.

“Fuck!” I cussed under my breath, pushing Liam back with the unwounded arm.

Liam raised the rifle in his hand. I shook at him, and put one finger to my lips. The footsteps of the PSF got closer and closer. He or she must have wanted to check if the bullet hit its target.

And you really shouldn’t do that in battlefields.

The moment this PSF’s footstep got close enough, I stepped out and put a hand on him. He caught on fire instantly.

Liam and I rushed past him as he fell to the ground, and we heard gunshots coming from the far side of the hallway. Only four. I gave Liam a look. We took off in a sprint.

The firefight downstairs seemed to be going heatedly, and I had to try very hard not to think of what could be happening to Harry there. We dashed past a corner, Liam somehow running faster than me, and we both saw the figure on the floor, a gun in its hands, aiming at us.

“_Don’t shoot!_” Liam shouted.

_ Gem._

Liam ran over, skidded on the broken glasses all over the floor and scrambled himself upright before he knelt beside Ruby and pulled up his helmet. I ran to join them.

“Stop doing that!” She cried. “I almost killed you!”

“Shit, shit—I’m so sorry, Jesus—” Liam was panting as he fumbled over her, trying to make sense of what to do.

I knelt down beside them. “Christ—” I gasped as I saw the state of her. Her arms were all bloody and cut up, but her legs—the look of them had made me want to choke someone to death. They were precisely the look of those kids’ legs in the Red camps.

“Why did you do that?” Liam was crying. “Why did you have to do that?”

“Sorry,” Ruby whispered incoherently, “—so sorry—love you—”

“Dammit,” I leaned in, trying to help her up, “Can we get out of here first?”

“Cole—” She turned to me.

“Nice to see you, too, Gem.” I said, offering her a smile. “I beg you, never do this ever again.” 

She gave me a weak smile of her own, but screamed as I tried to lift her over my shoulder.

“Sorry!” I yelped. “Did I hurt you?”

“Legs…” She hissed. I gave Liam a look, and put her in his arms.

“Let’s go.” I took off as I found the comm on my shoulder. “This is Cole. We found her. Proceeding to exit. ETA three minutes.”

“…Let me… walk…walk out…” Ruby was whispering in a small and heartbreaking voice when we dashed down the stairs. “I... have to…with my own two feet…”

“Dammit, Gem!” I cried, “Could you not take that so seriously?”

A black shadow flashed in the far corner. I made sure there was no white on its side before I aimed and fired.

“Ruby, you’ll be okay, we’ll get you out…we’ll get you out…” Liam was talking to her the entire way, even as we got out of the building.

“No…I have to walk…” She was still insisting. Liam shot me a painful look.

“Christ, Gem,” I panted as the rest of Harry’s team joined us, “You’re serious?”

She nodded strenuously. I grunted, and Liam, with the care and tenderness only he could provide, gently put Ruby’s feet on the ground. I leaned in to catch her arm around my shoulders as she rested the other over Liam’s.

It had started raining. Somewhere on the far end of the camp, a fire was being put out by this rain. We walked on. One step at a time. Very slowly. Somehow, the smell of rain made the smell of smoke a lot less unbearable.

A shadow came rushing towards us, with a splash of white on its arm. I raised a hand to ward it off before it slammed into us.

“Fuck! I’m going to fucking kill you!” Vida was screaming, “I’m actually going to— I’m gonna wring your little neck—”

“I’m going to swept the Mess Hall one last time.” I heard Harry said. “Mac, John, and I will bring up the rear.”

I nodded, and led us on.

“Ruby, please let me carry you…” Liam was begging, but I know she wouldn’t give. She had to walk out of here, out of her own nightmare.

“It’s okay, Lee.” I said, wrapping Ruby’s arm around my shoulders even tighter. “C’mon. Easy does it.”

We kept walking.

╳ ╳ ╳

As soon as we got out of the gate, I let Vida take over my place beside Ruby as I raised the gun in my hands. It is still a long walk away from the meeting point, and there were kids all around us, but that was precisely why I had to be on guard. I don’t want any more surprises.

Liam was talking the entire way—driven by nervousness, or a need to fill in the blank. Ruby whimpered and nodded, voicing single word questions here and there. _Dammit, Gem._ I heard myself repeat words along these lines in my head. _What were you thinking? Why did you do this? _

But it doesn’t matter now. She’s here. We’re here. That’s what matters.

We heard the crowd, the megaphone, and the chopper before we even saw any of them. There were searchlights shooting from over the trees, illuminating us in patches of white here and there. But on the far end, we saw the light for us—wide spread, a whole pan of warm, yellowish light. Meeting point.

Before those lights, were people. Real, actual people. Civilians. Parents, most likely, crying, shouting out for their kids. So Lee and Alice’s tactic worked. But they were still separated from us—from their kids around us—by a wall of soldiers, and a wall of shields.

“_Remain where you are! Any advancement will be seen as a sign of hostile aggression!_” Someone was shouting through the megaphone.

We kept walking.

One of the thousands of kids behind us squeezed herself forward, crying. “Mom—Mom!” The kid sounded no older than twelve. Somewhere behind those soldiers, a woman replied in a voice that was somehow painful and tender at the same time, “Emily! Here!”

The man on the megaphone was still shouting, but at this distance, where we could actually see every single one of those soldiers’ faces, I knew something gave.

They don’t want to fight us. Not anymore.

There was a thump. I saw a shield on the ground, but didn’t catch it fall. One of the soldiers, a man—possibly a good ten years older than Harry—stepped over that shield, letting it sank deeper into the mud as he took off his gun, too. He walked towards us—to the little girl Emily—and removed his helmet. And his vest. Then, he put them both on her.

He carried the little girl back towards the line of soldiers, pushed past them, and the girl’s mother pushed herself free to meet them halfway.

Some kids started moving forward, following them. So we did, too. As we pushed forward, the crack on the wall became bigger and bigger, until every soldier was holding their shield parallel to the direction we were going.

Finally, we got to the light. Chubs and Cate rushed over to find us, Cate crying and holding Ruby’s face—I realized, just now, that she was only half conscious at this point. Liam lifted her up in his arms, but someone else rushed over…

“Sir, please come with us!” It was a medic. He was shouting at me, but I couldn’t make sense as to why he was doing so. Liam put Ruby onto a gurney, and I vaguely remembered another gurney, and another girl… I helped them pushed Ruby forward, but the medic was still insisting that I went with him. Liam was shouting something when the ambulance’s door close on his face, but I didn’t hear him.

It wasn’t until I sat down in the ambulance beside Ruby’s gurney, did I realize that I had been bleeding. My entire right arm was soaked red. The medic gave me a cloth to press on my wound before hurrying back to tend to Ruby. Then I saw that I was hurting.

_ Pain is there for a reason._

Before I could catch myself, I was bawling like a six-year-old. I didn’t even know what I was crying about, but I just wanted to, and I needed to. Maybe I never actually released the pressure before now, and it just had to be let out.

I miss her. I miss her so much, everything hurts.

“Cole…” I heard Ruby called, between the medics’ busy hands and busy words.

I wiped the tears away. “Yeah, Gem?” I tried to get closer, but the medics were in the way.

“We’ll…we’ll find her…” She was whispering.

“Don’t worry about that.” I said, “You need to rest, okay?”

“I-I’ll…get her…b-back…” She continued, straining on every word.

“_We’ll_ get her back.” I reached out to give her hand a squeeze. “But you need to take care of yourself before you take care of me, okay?”

Ruby seemed to understand, but she couldn’t reply. Finally, she let the exhaustion and the medics’ magic take her, and she closed her eyes.

One of the medics started stitching me up. He asked me if I needed anesthetic, and I said no. _Pain is there for a reason._ I want to remember this, all of this, so the next time around, I won’t make the same mistake.

I’ll find her. I’ll get her back, and I’ll never made the same mistake again.


	30. Cole

Leave it to Clancy Gray to rain on our good days.

I had all but made up my mind on it—as soon as Ruby was let out of the hospital, I'll go out and turn every rock in this goddamn country over to find Sheena. However, Clancy Gray rendered the turning rocks part unnecessary.

It was a live-stream video, released four days after we stormed Thurmond. We all saw it in Ruby's ward.

"_This is for all my people out there, all who are gifted._" Clancy Gray started, in a somehow even silkier voice, in front of a pure black background. He was sitting behind a wooden desk, hands folded on it—a poor-man version Oval Office. "_We have lived in this shadow for too long, and this is the time that we step out and live in the light—_"

"Easy for him to say," Chubs grunted, "Leaving all the hard work to us—"

"_We must rise, and push over those who oppressed us. Those who cages us, those who hunts us, and those who cuts us open. The leader of our new government, Mrs. Cruz, and many others in her cabinet, want to make the procedure that would strip away our ability a mandatory one. They don't want to give us any choice, and I say we will not have it—" _Ruby shot me an anxious look, and I gave her one of my own right back.

"_—I have already taken precaution to make sure that no one will fall a victim of this cruel procedure, by ridding us of the scientist that came up with that procedure for good. We don't need to be cured; it is them who should be afraid._" He paused there, and continued with a faintest smile, "_They should fear us, and they will. We are building an army, and we'd like for you to join us._ _We will establish a new hierarchy, one where no one dare to put shackles on us ever again. We will lead, because we are the better human._"

"_No more fear. No more pain. This is my promise._"He said, "_As a show of good faith, I will take down the very man to blame, the symbol for this eight-year-long oppression against all our lives—_"

The camera pan to the side, and refocused on a figure—Former President Gray, bound to a chair, gagged, jerking and squealing violently. Senator Cruz—no, it's President Cruz now—had had her people tried to find him since Thurmond, but they never managed. I guess this was why. 

I don't think I could've ever imagined him like this—everytime he appeared on news, he always looked collected, calm, confident—but it's only reasonable for him to be crap-his-pants scared now. His son did just offer to execute him in front of the camera. For a second there, I didn't imagine he would kill his own old man, but then, would I not jump on the first shot I got, if the situation had been reversed?

No, I don't think I would. Sheena taught me that. Killing anyone who hurt me might let out the anger, but it wouldn't cure me.

That was when we saw her. Sheena stepped into the frame, raising one hand in her front. Though she had her back to the camera, there was no way I could mistake that silhouette with anyone else. I had to clamp down on my laps just so I wouldn't bolt for the door that instance. I still need to know where she is.

I could tell that all eyes in this room were switching anxiously between the screen and me. _He is going to have her kill Gray._ I fought with every ounce of my sanity to not scream as Sheena on screen curled her fingers in that raised hand. Gray's screech got louder.

And she snapped.

If it had been someone else, it wouldn't have been obvious, what her snap had done. Gray in the camera merely stopped moving, as if he was hypnotized. But I knew better than to assume her monster would show that kind of mercy to someone else—her monster didn't kill me, because it needed me to see Thurmond through, but it had no reason not to kill Gray, and every intention to do so.

The camera moved towards Gray, and zoomed in on his face, showing that his eyes were still open, and his pupils dilated. This was when the restlessness came, from everyone around me, and surely, everyone in this country who was watching.

"Fucking hell—" Vida gasped. Liam's mouth hung gapped, shock and disbelief in his eyes. Ruby was clenching her teeth hard. Chubs didn't move, but he also looked utterly stunned.

"_For all the adults out there: this, is what will happen to you, if you try to fight us._" Clancy Gray continued as the camera panned back to him. "_We have the power, and we are not afraid to use it. Not anymore. You will not be our match._"

"_We welcome all Psi to join us, whether you're Green or Orange or anything in between._" He said, "_However, if you choose to not stand beside us, then by definition, you are _against_ us. You have one chance: stand on the right side of history, or perish with those who want nothing but for us to be gone. Choose wisely._"

The video ended with three letters on a black back ground.

_ EDO_.

"What does this mean?" I asked.

"East River." Liam answered. "I can't believe he actually think it's a good idea to go back there."

"Good." I said, "Where is this East River, anyway? I assume it's not New York?"

"Virginia." Chubs said, "President Cruz must be trying to find him—"

"He had just about declared a fucking war against the new government." Vida said, "I'd be surprised if they weren't thinking about trampling his little army over."

"It's not going to be as one sided as one might think." I sighed. "We have to assume he has the Reds in Tennessee with him, even a good proportion of kids we got out from Thurmond, otherwise he would never do this. He is not going to pick up a fight if he doesn't think he will come out winning."

"Even if it was one-sided, we can't let them." Ruby said, deep in thoughts. "The kids in East River...they all trusted him with all their hearts. Whoever joined him, he could work them just like that. It's not their fault."

A phone buzzed. Chubs reached into his pocket to pick it up. "Yes?" He said, "Yes, we saw it.— No.— We're working on it..." The back and forth continued one-sided for another minute before Chubs let out a long sigh, and turned the phone to speaker.

"_Mr. Stewart, are you listening?_" President Cruz's voice.

"Yes?" Liam and I answered at the same time.

"_General Brown, the Secretary of Defense, is currently preparing for an operation, aiming to subjugate Clancy Gray and his associates._" She said, "_I understand that there are still friends of yours under his influence, and I had managed to talk General Brown out of the idea of a scorched-earth assault, but I could only get you 12 hours before the army is deployed for an attack. Could you get your friends out within this time frame?_"

"Yes." I affirmed. "12 hours are more than enough."

"_Good._" She said, "_Good luck, then. Contact me immediately with any updates._"

Then she hung up. None of us said anything for a moment.

"So what do we do?" Liam asked, frowning in a way like he knew he wouldn't like the answer.

"I'll go get her back." I said.

"After seeing that? Are you serious?" Liam asked, "We don't even know if that's possible!"

"Liam." I sighed, "I had to try. You can help, or you can stay out of my way. But either way, I had to try."

Liam looked like he wanted to punch some sense into me, but eventually, the frustration came out as a sigh. The rest of the room looked at us silently, keeping whatever uneasiness to themselves.

"You don't even know where East River is." Liam finally said.

"Well, you're not gonna tell me?" I returned.

"Uhhh, this is bad." Chubs grunted. "I fucking hate that place. What if he caught us? You heard what he said about those who are 'on the wrong side of history'."

"He will be waiting for me." Ruby said, all of a sudden. "It is what he has wanted since my first day in East River."

"I don't know what bothers me more," Chubs said, "The fact you sounded so confident about how much Clancy Gray likes you, or that you are actually considering leaving the hospital just now."

"So we pretend we want to join them?" Vida asked, "Would he buy that?"

"He won't." Ruby said, "But he would risk it anyway, just to have a talk with me."

"No. You are not going." Liam said. "Ruby, Cole is one thing—he never listened to me anyway—but you, I'm sorry; I can't let you do this, especially not with both of your legs broken."

"Liam." Ruby said, "If this is the other way around, would you let Cole stop you from finding me because you are wounded?"

"Of course not, but..." Liam let out a grunt.

"I know this is not something that I would usually say," Chubs cleared his throat, "but actually, Ruby coming with us will majorly amped up our chance of success, because I don't think we can persuade Sheena's...other to come with us. The only chance we could save her—and in turns, probably most of the people that would end up in this war—is if we get her back to being herself."

"That's a big if right there." Liam said.

"Even if it's one in a million chance, you know I have to try." I said, slowly, "I don't blame you for not wanting any of your love ones risking their lives, so I'll go alone, if I must."

Liam breathed sharply out of his nose. "Cole, can you stop assuming that you are not included in that 'love ones' category?" He said, which surprised me a little. He paused for a moment, and grunted, "uhhhhh," he rolled his eyes, "the only way I can make sure you are safe is if I go with you, but then Ruby would never forgive me if I left her behind, and it's not like I could stop Vida, and now it just doesn't seem fair to leave Chubs—"

Vida clucked her tongue, effectively stopping Liam's rambling words. "In that case, let's go get our girl, then." She stood up, "What are we waiting for?"

╳ ╳ ╳

When we reached Lake Prince, Virginia, it was in almost dusk. Wasn't exactly the best time for a stealth operation, but we didn't have much of a choice, either. We have no time to lose.

Before we moved out, we enlisted the three boys from Sawtooth, and had Nico worked as our desk man. On our way, we drafted out a super crude plan—we split into three teams; the boys and Vida are responsible of distracting the bulk of Clancy's followers; Liam, Chubs and Ruby are responsible of finding Clancy Gray and stall him; as for me, I'm going solo, to find Sheena...'s other, and try to talk some sense into her, if that's possible. If Ruby's team managed to sort out Clancy Gray before I persuade Sheena's other, they will reconvene with me, and Ruby will try her way to bring Sheena back.

That's all good and well, but none of our plans have backups, and it's freaking me out. Still, there's no alternative. We get her back today, otherwise we don't get her back at all, and I can't have that.

The three boys and Vida headed in first, on their way to create chaos and fire on the other side of the wood. The rest of us waited patiently, observing the camping ground—according to Liam and Ruby, this field in the middle of the woods used to be filled with wooden cabin, but after "The Reap" where Clancy Gray noticed his father's trope to come storm the place, everything was burnt down, now replaced by tents, except the concrete two-story structure in the center of the field. It used to be Clancy Gray's office, and seemed to continue to be.

That leaves only one question. "Where would Sheena be, then?" I murmured to myself.

Chubs offered. "Knowing Clancy Gray, she's probably either somewhere deep in the woods, out of sight from everyone, or—"

"—in his office with him, at all time." Ruby finished.

The thought of the latter option made me very uncomfortable—and angry. Ruby did mention how Clancy Gray forced-kiss her and tried to control her that way one time. Therefore, if he were to work his power over Sheena, keeping her close would likely be the best option for him.

The thought of that little brat sticking his tongue in my girl's mouth made me want to kill him, bring him back to life, and kill him again, but I had to calm the fuck down _right now_.

The smoke started on the distant tree line, followed by loud noises—like thunder, and fire. Some people started shifting out of the tent, and started yelling and running.

That was our cue. Liam carried Ruby on his back, and we ran and dodged as much as possible till we got to the concrete house. Clancy Gray's voice floated out from the open window.

"—keep your people here, let Team Beta deal with the fire." He said. So he's got company, who was not Sheena.

"Are you sure? What if that's an attack?" The voice that follow was a familiar one we didn't expect.

"Mike?" Chubs hissed. "I knew it; he just can't keep his head out of Clancy Gray's ass, couldn't he?"

Ruby shot Chubs a painful look, which told me that it might not have been Mike's choice—Mike might be under Clancy Gray's control long before he came to the Ranch.

"If that's an attack, then all the more reason to stay here and be ready." Clancy Gray replied, "Team Beta is more than enough to deal with some fire, if that turned out to be the case."

"Wouldn't it be easier if we send out Team Alpha? Wouldn't they be expert in dealing with fire? They are Reds, after all..." It was a girl's voice this time, which I didn't recognize.

"Because they are good at _creating _fire, not extinguishing it." Clancy Gray said, with obvious fume under his tone. "Now do as I said, before the situation gets out of hand."

There were a few murmuring "Yes, Clancy" before we heard footsteps coming downstairs. We snug upstairs as soon as they were gone.

The door at the end of that staircase opened before we got to it.

"Ah, I was thinking when you guys would come up and join us." Clancy Gray said in an amused tone.

But I have no time to be shocked. _Us_. That could mean him and Sheena, or maybe he meant this whole revolution summer camp?

"Where is Sheena?" I blurted out the first thing I had in mind, and realized a second too late that I had blown our "distraction" plan completely out of the window.

"Well, I couldn't say I was hurt to see that you didn't come for me, but she is no longer Sheena. You saw to that, didn't you?" He said with a smirk.

_ Calm down, Cole Stewart. You are in control. _"We came to negotiate with both you and her...other." I said, "On behalf of our new government. We won't talk to either one of you without the other."

"As much as I want to believe 'our new government' wants to talk to us, I do believe you are lying." Clancy Gray rolled his eyes, and stepped aside from the door, "But do come in; this is barely the place to have a conversation."

I exchanged a look with the rest of the team, and walked up the last few steps of stairs. I have never been so unprepared about anything in my entire life—not for what's on the other side of that door, not for what is going to happen next. This is nothing I've experienced before, but I know I had to follow my gut, and it is telling me to follow Clancy Gray at this very moment.

The room was empty. It was a nice and clean room, though, I'll give him that. Definitely not in the same standard of living as everyone else in this camping ground. Other than the obvious office area, some carpets on the ground and the bookshelves, there was a white curtain that veiled off the shadow of a bed.

"Make yourself at home. Don't just stand there." Clancy Gray gestured the carpet on the ground. "Oh, you poor thing." He frowned at Ruby, and offered a hand to get her off Liam's back, but she slapped his hands away.

"Cut your bullshit." She snapped. "What do you want?"

"Shouldn't I be asking that question?" Clancy Gray said, "If I didn't already know..."

"In that case, let's bargain." I said, "You know what I want, and I know what you want, so let's settle this between us." I could tell that Liam and Chubs were looking at me, but I kept my eyes on Clancy Gray.

"And what do you imagine I want?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You want power." I said. "You want to make sure you control absolutely everyone. But right now, I can see one huge gaping hole in that plan."

"And what may that be?" He asked. "Do you think I can't win against the army?" He shot Chubs a look, "That's right, Charles, I know there's an army coming my way. They are not going to be our match, though."

"What the_ fuck_—" Chubs was immediately riled up, but Ruby's words cut him off.

"If I remember correctly, in your previous plan, I was the one by your side." Ruby said calmly, which led to an uneasy look on Liam's face.

"You are correct." Clancy Gray said, eyeing Ruby with more caution than he gave any of us. "Which is why, even though you had proven time and time again that you have different value than me, I'm going to offer you one last chance to join me, a decision that, admittedly, I might come to regret."

"In your dream." Chubs snapped.

"No, actually—try me." Ruby stepped up—or at least tried to—to Chubs and Liam's visible horror. "You said you want to give everyone a choice, and I want to know _how exactly_ are you going to get that, because from what I see, now we don't have any choice at all."

Clancy smiled. "You still don't see it, do you?" He also stepped forward, and now close enough for me to set him on fire without touching him. "If my mother didn't die, make no mistake, they will force the procedure on all of us, one way or another. This is our choice. We can fight them."

"Stay on your high horse all you want, but I don't see you fighting your father before we actually do the difficult part on liberating a camp." Chubs spat.

"I didn't make a move, because it wasn't the time yet." Clancy said leisurely, "How am I going to have an army when most of my people were still too young and too afraid to use their abilities? We can help them, Ruby. We can teach them, like the way I teach you."

What shocked me the most wasn't that he thought he could convince us he wanted to help, but the fact that Ruby seemed to actually consider his words.

"No." Ruby finally said, "You were just using me to get what you want. You're also using these kids to get what you want. If you actually wanted to help them, you would never let anyone destroy East River."

A moment ago, I didn't see it, because Ruby really did seem taken by this conversation, but now I realized what she was doing—she was buying us time. _Think. Stewart. Think of a better plan._

"If I don't want to use them, there wouldn't be an East River in the first place." Clancy said coldly, "what do you think we had been doing? Didn't you come find me here in the first place just because you want me to teach you how to control your power? If that wasn't using me, I don't know what is. Didn't you use the younger Stewart's help to get to me? Didn't you use the League and the older Stewart to get this Thurmond liberation you always wanted?"

"That is called friendship, you psycho!" Chubs snarled, "You are the one who doesn't get it! Ruby actually thought you were her friend! Right up till you betrayed her and beat the shit out of our _real_ friend!"

"You might win. But what then?" I cut in before the conversation turned into a shouting match. "You will never have full power when you have someone more powerful than you right next to you for all to see, be it Ruby or otherwise."

"I have to admit, you do have a point." Clancy Gray pressed his lips, a slightest smile on his face, which disturbed me greatly. _What the fuck is he so amused about?_ "So what do you offer?"

"Let us talk to her, and if we can persuade her, we leave with her, and we promise we won't compromise your plan. We could even talk to President Cruz to slow down their attack." I said. I was properly pulling things out of my ass now, but I saw no way else forward.

"Nice thoughts, but you forgot something crucial—" Clancy Gray said, still smirking about some joke we didn't catch. "She is indispensable in my plan."

"What if she knew that and tried to take over? Where does that leave you?" Ruby asked.

"Oh, trust me, she knows." Clancy Gray's smile deepened, and the curtain behind him opened.

I thought my heart stopped for a second. She looked almost perfect—unscathed, healthy, somehow even more beautiful than I remembered—pretty much caused me to lose all of my control—I just about pushed Clancy Gray away and ran to hold her in my arms. That was, until I saw her eyes.

This is not her. This is not Sheena. The girl I love would never have that coldness in her eyes.

Seeing her—no; _it_—like this, hurts even more than I expected. Merely looking at her face, at that face I love, and knowing she wasn't there inside those eyes, wrenched my heart like a meat grinder. There was no shock at all—I have already had a first-hand experience with this persona—but an uncontrollable despair, like a wonderer in the desert, chasing a mirage.

"I do believe, the problem with your proposal is that, you completely ignored what I wanted." Sheena—no, her other—said as she walked towards us and stood side by side with Clancy Gray. "I want what Clancy want, and I also recognized him as an indispensable part of my plan."

Her voice was so distant, so chilling and low, nothing like how Sheena used to sound at all. I didn't realize how in denial I was—didn't allow myself to think that way—but alas, maybe this really was time to face the music.

"And to think that you could just waltz in here and tear us apart?" Clancy Gray put a hand over Sheena...'s other's shoulder, and I had to fought with all the strength I had to not step forward and punch him in the face. "You were so wrong; especially you, Cole Stewart."

Before I could say anything, there was a noise downstairs, followed by the door slamming open behind us. "Clancy, the fire had spread—"

And the voice stopped. We turned around to find Mike and a girl we've never seen before frozen at the door, and it was not hard to tell what was happening inside their head.

"Dammit. They ruined the moment." Clancy Gray shook his head. "Anyway, as I was saying, you were wrong, Stewart."

"In what way?" I asked, but part of me already knew the answer. It was the feeling of my heart sank in my chest that let me know. Maybe it was too late. I just couldn't see it.

"In believing she is still yours." Clancy smirked, and took a step forward.

And I was gone.

It was the same image he planted in my head on the night I came back from Sawtooth. Me burning her with my hands. _No, this is not real. _I said to myself. _This is illusion—_

"Cole!" I heard Ruby's voice reached my ear through the haze like a broken radio, and I got a glimpse of Clancy Gray's smug face, but my vision fell back into the world of his creation again.

On the floor of the Ranch, she was bleeding out. The blood had gotten into a large pool of dark red around her, but she was still alive. She was moving, inching her fingers towards me. A man, dressed up in PSF uniform, put a gun to her head. I wanted to fight my way forward, but something was holding me back. The man fired, and the light in her eyes faded.

_ No. This is not real. This is not real..._

"Stop it! Stop!" I heard Liam's voice, and felt a dull pain in my face, but I couldn't react.

I was released from the grip of Clancy Gray's influence, and a sharp wave of nauseating pain washed over me instantly. I saw a splash of blood spilled onto the ground before my face got there, too.

"Cole!" Ruby's voice. I couldn't turn around to talk to her. I couldn't really do much of anything.

"You shit! You goddamn bastard—" Liam was screaming. I was flipped to face up by a forceful hand, and another fist swung into my face. I saw someone holding a gun at the three of them, but there was something else...

She was there.

And she was frozen. She looked...frightened. Why would she look like that?

"Lilac..." I said, with all the strength I could muster. "Don't..."

Then my vision snapped black.


	31. Sheena

Someone is hurting him.

As if coming out of a very long sleep, I couldn't really make sense of anything off the bat, but I did see this.

Someone is hurting him.

There was so much blood all over his face. _Why are they hurting him? Why didn't I stop them? Why can't I move?_

The panic set in, and I thrashed in my mind to break through. It was this wall of glass, keeping me on the one side, in a room filled with white smoke.

_ Let me out!_ I drove my shoulder onto the wall.

_ No. _It said.

_ Let, me, out!_ I charged at the wall again, hearing it cracked, and sounds slipped in.

"...Cole!..." "...Bastard..." "...Stop it!..." Voices came in, echoing in the cage of glass.

_ Stay down! _It ordered.

_ No! I have to stop them..._

"...Lilac..."

I charged once more, and the glass shattered.

Coming to the moment, I saw Clancy Gray and another boy standing in front of me, the other kid's fist dripping blood. Ruby, Liam, and Chubs were yelling, a strange girl holding a gun against them, and in front of all of them, was an unconscious Cole on the ground. That face, though all red and black, was one I recognized.

One I love.

I can't feel it, the white numbness. My ability is not with me. _How is that even possible?_ But I have to stop him, stop Clancy Gray, otherwise he will keep hurting him...

I took off my shoe, and threw it at Clancy Gray's head.

The moment he whipped his head around, I cried, "Ruby! Now!"

And he froze in place.

I finally struggled out of the stupor, feeling everything inside me clicking in place, including that surge of power. The boy and the girl that I didn't recognize looked like they just woke up from a dream. The boy beside Clancy—I saw who he was now; Mike—took a step back, looking dazed.

"Don't move!" I barked at them, and they took my words as an order. That's about right—my monster had been equally a leader to them as Clancy Gray had been. Mike turned around, and I snapped him and the girl to sleep.

I had to fight with every ounce of my sanity to not go for Cole on the ground first—Ruby might not be able to hold on to Clancy Gray for too long. Approaching them, I put my hand on Clancy Gray's frozen face, and saw his eyes glistened of—maybe for the first time in a very long time—fear.

Without too much of a problem, I found the part in his brain—right where the temporal lobe met the occipital lobe—the source of his ability. It was a small section, tucked away in a sulcus, relatively insignificant. I opened my mind's eyes—really opened it—and saw the bright pulsing light.

I touched the light with my mental fingers, soothing it, calming it, until it wasn't bright like the blazing sun anymore. It dimmed down with my touch, glowing from white, to yellow, and finally, a warm orange, like the rest of his brain.

I pulled out of his head, and he fell onto the ground in a hard thump.

"What just happened?" I heard Chubs demanded, but I didn't have time for him. I knelt down beside Cole, checking on him.

Mike had broken his nose, and there were multiple lacerations on his face. A mild concussion. Eyes and teeth are all fine, miraculously. I fixed them all, but couldn't stop my hands from shaking.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered to him, knowing he couldn't hear me at the moment. "I'm so sorry—I love you so much—I'm so sorry... "

Words can't describe this emotion, because it wasn't just an emotion. It was everything I am capable of feeling and thinking all rolled into one gigantic thunder storm, roaring and raging through my heart. It was pain, sadness, regret, happiness, rejoice, love...and more things I couldn't describe.

I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I want him to be safe. I want him to be happy. He should have no harm done upon him. If I'd known this was what was going to happen, I would've fought harder, I wouldn't have given in so easily, and let my monster take control...

"What did you do?" Liam knelt down beside me, and asked carefully.

I sighed, and turned around, couldn't stop the tears falling. "I took away Clancy Gray's ability." I couldn't use the word "cure", as I know this is not a cure for anyone, least of all for him. "He won't be anyone's problem now."

"Can you wake him up?" Liam nodded at his brother, and I nodded.

"But I won't." I said, standing up. I was surprised by how fast I came up with this whole decision, but I did, the moment I saw Cole's face black and blue.

I need to keep my monster away from him, as far as possible. "You guys need to take him with you and leave. I will handle everything here." I announced, and was immediately faces with expected opposition.

"What are you talking about?" Chubs demanded, "We came for you. We're not leaving without you."

"May I ask why you want that?" Ruby asked.

"It is too dangerous for my monster to be beside all of you." I explained, "Especially for Cole."

"How so?" Liam asked, "I understand the general 'it is dangerous to everyone' sentiment, but why is it particularly dangerous for Cole?"

"Because it is convinced that he is a threat to Sheena's life, hence, its life." Ruby answered for me. "And it certainly doesn't help that Sheena just overthrew its control to save Cole."

The sound of chaos outside had grown louder, accompanied by smoke. Whatever that was, it was urging me to hurry along this conversation. Clancy Gray on the floor started to turn a little, disturbed by the noise.

"You're right, Ruby." I said, "I can't risk it. You have to take him and leave."

I couldn't say I was surprised by how determined I was in saying goodbye to him just ten minutes after I saw him again. I was surprised, however, by how calm I could pretend to be.

"But you have taken the control back now, right?" Liam said, "C'mon. Cole would never stop trying to find you. He would never forgive us if we leave without you."

"That is why—" I sighed, "I need you to persuade him, Ruby."

She gave me a look of surprise, then utter pain. "I can't." Ruby shook, and Liam seemed to catch what I meant as well.

"No, no, no." Liam said, reaching out to shake me, "You don't know what that feels like. It was...it was..." He shook, "It was literal hell, and it doesn't even solve the problem."

"But it was better than the alternative." I said, voice calmer than I thought possible. "However it might be awful for him, it still beats me waking up to his dead body beside me."

I know I'm selfish. I'd rather cause him great pain and misery than making myself suffer through the agony of losing him. But it has to be done. Him alive is definitely better than him dead, right? And maybe that feeling of emptiness in his heart, like how Liam described before when Ruby erased herself from his memory, will fade eventually. He will find someone else, and the hole will be filled...

"I...I don't know what to say." Liam shook his head. "You know he would hate this, right?"

"I know, but this is not a matter of his wishes. It's a matter of his life." I said. "You guys have to leave, though. The kids here are not all here just because Clancy used his ability on them. Some of them really wants blood, and they will spill yours if given the chance. I have to stay and disband them."

Ruby, Liam and Chubs exchanged an uneasy look. "What is your plan after that?" Chubs asked, "In less than three hours, an army of 10,000 men is heading this way, authorized to bomb this place into a smoking hole."

"I will surrender to them, explain to them the situation, and take whatever punishment I might face."

"They will kill you!" Liam cried.

"I think we've established that they can't." I said. "I will be okay, I promise. Please go."

Ruby closed her eyes, frowned deeply, and let out a long sigh. "Please try to come back to us if—no, _when_ you can." She put a hand on my shoulder and said, "He came through all this to try and find you. Please don't let his struggle come to nothing."

"I...can't make that promise." I said. "But I will try if I can."

I don't think that is a possibility, but maybe she's right. I do owe it to him, to them, to at least try.

Ruby gave Liam a nod, and I knew I persuaded them. Chubs leaned over to let Ruby round her arm around his shoulders, and I realized just then that her legs were broken.

"Hey, let me." I put my hands on her arms, and fixed her legs in seconds. Chubs turned to help Liam with Cole, and I caught them right before they walked out of the door, and pressed a kiss on Cole's lips, tasted the blood there.

"Be safe, my love." I whispered.

"Goodbye, Sheena." Liam said, "For now only, okay?"

I nodded. "Yes. For now."

"I really hate this." Chubs shook, and let go of Cole to give me a quick hug. "You have to come back to us, okay? Please sort this out."

"I know, and I will try my best." I said. "Now go!"

They rushed out of the door, and I went to see, from the window, the three of them hurried into the woods, with Cole over Liam's shoulders.

"Goodbye." I said, tears dripping without a warning. "Goodbye..."

I didn't think I can do this if he had been conscious, if I had to persuade him, too. Still, I thought it would hurt more than this. I thought it would finally kill me, if whatever happened in Sawtooth didn't manage. Yet, what I felt wasn't agony, but emptiness, like there was now a hole in my body, and it consumed everything, even my ability to feel.

It is not going to happen, isn't it? I will never see him again, however Ruby, Liam and Chubs wanted to believe otherwise. I could learn to make peace with my monster, but there is no guarantee that it wouldn't reclaim its dominance over me again. It is safer for everyone's sake if I just stay in isolation with it alone, preferably in a fortress underground. I'd rather not hope it, than face the disappointment—no, desperation—when I failed.

Something moved behind me, interrupting my thoughts. I turned around, and saw Clancy Gray looking back at me. His face was pale, then it turned dark red very quickly.

"I believe we should talk." I sat himdown with my ability, and said before he could open his mouth. "Or should Isay, you should listen?"


	32. Sheena

It wasn't that awful, to be honest.

Living almost alone in this blank room, with nothing but a bed, some books, and a radio, I thought it would be terrible. Especially without him. But it was...bearable.

Things changed majorly since the downfall of Clancy Gray. The army Chubs told me about arrived at East River two hours after they left, to find me and an unconscious Clancy Gray alone in the middle of the field. I ordered all the kids to leave, and knowing what I...or what my monster could do, most of them obeyed. I surrendered to those soldiers, and not knowing what to do with me, they handed me over to Senator—no, President Cruz.

She was very sympathetic, but she had to show that she was at least trying to uphold some kind of justice to the public, even if it was a brute one. I was given a special sentence—to the general mass, the leaders of this Psi Uprising—Clancy Gray and I—were given a life sentence, for the murder of former president Gray; however, I was kept under my own will, in a facility I specifically asked for, so my monster couldn't escape. I had to provide my "special service"—I provide the cure to the kids who really need or want it, which I gladly obeyed, since I am the only one alive that could do so, and some of them really do need it. I have no idea what they had done to Clancy Gray, and I don't really care.

I spent so much time with my monster now, it didn't feel like a monster anymore. It was just a person who happened to share this body with me. We talked, not a lot, but we talked. It would voice its opinion once in a while, about the book that I was reading, about the kids we'd seen that day—President Cruz started bringing them in after the first week I got here. I'd talk to them, mostly just trying to understand why they want to be cured, and my monster would tell me its thoughts on the matter, and I'd listen to them, too.

It never told me why it took over my body after Sawtooth, and why it killed Dr. Gray, but I knew why—it said it before, it wanted to breathe, and I really can't blame it for seizing the opportunity.

It had been two months since I got here, and during this period of time, I had cured 23 kids. There were times where my monster argued against curing the kid who was brought in, and I'd respect its decision. Sometimes it was just very obvious that the kid was half-threatened by their parents to do this, and when that happened, I'd have to tell President Cruz that I can't cure them, and my reasons, and she mostly respect them, too.

Other than that, it was just the two of us, alone. Living with it inside me for such a long time, it was really odd that I didn't really _know_ it until now—what it likes and doesn't like, what its temper was...etc. It likes croissant, surprisingly, and hates carrots. It can't stand Jazz music. It really, _really_ like Harrison Ford. One time, I re-watched Blade Runner 2049, and seeing Deckard as an old man, it straight up stopped talking to me for two full days. It wasn't until one night, I dreamt of myself crying, and realized that it had been sad, and that was the reason why it wasn't talking.

It could be a little difficult sometimes, but overall, the life here wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. It was just that, I didn't have him.

But this is my choice. I never asked my monster why it let Clancy hurt him, and I didn't really have to. I knew by sacrificing myself for Cole, I effectively betrayed my pack with it—I didn't give it a choice to live. Now that I knew what it'd do, I'll have to make sure the same thing wouldn't happen again.

Knowing that he'd be out there, safe and alive, is good enough for me. Even if it still hurts. Even if to this day, I still dream of his face every night I go to sleep. Even if the thought of him meeting someone else and spending the rest of his life with that someone else, not remembering who I am, still made me want to carve my heart out.

In time, it would be okay. In time.

The days rolled on. And on, and on. I wish I could see the sunset from here, but I can't. I specifically asked them to put me underground, so if my monster ever tried to escape, it wouldn't be able to do so too easily. So far, it didn't try, either.

It was another day scheduled for an appointment. It said here on the file that he or she was a Red. Not my first—almost half of the kids I've treated so far had been Red; they were so young—too young to be even put into a camp—and so afraid of their ability; to be honest, I can't blame them, nor deny them the right to feel normal, to not be afraid of themselves all the time.

I sat in my room, waited for the door to open, wondering what kind of kid the guards will bring in that day.

And it wasn't a kid.

It was him.

He looked terrible.

These past few months must have been really rough for him—and the thought made me feel _so guilty_—but it was him. The same face, the same hair, the same blue eyes...

The look on his face told me enough—he remembered me. In the end, Ruby didn't erase his memory.

The familiar pang of flame sparked up inside me, and I was snapped out of my stun. I'm here for a reason. I'm here because I want to protect him...from it, from myself.

He has to leave.

"You can't be here." I said.

The instance the words left my mouth, I could see how I must have hurt him again, because that pain in his eyes...I didn't know how it could get any worse, but it just did.

"How...how could you..." The words tumbled out of his lips, and I saw how hard he struggled to stay in one piece—had I really hurt him so bad? "I..." He let out a gasp which seemed to take up all the strength in his body, and stepped forward, "How could you leave me like that?"

He took another step forward, and another. I was pinned in place, couldn't move, couldn't even breathe—the closer he got, the more obvious this time without me had done him more harm than good. His eyes were sunken, his cheeks, too. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I caught myself.

"I had to. It was the only way you can be safe." I said, trying very hard to stay placid.

"Christ! How could you stand this?" He demanded, face flushed, and the agony in his voice was just too much to take. "Losing you once was hard enough... Do you have any idea what it felt like? I'd rather have all of my bones broken, I'd rather _die_... than going through losing you, and you put me through that _twice_!"

"I'm so sorry..." I muttered, "but that is the only way—"

"Only way for what?" He cried, "for my protection? My safety? I don't want that! Why didn't you ask me what I wanted before you made all these decisions to cut me out?"

I didn't have an answer for him, so I kept silent. He waited, eyes filled with agony. When he realized there was not going to be an answer from me, he sighed, but what came through his lips next took a long time to form.

"Did you just...give up on me?" The words came out of his mouth lower all of a sudden, and it choked me up. "I can't sleep at night; I can't think straight. It was like...I was twelve all over again...I thought I had it under control, but I can't..."

"I could give you the cure if you want; I've treated other Reds before—" I offered, jumping on the only raft I knew how to sail.

"No, dammit!" He detonated, "I don't need the cure! I need _you_!"

I didn't know what to say. It felt like a century had passed before I could even close my gaping mouth. I closed my eyes, let his words carved into my chest, into the soft muscles in my heart, and swallowed the bitter thought down before firming my stance again.

"It would hurt you." I said, still feeling the white numbness in my head. "It had wanted to hurt you so many times, and I can't risk that—"

"I don't care!" He cried, voice hoarse, "I could take it, whatever it is—_anything_—as long as I have you." His voice had gotten softer suddenly in the end, and I realized, this was him _begging_.

"But I can't have that." I said, softly, too. "What if I woke up one day, and found that it had killed you? How could I live with myself like that?"

"Let me talk to her." He said, out of the blue. What surprised me the most actually wasn't his request, but the fact that he referred to my monster as "her", not "it".

It surprised my monster, too, apparently. The fury in my chest abated slightly, replaced by something closer to curiosity—I could, finally, after two entire months of solitude with it, tell its emotions as if they were my own.

_ Do you want to talk to him? _I asked in my head.

It hesitated for a second, and said, _sure_.

_Don't hurt him, please. _I said. _I'll be watching._

It...snorted?_ Yeah, yeah. _It said, and I was almost sure that if it had a face, it would roll its eyes.

I stepped down from the light, and saw its shadow emerged into the white.

Staying in the sideline, watching it facing Cole, was like witnessing a major historical event—like, moon landing or something—in person.

It had full control of my body, and for some reason, it was just sitting there, impassive.

"I believe I should start with this..." Cole scratched his chin in an almost relaxed manner that took me by surprise. "What is your name?"

It was nothing I expected, and a wave of shame instantly followed. For the past two months in which I thought I was getting to know my monster, I didn't even think of asking its name.

It was nothing _it_ expected, either. "I don't have a name." It answered with my voice—except it wasn't really my voice, because it was colder, lower, and more controlled than mine ever was.

"What would you like me to call you?" Cole asked carefully. I was suddenly in awe by how much tenderness he had given to my monster, which was much more than I expected.

"Um..." It thought for a moment, and said, "Just, call me Eve for the moment, for the sake of ease."

If it had been two months ago, I would've been easily fooled by how nonchalant it sounded, but now, I knew it was nervous, and it worried me a little. This is uncharted territory.

"Okay, Eve." Cole took another step forward, a bit closer to the bed where we were sitting. My monster didn't shift away, even though it wanted to. "I am so sorry."

"For what?" It responded with a flat voice, but I felt our heart shaking.

"For letting her kill both of you just to save me." He said, and it was spot on—it was exactly what it needed to hear. I could feel something inside its heart thawing...it was accepting him, recognizing him for something more than a threat.

He continued. "I can't pretend I know how much it hurt, but I know you want to live, and what she did had proven to you that I will hinder that. I promise you now, I will do everything in my power to stop her from doing something like that ever again, because what she did..." He let out a deep breath, "...likely hurt me as much as it must have hurt you."

It stayed exactly where it was, physically, but emotionally, it had become something I didn't recognize anymore—maybe, for the first time since I knew of its existence, it was...soft, and maybe even vulnerable.

"I just..." It said, and I felt the pain seeping out from our heart. "...I just want to live."

"I understand." Cole said, taking another step forward, and was close enough to reach out and touch us now. He knelt down in front of us, our eyes almost level. "But this...this is not living. What I've learnt in this past few months—and I learnt it the hard way—was that there were more to life than just staying alive, and I think you ought to know this, too. What you are doing here, now, is just wasting away your life without really giving it a chance, and this is all because she believes she had to protect everyone from you."

_ Wait, what? _"Hey, that's not fair—" Before I could catch myself, I jumped out of the shadow and blurted, but I realized what was happening soon enough, and back off. It assumed its place in the light again.

_ He is right, though. _It said to me. _That was what you were thinking, wasn't it?_

_ No. _I denied, even though knowing it _was _true.

"She will not agree to leave if I'm still here." It said, "Just like what you made her did made it hard for me to trust you, what I did had made it hard for her to trust me, too."

"Then you and I will have to persuade her." Cole answered without missing a beat. "That you won't hurt me, and I won't let her hurt you, either, because I believe both of us are stronger than that?" He gave it a tight smile, and it pained me so much to see his smile again. I knew I miss that smile, but it didn't occur to me exactly _how much_ I missed it until I saw it again.

"No." I came out of the shadow and said, "It's not that simple. There still lies the problem of who's going to help the kids if I'm gone."

"I believe that's the easy part of the equation." Cole said, "You can still heal people outside of this bunker, right? And neither of us are going to let anyone hurt you." He actually gave me a grin, "Even if I failed—which, did happened before—she won't. She's much more capable than me in this front, even if I really don't want to admit it."

I can't believe he is trying to sweet-talk my monster, and what's even more unbelievable, is that it seems to be actually working.

I also can't pretend that I don't want to go with him. He is here, and despite everything that happened, still wants me. But this is going against everything I was trying to do to protect him. I had to persuade myself—so hard—that I just can't risk it.

"Cole, I do want to leave with you, but however I may think I know my monster by now, it could still change its mind anytime." I said.

"Hey, don't call her that." He shook his head. "You need to give her a little trust, okay? "

I was speechless. He was actually lecturing me about how I should talk to my monster? But to be fair, he does have a point. By calling her "monster" or "it", I was dehumanizing her, and ended up never truly understood her.

"Can you give us a moment, Cole? I need to talk to her alone." I said, and it lit up a spark of hope so bright in his eyes, almost too much for me to face.

"Of course. I will be at the door." He said, "Please, promise me you will try and work it out, because I can't lose you again."

I always knew, but I still let him live without me, persuading myself that my sacrifice will be worth it.

But worth it for who?

"I understand." I nodded, trying so hard not to kiss him. I knew once I start, I won't be able to stop.

When the door closed behind him, and we were alone again, Eve asked, _is this what you want?_

"Define 'this'." I said, sighing a little.

_ Being rid of me so you can be with the man you love._ She said.

"No." I shook. "I would love to be with him if I know nothing either of us did would harm him, but not at the expanse of you. It is not fair for you to accept my choice unconditionally." I answered.

_ It is not fair for you to be throwing your life away for me, either. _She said. Is this empathy? This was something new from her.

"Getting rid of you is basically murder. I can't do that." I said. "I know we had our differences, but now...you are my friend, and I can't make you disappear, neither could I ask you to take everything I do silently just so I could have what I want."

It didn't say anything for a moment, but I could tell she was sad.

_ I've never told you this, but I didn't save you just to save myself. _She said. _I save you, because maybe for the better part of my consciousness, I love you._

This confession took me by surprise. For such a long time, I couldn't imagine her with any positive emotion, let along something as tender as love.

She continued. _I don't really know how to explain this. I just...love you, like it is only natural. I feel like it is how you feel with Cole, but also with Ruby, Liam, Chubs, Vida... Like you matter to me in every sense possible, all at once. I love you as myself._

I listened, with my mind's ear, silently.

_ I know you have all of them that you love, with this big heart of yours. _She said. _But for the longest time, you are the only one I had, and the thought of you wanting to get rid of me freaked me out..._

"I am so, so sorry..." I said. "I know this doesn't make up to all the things I've done that had hurt you, but I am truly sorry. I promise I won't try to get rid of you ever again..."

_ I... I want to be free, but I also want you to be free. _She said. _I didn't understand this before, and I was mad at you for what you did, but I see it now_—_You showed me so many times_—_love sometimes means letting go, and maybe it's time for me to let go._

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Are you saying that you promise you won't hurt him? Are you going to learn to love him?"

_ No. As much as you might want that, it would probably not happen. At least not in the way you love him. _She sighed. _I'm saying that I am leaving you for good, so you can love the man you love without me getting in the way._

"How?" I asked, confusion and anxiousness seeping into my voice, "You're not going to...kill yourself, are you?"

_ In a way. _She said bitterly. _I will retreat from your consciousness. Maybe there will be some little traces here and there in your dreams, but that would be all._

"No." I shook. "However I want to be with Cole, I cannot live with myself knowing that you had to sacrifice yourself for my life..."

_ But it is your life. _She said, voice shaking. _I was selfish; I locked you in this body so I could do what I thought was best for us. But now that I know better, I don't want you to keep wasting away your life because of me._

"It's our lives!" I cried. "I was so wrong before. I always treated you like you were an intruder to my body, but you weren't! You_ are _me! There has to be a way we could both live..."

_ Wait._ _There is. _She said, very calm all of a sudden. _If we live as one._

"What?" I was properly confused now.

_ You were right. I am you, and maybe it's time that we go back into being an_ I_, instead of _we_._

"But...how? What would that mean for us?" I asked.

_ I don't know. I only remember when I was born, it was like I was a piece of rag ripped off from a large canvas, with ragged edges and fraying threads. Maybe the only way for us to go back to being one, is to sew that rip back together, one stitch at a time._

"So we will go back to being one whole...soul?" I asked. "Is that even doable?"

_ I think so. _She said. _We used to be one. It is only natural that we go back to being one._

I can't say that it is not an exciting prospect. To finally know that my body is my own, and not sharing it with another entity. And more importantly, to finally piece myself, my ability, and this...dark side of me back together.

So that leaves only one question.

"Is this what you want?" I asked carefully.

She didn't say anything for a moment. _Yes. I want to be free, with you. _She answered, and I didn't realize that this was it—the answer both of us had been searching for separately—to be free.

"Okay. So...maybe to mend the rip, we need to know where the rip started." I asked, "So, when were you born?"

_ I... _She paused a little, lost in her thoughts. _There was water. A lot of it. And a lot of pain in my chest._

"Water..." I tried to recall when that might have happened. My first memory of the voice inside me was when I ran away from some skip tracers, but there was no water in that forest... So she must have been born earlier than that...

"Wait." I gasped. "You were born on the night Anne died? When I almost drowned?"

_ Ah yes. That must be it. _She said. _I remembered suffocating, and I was panicking..._

As she said so, I started seeing things from that night, things I didn't remember... Opening my eyes to see the bottom of the pool... Threshing about to try and get back the surface... Pulling myself up to the floor when my chest burnt with water in my lung...

Then there was something else. I was in the back of a car, and my limbs were all tied. A man was driving, cussing at me at the same time. Fear was taking over my whole body, making it numb, but my mind was clear... I shifted carefully to lean on the door, and then, rammed my shoulder into it... The door opened, and I fell out, tumbling on the asphalt outside...

The vision changed. Now I was back in darkness, restrained with cuffs on a bed—I knew this is coming—and a man was on top of me. My hands were on his face, and fury burnt in my body. Blood dripped down my arms, drizzled all over my paper gown, and the man went limp, his weight crushing my ribs...

Another weight was crushing me, this time on my lower body. I opened my eyes to see my surrounding in black and orange. I pushed off the blocks of cement on my legs, and saw my feet crushed into pulps, and I healed it...

Many more things flashed in front of my eyes, all fragments of the past few months, but in her perspective. I saw her seeing all the things I saw, but feeling something completely different from me. It was anger, frustration, but most of all...fear. She was scared so much of the time; I can't believe I didn't see it.

Then, there was that night. First of all, there was pain. Overwhelming pain. Everything hurt, like I was on fire from inside out. Then there were voices, blurred but loud. Finally, vision. I saw black and brown, couldn't make sense of what I was seeing until I realized it was my skin, charred beyond recognition. It slowly turned red, then pink, and finally, beige. I heard someone squeal, and turned to find ten guns pointing at me. I snapped, and all of them fell on the floor.

"I'm sorry..." I said, tears falling from my cheeks.

The vision changed again, and I was standing in a pool of light inside a dark room. In the darkness was my own face, half veiled by shadows. I opened my arms.

"I love you." I said. "I'm so sorry, for everything."

She walked out, one step at a time, until her whole face was in the light.

"I love you, too." She said, with a very faint smile. "Take care of us."

And she hugged me. When her body touched mine, I felt an instance of warmth, and then...it melted, absorbed into me, and I felt everything she felt, everything she tasted, every memory of hers, molten into my blood, coursing through my vein into every cell under my skin. All of her fury, her sadness, her fear...

When I opened my eyes again, I was back in the white room, alone. Truly alone this time, for the first time since what seemed like forever.

I let out a long breath, and stood up to open the door. Cole was already standing there, waiting for me. I threw myself in his arms, and cried my heart out.

"Hey, hey, hey...It's okay...What's wrong?" He patted my back. "Did she say no? Didn't you guys come up with a compromise?"

I shook my head. "She's...she's...we..." I didn't know how to articulate it. "We... are one now... She's me..."

"Oh..." He sighed a little. "I'm sorry... Can you still feel her?"

Can I? I thought of the feeling when I hugged him, and I felt something... A new emotion, a different kind from what I used to feel when I was with him...

"Yes." I sniffled. "Only faintly, but yes."

"Good." He held me tighter in his arms. "Then I'll have to learn how to love you two together, this new you."

I nodded. I lifted my head from his chest, and saw his eyes looking down on me, blue as ever, like the sky, like the ocean I so desperately want to see in the past few months. The moment he saw my face, his frown lifted into a smile.

"Should we go?" I asked.

"I thought you'd never ask." He said.


	33. Cole

"Lilac, I'm home." I said aloud as I dropped the keys in the bowl by the door, and hung the rifle on the peg. Our home smelled like...burnt pancakes, and maple syrup.

She ran out of the kitchen to greet me. "Cole, you're home!" Her hair was stained white by the flour; her hands, too. My heart still swells a little every time I see her like this.

I went up to draw her into my arms, and kissed her in her hair, tasted a lip-full of sweet flour. "Ah, ah. I believe we have an agreement on my name—?"

She blushed. "Yes, Honey." She blushed, and I lifted her chin to kiss her on her lips this time. She still hadn't got used to calling me by pet names, and I don't really blame her. It hadn't been two months since our wedding.

Everything is fine after we moved here. No one comes to bother us, except for some bears and wolves occasionally. Oh, yes, and Liam. He and Ruby moved to the town closest to us, and they'd come visit us every now and then. But most of the time, it is just the two of us, and it is perfect for me.

I feel the burn much less vigorously now. It could be the weather, or the environment in the mountain, but most likely, it was her. She still gets nightmare from time to time, though. She'd sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, and started sobbing relentlessly. Everytime that happens, I could only hold her in my arms and tell her everything is fine.

It did take me a while to get used to this new her. She was more assertive, and even a little cynical since I took her back from that bunker she was in. She'd caught herself after some snarky comments on whatever bad news we might have received, and I'd know that was the Eve in her showing, so I'd smile, and so would she. She didn't kiss me for maybe the first six months we were back together, and I didn't mind. I let her take her time.

Since she remains the only person with the cure, once in a while, President Cruz would have her people send kids that really wanted the cure to Chubs, and he'd take them to us. Sheena would talk to them, and give them cure if they truly want it, and if there was no way for them to live with their abilities. Still, fewer and fewer of them came our way since the government—with the relentless effort of Chubs—established the Psionic Youngster Training and Education Program, aiming to help Psi kids adapt to their abilities, and learn to live in peace with them.

After living here for four years, I thought it was time to ask her to marry me. Liam might not have proposed to Ruby because she find getting married in this circumstances meaningless, but I'm just old fashion in that way—if you love a girl and want to spend the rest of your life with her, you marry her. I went to town, picked up a simple engagement ring—no diamond; she's not a diamond kind of girl—and came back home. The next morning, I put the ring on her finger and woke her up.

She said yes, after staring at the aquamarine on her ring finger for a solid five minutes. The first thing she said after 'yes', was that the stone was the same color as my eyes.

We held our wedding a month later. It was a small ceremony. Ruby came to be Sheena's maid of honor, and Liam was my best man. Cate came all the way from D. C.; Mom and Harry, Vida, Chubs, and Zu came, too. With a couple of local people who we acquainted in the past few years, we have a total of ten guests.

She wore a flowy white dress—one of our guests, Georgia, an old lady in town, very kindly gave it to her—as wedding gown, and that was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. I'm pretty sure I forgot how to breath when she walked down the aisle.

And now we are here, her in her apron and sweet flour, and me in my flannel shirt, jeans and a gold wedding band.

Everything is perfect.

"Why are you making pancakes?" I asked. "I thought you said pancakes are breakfast food."

"I don't know. I just have a sudden and inexplicable desire for them." She licked off the flour on the corner of her lips. "But I messed up a little—I forgot to put chocolate chips in when the first one is already in the pan."

"Let me help." I walked towards the kitchen, and she stopped me.

"No!" She blocked my path with her, well, tiny body that's less than half my size, and yelped. "I'm not done yet. You go do something else. They are _my_ pancakes."

"Oh, you're drawing lines on pancakes now?" I said, "The next thing you know, we'd be sleeping on different pillows, too."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "If you'd let me sleep on my own pillow once in a while, I'd appreciate it."

"Nah, ah. That's none negotiable." I waved a finger at her. "You better get back to them before you burn another one."

She jumped a little, and ran into the kitchen. Seeing at her panic in these kind of small ways, I chuckled, and went to sat down in our living room. This is a cozy house, not too big, not too small. I made sure we didn't get cable—the news of her during her monster's control still get on TV every once in a while. The entertainment we have here are books and music. The old couple that sold us this house left us an old piano, and Sheena sometimes plays on it. We also got an old fashion boom box, and I collected some second-hand CDs during our time here.

Sheena had finally finished her endeavor in the kitchen, and came to the living room with two plates. "Bon appétit." She lay one of the plates in front of me.

"I thought you are claiming all the pancakes." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I found some generosity in my heart to make you some." She retorted.

I picked one up with a fork, and before I could put it in my mouth, she stopped me.

"I actually wrote something on the flip side for you." She pressed her lip and said.

"Alright. It better be good." I flipped the pancake over. It's an A written with chocolate chips. And I flipped the other two over, too. Two Ds.

"A.D.D.? Add? What do you want me to add?" I frowned at her.

She buried her face in her hands. "Uhh, I can't believe mess that up! Fuck me!" She lifted her face, and puffed her cheeks. Spending four years in a relationship with me had finally got her started on cursing—which, I am very proud of.

"That can be arranged," I said, and she shot me a narrowed glance. "But what were you trying to say in the first place?"

"I messed up the order." She answered, cheeks bright pink.

"Okay..." I looked at the chocolate letters. "D.D.A? D.A.—"

And it hit me like a linebacker. "Dad?" Oh, my god. Is it...? Am I...? Is she...?

She bit her lip, and nodded.

I jumped up, and all but tackled her onto the couch. I have no words for this kind of things—I'm not a damn poet. All I could do is kiss her, over and over again, so the happiness won't combust me.

"Are you sure?" When I finally felt like I could hold my kisses for a split second, I asked.

"Yes. I could feel it." She smiled. "And I also got a test from the pharmacy. It's positive."

"Oh, god." I leaned down to kiss her again, and again, and again. Lips, cheeks, neck, earlobe, collarbones...

"Cole, you're tickling me..." She giggled as she said, a little out of breath.

"Lilac, you know I want to do a lot more than just tickle you." I said as I started taking off her apron, and her shirt.

"The pancakes—" She is still talking.

"They've served their purpose." I sealed her mouth shut with mine.

As I pulled my shirt off my head, my eyes found hers, and they were so clear, and so tender, just like when she healed me for the first time.

"I love you, so much." I leaned down and whispered.

She kissed me on my cheek. "I love you, too."

╳ ╳ ╳

"Lee," The moment the call was picked up, I said, before he could even say hello. "I need your help."

"_Cole?_" His voice is a bit uncertain. "_What's wrong?_"

"If my memory serves me right, you wanna be a dad someday, right?"

"_Yeah, absolutely, but I don't see how that's gonna help you...?_"

"Well, I'm gonna be one, and I have no idea what to do." I said. "It will be another million years before I admit I don't know anything ever again, so enjoy it while it last." I sighed. "You gotta help me, man."

Liam finally got his words. "_Congratulations! When did you find out?_"

"Last night." I said. "Sheena broke the news to me when I got home."

"_This news is too big. I think I need to lie down for a moment._" He said, "_Can't believe you're gonna be a dad._"

"I can't believe it, either." I said. "What do I do?"

"_You still got nine months to figure it out_." He said, "_At the moment, there's nothing you need to do besides taking care of your wife._"

"Yeah, but what happened after that?" I asked, "What if I'm bad at it? What if I hate my kid? What if I'm a lousy dad?" I swallowed hard before continuing. "What if I'm..._Dad_?"

"_You won't_." Liam said, deadpan. "_Because however bad your temper is, you are, at your core, filled with love, and Dad wasn't. He was filled with hate. You couldn't be more different from him on this front._"

I let his words sink into me, and contemplated them over. Am I really filled with love? Was that how he saw me all this time?

"_Are you still there?_" He prompted.

"Yeah." I said, "Thanks, Lee. Those were some really kind things you've said."

"_And I meant it._" He said. "_Just don't worry too much, okay? And if you turned out to be an idiot at taking care of kids, we can always help._"

"Yeah, thanks for all the faith in me." I retorted sarcastically, and he chuckled a bit.

"_I'm really happy for you, brother._" He said after a moment of silence. "_You are going to be a great father. I'm sure of it._"

"Thanks." I said. "I better get back to my wife now—" It still made my heart jolted a little every time I used that word, "She'll be wondering where I am."

"_All right._" He said, "_Bye, then. Oh, and, good luck._"

I hung up, and went back to wake Sheena up with kisses.

"...Morning..." She muttered. I should've gotten used to this already—the way she looked in the morning, so peaceful and sweet—but no, it still makes my heart sang in painful joy every day.

"Morning, my love." I said. "How was your dream?"

"Lovely." She opened her eyes and smiled. "I dreamt of you on that first day we met."

"In Leda Corp? You called that lovely?" I asked.

"It was, eventually." She said, "I met you, didn't I?"

I snorted a little, and leaned down to kiss her. "Yes, it was." I said, "I just wish we had met under easier circumstances, like if IAAN didn't happened, and we'd just bumped into each other on the street, and I would fall in love with you on the first sight..."

"I wouldn't change a thing." She smiled, staring into a distance thoughtfully. "Of course, I'd wish no one died, and I'd wish you got hurt less, but about us? I wouldn't change anything. It was everything that happened that made us who we are today, and I love you even more for what happened to and between us."

I lay down beside her, and she leaned her head on my chest. "You really think so? You wouldn't change a thing about us?"

"No, I won't." She said. "This is perfect."

I smiled, too. "You're right. This is perfect."

Looking from our bed, the window in front of us was showing the view of distant hills and sunny sky. The sunlight was golden, shedding over the wooden floor and white bedsheets. I can't change what happened in the past, but I can only wish every day forward would look like this. Bright, warm, hopeful, and filled with love.

I kissed her on her forehead again. "If it is a girl, can we name her Claire?"

She lifted her face and kissed me on my lips. "Yes. And if it is a boy, we name him Jude."

"Sounds good." I held her tighter, feeling her soft skin and her warmth.

For the first time in my life, I felt complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Apherod Speaking]
> 
> Hi everyone!
> 
> Thank you for coming all this way to the end of this journey. It is very hard to not be melancholy at the end of all this, when I really love all these characters with all my heart. Still, writing this story is already like given an extended life with them when the original book series ended. I hope my story had given you the same experience, like you had some more stolen time with all these characters you love as well.
> 
> I know I have put Cole through a lot in this story, but I do believe this is what he needed to complete the character arc he never did managed to finish in the original trilogy. At the moment, I am not considering writing a story that parallel the events in The Darkest Legacy, as the world was in a very different place in this story than that of TDL, but that is not to say that Ultramarine will never have a sequel. Still, I'm very hesitant to disturb the peace Cole and Sheena have at the moment, so I will leave them be for at least a while.
> 
> I want to take this chance to thank all of you who supported this story, given me encouragement to make it happen, and reached out to me during my writer's block. I was planning on finishing the story last winter holiday, but my grandmother very sadly passed away last November, and even with all the spare time I had, I couldn't bring myself to write, given where the story was at that moment. The story halted at a place where Cole had just gone through the lost of his love, and he was on the way of mending, picking himself up. I couldn't write about that process when I was still in the midst of the pain. Even though I wrote a little, I wasn't really happy with anything I came up with, because it seemed forced.
> 
> Now that I'm better, and the situation granted me some time to be alone, I figured it was the best time to finish this story. I hope these last few chapters will help all of you who are staying at home to feel better. 
> 
> Please let me know if you have any feedback or questions, or just tell me what you think. I really love to hear all your thoughts!
> 
> Apherod Out! 


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